Aggressive, angry 3rd grader - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-09-2004, 10:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh boy, four days into the school year and I am already in over my head here....

My ds is an awesome kid, and has always been very sweet, considerate, respectful, etc. He is on meds for ADD in an attempt to help him focus. They have been really helpful in the past....

Anyway, I got a call from his teacher that he is being very disruptive and aggressive in class, even jumping out of his seat in the middle of class, hitting the other kids desks, doing the opposite of what the teacher says (she says to put something on top of the desk, and he puts it under the desk, she says to do jumping jacks and he touches his toes, she says to touch thier toes and he does jumping jacks) Needless to say, the other kids dont want anything to do with him, the teacher is saying if this keeps up he will have to leave the class and I am at my wits end. I have never seen any type of a behavior like this at all! He has always been very popular, with lots of friends, and while he does like to be the center of attetion he tends to keep himself in check pretty well. All I am getting out of is "School is ok" and shoulder shrugs. I am wondering if this has something to do with my having been gone last year, but I tried to draw it out of him and he looks at me like I am nuts. I just dont know what to do with him. I did pull him off of his meds, in case that is making things worse, and I made a Drs appointment, but this is just so strange!
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Old 09-10-2004, 02:06 AM
 
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teacher is saying if this keeps up he will have to leave the class
I think not. She might need reminding that she is required by law to provide this child with a free and appropriate education at the expense of the public and that a child diagnosed with ADD is entitled to a plan to accommodate his needs and allow him to be successful in the general education classroom under Section 504 of the Americans with Disabilities Act. If she willfully chooses not to abide by this law, then she is personally liable and more and more parents are winning monetarily compensated lawsuits against teachers themselves (meaning, the teachers have to pay up, not the school or district, although they may have to as well).

That said, you son sounds like he's being a handful, can you identify anything that's happened at home that might be creating anxiety? How about at school? I know you said you're getting shrugs from him. Can the school counselor see him? Kids with ADD often have trouble with social skills and reading social cues and he might benefit from group (or even whole class where he's not singled out) social skills lessons where he was able to follow models and then generalize the information out. Has she tried rewarding him when he's behaved positively? Will there be a Student Study/Success Team meeting for him? She needs to come up with some positive ways to help him channel his energy.
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Old 09-10-2004, 02:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LiamnEmma
I think not. She might need reminding that she is required by law to provide this child with a free and appropriate education at the expense of the public and that a child diagnosed with ADD is entitled to a plan to accommodate his needs and allow him to be successful in the general education classroom under Section 504 of the Americans with Disabilities Act. If she willfully chooses not to abide by this law, then she is personally liable and more and more parents are winning monetarily compensated lawsuits against teachers themselves (meaning, the teachers have to pay up, not the school or district, although they may have to as well).

That said, you son sounds like he's being a handful, can you identify anything that's happened at home that might be creating anxiety? How about at school? I know you said you're getting shrugs from him. Can the school counselor see him? Kids with ADD often have trouble with social skills and reading social cues and he might benefit from group (or even whole class where he's not singled out) social skills lessons where he was able to follow models and then generalize the information out. Has she tried rewarding him when he's behaved positively? Will there be a Student Study/Success Team meeting for him? She needs to come up with some positive ways to help him channel his energy.



Thank you for saying that so well.

I agree with it completly.

2 My son is diagnosed with ADD and we are going through craziness trying to get his medication right. (no magic pill here, unlike what people think when you say you have put your child on meds, more like a long journey trying to determine if you have done the right thing and seeing what works well for your child)
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Old 09-10-2004, 08:34 AM
 
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I wonder if there is something about the social chemistry of the class this year that is affecting him too. If the teacher is not respectful of him, it can bring out the worst (at least with my child). With a respectful teacher, my ds will go to the moon and back, but not for one that is patronizing and controlling with him (this does not excuse the behavior, it's just how my ds works). Are there kids he's 'showing off' for? 3rd grade seems to be the year kids really start to be aware of their peers. Also, you mentioned someting about being away for a year? I was curious about that.

