taking ds out of Montessori school when i have baby - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 04-14-2003, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
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My gut is telling me not to do it, but I feel kind of weird about it...
ds (will be 3 in June) is in a toddler program at a wonderful Montessori school--he loves the school, is close to the teachers and his friends and I feel like he's getting a lot out of it. It's also helped us to meet people in the city and to have another community-like setting.
I am due with our second child in the beginning of October and will take the Fall semester off (i'm a student). I will go back in the spring, and will "need" the school again in the spring (although dh will stay at home with baby 2 mornings a week, so I guess we wouldn't exactly need it--hadn't thought of that yet).
So...ds could stay at home with me and the baby, or he could do a half day at the school, and then come home with me and the baby. I was thinking that keeping his school routine and contact with his friends there would help him adjust to a new baby and a new house (we're moving), and that would be one less thing to change in his life. It would also help me out in the early days with the new baby, I would think. The cons are that it does cost a pretty penny, but we can afford it. Most of all, I feel kind of weird putting him in a program if I'll be home anyway. But, on the other hand, I think it would be best for all of us, and we really, really love this school...
My mother thinks this is ridiculous and that we should just pull him out, no questions asked.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Any suggestions?
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#2 of 11 Old 04-14-2003, 12:47 PM
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If he's happy, and you can afford it, and it will only be a half-day anyway, and you'll have a new baby, and he has friends there, and it will help keep his routine in a huge time of upheaval with a move and a new baby - I say it's a no-brainer, leave him there!

I don't see any cons, frankly. I think if your mom feels differently then she should come over and do all the housework and entertain ds#1 while you take care of the baby.

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#3 of 11 Old 04-14-2003, 01:40 PM
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We were in the exact same situation!

Ds was going to Montessori when we had dd. And it did feel so weird sending him off when I was home.

Here is my perspective~

Ds enjoys it
Stability among lots of change
1-1 time with baby
It's a good program

You'll be home anyway
Good chance for him to bond with baby
It is a hassle to have to drop-off and pick-up with a little baby
He is still pretty young

We kept Canyon in for a year after Stella was born and then started homeschooling this year. It is nice because he really seems to appreciate her a lot more and wants to play with her; it is more convenient for our family as far as driving, naps, etc; we have saved huge sums of $, which wasn't a huge consideration- but still... Most importantly, I enjoy having him home! And we just seem to have a nicer rhythm to our day.

Good luck with your decision. What does dh think?
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#4 of 11 Old 04-14-2003, 01:56 PM
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When kids love school, it makes sense to me to keep them there. I loved the picking up and dropping off. I got a chance to connect with other moms and plan outings together, My DD and I got a chance to miss each other a little which I think is good for all. Also there is nothing like the excitement of the pick-up and seeing each other again.

Also, I felt like I could get one on one time with the baby and then tried to nap my babies when the older one was home so I got one on one time with them.
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#5 of 11 Old 04-14-2003, 02:33 PM
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The good thing is that your son will thrive whichever choice you make.

I liked having my ds in school when there was a baby because it gave him an outlet that was easy for me. The school was small and familiar and I knew that if there was any difficulty, they would completely support us while we struggled through it. I didn't feel compelled to provide any other outside entertainment, and I didn't even feel like I needed to be busy organizing play dates and other social occasions.

If your son is a homebody who really prefers to be close to you, though, it might be nice to let him stay by your side. You've got a lot of changes in the future and he might feel a bit shaken up, and he might prefer to stick close to family.
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#6 of 11 Old 04-14-2003, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
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Originally posted by Jane
I don't see any cons, frankly. I think if your mom feels differently then she should come over and do all the housework and entertain ds#1 while you take care of the baby.
Ha! So true!!!

Great points--I think it is a no brainer, after all. Dh is undecided about it too, but I think he's leaning toward keeping him in.

