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School stuff squicking me out.

9K views 174 replies 79 participants last post by  Elyra 
#1 ·
I want to know if *this* is becoming a regular thing in other areas. I am posting this in TAO because I couldn't figure out whether it belonged in the Tribal area for NC, education, activism, or where. This is mostly a rant about how "the man" is inserting himself into our lives and homes in new ways with the question of is this happening other places.

My ds2 is going to PreK at the local primary school for the second year this year. He aged out of 0-3 EI last fall and started then. It has done wonderful things for him and helped him blossom so I am very happy with him going to this school. The school itself I really like. We are both home school and public school friendly in my home. We have done both and we go with what works for our children on an individual basis.

They stagger enrollment for the PreK dept, meaning that while school may start for the county, they delay the PreK kids and bring them in to meet their teachers one on one, then pick a day and have them come in to stay one full day with their teachers and just a few of their classmates (you get a letter with what day your child is scheduled to come in) you are welcome to stay to help them adjust and watch. Then they don't come back until the next week and when they do they just start as a regular school year. I really can appreciate that they take it slowly and want the kids and parents to be comfortable.

Here's my concerns for what is happening now, this years as a *new* thing. We went in for our one on one meeting with the teacher. Ds was in her class last year and all went really well, until we get to the end and she tells me what time I am slotted for the "home visit".

This year the PreK teachers (the teacher and the teacher's asst) are *required* to go to each one of their student's homes. I immediately ask why. She tells me that they do this in all the other counties and that this was the first county that didn't do it. Again I simply ask why. She tells me it is to help "anchor the lines of communications" from the beginning of the year. I have the Scooby-Doo "AROOO!" look this whole time and she said that it is really informal that they just come in and let the student show them some of their favorite things and places and they take a couple of pictures of the student and a few of their favorite things. "AROOO!!!!!" They want to come in and take pictures?!?! So I ask why pictures and she says just to post around the classroom in getting to know you activities. I don't understand why they simply can't bring in favorite items or draw pictures or have mom and dad take a picture and send it in. So then she says that they only have 3 days to complete all of them and it will be this week.

I am not worried, and feel I am not in a position to say no. I have been having a state appointed therapist coming in my home once a week for the past 1.5-2 years for my children's EI. And since one ds aged out and one ds is getting ready to age out of EI, the school's SN dept has been welcomed into my home several times in the last year and this summer. I also have a friendship with one of the SN dept heads and live next to the other. I am not feeling threatened by this, but however, I am concerned for other parents. I feel this is a very thinly veiled attempt for the teachers being mandatory reporters to go into the home and asses *risk factors* for the children. Can you believe this? So does this happen elsewhere? Is this normal? Should we be helping to organize and keep this from happening?

What do you think of that?
 
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#27 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride;9024858I don't let random strangers into my space, and the teacher who [i
will[/i] be teaching my child is a random stranger. I.
This opens up another line of thought - why would one be okay witha a perfect stranger teaching their child? I would much rather meet the perfect stranger before school starts, on the home court with just me and my child there, rahter than sending my child off to some strange building with a bunch of other strangers to meet the perfect stranger who will be his/her teacher....
 
#29 ·
If it were optional, or heck, even recommended, then I'd have no problem with it. But REQUIRED?? What are they going to do if you refuse? Get a warrant? Refuse to let your child go to preschool? Will it go on his "permanent record"? (snicker)

Um, no. Even though my house is sanitary and we're not doing anything illegal, I'd probably refuse just on principle. People have to be invited to my house, they can't strongarm their way in, even if they are an "authority figure" (which I don't think a teacher is, tbh).
 
#32 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
This opens up another line of thought - why would one be okay witha a perfect stranger teaching their child? I would much rather meet the perfect stranger before school starts, on the home court with just me and my child there, rahter than sending my child off to some strange building with a bunch of other strangers to meet the perfect stranger who will be his/her teacher....
Well, I for one wasn't okay with sending my child off to public school. I was depressed for months that I was putting him into the same hellhole that I'd been through.

