Fed up and insulted... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-23-2003, 01:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I will give a brief overview of my DD's school issues. DD is 5yo and in Kindergarten at a Catholic school. Due to financial reasons and the fact I could care less about religion I was going to send DD to Public school but Grandma agreed on tuition so we sent her. Catholic school is full day and public was not, in the past I needed childcare so it worked out. We have no Montessori or Waldorf schools in the area-NONE!

First, all is good when school begins but class is overcrowded-35 kids. Teacher ok, nice to us.

Second, fellow Kindergartener boys on her bus are nasty kids. The boys are lifting DD's dress and so on. It is supposedly stopped but still happens on occasion, steps have been taken.

Third, Kindergarten girl on the bus makes sudden, not normal, comments to my DD telling her "I wish you were never born", "I wish I was Dead so I wouldn't have to see you" and finally "I don't like people of different colors and you are weird cause you and your Dad are different colors". I contacted the school and as of now the kids are getting their final talking too.

Meanwhile DD begins struggling with schoolwork and teachers attitude changes, Gets nasty towards me, I feel as if I am being talked down too. Incidents happen, begin considering taking her out but battling whether or not to wait until next year being a sudden change may be too much beingin general she loves school but DD sees alot of the wrongs happening.

Now we are in fancial difficulties. I borrow $$ to buy food for DD's lunches. She was not eating most of what I sent so we have come to what she likes. Tuesday I send in homemade peanut butter crackers and some other cracker snack, being I had nothing else, she ate the planned snakc at home . It's better than all junk. I send her with 2 100% juice boxes, one for snack one for lunch. She returns home with the food and I ask why with no reply. SO today, Our dog stole her sandwich which was on the LAST piece of bread I had so we agreed on a bag of dry cereal which I have sent before, snack, and the drinks. Odd, but better than bummed candy from a friend or a thrown out meal. The schools "hot" lunches are food I'd never feed her like hot dogs, mac & beef, etc. with choco. milk. She is allowed these on occasion (well veggie dogs at home) but these are less nutritious than what I've sent anyway.

So today I get a letter saying the Aide checked Shoannes lunch yesterday and today it was just crackers so they gave her lunch, grilled cheese (which she refuses at home : ), vanilla pudding, and chocolate milk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that I owe $3.50 (which I actually DO NOT HAVE!!!!!) for this unrequested crap! Now how is this more nutritious than a serving of cereal and juice or peanut butter crackers and juice? I wrote a long letter to the Aide and spoke to the Principal already, who did apologize, I said if this had been a lunchable which contains 4 crackers, 4 cheez type slices, 4 lunch meat type pieces, and a mini candy bar, she would have NEVER questioned the lunch, correct? I stated I was insulted and if today was the 2nd day they should have contacted me by phone. I stated that I do not feed my family what they serve for lunch (ok, I do make grilled cheese, but you know what I mean!!!!) and monitor DD's milk intake (not a dairy fan but do eat it, but straight milk makes her awfully gassy, etc.) I mentioned as 5yo's are, DD is picky and she came home many times w/o eating her luch yet this was never realized by an adult at the school. I finished it by saying if anyone finds DD's lunch inadequate again, to call me immediately.

This happened the day following my 2 page letter regarding previously mentioned issues and the fact that DD accidently (Understandably this time) got left off the bus! I am so fed up the public school will be calling me back by Monday. I am NOT going to attempt to pay for the food but I don't want pity by saying we are flat broke. Am I right to be insulted? Anyone think I am over or under reacting? Since when is a hot dog and canned pudding more nutritious than peanut butter crackers...Oh I am still fuming!
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#2 of 10 Old 01-23-2003, 03:06 PM
 
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bebesho2, this is such a frustrating thing for you to have to deal with. The difficulties you are facing are huge, and you deserve a lot of respect for staying calm with your daughter.

I am wondering if the school is nut and peanut free. If it is, then providing a different lunch is the only thing the school could do.

I hope things improve for you soon.
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#3 of 10 Old 01-23-2003, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There are NO restrictions at her school. That's what I mean, the lunches they sell are horrid Hot dogs, mac and beef, with some nasty sugary dessertnate lunch is peanut butter and jelly.