Bestjob, good point about paying close attention to his personality. I think he would do better if he had a break, but that might change by then...definitely something to consider.
Thanks all!
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#7 of 11 Old 04-16-2003, 09:02 AM
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When my second was born, my son really loved having a "big boy" thing that he got to go do, which was preschool. It seemed to make him feel important and like he also had a little life outside of our focus on the new baby. He also has a pretty intense personality, fairly driven. But it really did seem to make a difference to him. He loves being home, is very attached to me, but also loved this going off into the big world.

I'm sure you will figure out what is best for you. We need to trust our gut feelings.


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#8 of 11 Old 04-22-2003, 12:52 AM
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I have a new (13 weeks old) ds and my older ds, Dylan, will be 3 in June. We just got the call today that our Montessori school has an opening for him and I CAN'T WAIT until the first day (June 3rd -- his birthday, too!). As you will find when you have your next little one, there is just no time to give the older child the stimulation and attention they need. Dylan has adjusted so well to being an older brother -- I'm so proud of him. BUT, he also can get incredibly grumpy/whiny/clingy because I have to spend so much of my time taking care of the baby and just don't have the time available to sit with him and play. He is so smart and NEEDS more stimulation than I can provide. Plus, I think he needs something of his own. A space of his own, and a place to go that is his. He is soooo ready for preschool, and I am soooo ready for him to go. My advice? Keep your toddler in preschool where he is happy. He needs the stimulation, and you both will need the break. We can't really afford it, but we're going to make it work. Because additionally, I think Montessori is also an excellent investment in your child's foundation of character & education. Best of luck!
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#9 of 11 Old 04-22-2003, 06:59 PM
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It sounds to me like you don't really want to take him out of preschool and that you mostly think it will be better for him to stay. The main con sounds like it's $ guilt. If the above is true, I would keep him in. You could even ask him what he prefers if you wish, though you should make it clear that the final decision isn't up to him unless it is.

I just also think that a 6 month absence could be tough unless he really wants the extra time with you and the new baby. If you were taking a year off, it might be different, but it can be more difficult to reintegrate with a class midyear.

Another thing to think about: I don't personally plan to send my children to preschool, and I'm about to have a new baby. I put a lot of thought until how and with whom my 2 1/2 year old will play with other children and get out of the house after the new baby arrives. My son is not a homebody and likes to get out a lot and see certain friends regularly. We've got a toddler rich neighborhood and a lot of this happens naturally when the weather is nice, but in the winter, it takes some planning and often a lot of energy to get ourselves out of the house (with a new baby, it will only be harder). Now, your son may or may not have the same need for getting out or for socializing, but if he does have that need/desire, then you'll need to think about how you'll want to deal with it during the time he's out of preschool. OTOH, the extra time with you and the baby may be more important, and sometimes toddler/preschooler playdates, museum visits, and storytimes are a good way to keep mom from isolating. Those are questions and concerns that only you can weigh and answer.

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#10 of 11 Old 05-03-2003, 01:13 AM
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If it's only a couple of hours a few days a week, you should go for it. He likes it, he's learning stuff, he's socially interacting and making friends. You should keep him there. And you will appreciate the break when you have your new baby. You can just have some time alone with the new kid. It's good for both of you!
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#11 of 11 Old 05-16-2003, 03:31 AM
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Just want to agree with Summertime. I am expecting my 2nd in 5 days and my 2.5 yr old is signed up for pre-school this Fall. Again it is just for a couple of hours twice a week but even now she begs to go to preschool with her slightly older friends as she is very social and loves groups and activities. Even today, although we went to Kindermusik in the morning she was begging me in the afternoon "to go somewhere" and asking "who is coming over today?". I just feel you know your own child and if they have friends and a loving and supportive environment outside home which they enjoy why change sometihng that is working and provides another venue that has become part of their routine? I am sure that we'll all benefit from it - as a mom you will feel less pressure and guilt to provide stimulating experiences for your toddler while mothering a newborn. In the preschool setting they have another role different from home which gives them an outlet.

Basically "if it ain't broke, why fix it?"
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