why do you not homeschool? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: why do you not homeschool?
I never even considered homeschooling. 17 8.37%
I don't think homeschool provides adequate socialization. 26 12.81%
I don't think homeschool provides adequate academics. 12 5.91%
It's just not practical for our family. 79 38.92%
Other (please explain). 69 33.99%
Voters: 203. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would like to hear reasons why people don't homeschool, whether you have considered it or not.

Not a debate thread at all... I really would like to hear others' thoughts.:

I'm adding a poll...
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#2 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 11:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can see both sides... I have had 1 DD in school and may enroll another in K. I would enroll the DD in K because she is sometimes too much for me to handle... I know that may not be a good reason, but it's my reason. Right now they are all homeschooled, though.
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#3 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:17 PM
 
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Both DH and I WOH.
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#4 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:23 PM
 
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I voted "other" because it's a little beyond "not practical for our family"

I am a single mama (and the only living parent) and I WOH full time. I don't see a way around this. I know there are single moms that do it, but most of them have support, either monetarily or pragmatically, from their DC's father or from family. I don't have that and I really do not see a possible way to do it otherwise. It's not a lifestyle thing either.. I do not own a car, have credit cards, debt, etc.. I live frugally and simply. It's just really not at all feasible for us.

I would love to homeschool though and if circumstnaces were different or if they change in the future, I'd jump at the opportunity.
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#5 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:27 PM
 
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DS is only 2, LOL, but I'm giving it a lot of thought, as the coolest family I know (who happen to have introduced me to Mothering Mag) homeschool. But, I WOH now, as does DH... DH is leery of HSing, but agrees if DS gets a teacher who thinks he should be medicated, or some such nonsense, and we can't find another solution, we would HS. We both hated school, and everything I hear about schools these days makes me less than thrilled at the idea of sending DS... but I can't imagine how we would make it work if we can't make it work to have a parent at home now.

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#6 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:35 PM
 
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Both Dh and I WOH, so it isn't practical and that is how I voted. We considered it and decided that it didn't work for us, partly because of the working factor and partly because DH is pretty opposed it it for the socalization issue (I think it is bologna, but I have to compromise sometimes and I am not willing to go into a homeschooling situation without support).

Additionally, with the implementation of the Kalamazoo Promise, our public school going children will have the ability to go to public university/college for little or no money (tutition is covered, so we will need to come up with room and board and books), so pulling them out now would have longer term ramifications for us personally.

Mama to three small people; wife to one big person; pet-person to cats and dogs..."Be the change you want to see in the world"-- Gandhi
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#7 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:42 PM
 
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I love homeschooling, in theory. But for our family, it simply won't work. First, Cora has a lot of need to be social w/ lots of kids. Also, I have chronic fatigue syndrome (in addition to other health issues.) I actually sleep most of the time she's at school. I suppose that, if I had the energy and the discipline, homeschooling might work for us.

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#8 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:43 PM
 
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Both Dh and myself WOH
I really do like our public school system where we live, its where both DH and myself went to elementary school
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#9 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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we should be able to pick more than one reason.
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#10 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 12:55 PM
 
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For me it is a matter of knowing my limits. I do not have the patience to teach dd in a way she needs to be taught. I cannot handle having to go over things a bunch of times and I get frustrated when she dosnt pick things up right away or forgets something she knew 10 min earlier.

I do not want to have to join groups so that she can socialize with other kids. When she can make friends and socialize at school. I dont do well at all around large groups and I wouldnt be comfortable leaving her alone with people I dont know in a setting out side of school. I know that makes me sound horrid but it is the truth. I might as well be honest so there it is.

If i had to I could probably do it but for now she is happy and I am happy with her public school education.

 
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#11 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 01:24 PM
 
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I checked other. I don't know if I can perfectly articulate why we choose school over homeschooling. I'll give it a shot though.

