Mothering Forum banner

4 year old is bored at school

8K views 26 replies 8 participants last post by  mumto1 
#1 ·
Hi

So for the last week or so my daughter is complaining that she is bored in school and doesn't want to go. She says she wants to learn about dinosaurs, and not about being a grown up is what she says.

My mother who was an ECE says that kid's being bored is good as they need to learn how to entertain themselves.

My daughter is a lover of knowledge and wants to learn more about animals, space, etc but is not interested in reading, writing. Which is the primary focus for her at her age as she is only 4, and while I know as she gets older that more subjects will be added to her school day.

She does have some behavioral issues at school which I think might be escalating from being bored and not wanting to interact with kids. She does have one friend that she is really attached to, but they have a common interest with Dinosaurs

She also seems to only want to interact with adults, and not so much with the kids. She always wanting her brother to engage in her conversations but is frustrated that he doesn't understand but he's only 2. She's being to take a teacher role and wants to teach him things that he might be interested in.

I am not really sure how to ease her frustration with school.
 
See less See more
#2 ·
The primary focus at preschool should be play. Research has proven again and again, that the biggest determinant of success in kindergarten is healthy social and emotional development. Research also shows that a child with a great imagination and health emotional development (assuming no specific learning disabilities), will always be able to learn those academic reading and writing skills.

I am curious about this preschool. Is it private? Church based? YMCA? Most preschools that are engaged in best practices have a rich array of centers that meet the needs of all children. You'd look for different areas such as a Writing Center, Manipulatives, SEnsory area (rice table, water table), a large and well supplied Pretend Play area (sometimes called housekeeping, with kitchen set, pretend food, dress ups, etc.). There should be a Math area with tools to manipulate numbers, such as abacus, grids, etc. There should be a wide array of things to build with such as blocks of different sizes, magnetic tiles, etc, etc.

A preschool that is focused on pencil and paper academics IS boring. If you know this to be true, then find a play based NAEYC accredited preschool and move her. If the preschool is supposed to be play based, and she is bored, then schedule a sit down time with the teacher and find out what his/her observations are. What is your dd doing during the choice time? Is she using the time to stimulate her imagination? Is she sticking with rote subjects such as writing?

I can point you toward a lot of info on what preschool is supposed to be like, and why. I am curious what your reasons were for choosing this preschool though.
 
#5 ·
The primary focus at preschool should be play. Research has proven again and again, that the biggest determinant of success in kindergarten is healthy social and emotional development. Research also shows that a child with a great imagination and health emotional development (assuming no specific learning disabilities), will always be able to learn those academic reading and writing skills.

I am curious about this preschool. Is it private? Church based? YMCA? Most preschools that are engaged in best practices have a rich array of centers that meet the needs of all children. You'd look for different areas such as a Writing Center, Manipulatives, SEnsory area (rice table, water table), a large and well supplied Pretend Play area (sometimes called housekeeping, with kitchen set, pretend food, dress ups, etc.). There should be a Math area with tools to manipulate numbers, such as abacus, grids, etc. There should be a wide array of things to build with such as blocks of different sizes, magnetic tiles, etc, etc.

A preschool that is focused on pencil and paper academics IS boring. If you know this to be true, then find a play based NAEYC accredited preschool and move her. If the preschool is supposed to be play based, and she is bored, then schedule a sit-down time with the teacher and find out what his/her observations are. What is your dd doing during the choice time? Is she using the time to stimulate her imagination? Is she sticking with rote subjects such as writing?

I can point you toward a lot of info on what preschool is supposed to be like, and why. I am curious what your reasons were for choosing this preschool, though.
Hi Lauren

My daughter goes to Catholic school which is similar to the public school system, it's not private. I am making an assumption of the curriculum that there is more school work type things

I have parent teacher interviews soon, so I am going to get some more information in what they do in a day/week and see how much is reading and writing etc.

I also know that her activities are taken away very often because of her aggressive behavior when defending or upset, so maybe that is the issue too. This is something I am going to bring up with the teacher and see if there are other strategies we can use instead of sending her to the Principle office.

