why do you not homeschool? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: why do you not homeschool?
I never even considered homeschooling. 17 8.37%
I don't think homeschool provides adequate socialization. 26 12.81%
I don't think homeschool provides adequate academics. 12 5.91%
It's just not practical for our family. 79 38.92%
Other (please explain). 69 33.99%
Voters: 203. You may not vote on this poll

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#61 of 174 Old 05-16-2007, 06:16 PM
 
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My husband doesn't agree with me on homeschooing. He believes it doesn't provide adequate socialization.

Mama to two beautiful children. 

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#62 of 174 Old 05-16-2007, 06:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mata View Post

I came to the intuitive conclusion that it just wasn't the best choice for my daughter. She is very, very attached to me-which is wonderful. But I feel she needs to experience things on her own, have her own feelings and thoughts away from me. I am very careful about her looking to me for approval, and if she's around me too much that can happen.

I also think she needs to know how to be who she is under imperfect circumstances. Mom and dad will always be there for emotional support when she needs it, but I think it's important to experience disappointment, injustice, difficult people, etc. and know how to handle them and yourself. She's got it pretty good at home-I don't think she'd encounter those things here very often.
This is 100% our circumstance(s) too. Our children are very attached to us, me more so since I am solo with them a great deal of the time.

But I voted: I don't think homeschool provides adequate academics.

Having children ages: 12, 9, and 6, we felt, academically, it would be too difficult for us to meet their every need as an individual. Lately our oldest has been having a bit of trouble grasping 6th grade level mathematics, so DH has been tutoring him roughly 6-8 hours a week after attending public school M-F. Our daughter has a supplemented schedule at school between 3rd grade class and a couple hours of instruction in the AIG (academically intellectually gifted) class... so there's a broad spectrum for us. She is a very high strung, inquisitive, always pushing-the-limits little girl at home. Yet a complete role model, straight A student at school. I think PS is the healthy alternative for her more days than not.

Several times have we entertained the thought of homeschooling our children.
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#63 of 174 Old 05-16-2007, 10:00 PM
 
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There are a lot of reasons we've decided -- for now -- to table the idea of homeschooling.

1. I have a career I have worked very hard for, am good at, and derive a great deal of satisfaction from and I want to continue at it. Moreover, there are not a lot of people who can or will do what I do and I feel I can do more good in the world at work -- and that's important to me.

2. I don't think I would be very good at it. There are skills you need to be a good homeschooling parent just like there are skills you need to be a good SAHM. I do not have those skills. Homeschooling seems to require a lot of mental and emotional work from the primary parent -- lots of scheduling, planning ahead, orginizing, community work, counselling and constant re-examining of where your kids are and what you could be doing more of or better to better meet their educational needs. I am the kind of person who is bad at that, knows it, and would end up very critical of my self and my kids because of it.

3. Foreign language fluency is VERY important to our family -- we're raising DS bilingually already, but eventually, we'd like him to be exposed to formal language learning, though (for a lot of reasons, mainly because it helps learning languages and literature later on) and I don't have the pedagological background to do that.

4. I am not impressed by the quality of learning or breadth of knowlege in our local homeschool community. It seems really polarized into radical unschoolers and people who are homeschooling for conservative religious reasons. And since being a good homeschooler and especially being able to meet your kids needs for socialization seems to depend a lot on the local homeschool community, we'd have some problems.




On the other hand, we have thought about homeschooling seriously. With the current state of our local public schools I feel like if I'd have to supplement my kid's education in math, science, art, music, foreign language and decent literature, why not just do it all? Right now I feel like I'd rather have them in charter or private school or even work with another family we're close to and do an informal tutoring arrangement. But that feeling might change. Also, DH and I are planning on taking a 2 year sabbatical to travel around the world with our children when they're old enough and during that time we'd absolutely 'homeschool'.
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#64 of 174 Old 05-17-2007, 12:31 AM
 
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Two of mine go to school full time, one at an aternative public HS, one at a private contemplative elementary school; and one I homeschool part-time the rest of the time she attends a homeschool group and a private democratic school. We do what works best for each individual child.