For me, I see great benefits to both ways of schooling and also great weaknesses. It all boils down to finding the situation that is most ideal for my kids. I think that the right school is more ideal that the reality of homeschooling (for us). That said, if I couldn't find the right school I would homeschool- I think I've found a place that will be more ideal than if I homeschooled (we shall see though).

Aside from that, I want my children to feel that they are a part of a community. We live far away from family and I want them to have other adults as well as kids that they can learn from. I know if I homeschooled their lives would be more fragmented- sure there are homeschooling groups, but the greater part of the day would be within the confines of our home and I would be solely responsible for being their mother, educator and everything else. That's not ideal as far as I'm concerned. I want my children's world to be more than what I can provide and introduce to them. If I do homeschool in the future I will have to work very hard to achieve a situation where we are a part of a larger community (having moved several times as a mother, I know how much effort it takes to get a group together, although it's not impossible). There is a point as they get older where school seems more limiting to me and perhaps at that point I will lean more towards homeschooling, who knows?!

Next year my kids will be in a small expeditionary learning school. It is not your typical school and I think it's going to be great (I'm hoping at least). I feel like I'm in a perfect position, because we have this opportunity, but homeschooling is a viable option. It is a full-on choice right now and I think that's great. I know a lot of people fully believe that homeschooling is better all the way around- I don't.
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#12 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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I'm a lot like the last poster (whoops, that will be 2 up now!). People are often surprised when I say I'd never homeschool because I was one of the people who had such a miserable time at school. DH's experience was even worse. But, there's the following problems:

1) My kids would read everything but never get past basic arithmetic (actually DH has a maths degree but he's far too impatient to teach!)
2) I'm completely unqualified to teach Jewish studies
3) I want my kids to have the Jewish environment they'll get at school
4) I'm terrible at socialising and my kids would end up being those stereotypical homeschooled kids with no friends (DH and I are both loner geeks, they'll probably inherit this, and hard as it will be they will need the forced socialisation of school).

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#13 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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I would actually like to homeschool, but it doesn't really do it for my four year old son, even being in less preschool (only 4 hours a week) is driving him crazy. He has never been happier than when he went everyday 9-1. He would view it as a punishment.
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#14 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 01:32 PM
 
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Oh, and we will reevaluate that as necessary if he's no longer enjoying and benefitting from school and separately for his younger brother. I would like to go back to school or work myself and will work hard to find school environments that will work for them.
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#15 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 01:52 PM
 
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My husband and I both work, but even if we didn't I would not homeschool, because:

1) My daughter's very extroverted and school is a great outlet for her. She has a complex web of friendships. I had a hard time in school socially, but she's not me and she doesn't.
2) She's an only, and it's all too easy for her to be the special special princess focus of our attention when at home. I don't think it would be healthy for her to have an adult sitting home with her throughout her childhood pouring a spotlight of scrutiny and attention on her even more than we do!
3) I think that relationships with adults other than the parents are healthy for kids as they grow up, and give them a wider view of the world than they would get just from their own parents. I'm a highly opinionated person, and I don't want to "indoctrinate" her -- I want her to see the world from other perspectives than I see it, in addition to mine. Mary articulated this better than I could, in her post.
4) When kids and parents inevitably butt heads, I think it's better for kids to have their education not tangled up in that relationship dynamic.
5) I want her to be part of a wider community,to see herself as connected, without my driving her around and arranging that.
6) Her school is good and so far her teachers have been great. She's thriving there. ARe there things I don't like or would do differently? Sure! But on balance, it's been good for her.

So, those are my reasons. I'm completely confident that were we to homeschool, she would come out better educated than she would from public school alone -- she's already ahead of her class (although they're putting her in an accelerated class next year, which may help). But it's not like she's being educated by school alone -- we go to museums, read a lot, look things up that we're interested in, do art projects. School is only part of her education, but it's a good part, at least so far. She really doesn't need one-on-one instruction to learn arithmetic or how to make a bar graph, so learning it with her class seems like the most efficient way.