Today I was out of everything and sent her a thermos of mac and cheese. I sent the letter Iwrote with the letter the ysent in return. I did not a get a phone call, letter of response, OR apology. DD then said the Aide asked WHY I sent the not back. I am sure the yreally hate me by now-GOOD!
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#4 of 10 Old 01-23-2003, 11:27 PM
 
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What a rough week/year for you and your daughter! Have you tried going in and meeting with the relevant people involved? I have found sometimes that notes do not convey what I really want to say, or can't say without body language--they need to know that you are a caring mom who is trying your best.

Are there any resources, also, to help with the food stress at your house? That seems like a hard one to be dealing with this cold winter.

HOpe things begin to go better...
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#5 of 10 Old 01-23-2003, 11:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Due to the car situation, I have been unable to go to the school in person. I believe the phone call with the prinicpal was important (I actually like her!) and conveyed my dismay (t osay it lightly) but the letter is documentation of how upset I was/am! The Principal knew I was sending the letter to the Aide who took it upon herself to do this. I am NOT telling them of our food issues b/c it may make them feel right. I am making sure that DD is well fed, as I said I borrowed $$ just to buy the food which in the end was WASTED!

To anger me MORE, the Aide did not respond. No phone call, letter, (apology!) nothing. Yet DD comes home and said that the Aide asked HER why I returned the note requesting the money!!! How innapropriate is that?!?! I am going thru so much (see my thread in TAO for some more of the crap I am dealing with!!) that if I do arrive in person I may lose it. I am turning violent, so much pent up anger! I took a swing at DH tonight, it was pretty impressive actually (he was impressed!) but not like me. So I need to stay cool... I was fed up enough before this crap!
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#6 of 10 Old 01-24-2003, 11:53 PM
 
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Oh, it sounds like the stress is really piling up. Is there any way you can get some time for just you to begin to sort some of this out? Some self-nurturing time? I didn't read your post in TAO yet, so I don't know what the other issues are. It just seems like you are really having a rough time. Schools can be so frustrating. I find that teachers and aids seem to do some really weird things that they just don't think will bother parents, but are oftentimes so patronizing and disrespectful. We have been pretty lucky so far at my children's school, but I've worked in the schools for lots of years and have seen the other side of it. It is really tough.

I hope you can have a relaxing weekend and things can settle down for you.

 
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#7 of 10 Old 01-25-2003, 02:39 AM
 
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Oh wow. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Have you checked out the public school? It might be better.

I went to catholic school from 5th grade up and hated it. For many of the same reasons. The kids were snotty, racist, classist etc etc little mirrors of their parents. And since the parents were supporting the school financially the school will not make more than a symbolic effort to reeducate the kids or repramand them.

Man I feel for you two so bad!!!!!!!!! Let us know how things progress. Grrrrrrrrrr.
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#8 of 10 Old 01-26-2003, 11:19 AM
 
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Bebesho2 -- I remember your posts about her learning "problems" from earlier in the school year. Has there been any improvement in that area?

I don't know, hon. It sounds like things have steadily gone from bad to worse with that school.

Can you submit a simple, straightfoward written request that no meat or dairy products be fed to your daugter at school? Keep a copy of it, and raise hell if they ignore it?

Mamui - bebesho daughter is a paying student too, and they are also supporting the school financially. Her mother is footing the bill, but the bill is being paid never-the-less.
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#9 of 10 Old 01-26-2003, 04:52 PM
 
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Mamui - bebesho daughter is a paying student too, and they are also supporting the school financially. Her mother is footing the bill, but the bill is being paid never-the-less.
Right....My point was that in my opinion many private schools are hopelessly flawed and that IMO it might not be in her daughter's best interest to bear the brunt of slow painful political change. IMO

But then I'm biased because I was a partial product of that system. My memories of public school are good and my memories of private school are bad.
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#10 of 10 Old 02-04-2003, 08:09 PM
 
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so sorry to hear of all these frustrations. i too have issues with how nutrition is handled in school (the unenlightened teaching, short lunch periods, and absolute crap the hot lunch program serves). i make my kids' lunches, and tell them they can have hot lunch on certain days. we are in agreement on what they can't have ("french toast sticks", i.e. fried dough), and that "spaghetti day" is still ok. it is tough. you are teaching your daughter good values, and that is what will stick with her when she is older and has to make her own choices in any environment, so good to you for sticking to your beliefs and voicing them.
i agree that private schools are not always necessarily better. they can be very closed minded and overly choosy about who they accept, thus creating unrealistic atmosphere when you parallel that to the actual world. imperfect as it is, we love our public school, and chose our town based on the public school system. best of luck!
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