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#61 of 96 Old 01-13-2007, 03:17 PM
 
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THis thread is being returned following removal of many posts that violated portions of the UA, specifically numbers 1 and 2. Please contain the discussion to the topic of education within the schools. References to personal sexual histories and preferences are not within the scope of LAS.

Please also remember to speak kindly toward one another and to reference your opinion as such, not as fact with the intention of demeaning another's opinion.

Thank you!

 
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#62 of 96 Old 01-14-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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The government and federally-funded abstinence only programs are simply allowed to teach about this from a health perspective. It is not fair to give our kids education about how to be safe or to give them the expectation that they can go have sex and be protected from any type of health damage simply by sticking 'plastic' on themselves or making the girls chug that jagged little pill into their sensitive bodies.
Non-religious organizations, CDC/FDA, etc clearly agree that condoms do not always protect against disease/pregnancy (hense the reason for the new garadasil stuff for HPV) and the pill's information pamphlet only promises a chance to protect against pregnancy, not any diseases.

Either way, neither can protect against the emotional damage that could happen to someone who engages in the most incredible human act with a person before knowing this relationship is for life.

No, the schools do not simply teach it from a health perspective. In H.S. we had a local religious leader come in and tell us that men prefer marrying virgins (no mention as to what women might prefer) and that if a man could get an abortion he'd be over it like "that" [snapping his fingers] but if a woman gets an abortion she'll never get over it. In Jr. H. we got statistics about the different kinds of birth control and the percentages of effectiveness. As well as stories about unlikely pregnancies (w/ no penetration, anal intercourse, etc) Come H.S. and abstinence education, we got none of that, just the word "ABSTINENCE" written over the front of the chalkboard and chastity lessons from Pastor Bob.

You realize that the reason young people DON'T use protection is because of statements like this... "nothing REALLY protects against pregnancy, so why bother." It's stuff like this that causes 50% of pregnancies to be described as "accidental" even though condoms at their worst, (imperfect use, by themselves, without spermicide) are 86% effective.
Hope is not a birth control.

And again, just what do you expect these chaste little girls to do when they get married? It's not like we have socialized medicine where they all have access to doctors to talk to. And even if we did, most doctors spend 10 or 15 minutes with each patient--hardly enough to do any more education than fill out a prescription for a jagged pill, with no mention of side effects or contra-indications. If she's lucky those topics will be covered when she picks up the prescription--by which time she's no longer in a position of choice over options. On top of that you're assuming that she knows when she needs to talk to a physician. If her sister said you won't get pregnant when you're on you're period, if you douche with vinegar [insert other fallacies here] she won't even bother with that.

We need to teach more adult skills in general that they aren't learning from their parents, or their parents don't know either: put more economics in home economics--like how to balance a checkbook, avoid predatory lending, gauge fairness of interest rates, keeping a budget. We need to add things like labor laws, consumer rights, standard home and vehicle maintenance, basic relationship/communication skills, keeping a healthy home (how long food can be out, how to disinfect surfaces) first aid, and yes, birth control. They need to know these things for when they're adults, even if we don't think they should have a use for them now.
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#63 of 96 Old 01-16-2007, 03:58 PM
 
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No, the schools do not simply teach it from a health perspective. In H.S. we had a local religious leader come in and tell us that men prefer marrying virgins (no mention as to what women might prefer) and that if a man could get an abortion he'd be over it like "that" [snapping his fingers] but if a woman gets an abortion she'll never get over it. In Jr. H. we got statistics about the different kinds of birth control and the percentages of effectiveness. As well as stories about unlikely pregnancies (w/ no penetration, anal intercourse, etc) Come H.S. and abstinence education, we got none of that, just the word "ABSTINENCE" written over the front of the chalkboard and chastity lessons from Pastor Bob.
There are many chastity programs out there that obviously have a religious agenda. The Abstinence Education that I am familiar with in my area of the country, especially the federally-granted program, does not use any type of religious-agenda or lingo in their curriculum. You are right that there are many out there that do though and that is fine if that is what people want. Anyway, the former one I am talking about uses accurate up-to-date stats on pregnancy and all the issues concerning this, and also accurapte up-to-date stats on the STD's and the money and everything that goes into treating that and uses accurate and up-to-date stats on alternative methods and their effectiveness or lack of...86% (as you mention below) is still not 100% against the diseases that can be life threatening or cause major problems later (cancer, sterility, annoying & uncomfortable syndroms etc...)