 
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Old 09-10-2004, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I have taken him off of his meds, and I am going to try to be more stringent about the dietary aspect. I have an appointment with a naturopath for him, and I am looking at sending him to a different school in the district. We have been sending him to this one because its by my inlaws and they look after him after school, but it is a very wealth, elitist school and they are very resistant to the idea of him being in class and not on meds. I got on the waiting list with the local charter school and I am going to tour another public school just a little ways away from here that most kids in the neighborhood go to. My mom subed there and she said its a really good, diverse school. So hopefully things will start improving. I hated having him on meds anyway, but he seemed happier there for a while. I guess we will see.
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Old 09-10-2004, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and I kept him out of school today so I could talk to him about this stuff, see how he felt off of the med, and get him in to our Dr. Also I didnt want him to spend the whole day by himself in the ISS room, which is the only thing the school has come up with. I know him well enough to know that solitude only makes him act up worse. I see why they did it; the other kids need to be able to learn too, but it still doesnt get to the root of the problem.
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Old 09-10-2004, 06:30 PM
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My son had a hard time in 3rd grade as well. 3rd grade can be a HUGE transition for certain types of kids. Here's what I know:

Third grade is the big change to letter grades. That's pressure.

Third grade is huge social experiment for boys. I have found that second is the social experiment for girls.

Third grade is generally where it is not ok for boys to stand up and do their work. I noticed that in K, 1st and second grades, the boys often would stand up with their chairs behind them and do a project. Or sit with one knee in the chair and the other foot on the floor and work. In third grade (I've noticed) all kids are expected to sit still and work with their butt in the seat.

Third grade (in some areas) is when the no child left behind End of Grade testing crap starts. The children in those states have to take a serious of tests at the BEGINNING of the year in order to be able to measure how they performed the entire year. If your state does this, then your son has probably already been stressed out.

The first month of school is often very repetitive and most children tend to get very bored. A bored boy (or girl) is often disruptive. Mine gets goofy. Especially gifted children. Your son sounds like he is acting out of boredom maybe?

The public school system TOTALLY discriminates against boys

Biologically, a boy needs 5 recesses a day....

Here's my situation:

My son is in 5th grade and has been identified as gifted since Kindergarten. He was always very intent and focused. He even got called a geek a little in second grade. He began acting goofy at the beginning of 3rd grade and I was just stunned. He has always been such a pleaser. I personally think it was a combination of things. 1). He was bored silly 2). Socially, I think a little testosterone (sp) was boiling between the boys. My son got in three fist fights in the first month of school. He never started it or threw the first punch, but he didn't take any junk either. 3). he realized (I believe) that socially he was in a different plane. Whether your child is gifted, shy, quiet, loud - whatever - I believe they start to realize different personalities are treated different ways. I believe my son was just trying to fit in the best way he knew.

Bless you for taking time to get to the bottom. Children always act the way they do for a reason. I would go to the teacher and ask her what she suggests. Your son doesn't need to be punished again and again for behaviors such as these. My dd has a little boy in her class in first grade who was so disruptive I can't begin to explain. He was also in Kindergarten with dd and he was ostracized by the teacher and students. In first grade, the teacher had minored in child pyschology in college and she was perfect for him. She cared more about that child's happiness than she did about how well he performed on a test. When he couldn't focus or began to fade out, she would take his little face in her hands and speak directly to him. She made such a difference in this child's life. It brings me to tears just thinking about it!

FWIW - Most of the kids in my sons AIG class have some form of ADD. These kids are usually brilliant. My bet is that he is bored.

Good Luck. HTH!

WOW! Did I type enough!?!???

Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby. 
ds20, dd18, ds17
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Old 09-10-2004, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah he said today that he is bored. He is very bright and reads really well and he is very high energy. I dont know; I will do what I can
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