However, I met the teacher when I took ds1 to his first day of school, which gave me about as good a grip of who she was as having her over "for tea" would have done. She was going to teach my son. My concern was whether she was a competent teacher, not whether she and I could be chums - and I wasn't going to find that out based on having her come to my house. It didn't matter whether I liked her or not (my feeling about ds1's teachers has been split about 50/50), and I can't see what difference a single meeting would have made. In my book, someone you've met once, under highly artificial circumstances is still a random stranger. I actually can't see why a random stranger couldn't teach my child.

I really dislike the idea of putting a random stranger into the category of family and friends in my child's head. I really don't think that ds1, at five, would have been able to grasp that this person was only in our house because it was part of her job. I feel the degree of trust that would have been instilled in ds1 by her presence in our home was totally inappropriate, as she was a stranger. This might not apply to other people, but the only people who are/were ever in my home are family, close friends and the occasional repairman. My son's soon-to-be teacher is none of the above, and had no reason to be in my house.
 
#33 ·
The big problem here is that it's not OPTIONAL.

It would be a wonderful idea as a way to open the lines of communication if it was something that the teachers wanted to do and offered to do.

That's not how it's being presented here.

There's no way I would allow that teacher in my home.

And I sure as heck wouldn't allow anyone to take pictures of it - not only is that a violation of privacy, it's a security risk. Especially since you already know they are planning on POSTING the pictures in the school - all it takes is a janitor or outsider looking for a great place to burglarize, and there ya go, he's got lots of great info.

The fact that these visits are required makes me very suspicious of their motives.
 
#35 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaWindmill View Post
Gee, should I let the state-run school mandate an intrusion into my home by a stranger? Um, yeah, no.

I'd be much more worried about the intrusion into my child's mind by a stranger, rather than his/her home.

I really hope those of you who ahve a problem with this are homeschooling.
 
#36 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
I'd be much more worried about the intrusion into my child's mind by a stranger, rather than his/her home.

I really hope those of you who ahve a problem with this are homeschooling.
Good point (and to answer your question, in my particular case, we're unschoolers).
 
#38 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Elyra View Post
I feel this is a very thinly veiled attempt for the teachers being mandatory reporters to go into the home and asses *risk factors* for the children. Can you believe this? So does this happen elsewhere? Is this normal? Should we be helping to organize and keep this from happening?

What do you think of that?
I agree with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by absinthe View Post
I think it would be a deal breaker for me. My home is my PRIVATE space. I would be uncomfortable with being told I had to allow someone who is in fact an agent of the government to inspect it. Do they bring a warrant?
:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calidris View Post
I rather like this idea, a bit like the old time village school where the teacher would drop in on various neighbours and so on. It would definitely help for some children to see the teacher as a family friend rather than this alien in front of the classroom.

It would also be a good way to have communication between the teacher and parent.

But then I guess, from other posts I have seen here, that many Americans have a much more "closed" attitude about friends and neighbours. Just dropping in seems to be seen as very bad manners

So I guess the idea of having the teacher over for tea would not appeal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meg Murry. View Post
The idea of MY INVITING the teacher over for tea would appeal just fine.

I object to the teacher and the school inviting her FOR me.
: I HAVE invited teachers/teacher's aides from my DS school to my house because I like them and want to get to know them better. They don't invite themselves and tell me it's "mandatory".

Quote:

Originally Posted by splendid View Post
There's a difference between be invited over vs mandatory visit. No one likes being told "I am coming over be ready for me", not the best foot to start off on IMO. Maybe if she gave OP the option of picking a day/time vs telling her when she and the aide were showing up.
Yes, it seems the school equivalent of "Brace yourself Effie, I'm going in!" as foreplay.
 
#39 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
I'd be much more worried about the intrusion into my child's mind by a stranger, rather than his/her home.

I really hope those of you who ahve a problem with this are homeschooling.
I dislike the intrusion into my child's mind by his teachers. However, I consider the home visits to be:
1) an intrusion into my home, not only my child's, and
2) a way to give said teacher more ability to intrude on my child's mind, a la Neufeld...this gives a total stranger the legitimacy of a family friend or relative.

I'll be homeschooling my younger three. DS1 is in public school.

However, why should we be homeschooling, just because we don't want our children's teachers thinking they have the right to come into our homes? This is a privacy issue for me...it's not only about my children's privacy - it's also about mine. I can assure you that, as an older student, I wouldn't have wanted any of my teachers in my house, and if they'd tried to take pictures, I'd have busted their camera. When I was taking evening classes, I wouldn't have wanted my teacher in my home. Why would I change my attitude about that, just because it's my child's teacher, not mine?
 