[/Quote]And again, just what do you expect these chaste little girls to do when they get married? It's not like we have socialized medicine where they all have access to doctors to talk to. And even if we did, most doctors spend 10 or 15 minutes with each patient--hardly enough to do any more education than fill out a prescription for a jagged pill, with no mention of side effects or contra-indications...[/Quote]

This day and age, there are many other scientifically-accurate methods for family planning that are easy to learn. (These methods have been taught and used with great success in many third world countries where the illiteracy levels are high and also in other countries like China and of course here.) Again, this provides a 99% effect way to family plan with 0% side effects. Of course the drug companies wouldn't be too excited about it since it is mostly FREE and usually helps woman learn about their bodies enough to stay away from other drugs the pharmas push when women experience side effects from hormonal contraceptives. (sorry if that was a bit of tangent). I'm not advocating they teach this in schools. However, some sort of understanding about the woman's reproductive system is taught in science class already so you could teach this at home as an extension of that.

[/Quote/]We need to teach more adult skills in general that they aren't learning from their parents, or their parents don't know either: put more economics in home economics--like how to balance a checkbook, avoid predatory lending, gauge fairness of interest rates, keeping a budget. We need to add things like labor laws, consumer rights, standard home and vehicle maintenance, basic relationship/communication skills, keeping a healthy home (how long food can be out, how to disinfect surfaces)...[/Quote]

Now this I could not agree more with! If my dh and I would have had classes about budgeting and home buying/maintence, we would be in a lot better shape now! Oh well, never too late to learn I guess.
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#64 of 96 Old 01-17-2007, 11:16 PM
 
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Why do you think your education you received caused you to have these unplanned pregnancies?

Either way teaching our children that we would prefer them to abstain and yet also teaching them how to be protected seems to send a lot of mixed messages....
I wanted to repond to what about my education caused big problems with sex. My parents never told me anything other than that they expected me to wait for marriage. My (Christian) church and youth group pushed virginity pledges and "true love waits". The greatest wedding gift you can give your future husband is your virginity, etc.

I went away to college with no ideas of my own about sex, and almost no experience with dating. Of course, I had unprotected sex. First of all, I had no skills to resist and very little confidence with men. I had no practice with physical relationships, and no logical reasons why I shouldn't have sex. Secondly, it was incredibly exciting and empowering.

Yet, I'd never been given the time or space to ask questions or make plans for the possibility. So, I got HPV, but didn't know it. I was too ashamed, uninformed, and in denial to go to a GYN. By the time I gained some maturity and distance from my parents' judgement and went to the student health center, I had pre-cancerous lesions on my cervix. The aftermath of the surgery for that left me with incompetant cervix and unable to have a vaginal birth. I'm lucky, though. It could have been PID leading to infertility or HIV or pregnancy.

It was pounded into me that the mistake of premarital sex was the biggest, baddest, most unrecoverable mistake I could make. That's total bunk. The mistake of unprotected sex clearly has big consequences. And I actually don't count protected sex at 17 with someone who cares about you as a mistake at all.

How is it resonable or natural to ask people to wait until marriage (at 30, for example)? In Biblical times people got married at 15.

As far as the OP, I would say that your daughter's biggest influence will be how you've raised her and not what they tell her in school. Those skits could be a good jumping off point for further discussion with you, her dad, aunts/uncles etc.
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#65 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 06:34 AM
 
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I went away to college with no ideas of my own about sex, and almost no experience with dating. Of course, I had unprotected sex.
I've long since lost track of where I read the statistics, but what I remember reading is that abstinence and non-abstinence full-knowledge education programs have about the same pregnancy rate. (I think it was only 1 percentage point different as I recall, don't remember which direction.)

The reason being is that abstinence only teens are less likely to have sex, but more likely to have unprotected sex when they do have sex. Fully-educated teens are more likely to have sex, but are more likely to have protected sex when they do. (I have no idea if this takes into consideration the social groups that these samplings are coming from or if the students receiving the two types of education were randomly selected.)

