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#1 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can we start a thread for those of us who have experienced m/c or infertility? I just want a group that understands that paralyzing fear I feel every time my symptoms subside for a bit. I am dying to have the next ultrasound even though the last one was just last week, just to make sure everything is still okay. A week is an eternity for a little embryo, anything could have happened!

I just want to know I'm not alone, and that paranoia is normal...

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#2 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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Oh mama!
I have not experienced IF, but I did have a m/c earlier this year, so i understand where you are coming from

Jackie and Rafael (4/15/04)
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DD (7/27/09) my UC water baby - I mean toddler!

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#3 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 06:26 PM
 
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We experienced secondary infertility, then finally got pregnant in May, after nearly a year and a half of trying each month. Sadly, I m/c in late June.

I'm a nervous wreck. My midwives won't see me until I'm 11 weeks. If I want an u/s, I'll have to see if I can have one scheduled. I sure wish I could go sooner and have a transvaginal u/s.
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#4 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 06:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a visit with the midwife this week (7 weeks), just a kind of "get to know you" visit. She explained about the practice and the hospital's protocols and stuff like that, and had some suggestions about m/s and whatnot. But the next visit at 11 weeks we're going to try to hear the heartbeat and I'm super nervous! I wish we could just fast forward time until that appointment! I don't know how I"m going to wait four whole weeks. I just want to see that everything is still okay in there.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#5 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A funny(?) story:
When I told my mom about the pregnancy, I said, "I got a positive pregnancy test."

When dh told his mom about the pregnancy, he said, "You're going to be a grandmother!"

I'm just not ready to think so far ahead as to imagine an actual child.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#6 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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Oh good, I'm glad someone started this thread! I was just thinking about doing the same thing earlier today. It's nice to have a safe place to worry (or whine ) without unnecessarily freaking out everyone else in the DDC with our stories.
I've been a little hesitant to post anything other than a hello, because I'm only 4w5d and I've had 3 m/c in a row. As I watch people introduce themselves, and then other people sadly leave, and others talk about early symptoms... I just get this sinking feeling like "I was just here! Three times! And now I'm starting all over!"
But on the bright side, I'm feeling really good about this preg. Maybe it's because my boobs are getting bigger already and I'm tired in the afternoons. I feel like this one is going to be a strong and healthy pregnancy : : : : :
I read that last sentence and I sound soooo much more confident than I feel. : I really DO have a good feeling .... but I am so scared anyway and I just can't help it!

Shanti- treehugger.gif Momma to Astrid Mathildestillheart.gif (3/14/10) and expecting a new addition stork-suprise.gif (3/27/12)!

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#7 of 166 Old 11-20-2008, 09:29 PM
 
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My name is Joy, it took me 4.5 years to become pregnant with my first (many many Clomid and Repronex IUI cycles with more u'sounds and blood draws than I care to remember) I have had a total of 5 early losses over the past 11 years. I very likely could have lost my youngest at the end of my last pregnancy, I firmly believe it is only by an extra measure of God's grace that he is here. :
This time I have no insurance so I am flying blind (no HCG or u'sound confirmation of a healthy looking pregnancy) I am pretty neurotic constantly checking the tp and considering each symptom, lack of symptom, twinge, bloop and cervical zinger.
I definately understand being anxious.

DH&Me  Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. intactlact.gifMama of  boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE jaw2.gif  expecting a BOY in November!  7 sweet-babes gone too soon.

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#8 of 166 Old 11-21-2008, 12:04 AM
 
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Hey mamas and mamas-to-be. I am also glad to have this thread. I was absolutely devastated to lose my last pregnancy. I have two daughters, and consider myself pretty fertile. I had a small window in which to become pregnant, and was so confident and ecstatic when I conceived. The day I started bleeding, I wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. I thought I was not going to be able to have another pregnancy/baby for about a year. However, after much reflecting, praying and listening to our intuition, we decided to go ahead and try (even though the "timing" isn't perfect). There's so much more to life than practical or logistic goals, IMO, including building a family how and when we feel in our hearts.

So here we are. I got a BFP at only 10dpo and have already been feeling totally nauseous (never did with my past 3 pregnancies) and exhausted so I feel like this is a sticky, healthy little one. I just really, really hope this one stays inside long enough for us to meet him.

to all of you! :

Peaceful mama to three blissfully-birthed and incredible small people: dd10, dd7 and ds5. Always awed and so thankful to be a midwife.
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#9 of 166 Old 11-21-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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Secondary infertility and losses for us. My first 2 were conceived pretty easily in my mid-thirties. We've been trying since July 2007 with 2 losses (In Feb and Aug).
Glad to be here, I hope we can all stay.

