mixed emotions - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 11-25-2008, 08:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi ladies! I'm new here. Just found out a few days ago that I'm pregnant, due July 31. I have never been pregnant before. This was planned, and wanted, so I thought I would be really happy, but I just feel miserable. Even though I have a positive test and symptoms (sick, can't sleep, everything hurts) I feel very much in denial, like it isn't real. I'm so sad and I don't know why. I feel guilty about feeling depressed, which makes me feel worse! I'm pretty surprised by my reaction to it all, because isn't this what I wanted? Has this happened to anyone else or are people usually ecstatic when their dream suddenly becomes a reality? I am waiting to get excited!
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#2 of 6 Old 11-25-2008, 11:30 AM
 
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This is my first pregnancy, too. It was...not exactly planned, though we did plan to do it soon, so it's not like we were entirely unprepared and we did want to have a baby soon, so....yeah. Mixed feelings, which have largely resolved into feeling happy, but still sometimes mixed.

I talked to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, who have a 2 year old. They planned their pregnancy and wanted it very much, but when she got pregnant, they both felt a series of mixed emotions. They felt mostly afraid, but also just overwhelmed and mixed up. I think it's also pretty normal to sort of mourn your "old life". The sister-in-law in question is also a doula, and she feels like it's very normal to go through a bunch of feelings. You don't have to feel guilty - it will help if you can stop beating yourself up for bad feelings, since you're just piling bad on top of bad, you know? Totally understandable that you'd be upset, but y'know.

It's a big change you're looking at. It's something you wanted, but now it's real - and it's so big. For me, I had to allow myself to feel overwhelmed, sad, scared, question whether this was what I really wanted, etc. before I could come to acceptance and then happiness. I think, if you can allow yourself to work through all the feelings without judgment, you'll feel a little better. You're not a bad person for feeling this way, it's a totally reasonable reaction to a big and overwhelming change in your life.
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#3 of 6 Old 11-25-2008, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much. I can't thank you enough for opening up to me like this. This really helps me, knowing you are all out there. Now I don't feel so alone. I was wondering if it was just me. Now I don't feel like I have to put on a happy face if I don't feel like it. I will "become happy" about the situation whenever it happens, and on my own terms. I hesitated to start a potentially negative thread, but I think it's really valuable and positive to share *all* kinds of experiences. Thanks for being there.
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#4 of 6 Old 11-25-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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I have a lot of mixed feelings, also. I'm trying to concentrate on the positive, but it's hard. This baby was definitely wanted, but now that I am pregnant I am feeling some trepidation and regret, awful as it is to say. This will be baby number 3 and I'm just freaking out. I HATE being pregnant and I just don't want to feel this horrendous anymore. I feel guilty that my kids are so often planted in front of the tv because I can't get out of my own way right now, never mind get them out of the house or involved in some kind of project. I feel so crappy ALL the time, except when I'm sleeping. Then thinking about caring for a newborn all over again, nursing a newborn, never sleeping, not having enough time with the kids I have already, stressing about money and the fact that we'll be moving in a few months...it's all just overwhelming and I don't want to deal with it. Then I think about my beautiful babies and know that I'll love this one just as much, and it makes me feel so guilty that I sometimes wish I never got pregnant this time around. I don't WANT to be pregnant right now, or ever again.

It's a sucky, horrible, guilty feeling and I know it will pass and I know that holding this precious baby in my arms will make it all worth it, but right now I just feel like garbage and I want to crawl into a hole and hibernate until the baby is born. I have to keep telling myself that I'm making a BABY, a new life is growing in me and it's a wonderous, amazing thing and I am SO, SO lucky! But still...yah. Lots of really difficult, scary emotions, coupled with hormone wackiness and constant nausea all leads to feeling like a horrible person. :
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#5 of 6 Old 11-25-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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i can relate. i have 4 kids and with my first pregnancy, i was *depressed*. i had the opposite of the baby blues, i experienced all the sadness before he was born and then once he was born, i felt great. one thing i can suggest to you that is working well for me this time- exercise and eating good. it sounds so simple but it's really helping my emotions and m/s.

Christie

Vegan, homeschooling mom to my 3 boys and my girl, missing Matthew born still at 34 weeks
 

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#6 of 6 Old 11-25-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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I'm so grateful to you for posting about your feelings like this. I too am suffering with terrible guilt because some of the time I really wish wasn't pregnant. This is my 3rd but was unplanned and I started a new job I really,really wanted only 3 weeks ago before I knew.

There will be a biggish gap between my kids and doing it all again is very scary.

THen I think about my two children and know that they will make wonderful siblings. It will be lovely when the baby comes but I am so SCARED of it all! And so guilty for feeling like crying.

You aren't alone. It's good to share these ambivalent feelings so openly as well as the joy and pride and wonder of growing a new life.

~ Mum to ds1 , dd : and ds2
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