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#65 of 174 Old 05-17-2007, 07:35 PM
 
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Basically because I don't want to.

I'm going to graduate school and then back to work.
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#66 of 174 Old 05-17-2007, 09:36 PM
 
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I almost answered "just not practical" but it is a bit more than that for me and my DS.

I'm divorced and WOH. I need to WOH to provide for my son. My ex left me in a ton of debt, which I've since repaid but left me with a deep fear of being dependent. I am still trying to work my way toward self sufficiency (DS and I still are living with my parents). Having gone through this I cannot think of any situation where I would be comfortable *not* having outside employment.

My DS was recently diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. He can be very challenging and frustrating for me some days. I think having professionals with experience handling special needs playing a bigger role in his education would be more effective than me trying to muddle through and making a big mess of things for him.

Also there is a socialization aspect. I don't think that *homeschooling* provides inadequate socialization.... I *know* that *I* would provide inadequate socialization for my DS. I am painfully shy and I do not want that to hinder my DS. Even more so now that he has the AS diagnosis -- he has struggled with what is appropriate socialization since preschool.
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#67 of 174 Old 05-17-2007, 10:16 PM
 
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I've done some homeschooling. Honestly I am not real good at it. My kids know how to get away with things with me and that doesn't work at school. I also think they enjoy the time there with their friends and the variety of activities.

If you can do it then it is awesome but I am for whatever works best for your family.
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#68 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 07:00 AM
 
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I voted not practical...I would love to homeschool, but as a single working mom, in a high priced area that I can't move out of, it's not an option right now.
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#69 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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I am a working, single, student mama. No time to home school.


I also don't think, with all I've learned now and all I've observed (having transitioned my son from hs to ps) that hs'ing really does not provide adequate socialization.
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#70 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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two of my four children have special learning needs that i do not have the training to deal with. if, when they are older, they want to be home schooled, i will again consider it.
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#71 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten View Post
I am a working, single, student mama. No time to home school.


I also don't think, with all I've learned now and all I've observed (having transitioned my son from hs to ps) that hs'ing really does provide adequate socialization.
I'd like to know more about this if you are open to sharing. How old was your son when he went back to school and do you think homeschooling in general can't provide enough socialization, or was it more your specific situation?
Thanks
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#72 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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"I" don't think I am cut out to homeschool. I am not very organized, I'm a huge procrastinator and patience is not my strong suit.
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#73 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 06:52 PM
 
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I voted "other," because I wanted to check every box! I come from a family of teachers, so I really respect the amount of education they bring to the table. I could never teach my children as well as they could, despite my own high level of education. They have an understanding of childhood development and systems of learning far beyond I could "wing" at home. I also just don't believe in the isolationist standpoint homeschoolers tend to espouse. I feel the same way about church-sponsored schools. I want my child to deal with different points of view, even when they differ from her own.

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#74 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 06:53 PM
 
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Right now Dh and I both WOH and in the Fall I will become a fulltime undergrad student. Both of my kids will be enrolled in pre-K.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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#75 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post
I'd like to know more about this if you are open to sharing. How old was your son when he went back to school and do you think homeschooling in general can't provide enough socialization, or was it more your specific situation?
Thanks
Karen
My son was 6 when he went back to school.


With all I've learned in Sociology and Cultural Anthropology I really don't think homeschooling provides enough socialization for kids in general ~ that is, socialization within their peer group. They don't learn how to interact appropriately with kids their own age.

Knowing the social, unwritten / unspoken "rules" that our society operates with is called "cultural capital" ~ when people lack that cultural capital it makes their interactions extremely difficult.

Example: when I would take my son to the park and he'd play with the kids who had been in public school, they would all line up to get a drink, single file, take a short drink and move on... whereas he had no concept of the pattern, and despite being introduced to that in the park environment (where homeschool advocates would say he'd have the opportunity to socialize to their norms as well) he had no idea what was going on. He wanted to just ask them for a turn and drink his fill instead of waiting in line and then taking a short turn... I mean, this is a dumb example but, it's this kind of cultural capital that makes our society work.