Me (42), DH (41), DD (7), DS1 (5) and DS2 Aug 02/09
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#10 of 166 Old 11-21-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by songbird45 View Post
I had a visit with the midwife this week (7 weeks), just a kind of "get to know you" visit. She explained about the practice and the hospital's protocols and stuff like that, and had some suggestions about m/s and whatnot. But the next visit at 11 weeks we're going to try to hear the heartbeat and I'm super nervous! I wish we could just fast forward time until that appointment! I don't know how I"m going to wait four whole weeks. I just want to see that everything is still okay in there.
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A funny(?) story:
When I told my mom about the pregnancy, I said, "I got a positive pregnancy test."

When dh told his mom about the pregnancy, he said, "You're going to be a grandmother!"

I'm just not ready to think so far ahead as to imagine an actual child.
Songbird, I could have written these posts exactly. I had a scan at 6 weeks, at 9 weeks, and again two days ago at 12.5. Each time, the wait between them is interminable. When we got the positive test and DH started thinking, "baby", I was thinking, "embryo". I can't wait until we all have our babies safely in arms.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

Also: chicken3.gif  dog2.gif

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#11 of 166 Old 11-21-2008, 02:34 PM
 
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I haven't had infertility, but I have had 2 m/c's, the last was terrible, the first was before I even realized I was pregnant. I completely understand the anxiousness. I called the midwife yesterday and since i had a period (???) in Oct they won't see me till mid December! I am pretty sure that the bleeding was not a period though because my bfp was wayyyy too soon, (cycle day 11) anyway...I just want to get in to see her and hopefully get an u/s. I'm dying to make sure there is something going on!!!!

My mw's nurse is going to call me next week to see if I can get in earlier based on my situation.:

Artist, teacher, wife and mommy to DSS, DD1, DD2 and surprise baby girl on the way, 7/12!

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#12 of 166 Old 11-21-2008, 03:03 PM
 
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I have also been very anxious. During quiet moments, I have a hard time thinking about anything besides the possibility that I could m/c. And, sadly, it is beyond my capabilities right now to think of me carrying my "child" - right now it is a "pregnancy". I feel very disconnected from myself. I really hope hearing a heartbeat in a few weeks gives me some needed reassurance.
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#13 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 12:11 AM
 
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I'm coming in a little late, but am thankful for this thread. I've m/c twice this year, and have the same tentativeness you guys seem to feel. I had an appointment at 6 weeks, but my doc had to cancel at the last minute, and they couldn't reschedule me for 2 weeks. It seems like a lifetime before I can know things are ok (at least for the time being). My only solace is the 24/7 m/s and exhaustion, but I still worry. I haven't even introduced myself to this board yet because the last 2 times I did I m/c soon after - I'm paranoid! Hopefully posting today won't jinx me.

Jordana, mama to almost 8 year old Evan, 3 year old Atticus, and 1 year old Tabitha - my gifts from heaven

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#14 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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i mc this yr.. in May at 12 weeks
My fear this time is going that far along again to only have it happen again

Shelly, Mom to Sophia 5 Nicholas 3 & 2 Angels
Its a GIRL! Alyssa Ann 6/29/10 7lbs 5 oz
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#15 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 11:00 AM
 
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: to all you mamas.

I have had 2 miscarriages, both between my second and third living children. The first was at 8.5 weeks. We had already seen a healthy heartbeat on ultrasound, and then I just started bleeding one day. The baby was already gone at that point. I got pregnant again a couple of months later, but started to miscarry almost as soon as the pregnancy was confirmed by blood test. I insisted on some testing and they all came back totally fine. I asked about Progesterone and the OB said that the research is inconclusive as to whether or not it is a cause of miscarriage and whether or not suppositories could help. Because of that he didn't see any reason to test me for it, but said that he would have no problem prescribing it b/c it couldn't hurt. So, I thought it over and researched it and discussed it with my midwife and my acupuncturist and decided to give it a try. The next cycle I used it once O was confirmed and got pregnant with Rowan!

Interestingly, I was nursing during both of my miscarriages. Lilah had weaned just before the cycle that I started progesterone. Then we weaned, I started progesterone and I immediately got pregnant again and carried that baby (Rowan) to term.

So, this time I am taking progesterone but I am also still nursing. I am not going to wean Rowan, but I am nervous that nursing is a factor in my miscarriages. My midwife recommends that I eat a ton of protein (100 grams/day) and drink a ton of water and take extra EFA's.

I feel myself cringing inside when Rowan wants to nurse, out of fear that it will cause me to miscarry.

Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
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#16 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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After my first m/c I developed a rule for myself -- I keep my PG secret until the fetus is an actual 5 weeks old, then I call the doc/midwife and say, "I just found out I'm pregnant but I don't know how far along!" It helps to be vague when they ask when your last period was ("I think it was ______, but then maybe it was before that."). They have to do an u/s to measure the fetus, and they'll find the heartbeat for you. It's hard enough for me to wait until the fetus is about 5 weeks -- I would go crazy if I had to wait longer for the u/s. So that's my plan... first week in December I'll call and get an appt.

for all the ladies on this thread -- I completely understand what you're feeling. I go through waves of anxiety and fear all day long.