So the true-love-waits folks say, they have the answer, their kids are less likely to have sex. The full-education teaching advocates say our kids are less likely to have unprotected sex and more likely to use birth control and condoms therefore being less likely to have STDs and pregnancies. ... And they're both right.
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#66 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 07:27 AM
 
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I know that what outside "authorities" say sometimes has more weight with my children, at least initially, than what I tell them. (In politics, however, our kids tend to agree with our views.) Even so, I would discuss, at home, what we think our children should know about sex (and at the age they seem ready) and allow them to go to the sex ed program if they wanted to. Being the "odd one out"--the only child not allowed to attend a program--might make my child feel embarrassed.
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#67 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 08:21 AM
 
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What wedding gift is the husband expected to give?
His virginity as well.
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#68 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 11:43 AM
 
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So the true-love-waits folks say, they have the answer, their kids are less likely to have sex. The full-education teaching advocates say our kids are less likely to have unprotected sex and more likely to use birth control and condoms therefore being less likely to have STDs and pregnancies. ... And they're both right.
I agree. The question is which action has the most serious consequences for the most kids: protected premarital sex or unprotected premarital sex? Public education should not be teaching to very small number of kids who are going to wait until marriage.
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#69 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 11:53 AM
 
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I am personally teaching my children about all aspects. We are teaching abstinence, but they will also learn about protection if they decide they aren't going to wait for marriage.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#70 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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When I was in school (late 1800s) we were taught about sex and all the forms of birth control available.
Wow- you must be the oldest MDC member around! So tell me, how have the birth control options changed in the last 100 years?

Seriously, I'm assuming you meant late 1980's which makes you around my age.

In 10th grade I took a "health ed class" that covered sex ed as well as drug abuse, eating disorders, and teen suicide. The sex ed part explained about condoms and spermicide and IUDs and oral contraceptives, while emphasizing that only abstinence was 100% effective in preventing pregnancy and STDs. We also learned about HIV, herpes, syphilus and gonorhea, abortion, adoption, and teenaged parenthood. They also touched on the emotional ramifications of sexual relationships, but that was a very awkward subject to discuss in a mixed class of boys and girls. I really felt the class should have been segregated by gender- but in any case, we didn't get any morality plays, we did get basic facts, learned how to protect ourselves, and abstinence was promoted but not presented as the only option. IMO, that's what a public school health class should be, but I think it should be taught in middle school, not just in high school.

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#71 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well unfortunately they are promoting abstinence as the only and other BC methods as nothing but failure. For example, condoms have a 99% success rate. But only if used correctly. Since most ppl don't use them correctly they REAL success rate is only 83%. So since they are going to fail the only way to protect yourself is by practicing pre-marital abstinence. :
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#72 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 05:13 PM
 
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Abstinance is NOT a moral issue to me. It is a health issue. And I am pretty conservative. :

I think abstinance only programs are going to increase sexual activity among teens. Teens who are uneducated about the risks of sex.

I have a GREAT!!!!!!!!! sex ed/health class in high school. It changed my life! : We learned about EVERYTHING!!! Toys were even discussed Speakers included: Married couple that waited, Planned parenthood worker, gay men and women, prolife agencies, nurse, demos on how to use different forms of birth control (was passed around so that we could touch and try to pretend to use.......condom and banana .....things like that)

Because of that class and the openness of my parents, I wanted to wait.

I wanted to perserve my health and wait to have children until I was able to provide what I felt they needed.

A rape when I was 19 changed my course but knowing ALL of the facts is what enabled me to not be sexually active. Scare tactics or only half of the story........will only damage children.

They need the truth from EVERY angel to make decisions for themselves.

And I would let my children decide if they wanted to go to the class. My children 7, 5, and 2 probably know more about sex then that class is going to teach We see it as a gift from God that is wonderful. We discuss it as casually as eating, pooping .....or any other normal function. Use is as an opportunity for even more dialoge with your dd

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#73 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 05:20 PM
 
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Also.....sex is not just a health/physical issue.

It is/can be emotional and mental as well. I think if you are REALLY going to give a comprehensive sex ed program, there are going to be issues that wil be considered "moral"

For example, in the class I took (mentioed above) we had 2 women speak who had abortions. One was deeply troubled by her decision, one was not. We had two birth mothers.....one with regret, one without.

Did that touch on "morality"? Probably. But that to me is true education. Seeing ALL sides of the coin evenly and fairly. At least this is how I believe public schools should be.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#74 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 05:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did that touch on "morality"? Probably. But that to me is true education. Seeing ALL sides of the coin evenly and fairly. At least this is how I believe public schools should be.
That is fine if they are teaching all sides of the coin. But they are not! They are only teaching the side that fits their agenda.
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#75 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 05:50 PM
 
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That is fine if they are teaching all sides of the coin. But they are not! They are only teaching the side that fits their agenda.
Absolutely...I agree with you.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#76 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 06:01 PM
 
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Not my kid! I think abstinance only classes are dangerous.
I agree. Gives me the shiveries to think about it honestly.

