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School Transition

5K views 7 replies 4 participants last post by  VsAngela 
#1 ·
Hello

I am new to the school system and my daughter who started ( JK) is going through what I can only think is Anxiety. Its a huge class 28 students.

1.) She is not sleeping well
2.) Not eating her lunch
3.) Being more aggressive with other kids
4.) More meltdowns

I would really like to hear from other parents if they have seen big changes in their child's behaviour when they started school.

Thanks
 
#2 ·
Is this kindergarten? 28 is a very big class!!!

I saw a big change in my first born when he went to school. He has an intense temperament anyway, but he had a difficult time from the beginning all the way through until about early November. Just really grumpy, more tantrums, less regulated all the way around. Everything upset him. Things finally leveled off after he adjusted to it.

School nowadays places a lot of demands on children. There is the whole social piece; if a child is not well connected with friends already, or has to work at social skills, this is very draining. Academically there are big challenges. If a child struggles to be self regulated with all the sitting and impulse control, it is just exhausting. All of this added up can create a huge adjustment problem.

I think the good news is this: home is a haven where things can be the same, demands can be reduced, nourishing foods can be eaten, rocking and reading can happen. Whenever the demands outside the home were too much, I would scale back at home, keep the routines simple, cook soup! This is not the time to add extra soccer practices or have your child audition for community theater. Each of us, our kids included, need time to pull back and regroup when the challenges 'out there' are really great. All of us get "dysregulated" by big changes and need to put more rhythm and nurturing routines back into our lives to get back into balance.

Can you think of ways to make her life more rhythmic and predictable?
 
#4 ·
Unfortunately, that is her class size which is a split between jk(3-4 ages) and sk (4-5 ages) (Not sure if this is called something different in the US). There are 120 kids in this Grade split into 4 classrooms and its a large school with 900 kids. Becuase I live in a large city the schools all around us are about this size give or take.

Just over the weekend she was really aggressive towards me and was literally punching me and trying to hit me in the face.This behaviour is so new and unexpected. She is a bit aggressive, to begin with, but its getting worse every week since she started. I am working with her to use her words and tell me how she is feeling.

Routine wise, every evening is about the same. Dinner, and get ready for bed, story, and she as play time before bed time . That's her own individual time to play her her small toys that I don't allow out because of the younger child. The weekends we try and have outings, and I started a Ballet class on sat mornings for her. Husband and I are thinking that she might need more one on one time without her brother around.

I dropped her off today, and she just stood in the play yard not doing anything. I see the anxiety of the social aspect which she was not doing enough of before. My fault because her aggression towards other kids was what keep me away from social situations with her (a decision I regret)

I really do hope it levels out soon. I am in tears almost every night :(
 
#3 ·
My daughter, who also was always emotionally intense and a bit poorly regulated, started having intense violent tantrums after starring half day kindergarten. She got off the bus grumpy every single day, despite otherwise doing well in school and seeming to enjoy it overall. For my daughter the issue is definitely the amount of time spent completely out of her own control. She thrives with long swathes of creative time and free exploration. This year we explored other schools trying to find a better environment for her, but for the moment she's in back in her public school. I will say, though, that she seemed much more relaxed and happy at the small catholic elementary we tried. Smaller schools have more room for freedom, and the environment was much more warm and familial, even though it's not a school with an alternative philosophy like Waldorf or montessori. If you are able to shop around schools a bit, it might make a difference.

For now, I definitely feel like I can't expect much of her at home. She really needs the small amount of home time to NOT be micromanaged. This year I've eliminated screen time on weekdays to buy her more time for free play. It's really helped. I totally agree with Lauren that reducing expectations and increasing relaxation at home is helpful.
 
#6 ·
Have you by chance looked into temperament to try to understand her better? I am a strong promoter of looking at this when one's children's behaviors do not seem to "match" what is going on around them.

Spirited, intense temperament children are sensitive, often strong willed, have negative first reactions to things, can be distractible, intense, have sensory sensitivies, and a few other important things that I will link for you. Sometimes their parents are very different from them and this causes a bit of a clash.

Learning about temperament was a godsend for me with my firstborn. I strongly recommend Raising Your Spirited Child by M. Kurcinka to see if it resonates for you. There are dozens of strategies in the book for working with the temperament traits to get to a more harmonious place.

https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/temperament_and_your_child/temp2/
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/wwb/wwb23.html
 
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