Kristin

Mama to Laurel '06 & high needs Will '09
Crunchy in mainstream suburbia | Sleep-deprived WAHM
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#17 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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Songbird: I'm so glad you started this thread!

Because DH and I have been trying for quite some time, it feels so weird to say "We're pregnant." I'm totally paranoid. I'm considered "risky" because I couldn't conceive for 2 1/2 years, so I get an u/s every week. It feels a little surreal. Also, I'm scared of my genetic history - my mom had 5 m/c. I feel like I shouldn't get too excited too soon.

When are you mamas telling people that you are pregnant? Due to my paranoia, I don't feel that it is safe to tell people until I've hit the 12 week mark. But... my mom knows. And she's already started to blab to people. Thanksgiving is coming... but I'd only be 8 weeks along.
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#18 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 08:33 PM
 
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I'm telling people pretty freely already (friends and family anyway) and I'm only 5wks. It's funny though... my first preg I TRIED to wait until 12 weeks but was so excited that I told quite a few people. It was so horrible untelling people that I was much more secretive about the next two. The thing is.... when I miscarried that third time at 9 weeks, I was upset, depressed, couldn't focus at work, and really wanted to talk to people about it. I ended up telling several people that I had had another miscarriage even though they didn't even know I was pregnant again (like at work, I felt like I had to explain why I started spontaneously crying on my computer, or why I was running late on deadlines). It was weird because they didn't get to experience that whole cycle of excitement, anticipation and then disappointing shock along the way and so, for those who didn't know I was pg, they weren't all able to sympathize in quite the same way as people who knew. It is truly horrible to "untell" people after a m/c but I just realized that it's actually easier for me to be open with people (that I know well and will see often) straight away and let them ride the experience with me, for better or for worse. I've found the most amazing support in surprising places that way.
It such a personal decision (when to tell) and, for me anyway, has really depended on my state of mind going into the pregnancy. This time around I'm feeling an odd mixture of a little bit of confidence and a lot of reckless abandon.... F it..... I'm telling anyone who is interested!
(Possibly also related to my absolutely psychotic hormones making me crazy!)

Shanti- treehugger.gif Momma to Astrid Mathildestillheart.gif (3/14/10) and expecting a new addition stork-suprise.gif (3/27/12)!

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#19 of 166 Old 11-22-2008, 10:10 PM
 
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I'm tentatively joining in here. My son died in labor in April, possibly due to a compressed cord. He was fullterm, healthy and perfect and weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz. He died and I wanted to die, too. I'm 6 weeks today and holding my breath until I hopefully get to see a hearbeat on Dec. 1. I've lost my innocence and I hate that.

Mama to brokenheart.gif Baker, lost in labor April 2008 at 41 weeks, and rainbow1284.gifAlden, born screaming July 2009, and a new sweet pea due Feb 2012

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#20 of 166 Old 11-23-2008, 12:11 AM
 
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I'm tentatively joining in here. My son died in labor in April, possibly due to a compressed cord. He was fullterm, healthy and perfect and weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz. He died and I wanted to die, too. I'm 6 weeks today and holding my breath until I hopefully get to see a hearbeat on Dec. 1. I've lost my innocence and I hate that.
I remember reading your story around the time that it happened. I am so sorry for what your family has been through, and will be thinking of you until you have a gorgeous healthy babe in your arms. I hope this pregnancy is healthy and healing for you.

Peaceful mama to three blissfully-birthed and incredible small people: dd10, dd7 and ds5. Always awed and so thankful to be a midwife.
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#21 of 166 Old 11-23-2008, 02:24 PM
 
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I've had 2 MC's since May. I hope the third time's a charm! I'm having big boob issues and very tired but no significant nausea yet. I wish I did. I am having horrifying dreams I can't even write about them but they haunt me during the daytime too. I try positive affirmations and meditation, but I guess I can't escape the fear in my subconcious. My sisters and mom have had many children with no problems. I'm 34 and this is our first. I had no idea the little guys would be so fragile. Hold on to hope and stay positive!

mama to Quinn born 7.9.09, Audrey born 7.11.11, expecting baby3 July 19 2014
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#22 of 166 Old 11-24-2008, 06:17 PM
 
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I am here, with hope peeking out, despite my worry that I will miscarry again. It sounds horrible, but I suspected I was pregnant and I wouldn't take my prenatal and continued to drink my coffee at work (about 16 oz) because I didn't want another month of hoping against hope only to have it dashed.