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Wow- you must be the oldest MDC member around! So tell me, how have the birth control options changed in the last 100 years?

Seriously, I'm assuming you meant late 1980's which makes you around my age.

In 10th grade I took a "health ed class" that covered sex ed as well as drug abuse, eating disorders, and teen suicide. The sex ed part explained about condoms and spermicide and IUDs and oral contraceptives, while emphasizing that only abstinence was 100% effective in preventing pregnancy and STDs. We also learned about HIV, herpes, syphilus and gonorhea, abortion, adoption, and teenaged parenthood. They also touched on the emotional ramifications of sexual relationships, but that was a very awkward subject to discuss in a mixed class of boys and girls. I really felt the class should have been segregated by gender- but in any case, we didn't get any morality plays, we did get basic facts, learned how to protect ourselves, and abstinence was promoted but not presented as the only option. IMO, that's what a public school health class should be, but I think it should be taught in middle school, not just in high school.
These were my classes as well. I graduated in '93... AH the time of Clinton. Where every 8 yr old knew what a bj was!

What we have is backlash from that.

I've already talked to my sons (1&2) about sex. And masterbation. We've talked about condoms. We talked about pregnancy. I told them everytime a person has sex there is a risk for pregnancy. EVERYTIME. No matter what bc you use. And to think if that person is a person they want to have a baby with, because even if you use birth control it can fail.

I also told them to us a condom EVERYTIME they decide to have sex. SOme protection is better than none, and bad things can surely happen if you don't.

My 6 yr old had more questions than my 8 yr old.

I would NEVER approve of an abstinence only class.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#77 of 96 Old 01-18-2007, 09:54 PM
 
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I had a GREAT!!!!!!!!! sex ed/health class in high school. It changed my life! : We learned about EVERYTHING!!! Toys were even discussed Speakers included: Married couple that waited, Planned parenthood worker, gay men and women, prolife agencies, nurse, demos on how to use different forms of birth control (was passed around so that we could touch and try to pretend to use.......condom and banana .....things like that)

Because of that class and the openness of my parents, I wanted to wait.

I wanted to perserve my health and wait to have children until I was able to provide what I felt they needed.
Angelbee, I wish that choice had not been taken away from you . But, your sex ed/health class was awesome. I wish wish wish I'd had the same. Where did you go to school? We're doing our best with our kids, and I think we'll also send them to the UU church OWL (our whole lives) sex ed program. I want them to think about it and face the issues before they start getting into sexual situations.
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#78 of 96 Old 01-19-2007, 03:38 PM
 
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I wanted to repond to what about my education caused big problems with sex...

I went away to college with no ideas of my own about sex, and almost no experience with dating. Of course, I had unprotected sex. First of all, I had no skills to resist and very little confidence with men. I had no practice with physical relationships, and no logical reasons why I shouldn't have sex. Secondly, it was incredibly exciting and empowering...So, I got HPV, but didn't know it. I was too ashamed, uninformed, and in denial to go to a GYN. By the time I gained some maturity and distance from my parents' judgement and went to the student health center, I had pre-cancerous lesions on my cervix. The aftermath of the surgery for that left me with incompetant cervix and unable to have a vaginal birth. I'm lucky, though. It could have been PID leading to infertility or HIV or pregnancy...
Hpyothetically, say your parents raised you differently, and say you would have used protection, doing it exactly as directed, and then had found yourself in the same problems, who would you have blamed then?

Another benefit to true abstinence-only education is that it educates girls and boys about how to avoid sticky situations when out in public or socializing and dating etc. For me, I wish I would have learned more about this earlier as there were a few too many close calls for me and being violated so to say. I think girls especially need to understand that how they dress or act in front of guys has a bigger influence on them than most think.
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#79 of 96 Old 01-19-2007, 04:11 PM
 
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Angelbee, I wish that choice had not been taken away from you . But, your sex ed/health class was awesome. I wish wish wish I'd had the same. Where did you go to school? We're doing our best with our kids, and I think we'll also send them to the UU church OWL (our whole lives) sex ed program. I want them to think about it and face the issues before they start getting into sexual situations.
I went to a public school in New Brighton, MN. It was part of a pilot health program that they were trying in I think...95-96

Honestly, you could create the same experience for your children at home

And thank you

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#80 of 96 Old 01-19-2007, 06:00 PM
 
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Hpyothetically, say your parents raised you differently, and say you would have used protection, doing it exactly as directed, and then had found yourself in the same problems, who would you have blamed then?