#41 ·
#1 nobody is going to "mandate" coming into my house without a warrent and expect to come out in one piece, ever.

#2 In my personal experience: I can remember some teachers (man and wife) dropping by at my house when I was in 1st grade. I didn't know why they were there, they mostly ignored me to talk to my parents, and I remember being confused. I still see them around once in a while and I still can't stand them (though it probably has nothing to do with them coming to my house)
 
#42 ·
I feel if you are so worried about your childs teacher being in your home, then you have bigger problems than just the home visit. I would never send my child off for 6+ hours a day with someone I don't feel comfortable having into my home. If I were to send my children to school, I would probably invite the teacher over on my own. I actually have had one of the childrens librarians over from our local public library. I understand the whol mandating business, and I wouldn't like beiong told it was necessary, but I don't llike being told lots of things are necesary, many of which are not small reasons for deciding to homeschool. I don't like dress codes either. Or school supply lists.
 
#43 ·
I was having dinner with my parents last week. My niece, who is entering 1st grade this year, lives with them. During dinner her teacher came knocking on the door to meet & greet my niece. She wasn't home because she was visiting her other grandparents before school started. My mom had already told the teacher this, but she came anyway. Maybe it was a "mandatory" visit. My DD1 answered the door. She's Kindy age this year, but we're doing a charter school -- half school/half homeschool.

My mom invited the teacher in, actually. It was very hot outside. The teacher said, "We're not allowed to go inside." I thought it was weird just because my teachers never did that, and because the teacher knew her student wouldn't be home but she came anyway.
 
#44 ·
When I entered kindergarden (16 years ago
: ), my teacher came for a home visit. But she didn't take pictures! I think the idea was that if I met her on my territory, I'd be more comfortable going to school later - and also, I'm sure they wanted to make assumptions based on the family's possessions and lifestyle.
 
#45 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Romana9+2 View Post
<snip>

Something my SIL just told me about her school (just started high school) weirded me out. She has to wear a heartrate monitor around her chest which will provide data to the teacher for her heartrate for the entire class. It also shows up on a wrist monitor the student's wearing. If her heartrate isn't above 130 for at least 20 straight minutes, she gets an "F" for the day. I think that's ridiculous. Not to mention that it's hardly likely to happen when they play volleyball. But either way it creeps me out and would feel like an invasion to me. I would be very unhappy if I was required to do that. Big Brother watching over your shoulder, kwim?
What the hell!!
: I want to hear more about this!!

And to answer the OP, that sounds totally weird to me, I've never heard of it before. I would be OK if we invited the teacher over, but it seems really weird that they invite themselves. I'm not sure why, but it seems icky.
 
#47 ·
i'm in NC, too, and didn't know they were doing this, but our dd's haven't been in the public system. dd1's co-op preschool did do home visits and dd1 really did like it. it seemed like it was less scary to her to meet the teacher on her turf. i imagine it was optional. i mean if i had said, "no" i think they would have listened to me, but i didn't and it wasn't presented as optional. it was presented as "time to schedule your home visit". it might squick me out a little bit coming from public school, though. i mean i had some issues with it from the co-op just because i have issues with my housekeeping, but it went okay.
 
#48 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by KaraBoo View Post
No f'in way. I would not allow it. Do you get to go to the teacher's house?
:
: I dont want some stranger parading thru my house and possibly reporting me for something. For example I have a cat sometimes she has accidents that I dont catch right away what happens if teacher comes in sees said accident and then reports me to CPS for a dirty house?? And the fact we all still co sleep and the only other bedroom we have is the toy room?? No thank you.

I dont like visitors period. My home is my sanctuary and I want to keep it that way. I would almost bet you other parents around me feel the same way.

No I dont homeschool but I know that at school dd isnt alone with the teacher and the risk is small.
 