In a homeschool environment, generally kids seem to learn that they can always stop, take breaks whenever, get snacks whenever, and stop and return to lessons they missed... and then later on in life, having to develop the understanding that the classroom structure can't be bent around people's needs is a difficult process. In college, I've befriended several kids who came to college direct from being home-schooled pretty much their whole lives, and they lacked so much cultural capital it was almost painful to watch. They had no idea how to actually interact with their peers, how to "shoot the breeze" with non-hs'ed students, or that their justifications for personal ethics didn't matter one bit to their professors (as in the case of one girl who wanted an exemption from dissections or collecting bugs for our Zoology course because she thought it was "mean").

Furthermore, most of them have had their media intake severely limited, which meant that when people around them made jokes about various pop culture elements (which come up far more frequently than I had ever realized, having never *had* to consciously think about it myself) they were completely clueless. One of them had to consistently stop the professor during the lectures and ask for definitions of just common stuff, things that everyone that goes to public school generally knows, like about malls and stuff ~ that we're exposed to if not personally at least vicariously.

And one hs'ed girl ~ she had experience babysitting and I had called about hiring her as our sitter... and while she may have had experience watching children is was completely obvious she had no clue about how to interact with an "authority" figure (an employer). She completely brushed off the entire job, never returned calls, was catty and flippant...

I'm sure that not all home-schooled kids are like this, but it seems like every one I've met around here come out extremely socially inept ~ including the ones whose groups make it a point to go to museums, go travelling, etc... and in a way it makes a lot of sense. They are isolated from the social norms of the broader society, and socialized instead with their small, intimate (usually religious-based) groups. And this all hasn't even taken into consideration the general lack of diversity that you can *only* find in larger-scale settings.

There's nothing *wrong* with socializing within a small group ~ but I think people need to know that it will probably cause problems later on.



WITH THAT SAID: I am NOT saying that the American public school system is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Education in the U.S. has a LOT of problems. But I don't think homeschooling is the best answer for kids.
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#76 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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Is there a way to see the answers to the poll without voting? I plan to homeschool and was just curioius.

scratch that, figured it out..
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#77 of 174 Old 05-18-2007, 10:24 PM
 
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What an interesting thread! I am thrilled to read it as I've recently started seriously considering public school kindergarten for ds1 this fall. He is a spirited kid and quite the extrovert -- I don't feel like I am doing enough for him and I know he will love the social opportunities of school. I also feel like I could use a break -- it's been an intense several years home with him, bless his heart :
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#78 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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Aura Kitten,
Thanks for taking the time to outline your experience and your point of view.
It's an interesting one.
Karen

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#79 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 05:14 AM
 
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I voted other. Dd isn't ready for schooling, but I'm hoping we'll homeschool when the time comes.

That said, if we don't hs, then I hope she's in public school because I was wrong about their teacher to student ratios and the fact that there's many problems with my local school district.

I've told dh that if she's to go to school, then it will be private. Given some of the Montessori options here, I think she'd be fine. She's definitely more outgoing than ds. From what I observe now, dd is more socially open to relationships than ds will be at her age. However, I think both would benefit from hs for now.

I don't see why we can't change our minds later (be it dh and I or the dc.) Even if we hs'ed, I could see the dc opting for an alternative high school...
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#80 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 05:55 AM
 
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Count me in as somebody who also doesn't know how to read polls without voting. I'm just interested to see the responses. DD is 6mos old. We're not considering homeschooling because I love my career and I'm planning to WAH when she's a bit older, but it's great to know that there are always options
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#81 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 08:38 AM
 
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Other

We would consider it if we didnt live in the best school district in the county that is building a brand new school in 2008. We are also connected to the highest scoring middle and high schools. There is so many things I could not provide.