Another benefit to true abstinence-only education is that it educates girls and boys about how to avoid sticky situations when out in public or socializing and dating etc. For me, I wish I would have learned more about this earlier as there were a few too many close calls for me and being violated so to say. I think girls especially need to understand that how they dress or act in front of guys has a bigger influence on them than most think.
I don't know why you think that a full spectrum sex ed program can't or won't do the same.

Also, what I wear shouldn't be an excuse for a guy bum rushing me. Nor how I act.

There's this thing called consent that I'm teaching my boys is a must. There had better not be any bum rushing and hard push from my boys towards any girl.

On the flip side. They will know also that no one should be pushed to do somethign they don't feel ready to. Boys included.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#81 of 96 Old 01-20-2007, 12:44 PM
 
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Another benefit to true abstinence-only education is that it educates girls and boys about how to avoid sticky situations when
out in public or socializing and dating etc. For me, I wish I would have learned more about this earlier as there were a few too many close calls for me and being violated so to say. I think girls especially need to understand that how they dress or act in front of guys has a bigger influence on them than most think.
How can abstinence-only education teach that in a way that teaching a kid about ALL options can't?

Teaching teens about BC and safer-sex doesn't mean that they will all go grab some condoms and have sex with anyone just because "it's safe!!!". You can teach them about all possible BC forms and the facts about them - including saying that abstinence is the only 100% safe way to avoid pregnancy and STDs, you can teach them about the emotional aspects of sex, and they could still decide to not have sex before marriage. Or only to have sex in a committed relationship where they feel ready, safe, loved, etc.
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#82 of 96 Old 01-20-2007, 06:48 PM
 
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Hpyothetically, say your parents raised you differently, and say you would have used protection, doing it exactly as directed, and then had found yourself in the same problems, who would you have blamed then?
Are you saying that I'm "blaming" my parents? I took responsibility for my actions and bore the consequences. I spent years beating myself up about it, until I finally decided to forgive my barely 17 year-old-self. I forgive my parents, too. They have realized that they were not realistic now that all three of their daughters had premarital sex (and my sister very sadly had an abortion).

I believe parents are reponsible for teaching their children about sexual health and development. Parents need to accept that their children are separate people and will make their own decisions.

By the way, I've kept up with the research and the incidence of cervical squamous lesions with 100% condom use is zero. So, in your hypothetical situation, I simply would have been fine. Even if I had somehow acquired an STD, I would have been getting regular GYN exams, so I would have known and been treated early.
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#83 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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When I was in school, I was horrified at the thought of being forced to go to a typical sex-ed class, seminar, whatever. I still am. I was more than happy to have a free pass to the library for the day!


I would much prefer my kids to go through an abstinance class. If they want information beyond that, they can talk to my husband and I, or they can research the subject themselves. This is how I learned, myself - and continue to learn.
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#84 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 02:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would much prefer my kids to go through an abstinance class. If they want information beyond that, they can talk to my husband and I, or they can research the subject themselves. This is how I learned, myself - and continue to learn.

ummm Wow, I am in shock that a parent would say this.

It sounds to me, and correct me if I am wrong, that you are only going to talk to your kids about sex IF they ask you. If not the should find out on their own??

I would have never went to my parents with questions about sex. Anything I learned I learned from school, my friends, and my ex bf's mother. (learned more than a 16 year old needed to know from the later. ) Waiting for your kids to ask you is a recipe for misinformation. Unless you have a VERY open relationship they are not going to come to you. They will go to their friends. This is where they will learn things such as, "you can't get pregnant your first time," "if you douche you wont get pregnant."

Kids should be given the TRUTHFUL facts. Not a bunch of make believe stuff to "Scare" them away from sex.
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#85 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 02:54 AM
 
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I also don't want my kids to believe the fallacy that they will be fully protected by birth control, internal and external.

Whether we approach our kids about sex or they approach us is a bridge that we have not come to yet, and hopefully will not have to for some time. When the time comes, the decision whether to approach them will be partially dependent on our observations. What are their friends like? Are they giving a sense that does not sit well with my husband and I? Do our kids give a sense that something is not as it appears? If it appears to us to be a necessary topic to bring up, it will be brought up. Not every teenager is going to be going around having sex by the time they're 15. My parents didn't have any need to go in-depth with me about sex or it's consequences. It was, however, stressed very strongly that it was important to never let ourselves be in a situation where we could be tempted, e.g. alone and secluded with the opposite sex. A lot better philosophy, IMO, than "well, you shouldn't have sex because these things could happen, but since you probably can't control yourself, try these."