And after the miscarriage in September, to be pregnant so soon is a miracle. I am four weeks four days according to my LMP. Due July 30th. There is me that is thrilled and joyful, and the other side of me that wants to hold off and not get too attached because it might happen again.

::

Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
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#23 of 166 Old 11-24-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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Hi Songbird,

It's great to see you on the pregnancy thread. After 15 months of TTC and being told by my RE that my DH & I only had a one percent chance of conceiving on our own (due to my extensive history of ovarian cysts, endometriosis, and surgeries), we were planning on starting IVF next year, which we were told would only give us a 30% chance of conceiving. I could not believe my eyes three weeks ago when I saw two pink lines on the HPT!

As excited as I was, I have been extremely cautious. Less than a week after getting my good news, I started cramping and bleeding. Scared to death, I went to the ER, and my OB admitted me for the weekend to ensure everything was okay. It turned out I had implantation bleeding, which I still actually have. I am now seven weeks, and I have had several HCG blood tests to confirm the pregnancy is progressing normally. I had an ultrasound on Friday, and I was thrilled to finally see my tiny little baby.

I still go through every day knowing something could go wrong. My husband and I made the decision early on to tell our family and friends. They have been so supportive, and we have countless people, including people we don't even know, praying for us. That brings us some comfort.

I know how scary it is when you finally seem to have what you have wished for your entire life. To know you could lose the baby is an absolutely real fear. Please know that I am praying for you.

God bless you,
Kristin

Kristin, wife of Chris (married 07/14/07) . Mommie to Aiden Taylor (12/05/08 at 8 weeks 5 days). Godmother to my angels on Earth, nieces Charlotte (born 01/30/06) and Chloe (born 07/25/08).
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#24 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 12:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Congratulations on your pregnancy, Kristin! I'm sort of generally optimistic, but I have to admit that every time the symptoms go away for more than a few hours I get really worried. They're the only thing telling me that the baby is okay, yk?

I've told some specific people. Since we've been ttc for so long, a bunch of people knew we were trying, and I've sort of been telling those people one by one. I can trust them to be discreet, though - they were discreet about the IF issues - and if everything goes well for the next month or so I'll tell everybody. If something happens, I don't want to go through a m/c all by myself. I'll want the people closest to me to support me through it.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#25 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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talk me down, ladies.. I have not had any symptoms at all today! no gagging, no tiredness, even my breasts feel more normal today. I'm scared!

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#26 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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talk me down, ladies.. I have not had any symptoms at all today! no gagging, no tiredness, even my breasts feel more normal today. I'm scared!
I've been dealing with that throughout this PG... I've had only mild nausea and mild tiredness. That worries me because it's the opposite of my first PG. Some days even my breasts feel smaller and don't hurt much (or at all). I wait a few hours and my breasts seem to return to the old PG size and discomfort.

One of the things I've done to help me feel a bit better is taking my temp every morning now. As long as it remains static (no drop), I feel a little better. I keep reminding myself that every PG is different and I've had no signs yet that I will lose this one. The calmer I remain, the better things will probably be.

to you.

Kristin

Mama to Laurel '06 & high needs Will '09
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#27 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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Wow! I am so amazed at everyone's strength. My miscarriage earlier this year was pretty traumatic, and of course I'm completely paranoid about this pregnancy, but you ladies are a very strong bunch!

I tried to talk the receptionist into an earlier appointment so I could ask the midwife what I could do. One of my friends who has had two second-trimester deliveries said I needed to have my hormones monitored all the time so that as soon as something goes wrong, I could have a D&C instead of a "natural" miscarriage, but I'm rejecting that approach.

I don't know if I'll make it to the 8 week ultrasound, though. I'm trying to psych myself up for seeing a heartbeat, but I fear what will happen if I don't.

I didn't tell anyone except MIL and a few close friends last time, then had to explain the work absences and depression to my boss and a few colleagues, so I don't know what route to take this time.

I am just sending hugs and support for everyone who has suffered.

Beth.
Trying to be a joyful Catholic wife and mama, and taking it one day at a time!
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#28 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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false alarm! After feeling not-at-all-pregnant the entire day, I actually threw up at work for the first time at 4:30pm. I'm so relieved.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#29 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 08:28 PM
 
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false alarm! After feeling not-at-all-pregnant the entire day, I actually threw up at work for the first time at 4:30pm. I'm so relieved.
I never thought I'd say this, but YAYYYYY!!! Congratulations.

Kristin

Mama to Laurel '06 & high needs Will '09
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#30 of 166 Old 11-25-2008, 09:16 PM
 
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talk me down, ladies.. I have not had any symptoms at all today! no gagging, no tiredness, even my breasts feel more normal today. I'm scared!
Its hard when the symptoms just come and go...I am glad you threw up!
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