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#82 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 12:16 PM
 
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I voted "other". We homeschooled my older son. He then went into a Sudbury-modeled independant school for a few years and this upcoming year we will try out our local public school for 4th grade. He didn't enjoy homeschooling so much. It was a struggle. I think some of that was because I needed to work part-time at that point, and I was in school finishing my degree, as well. It was actually really hard.

That being said, I feel that homeschooling is the most natural and intuitive situation for *my* family. It has been hard sending him off each day, even though I have had much faith in the schooling sytem he's been exposed to/immersed in.

Luckily, the public school he's going into is pretty good - even from the viewpoint of someone who's homeschooled, and experienced a wonderful private program. So we'll see. I am prepared, however, to pull him out if things come up that we're uncomfortable with that we can't seem to "fix" and we'll go from there.

Molly, mama to my 3 sweet boys.
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#83 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 03:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten View Post
My son was 6 when he went back to school.


With all I've learned in Sociology and Cultural Anthropology I really don't think homeschooling provides enough socialization for kids in general ~ that is, socialization within their peer group. They don't learn how to interact appropriately with kids their own age.

Knowing the social, unwritten / unspoken "rules" that our society operates with is called "cultural capital" ~ when people lack that cultural capital it makes their interactions extremely difficult.

Example: when I would take my son to the park and he'd play with the kids who had been in public school, they would all line up to get a drink, single file, take a short drink and move on... whereas he had no concept of the pattern, and despite being introduced to that in the park environment (where homeschool advocates would say he'd have the opportunity to socialize to their norms as well) he had no idea what was going on. He wanted to just ask them for a turn and drink his fill instead of waiting in line and then taking a short turn... I mean, this is a dumb example but, it's this kind of cultural capital that makes our society work.

In a homeschool environment, generally kids seem to learn that they can always stop, take breaks whenever, get snacks whenever, and stop and return to lessons they missed... and then later on in life, having to develop the understanding that the classroom structure can't be bent around people's needs is a difficult process. In college, I've befriended several kids who came to college direct from being home-schooled pretty much their whole lives, and they lacked so much cultural capital it was almost painful to watch. They had no idea how to actually interact with their peers, how to "shoot the breeze" with non-hs'ed students, or that their justifications for personal ethics didn't matter one bit to their professors (as in the case of one girl who wanted an exemption from dissections or collecting bugs for our Zoology course because she thought it was "mean").

Furthermore, most of them have had their media intake severely limited, which meant that when people around them made jokes about various pop culture elements (which come up far more frequently than I had ever realized, having never *had* to consciously think about it myself) they were completely clueless. One of them had to consistently stop the professor during the lectures and ask for definitions of just common stuff, things that everyone that goes to public school generally knows, like about malls and stuff ~ that we're exposed to if not personally at least vicariously.

And one hs'ed girl ~ she had experience babysitting and I had called about hiring her as our sitter... and while she may have had experience watching children is was completely obvious she had no clue about how to interact with an "authority" figure (an employer). She completely brushed off the entire job, never returned calls, was catty and flippant...

I'm sure that not all home-schooled kids are like this, but it seems like every one I've met around here come out extremely socially inept ~ including the ones whose groups make it a point to go to museums, go travelling, etc... and in a way it makes a lot of sense. They are isolated from the social norms of the broader society, and socialized instead with their small, intimate (usually religious-based) groups. And this all hasn't even taken into consideration the general lack of diversity that you can *only* find in larger-scale settings.

There's nothing *wrong* with socializing within a small group ~ but I think people need to know that it will probably cause problems later on.



WITH THAT SAID: I am NOT saying that the American public school system is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Education in the U.S. has a LOT of problems. But I don't think homeschooling is the best answer for kids.

This is funny -- I have an MA in Biological Anthropology, and I lived with a hunter-gatherer tribe for a while while in grad school.

And I don't agree with a single thing you've written.