Some of the homeschoolers on this site are obviously doing an amazing job and their stories about their day-to-day lives sound wonderful. I do sometimes fantasize about staying home and creating this incredible educational environment where we go on nature walks and learn calculus together and plant gardens and, I don't know, write sonnets, while I sneak in an hour here or there to write a series of bestselling children's novels; but given the realities of our family, school is by far the better choice.
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#16 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 02:07 PM
 
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I voted other

My oldest goes to school (age 11) because he chooses to. He goes to see his friends on a daily basis.

Myself, I would prefer it if he was homeschooled

Nice thread!

For those who WOH, do you think you would homeschool if you were a SAHP?

Kathy
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#17 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 02:09 PM
 
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Nope, I still wouldn't homeschool! I wouldn't have her in the aftercare program, though. She does have fun there and seems to be fine, but I wish her days weren't so long.
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#18 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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I voted other, as half of mine are currently in school, and the other half are at home.

We have gone by each child and their needs & desires, and we are lucky we have that option. Our schooled children have enriching and repectful teachers and programming and I am never going to take that for granted, ever.

We have no school horror stories and I hope that never changes.
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#19 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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I homeshooled my chidlren for 5 years and tehy are now just finishing up their second year in school.

I think homeschooling can be amazing - but we moved to a new area and the kids were crying out for new friends and the hs community here just wasn't clicking for us. They also wanted to become fluent in another language - not Rosetta Stone kind of fluent but really fluent - so they are in the French Imemrsion program and excelling.

We have ahad a wonderful expereince of school - and we had a wodnerful expereince homeschooling. Right now this works best for everyone and it enables me to homeschool myself!
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#20 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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I voted other. I have considered homeschooling, and will consider it again in the future if public school doesn't work out for any of my children.

However, we decided not to homeschool (for the time being) for several reasons. We thought that going to school would be a good fit with our oldest DS' personality. Also, I am not organized at all, and don't know if I would have the time/patience to hs. Plus, DS1 and I buttheads quite a bit but he listens to his teachers at school very well. DH was also worried about the socialization issue, and he doesn't want me to shelter the children too much.

Sarah : , mama to Lucas (8) , Ryan (5) : , Andrew (1yr) , and someone new : due early Dec.
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#21 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 04:09 PM
 
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All of the above...

I don't believe that I can or should be the sole provider of experiences for my kids.

I guess as a teacher and a student myself, I believe in formal education and the institution of schools and universities. I think there is a lot of value in it -- and it's not entirely about learning reading or math. It's about being a part of a larger community and having a shared tradition of learning and socializing.
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#22 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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Pretty much all of the above for me as well. I would homeschool a child that was miserable in school, but the community my son has at school is so important to him, he loves the interaction. I think schools are a valuable and important part of our society.
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#23 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 07:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dobiecka View Post
I don't believe that I can or should be the sole provider of experiences for my kids.
This is a big issue for me too. The responsibility and weight can feel crushing. :
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#24 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 07:38 PM
 
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I'm not HSing my oldest DD because she, personally, thrives in a school environment and would not do as well at home.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#25 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 07:50 PM
 
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We don't homeschool for several reasons:

My migraines can land me in bed for long periods of time. NOT a good educational enviroment IMO. Particularly if I wind up in a month long cycle.

She really enjoys being around lots of other people, and I really feel like playgroup, etc may not meet her needs.

I really dont have the energy to plan a curriculum, and keep up with it over the long tern.
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#26 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 07:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dobiecka View Post
All of the above...

I don't believe that I can or should be the sole provider of experiences for my kids.

I guess as a teacher and a student myself, I believe in formal education and the institution of schools and universities. I think there is a lot of value in it -- and it's not entirely about learning reading or math. It's about being a part of a larger community and having a shared tradition of learning and socializing.
Hold on there, Nellie! You've touched upon an urban legend here. The belief by many non hsers that hsing families are not a part of their community, or that they are the sole providers of experiences for their children is patently false!

