May yank my twins out of public school - thoughts? *BIG UPDATE #137* - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 161 Old 02-19-2009, 03:39 AM
 
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I agree that it's a horrible experience to go through. My only question is, did your DS say anything about it? What did CPS say was said?

If a child has a red mark on his face and I ask him if it bothers him and he says, "Yeah. My mom hit me there," he might be making it up. He might be saying something out of confusion (maybe you rubbed it to make sure it was OK and that's what he's talking about)...there could be a million different things. What I have to do is report that, as a caregiver to the child.

I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make. I'm just saying be careful before calling it an act of revenge. If it was, it was horrible an malicious.
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#152 of 161 Old 02-19-2009, 04:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree that it's a horrible experience to go through. My only question is, did your DS say anything about it? What did CPS say was said?

If a child has a red mark on his face and I ask him if it bothers him and he says, "Yeah. My mom hit me there," he might be making it up. He might be saying something out of confusion (maybe you rubbed it to make sure it was OK and that's what he's talking about)...there could be a million different things. What I have to do is report that, as a caregiver to the child.

I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make. I'm just saying be careful before calling it an act of revenge. If it was, it was horrible an malicious.
DS didn't say much beyond what the principal talked to him about and how two "nice girls" (DHS) talked to him. I didn't push for more information. DHS wasn't wanting to say much beyond what I said above. Plus, I was in shock and unable to think clearly at the time.

And yes, I did touch DS's face yesterday as I was feeling for bumps or something to tell me what it was caused by (a spider bite, I don't know).

I understand that if he told the teacher that I hit him, that the teacher is a mandatory reporter. BUT based on the circumstances, I feel it was more than that and I don't feel that my son said this without being provoked.

DH and I are definitely thinking about things from every angle possible before doing anything.
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#153 of 161 Old 02-19-2009, 06:20 AM
 
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DS didn't say much beyond what the principal talked to him about and how two "nice girls" (DHS) talked to him. I didn't push for more information. DHS wasn't wanting to say much beyond what I said above. Plus, I was in shock and unable to think clearly at the time.

And yes, I did touch DS's face yesterday as I was feeling for bumps or something to tell me what it was caused by (a spider bite, I don't know).

I understand that if he told the teacher that I hit him, that the teacher is a mandatory reporter. BUT based on the circumstances, I feel it was more than that and I don't feel that my son said this without being provoked.

DH and I are definitely thinking about things from every angle possible before doing anything.
I was more writing to other users than you. You know more about the situation than we do obviously and you obviously have every right to feel upset. I just wanted to stop, ahead of time, where these threads sometimes go ~ which turn very nasty. It didn't sound like you were going that way...I just wanted to put out a quick reminder so it doesn't happen.

I hope if it was done vindictively, heads roll.
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#154 of 161 Old 02-19-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Definitely obtain a lawyer. I'd do the drug tests ASAP on you and DH so you can show that around the time of the incident, you were both clean.

Keep sending them to school. Kyler's old teacher has had her day, DHS found nothing and she'll be marked with suspicion if she tries to call on you again. The teacher you're working with sounds like a gem.

Jenn
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#155 of 161 Old 02-19-2009, 11:57 PM
 
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Definitely obtain a lawyer. I'd do the drug tests ASAP on you and DH so you can show that around the time of the incident, you were both clean.

Keep sending them to school. Kyler's old teacher has had her day, DHS found nothing and she'll be marked with suspicion if she tries to call on you again. The teacher you're working with sounds like a gem.

Jenn
this. I do not see this as a reason to pull them out of school. In fact new teacher sounds perfect. I'd try to separate the two issues if I were you.
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#156 of 161 Old 02-24-2009, 01:55 AM
 
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this. I do not see this as a reason to pull them out of school. In fact new teacher sounds perfect. I'd try to separate the two issues if I were you.

I agree i wouldn't pull them out just because the old teacher tried to cause problems.

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#157 of 161 Old 02-24-2009, 02:16 AM
 
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I have been worried about all of you and wondering what has happened.
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#158 of 161 Old 02-24-2009, 03:16 AM
 
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I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make. I'm just saying be careful before calling it an act of revenge. If it was, it was horrible an malicious.
If if was the current teacher, sure, but the old teacher with whom they have had many problems and from whose classroom they removed their children...

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#159 of 161 Old 02-24-2009, 04:22 AM
 
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I have had to call CPS before and it's NOT an easy call to make.
I'm just curious how this works. The other day I was carrying a large box into our house and my daughter came around the corner and bumped into it. She said "mom you hit me!". Now obviously, that isn't what literally happened.