I need to get more information, so I will put this thread on hold.
 
#3 ·
not necessarily preschool

She's 4, she could be in JK. And unfortunately, around here, they do have an academic agenda for the kids. "Bored" could mean absolutely anything at 4. She might not even be using the term properly. I heard one kid say he was "bored" by a trip in a boat in a thunderstorm. What he really meant was he was terrified at the thought and absolutely did not want to go. "Bored" could mean she's having trouble paying attention, or she hasn't made friends, or she can't hear the teacher well, or she does't know how to read anything, or yes, the teacher is "boring". Have you talked with her teacher one on one? We did have a pretty terrible JK/K experience because the teacher we had did not relate to boys and was just generally a weird person who was very flat emotionally (some parents thought she was in chronic pain/autistic/mormon etc.) I did seriously consider moving him out of the school but there weren't a lot of good options for us.
 
#4 ·
She's 4, she could be in JK. And unfortunately, around here, they do have an academic agenda for the kids. "Bored" could mean absolutely anything at 4. She might not even be using the term properly. I heard one kid say he was "bored" by a trip in a boat in a thunderstorm. What he really meant was he was terrified at the thought and absolutely did not want to go. "Bored" could mean she's having trouble paying attention, or she hasn't made friends, or she can't hear the teacher well, or she does't know how to read anything, or yes, the teacher is "boring". Have you talked with her teacher one on one? We did have a pretty terrible JK/K experience because the teacher we had did not relate to boys and was just generally a weird person who was very flat emotionally (some parents thought she was in chronic pain/autistic/mormon etc.) I did seriously consider moving him out of the school but there weren't a lot of good options for us.
Good point! At that age bored can even mean 'i'd rather be home with you, mom!'
 
#7 ·
Do you suppose

she could be ADHD? I hate putting that put there, and I hate labels but kids like that tend to "hyper focus" on things that really interest them to the detriment of most other things, they are also often socially immature and may have a hard time focussing (girls with ADD are often "spaced out"). Or maybe she's just got a really forceful personality LOL. My son who may or may not have ADD (I think he does) loved all that stuff, he would watch BBC/PBS docs about space by the hour, knew all about ancient Egypt, could count with ease, could play Monopoly at 4ish but school, Meh. He was "done" after 2 weeks. I suppose if we'd had lots of funds to tap into he would have gone to a private school.
 
#10 ·
Are you familiar with the catholic way of teaching? Catholic school is anything but public school!
I'm curious about this; can you elucidate? I grew up in Ontario, where there were Catholic and Public school boards, both government-funded, and students often went back and forth between the systems year to year according to convenience, social affinity and other mundane considerations. The consensus amongst the kids was that there were only two differences: uniforms and Religious Education at the Catholic school, and otherwise everything was the same.

Of course, this was at the upper elementary, middle and high school levels. Are there big differences at the earlier levels?

Miranda
 
#9 ·
If she's been complaining only for a week I wouldn't give it too much attention. I might have a chat with the teacher to see if she's happy at school; as some mentioned before, complaining about boredom might mean she'd rather be home.
If you are worried about what she should or should not be "learning " i would supplement with activities based on her interests. Are there museums or libraries where you can take her? Animal Planet, NASA and many others have interesting websites with activities for kids. All learning doesn't have to happen at school.
 
#15 · (Edited)
Hi VsAngela,

It's quite natural that this type of behavior can be found in kids because they always love to play. Don't let her to stay at home. She might be interested in dinosaurs and space, but she needs good knowledge. Let her to go to school. She will find herself to entertain at school with the knowledge. It is important for you as a mother. Nowadays, she may not be showing much interest in reading,writing, or even studying. But later, she will not hesitate to attend school for silly reasons. You should force her to attend school.
 