The hsers I know are in the community frequently, and deeply. Perhaps more so than many schooled children who must remain in one building, with one teacher for an entire day. (And there are exceptions there as well).

I have children in school, and two who are hs'd, and we are part of a thriving hsing community of sharers. It's not just my experience, it's pretty much across the board for the great majority of hsers in the US.

I think if you met with a large population of hsers in your own community, you would see a lovely, thriving variety of folks doing some very interesting, fun things out in the world. There imght be handful who lock their kids up tight, but there are more than a handful of children sufferring by being locked up in a school building day after day.

I offer this information not to debate hs Vs school, but to point out this belief is rooted in fantasy. We can't have a good conversation if beliefs that are rooted in myth are pesented as truth, kwim?
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#27 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 07:58 PM
 
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My older son is 14, and just really needs a high level of social interaction. He needs to be with his peers otherwise he gets very, very bored and picks on his brother.
My younger son has autism, and I definitely do not have the education or experience to draft lesson plans and teach a child that is developmentally delayed. And he needs a good amount of social interaction too.

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#28 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 08:38 PM
 
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I voted other. I would love to try my hand at homeschooling but right now it is not practical due to financial reasons. My children are thriving in public school so if our financial situation changes I will review at that time if we want to move forward with homeschooling. I have spoken with my children about it and they love the idea and look forward to the day when we can try it full time and not just when there is a vacation day.

Kathy-Mom to Blake & Mikaela
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#29 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 09:00 PM
 
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I voted other.

I revisit the idea of homeschooling periodically.
I do think it's completely possible for a homeschooled child to be fine around others-in fact, they probably stand a better chance of being a caring, nurturing person if they don't have to learn the coping mechanisms they might pick up in school.
Of course homeschooling can give a child a solid education-I do believe in the principle of simply facilitating their interests and letting them do the rest. I also am at odds with the standard definition of "well-educated"-I know what that means to me and homeschooling can provide it.
Homeschooling would work very well for our family-I am at home full time, and I think I'd be very good at it.

Having said all that-we don't homeschool.

I came to the intuitive conclusion that it just wasn't the best choice for my daughter. She is very, very attached to me-which is wonderful. But I feel she needs to experience things on her own, have her own feelings and thoughts away from me. I am very careful about her looking to me for approval, and if she's around me too much that can happen.

I also think she needs to know how to be who she is under imperfect circumstances. Mom and dad will always be there for emotional support when she needs it, but I think it's important to experience disappointment, injustice, difficult people, etc. and know how to handle them and yourself. She's got it pretty good at home-I don't think she'd encounter those things here very often.

And I also have strong feelings about "being the change." By our being part of the public school, people are required to understand us, to know us, to be respectful of how we are different. And I think my dd has a lot to contribute.
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#30 of 174 Old 05-15-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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Sorry, this is going to be kind of long. . .I voted other. In the beginning when I first put DD in school it was for several reasons. First, we had just moved to Japan and I wanted her to really get to know the culture and the language. DD is a very social creature and Japanese kindergartens (where children in Japan go from age 2-age 6) allow and encourage children to be social. Her school is very loving toward the children, they have healthy meals (can take as long as they need to eat), lots of free play time, art projects, an indoor swimming pool (DD loves to swim) with swimming lessons once a week, and almost no seat work (in fact, there are no desks in the room and the chairs tend to live in stacks until children are ready for lunch or are doing art). Also, DS was 11 months and I really wanted to get some alone time with him. Now DD and DS both attend the same school. DS really wanted to go with his sister and he started school in April. He loves it and is learning quite a bit of Japanese. After DD graduates at the end of this year we don't know what to do. I know I do not want her to attend the school on base (in the states there is no way my children would ever have attended public and many private schools). She does have the opportunity to attend a Japanese elementary school--which is what she really wants to do. She is fluent in Japanese and many of her friends would go to the same school. I have always planned on homeschooling her once she leaves the kindergarten, but I'm not sure I can remove her from the culture and friends she loves.

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

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