She was fine, no marks, it wasn't even close to being hard enough to hurt her or anything. She was laughing, she thought it was funny that we ran into each other. But say she had gotten a mark on her cheek from it, and a teacher asked about it, and she said exactly what she said when it happened ("mom hit me")...do teachers even attempt to qualify a child's statement before calling CPS? Do they ask "with what" or what was happening at the time, was mom angry, or anything like that? Or do those 3 little words and zero background automatically result in a call to CPS?
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#160 of 161 Old 02-24-2009, 05:32 AM
 
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I'm just curious how this works. The other day I was carrying a large box into our house and my daughter came around the corner and bumped into it. She said "mom you hit me!". Now obviously, that isn't what literally happened.

She was fine, no marks, it wasn't even close to being hard enough to hurt her or anything. She was laughing, she thought it was funny that we ran into each other. But say she had gotten a mark on her cheek from it, and a teacher asked about it, and she said exactly what she said when it happened ("mom hit me")...do teachers even attempt to qualify a child's statement before calling CPS? Do they ask "with what" or what was happening at the time, was mom angry, or anything like that? Or do those 3 little words and zero background automatically result in a call to CPS?
In Ohio and Kentucky, we had to be trained to look for signs. A mark on the cheek is not reason to call. If that happened, I would look at the mark and see what it looked like. There's usually a difference between running into something and a mark a hand or fist would make.

If it's something small like that, I would record it in my notes and let my supervisor know, but would likely just say, "it looks and sounds like she ran into something" and leave it at that. We wouldn't be likely to suspect abuse from that instance.

The time I had to call was obvious and it was sexual abuse - not physical. I don't think it's right to go into the details on here.

What I'm thinking POSSIBLY could have happened is that the teachers asked the wrong questions. A lot of times, adults might ask yes or no type questions. When you do that with children, you tend to put the idea into their head that what didn't happen did happen. There's a difference between:

"Did your mom hit you?" (Prompting a "yes" or "no" answer) or even worse:
"Is that mark from your mom?" (He would be likely to say "yes" because he remembered you rubbing his face to see what was wrong...not even thinking about you hitting him).

And
"Your face looks red today" and seeing if it goes into an open ended discussion.

CPS likely had to investigate when the call was made. I'm hoping they just found nothing and decided to close the case.
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#161 of 161 Old 02-24-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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I am so sorry you have to deal with this. The teacher that called sounds awful. I agree that I would keep sending the kids to school as the current teacher sounds wonderful, and I think it may actually cause suspicion if they stopped coming to school after being reported to CPS. Although, for next year I would consider sending them to another school so you don't have to deal with that teacher anymore. The reporting teacher sounds off balance to keep pursuing your family like this. You sound like you are doing all the right things, and I hope it's all settled quickly.

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Originally Posted by fadedgirl View Post
I'm just curious how this works. The other day I was carrying a large box into our house and my daughter came around the corner and bumped into it. She said "mom you hit me!". Now obviously, that isn't what literally happened.

She was fine, no marks, it wasn't even close to being hard enough to hurt her or anything. She was laughing, she thought it was funny that we ran into each other. But say she had gotten a mark on her cheek from it, and a teacher asked about it, and she said exactly what she said when it happened ("mom hit me")...do teachers even attempt to qualify a child's statement before calling CPS? Do they ask "with what" or what was happening at the time, was mom angry, or anything like that? Or do those 3 little words and zero background automatically result in a call to CPS?
I used to teach in SD, and although I did report to CPS, it took a lot more than a bump on the head or a red cheek to call in. You are supposed to report suspected abuse. Nobody I knew took this lightly, and nobody wanted to bring CPS into someone's family for no reason. I called in for a kindergartner with bite marks that broke the skin all over his back and shoulders who lived with a very mentally ill grandmother - and the story went on and on and was quite gruesome. If teachers called in for every bruise or red mark, CPS would be called multiple times a day as all kids get bumps and bruises as a part of their play. There are typically other signs (behavioral/emotional) besides a bruise, red mark, etc that would indicate abuse. Also, I don't agree with spanking/hitting kids as a form of discipline, but it isn't against the law or considered child abuse in this country. So, if your daughter did say that you hit her, it wouldn't be cause for CPS to get involved - unless it was obvious and severe. And, an interesting note, hopefully particular only to SD and that time (10 years ago), is that I was told by the CPS worker that the kid I called about wasn't a priority because he was over 5 and 5 year olds are considered better able to protect themselves than younger kids. They were just so overloaded with cases. It took her 5 days to come out and see the kid at school and make a report. Luckily, the school nurse had documented it all by taking photos.
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