#16 ·
Hi VsAngela,

It's quite natural that this type of behavior can be found in kids because they always love to play. Don't let her to stay at home. She might be interested in dinosaurs and space, but she needs good knowledge. Let her to go to school. She will find herself to entertain at school with the knowledge. It is important for you as a mother. Nowadays, she may not be showing much interest in reading, writing, or even studying. But later, she will not hesitate to attend school for silly reasons. You should force her to attend school.
I'm not planning on taking her out. I am going to have parent teacher interviews soon so I should get more information from the teacher.
 
#18 ·
Hello

I now have a better understanding what is happening with the school side after my parent teacher interview.

The kids have play stations set up, and they can move from section to section as they would like as long as it doesn't interfere with any rules. For example, they have a playhouse that only allows having 3 kids in it at a time

They do have other structured activities learning letters and practicing writing which is 2 times a week where they learn about a certain letter.

She's using the word bored when she is asked to do something she doesn't want to do.

When I originally posted I was worried she was unsimulated, it doesn't seem to be the case. However, there were a few thing that I need to work on with her ie...Motor skills are very poor and she gives up easily with hard tasks.
 
#19 ·
When you say her motor skills are "very poor" are they actually behind what is expected for a four year old or can she not write? I ask because my girls go to a school where they don't even start writing until the year they turn seven so four seems very young to me. They spend the two years before that developing fine motor skills through play - finger strings, finger knitting, French knitting, beeswax modelling, drawing and painting, woodwork, kneading bread - then in the first four weeks of class one they spend some time each day drawing straight lines and curves. *After* all of that, they write their first letter.

I would also say that it's developmentally normal for a four year old to give up on something which is too hard. Especially if that something is outside their developmental capabilities. It seems to me that the school is creating problems which your daughter doesn't actually have :-(


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#21 ·
When you say her motor skills are "very poor" are they actually behind what is expected for a four year old or can she not write? I ask because my girls go to a school where they don't even start writing until the year they turn seven so four seems very young to me. They spend the two years before that developing fine motor skills through play - finger strings, finger knitting, French knitting, beeswax modelling, drawing and painting, woodwork, kneading bread - then in the first four weeks of class one they spend some time each day drawing straight lines and curves. *After* all of that, they write their first letter.

I would also say that it's developmentally normal for a four year old to give up on something which is too hard. Especially if that something is outside their developmental capabilities. It seems to me that the school is creating problems which your daughter doesn't actually have :-(

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
It's not "very poor" in the sense of she can't do most things but I am getting the sense that it's underdeveloped compared to our class mates. I notice that things my 2.5 year old does she was unable to do till she was much older for example separating blocks, holding a crayon and drawing.

I have a development book that goes through a checklist, and red flag etc but she not in the "red flag" area but this teacher is making it sound like it's not typical and we need help.

It just confuses me - is it typical or not?? When do I get concern?? What am I doing wrong??
 
#20 ·
fine motor skills

Might be more than writing. It can be placing objects in close association, like lego, or picking up and manipulating small objects like sewing with yarn and beading, or operating a pair of scissors. It can be holding utensils to eat or handling a paint brush to draw a line or rolling clay out into "snakes" and spheres. My son was similar, it wasn't all lack of capability (I don't believe) it was partly resistance and lack of interest. My son was, it's true, late to draw and didn't exactly follow the typical developmental milestones of drawing, his people steadfastly remained smiley faces with legs and arms for a very long time. I found his work endearing and true to himself, he did not try to conform to a "normal" type of representation (but that's not how conformist type people would see it I know). Do you give her her own craft supplies to practice her fine motor skills? You can get grip aids for pencils, and there are lots of oversized tools for beginners to use. Does she play ball, ride a bike etc? Some of fine motor control is about control of the body in general, I think.
 
