dh and I disagree about preschool for the fall... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-04-2003, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
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Man, we are really getting into it about this. He thinks ds (will turn 3 this summer) really needs a couple days a week in preschool this fall. Sign ups are now, and he is pressuring me to get something lined up.

ds is very attached to us, and so far has cried EVERYTIME we've tried to leave him in childcarea the YMCA or in sunday school at church. I just can't imagine him cooperating with being left at school, and I am picturing myself spending several mornings a week IN preschool WITH him, and I just don't feel up to that.

Additionally, the idea of potty training him before September sounds extremely stressfull for all of us.

And finally, I keep him very busy with classes at the Y and playdates, and I just don't see him needing preschool just yet. He also has a sibling to spend time with. The only advantage to preschool that I can imagine is that it is "preparation for school," and geez -- he's only a toddler and doesn't need that!

Even if I'm wrong and he would like preschool, I don't think it will be a big loss. He can go next year, and in the meantime I get to keep him. I'm in no rush to get rid of him.

I really need my dh to trust *my* gut feelings on this one. But he is all for pushing our kids in situations like this.

What would you do?
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#2 of 9 Old 02-04-2003, 01:46 PM
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I would keep him home. The only reason DD#2 is going to preschool next year-she'll be 3 in April-is because she sees her sister going to school and she has been begging to go. The school she will go to is very laid back with the 3yo's. It's basically a very expensive playdate.
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#3 of 9 Old 02-04-2003, 03:17 PM
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We discuss this at our house every couple of days. I usually point out that while our middle child started preschool at 2.5 years, it was really for me to have a break from all those other classes and programmes, not him. I was pregnant/ caring for a newborn that year and it was wonderful having the nursery scool there to help me out. Now, though, I'm feeling like I can enjoy those classes with child number 3 and I'd like him to have a little more time at home.

At our house, I make most of the decisions about what the children do because I am the one who makes the program work. If I don't believe in it, it just isn't going to be a happy situation. On the other hand, if dh really wants something for the children, I trust his judgement and I do my best to examine the idea fairly. Sometimes, though, it just isn't going to work, and if I forsee that, I veto it from the start. If I think it might work, I give it a try, then evaluate after a few weeks. Because I am open and honest, dh trusts that I have given it the best possible trial.
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#4 of 9 Old 02-05-2003, 05:32 AM
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Trust your gut. We waited to start my son in preschool until age 4 and he immediately loved it because he was ready for it. I think if we had started him earlier he would have not done so well. If you are the parent who is with your son more then you probably know better what he needs.
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#5 of 9 Old 02-05-2003, 08:43 AM
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I would definitely wait until he was four!! If he has never been happy to separate for church or YMCA, the idea of starting a longer pre-school makes no sense!

As for your dh, I would validate his feelings re: you also want your son to have opportunites for independence, etc, but you have to follow his (your son's) lead. Instead of pre-school, you could tell dh that you are going to concentrate on a smaller separation. For example, attend Sunday school with your son every week for 2 months (or have your dh attend with him) and then see if he will stay by himself. Something like that would be much more manageable.

On a side note, *Nothing* is more stressful than deciding a child must be potty-trained by age x and then trying to make that happen. It *ALWAYS* backfires and you wind up with potty issues and potty delays!! Please don't let dh make that happen for you and your son- after all, who is the one who will be dealing with it- YOU!
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#6 of 9 Old 02-07-2003, 03:11 AM
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You ever read the book "Mothering and Fathering"? This is such a classic mother/father difference... father pushing child to his limits, mother protecting them from difficult situations.

So my .02 is, yes I'm a firm believer in trusting your instincts, but remember dad has instincts too. Maybe a little school would be okay. Ds went 2.5 hrs, three days a week to start. Or a class that's an hour long a couple days a week?
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#7 of 9 Old 02-07-2003, 09:16 AM - Thread Starter
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I found a cheesy mainstream "how to tell if your child is ready for ps" checklist online and emailed it to him. I dunno why he is willing to rely on something like that vs. trusting *my* instincts, but after he read it he said "Okay. Your right."

Anyhow, thank goodness. I'm arranging playdates for him 3x a week starting in a couple weeks, and at least one of them will be at the other child's house. He has a tumbling class at the Y. That should be enough for a little kid, don't you think?
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#8 of 9 Old 02-08-2003, 12:53 AM
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Oh, what a relief! What you have planned for him sounds fine--remember to have time for just relaxing at home too! I'm glad your dh has seen more eye to eye with you. I also believe that for kids without any "issues" that 4 yr. old preschool is fine and enough preparation for k-garten. Good luck!

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#9 of 9 Old 02-12-2003, 02:42 AM
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Was dh suggesting preschool so YOU could get a break and/or persue other interests? Sometimes I don't think my dh knows how much I truely enjoy being a sahm.

*edit for confusing typo
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