First of all -- kids don't need to know "how to interact with kids their own age." They need to know how to interact with other kids, regardless of age. So if my 4 year old wants to hang out with 7 year olds, and vice-versa, that's just fine. It's artificial to group kids strictly by age.

Regarding taking turns, etc. -- both my 4 year old and my 2 year old know how to do this because they have to wait for each other (and me!) when we all want the same thing (for example, a drink from the water fountain).

I met quite a few homeschooled-to-college students at Harvard (where I went to grad school), and my husband has had a few in his classes at MIT (he's a Professor). Both of us have been impressed with the maturity level and inner drive of the previously homeschooled students. They all understood that the classes were for everyone and had no problem following the rules, etc.

As for the Zoology class example -- good for her! Why should a student compromise her values for the sake of conforming to the mean?


As for being isolated from broader society -- isn't that what happens to school-kids? They are stuck inside a building all day while the homeschoolers are out living life. My kids play with kids from a variety of cultures, we visit museums, hang out in Chinatown, travel the US and go overseas at least once a year, etc. etc.

Sorry, your post addresses so many myths that I couldn't help but respond.
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#84 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 03:24 PM
 
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I think kids need to learn to interact with people of all ages, not just kids their own age.

The social unwritten and unspoken rules of society are best handed down from the older generation to the younger generation IMO. Relying on other children to do this job to our child amounts to them creating a separate youth culture into which, we all know, adults are not invited.


My .02

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten View Post

With all I've learned in Sociology and Cultural Anthropology I really don't think homeschooling provides enough socialization for kids in general ~ that is, socialization within their peer group. They don't learn how to interact appropriately with kids their own age.

Knowing the social, unwritten / unspoken "rules" that our society operates with is called "cultural capital" ~ when people lack that cultural capital it makes their interactions extremely difficult.
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#85 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 03:27 PM
 
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The social unwritten and unspoken rules of society are best handed down from the older generation to the younger generation IMO. Relying on other children to do this job to our child amounts to them creating a separate youth culture into which, we all know, adults are not invited.
Thanks -- well said.
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#86 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 07:46 PM
 
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Thanks Redwine and Pumpkinseeds.
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#87 of 174 Old 05-19-2007, 08:36 PM
 
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but it's not the best solution for us.

Most homeschooler's in the area we live are religious. I don't mind but many don't participate in homeschool groups etc.

We found it really hard to find activities and social opportunities for our family and that schooling worked better for us.
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#88 of 174 Old 05-20-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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I chose "other".

When DD was set to start school, we were considering homeschooling. But Dh was very apprehensive so we agreed to put her in French Immersion and if it didn't go well, we'd pull her out and homeschool her. If she didn't start French Immersion in kdg or gr 1, she'd be unable to do it ever, so we felt that the chance to learn another language was worth it.

The same goes for all our kids - French Immersion, then homeschool if a change is needed. Two reasons we chose FI is because the school is awesome and all our kids are ahead come kdg, so this keeps them challenged. The English school in our area is not that great, hence homeschooling if FI doesn't work out.
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#89 of 174 Old 05-20-2007, 12:54 AM
 
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First, I wouldn't call them Myths since I've experienced them personally.


And second, of course kids don't JUST need to interact with kids their own age. What I'm saying is ~ look, in a culture where like 90+ % of the kids in the country attend public school and are socialized to those norms, those kids who aren't socialized are, in a way, socially handicapped.

As I said, the American system of education isn't the best ~ but it beats confinement to small homogeneous groups, which is what most homeschooling groups are.
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#90 of 174 Old 05-20-2007, 12:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten View Post
And second, of course kids don't JUST need to interact with kids their own age. What I'm saying is ~ look, in a culture where like 90+ % of the kids in the country attend public school and are socialized to those norms, those kids who aren't socialized are, in a way, socially handicapped.

As I said, the American system of education isn't the best ~ but it beats confinement to small homogeneous groups, which is what most homeschooling groups are.
But I see schools doing exactly what you say HS does -- small homogenous groups -- aka, classrooms assigned by grade level...
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