My sex ed consisted of the "where babies come from" book I got when I was like 5 and the information I looked up on my own in our Encyclopedias, and then after we had internet access, what I found online. I wouldn't have asked a friend any sooner than I would have asked a parent. I understand that I am likely a rare breed, but you have to understand that my kind does exist.

My parents also kept an eye on the kinds of friends we had, and had no problem telling us if they thought there was something they didn't think was right.

I honestly don't believe that the abstinance classes are to give bad information to scare children away from having sex. Why should they be led to believe that they are not able to control their actions, and so should rely on a drug? Whatever happened to Just Say No? Children don't have to have drugs or sex to enjoy their lives.

Would it make you happier if students (and their parents) were able to choose between an abstinence class and a sex ed class? Either way, I would want to attend the session as well - my child would not be there if I could not.
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#86 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 10:37 AM
 
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Whether we approach our kids about sex or they approach us is a bridge that we have not come to yet, and hopefully will not have to for some time. When the time comes, the decision whether to approach them will be partially dependent on our observations. What are their friends like? Are they giving a sense that does not sit well with my husband and I? Do our kids give a sense that something is not as it appears? If it appears to us to be a necessary topic to bring up, it will be brought up. Not every teenager is going to be going around having sex by the time they're 15. My parents didn't have any need to go in-depth with me about sex or it's consequences. It was, however, stressed very strongly that it was important to never let ourselves be in a situation where we could be tempted, e.g. alone and secluded with the opposite sex. A lot better philosophy, IMO, than "well, you shouldn't have sex because these things could happen, but since you probably can't control yourself, try these."
Well, since you admit you were a rare breed as a teen, let me fill you in a little on what I was like, and what my friends were like. I'm fairly certain we had a variety of different forms of sex ed other than school. The only person I knew that even came close to sticking to har parents' morals was LDS, and even she went "further" than they would have probably liked before she got married. Her brother, raised by the same faily, just 3 years older, broke with the faith and was the "black sheep" and had a baby without being married to the mother.

My mom was a CNM, my dad a doctor. They informed me really really well. I still was in no way comfortable talking to them aboux sex (or drugs for that matter) when I was a teen, even though our relationship was pretty good. I had a 3.5 GPA, no signs (to them) that anything was out of the ordinary. I lied. I snuck out of my house. I slept with guys fully 10 years older than I was. I did protect myself though. Most of my friends were doing the same kind of thing. The one who had a boyfriend that her mom didn't like, she was told that she couldn't see him anymore. She ran away from home, drove across the country, and nearly married him in a state with a lower age of consent. She was in the gifted program with me.

I wouldn't count on being able to tell whether your child's friends are "ok" to hang out with. I actually, sadly, think you might not even be able to believe what your child says. I hope to have a good relationship with my kids, and maybe they will talk to me about it. But honestly, when the hormones plus the embarrassment, plus the peers being so much more important than parents kicks in, I really hope they are well prepared(by me) with a good solid background in self-respect, the ability to say no (if they want to) and the means to protect themselves if they don't.
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#87 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 12:25 PM
 
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I am in my early 30's. I went to Catholic school (ie. definately abstinace only ed. at that point!). By the time I was in 8th grade, there were a few kids in my class who already chose not to wait. My 8th grade teacher took us girls aside and told us like it was. It was needed and I am glad she risked her job to do it. She saw what was going on, had a straight A catholic school teen daughter who had her own baby already. Many kids had no other adult break it down besides her.
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#88 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 01:06 PM
 
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I have to agree with the prev. poster. I was a virgin longer than any of my friends and I was 16 1/2 when I had sex the first time.

I waited that long because of the sex ed I got. I was terrified of getting pregnant. TERRIFIED!

My mom talked to me about sex from the time I was 5 years old. I knew the technicalities of it. I knew that bc didn't always work but it was better than flying skin to skin.

My oldest two sons are 8 and 6. We just talked about sex. What it is, and what can happen.

Letting your kids find out about sex on their own and through their own research is leaving them to their peers and playboy. Playboy wouldn't be that bad. Their peers may tell them a coca-cola douche will keep you from getting pregnant.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#89 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 01:45 PM
 
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Letting your kids find out about sex on their own and through their own research is leaving them to their peers and playboy. Playboy wouldn't be that bad. Their peers may tell them a coca-cola douche will keep you from getting pregnant.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#90 of 96 Old 01-22-2007, 01:53 PM
 
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More than Iowa is freezing over right now I think. AB and I agreed on a thread!

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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