#22 ·
Might be more than writing. It can be placing objects in close association, like lego, or picking up and manipulating small objects like sewing with yarn and beading, or operating a pair of scissors. It can be holding utensils to eat or handling a paint brush to draw a line or rolling clay out into "snakes" and spheres. My son was similar, it wasn't all lack of capability (I don't believe) it was partly resistance and lack of interest. My son was, it's true, late to draw and didn't exactly follow the typical developmental milestones of drawing, his people steadfastly remained smiley faces with legs and arms for a very long time. I found his work endearing and true to himself, he did not try to conform to a "normal" type of representation (but that's not how conformist type people would see it I know). Do you give her her own craft supplies to practice her fine motor skills? You can get grip aids for pencils, and there are lots of oversized tools for beginners to use. Does she play ball, ride a bike etc? Some of fine motor control is about control of the body in general, I think.
Kinda sounds like my daughter.

She like stickers so she peels those and sticks them in her book. She doesn't like sewing or yarn activists. I'm finding it hard to find things she likes. We made a pizza the other day and loved playing with the dough.

She cant ride a bike yet, when winter is clear we are going to take her out again...
 
#23 ·
Lego, playdough, hama beads, piano, violin or recorder lessons, playmobil, pipe-cleaner animals, simple origami, tabletop games with small pieces (eg. blokus, jigsaw puzzles, card games like Memory), cookie-decorating (sprinkles, squeeze-on icing, silver balls, etc.), planting seeds (window-sill or garden), dolls with clothes to dress up...

Just some ideas.

Miranda
 
#24 · (Edited)
I think kids

Just develop at their own pace. I remember being so excited by my son drawing a circle I called a friend, and she was sort of like huh? Big Deal. Her daughter was already drawing people by then probably. Try to find what interests her and then go with it. Even if she can't use scissors yet doesn't mean she couldn't just tear paper instead for collages etc. I demonstrated how to make paper flowers using the quill method (or something similar) and my son told me that was lame (Flowers LOL!) and then proceeded to do a model of the universe instead, using a similar method to what I'd shown him. Salt dough is lots of fun (and edible but gross), and you can use all kinds gadgets with it like a garlic press, cookie cutters etc. There are craft books to practice basic skills like scissor cutting, folding etc. I liked the ones that were colour by number. Hama beads are great, Ikea used to sell some too I think (I think they are called perler beads - or maybe that's another brand). Hi Ho Cherrio was a fun game for counting as well as practicing patience with tiny objects. Bloco is an alternative to Lego, my son never really took to Lego. Marble runs are usually popular at this age.
 
#25 ·
I would say if she's not in the red flag area by your research, she is probably ok. If the teacher thinks there is a concern, she should be clearer about what she means. I'm going out on a limb here but it sounds a little bit like the situation is intimidating for you and it's causing you to question yourself, when in fact you know your daughter better than anyone. Not every preschool is amazing and in my opinion they should be partnering with you, not making you feel bad about your daughter's abilities.
 
#26 ·
Pretty much any skill acquisition by any group of people can be predicted with a bell curve. 10-20% of the group will struggle/have to work extra hard to achieve the skill or will achieve it later than average, 60-80% will achieve the skill at the expected age with the expected amount of effort, and 10-20% will achieve the skill earlier or with less effort than expected. Taking all the skills we learn over our lifetime, most of us will be in the middle of the bell for most things with some outlying skills on both directions.

It sounds to me like your daughter happens to be an outlier for some of these motor skills. This is not a problem until someone places unrealistic expectations on them or doesn't give them enough opportunities to practice and develop. It sounds to me like her kindy teachers are the former. Four year olds should be playing. They will develop the skills they need to write through play. Some of the PPS have given you some great ideas for activities you can make available to her. I don't think you need to do anything more than provide her the opportunities and continue to observe to make sure she is making progress. If you feel it will ease your mind you could journal her improvements or keep samples of the art/craft she does at home (dated so you can see the progression). If there is no improvement in three months then you could talk to your doctor about evaluation but I would not be concerned at the moment.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#27 ·
it's hard

When your kid is the one that's out of step with school expectations, it doesn't mean they aren't capable or skillful, or that they won't become that way.

Your daughter isn't by any chance a Leftie? My son is one and it really hit me how Rightest the world must be for Lefties when I bought an ergonomic baby spoon and realized it was for right handed babies only. (face palm).
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top