#49 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
I feel if you are so worried about your childs teacher being in your home, then you have bigger problems than just the home visit. I would never send my child off for 6+ hours a day with someone I don't feel comfortable having into my home.
Okay - in my case, that means I wouldn't have my child taking lessons (for anything) from anybody but close friend and family. I don't have random strangers in my home - whether they're teaching my kids or not. I sure as h**l don't have random strangers come into my house and take freaking pictures! I don't see how that has anything to do with whether or not they're teaching my kid the ABCs or how to count. Do they have mandated visits for the school secretaries, principal and school nurse? Honestly, I feel more comfortable with my child's teacher being a stranger than the school nurse being a stranger.

Also, I don't know about where you live, but ds1 wasn't at school 6+ hours a day in kindergarten. He was in school for 2.5.

Quote:
If I were to send my children to school, I would probably invite the teacher over on my own.
When I initially sent ds1 to public school, I basically didn't invite anybody over to my house. It was a disaster area. My marriage was crumbling. We were broke. I couldn't have invited someone "for tea", as that would have meant actually providing some kind of food or beverage, and I had neither to spare. I wasn't happy with our living arrangements, and the details of that were none of ds1's teachers business. There was absolutely no way to invite a stranger into our home without revealing things about the state of my marriage that I was far from comfortable sharing, and that was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Yes - I told ds1's teachers that his dad and I were having trouble, so that they were aware of it. That's a far cry from having strangers in my house observing the family dynamics at a time when they were very unstable.

I also have no idea when I would have had any of his teachers over, even if I'd wanted to. I didn't get home from work until 6:30 or later.

Quote:
I don't like dress codes either. Or school supply lists.
I hate dress codes with a passion, and still would have had to put ds1 in public school if they'd had one. There were no other options at that time in my life. I would find a dress code good enough reason to homeschool...but homeschooling wasn't an option, and I don't even know if it was legal here or not at that time. School supply lists...don't like them, either, but I can live with them. The kids do need pens and paper to do their schoolwork.
 
#50 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by orangebird View Post
I would be OK if we invited the teacher over, but it seems really weird that they invite themselves. I'm not sure why, but it seems icky.
Umm...I think it's icky when anybody invites themselves over. This goes beyond weird to me.
 
#51 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Okay - in my case, that means I wouldn't have my child taking lessons (for anything) from anybody but close friend and family. I don't have random strangers in my home - whether they're teaching my kids or not. I sure as h**l don't have random strangers come into my house and take freaking pictures! I don't see how that has anything to do with whether or not they're teaching my kid the ABCs or how to count. Do they have mandated visits for the school secretaries, principal and school nurse? Honestly, I feel more comfortable with my child's teacher being a stranger than the school nurse being a stranger.

Also, I don't know about where you live, but ds1 wasn't at school 6+ hours a day in kindergarten. He was in school for 2.5.

When I initially sent ds1 to public school, I basically didn't invite anybody over to my house. It was a disaster area. My marriage was crumbling. We were broke. I couldn't have invited someone "for tea", as that would have meant actually providing some kind of food or beverage, and I had neither to spare. I wasn't happy with our living arrangements, and the details of that were none of ds1's teachers business. There was absolutely no way to invite a stranger into our home without revealing things about the state of my marriage that I was far from comfortable sharing, and that was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Yes - I told ds1's teachers that his dad and I were having trouble, so that they were aware of it. That's a far cry from having strangers in my house observing the family dynamics at a time when they were very unstable.

I also have no idea when I would have had any of his teachers over, even if I'd wanted to. I didn't get home from work until 6:30 or later.

I hate dress codes with a passion, and still would have had to put ds1 in public school if they'd had one. There were no other options at that time in my life. I would find a dress code good enough reason to homeschool...but homeschooling wasn't an option, and I don't even know if it was legal here or not at that time. School supply lists...don't like them, either, but I can live with them. The kids do need pens and paper to do their schoolwork.
stormbride, I get where you are coming from, honestly I do. Not as an adult, but as a child. There were times in my childghood like you are describing.

I am just saying that, if someone is really worried about having the teacher over - on prinicpal - and not for the kinds of reasons you are tlaking about, than they are going to have bigger issues with school in general. Public anything by nature is very invasive. A teacher stopiing by is actually a very small example of that.

Also, as far as other types of teachers, I generally attend the first couple of lessons with my children, if I don't already know the teacher. I also know that not everyone has the means or inclination to homeschool. But that also means there are going to be aspects of public school that one doens't like, but may have to go along with.
 
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