The Official Rude Comments Thread - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-30-2009, 01:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have seen this thread while lurking in other DDC's and I thought it was a great idea! Although we have had numerous rude comments so far, here are my two favorites:

A good friend, right after we told him:

"Be careful what you wish for!" (I've probably already ranted about this, but c'mon!)

My assistant at school (22) freaked out about her future:

"I need to have kids in the next few years or so I will still be alive when they grow up. I don't want to wait until I'm old, like 30 or something"

And you will be dead, because I killed you? (I'm 30 now and she knows it!)

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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Old 01-30-2009, 01:35 AM
 
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my mother when we told her: what, so are you just going to keep on having 10 kids now?

er, this is #2. . . and so what if we were!

finally midwife mama to my home-birthed nurslings: Noemi Sakura 16.10.07 & Seder Pádraig 13.7.09 and partner to their lovely daddy
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Old 01-30-2009, 01:58 AM
 
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So many people, when I've told them that we're having #2, have said to me that I "HAVE" to have a girl. Um, first of all, it's not like I have a choice in the matter. And secondly, what is so wrong about having 2 boys? Should I not love #2 as much because he has a penis?
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:06 AM
 
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Well, a librarian asked me if I was crazy... Two different days, about a week apart. First she says I am crazy for having a third, and when my response to "are you done now" was "heck no" she said I was even crazier.... I do not even know this woman...

Jackie and Rafael (4/15/04)
DS (4/25/05) my unschooled airbending pokemon wizard 
DD (10/05/06) my spirited pixie, who weaned at 3 yrs 10 months
DD (7/27/09) my UC water baby - I mean toddler!

DS (2/21/12) UC #2! My littlest love

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Old 01-30-2009, 03:44 AM
 
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Oh my Mom let a good one slip a little while back. She asked if we had names in mind and I told her Finnegan Tate and Molly Beatrice and she responded "Really? I guess when I call them I'll just be yelling 'Hey you!' then". In her defense, she realized a few days later what a dumb thing it was to say and retracted her statement. But geez!

Kim - Wife to Liam , Unschooly mama to Nick (10/00) Lily (09/05) and Olivia (07/09)
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:47 AM
 
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From the wife of one of my dh's colleagues: "You're absolutely huge! Are you sure there is only one in there?"

From my mother: "Well, I guess this is good news. But it's really your sister's turn." (FTR, sister JUST got married last summer and has no plans to have a baby anytime soon)

From assorted people: "You DO know what causes this, don't you?" (Yeah, I sure do. Several injections and months of IUIs)

Also from assorted people, including relatives: "Wow...was it planned?" (Very.)

I don't understand what gives people the idea that saying negative stuff is okay just because you're pregnant. Kind of like people rubbing my belly uninvited.
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:35 PM
 
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Oh I will get a pile of them when I "come out" (which will be shortly because it's starting to get very obvious).

Most of them will centre on my "craziness" for having 3 kids when I already have a girl and a boy and how hard it will be in my profession (this is true but do you not think I've thought about that people?).

The remainder will focus on how damn old I am. And will be when the baby is grown up.

Yes, I realize I will be 60 when this child graduates from highschool. I can indeed add folks, I pretty much do math for a living.

And then a few people will be very supportive and sweet.

Me (42), DH (41), DD (7), DS1 (5) and DS2 Aug 02/09
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Old 01-30-2009, 12:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by FiveLittleMonkeys View Post
Also from assorted people, including relatives: "Wow...was it planned?" (Very.)
This one shows up in every "stupid comments" thread. I don't really understand why people get offended by it. You either cheerfully answer, "yup! we're so excited!" or you cheerfully answer, "it was a very happy surprise!" It's not like they're asking for raunchy details or anything.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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Old 01-30-2009, 02:01 PM
 
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This one shows up in every "stupid comments" thread. I don't really understand why people get offended by it. You either cheerfully answer, "yup! we're so excited!" or you cheerfully answer, "it was a very happy surprise!" It's not like they're asking for raunchy details or anything.
I think that it is rude because it falls into the none-of-your-business category. If a couple wishes to share that information, cool, but it seems a little rude to ask. It also could imply that the person asking the question is thinking either a) Why on earth would you want another kid - it must be a mistake or b) Don't you know how to use BC?

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Old 01-30-2009, 02:16 PM
 
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Ooh, ooh, I do have one. I was feeling like - wow, everyone's being so nice to me, but I guess I just forget easily. I've had a couple of people at work jokingly say that perhaps they shouldn't drink the water here because so many women at my work are pregnant right now. When they said that, I remember thinking, "ouch," but I had to let it go because I have to keep working with them. There really are so many levels of wrong with that comment though.

Bed sharing, baby wearing, breastfeeding mama of Vonn (dob 12/9/07) and Reuben (dob 7/17/09).
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Old 01-30-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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When I got pregnant the last time I was asked if the baby had been conceived in Greece by almost everyone I asked.

Whose business is that?

Wife to Jared; SAHM to dd Daphne (03/07) and VBAC Cyprus (06/09). Farmer, Wool Goddess, Photographer and Seamstress
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Old 01-30-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
I think that it is rude because it falls into the none-of-your-business category. If a couple wishes to share that information, cool, but it seems a little rude to ask. It also could imply that the person asking the question is thinking either a) Why on earth would you want another kid - it must be a mistake or b) Don't you know how to use BC?
Exactly. No one has asked us that yet, but I did have a comeback ready for the "Were you trying?" question. I never got to use it, thank goodness.

"Why yes. We tried very, VERY hard." And then make suggestive eyes at my husband and rub his arm.

I figure I can make other people uncomfortable if they make me uncomfortable!

Alicewyf: doula, wife to DH, and mama to Lillian (7/09) and Daniel (6/12).
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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I figure I can make other people uncomfortable if they make me uncomfortable!
the problem is when it happens at work. I've gotten the, "were you trying" question, and I have to be polite about it. :

Bed sharing, baby wearing, breastfeeding mama of Vonn (dob 12/9/07) and Reuben (dob 7/17/09).
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:20 PM
 
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Step-mil "What are you going to do?" Um WHAT? That is the only one that sticks out in my mind and I think it might have been jealousy. Her two daughters don't have any yet, one was pregnant and had a mc then got divorced. The other is a lesbian who told everyone out right that she isn't having kids and would rather be an aunt. Still this is only our third and we wanted three and everyone knows that.

:,,:, to my three veggie ladies 12/09/05, : 10/03/07 & 07/10/09 hanging on for dear life to :
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Old 01-30-2009, 03:34 PM
 
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I think that it is rude because it falls into the none-of-your-business category. If a couple wishes to share that information, cool, but it seems a little rude to ask. It also could imply that the person asking the question is thinking either a) Why on earth would you want another kid - it must be a mistake or b) Don't you know how to use BC?
Huh, I guess I never saw it as a particularly personal question (and having gone through IF, I've had my share of weird and prying questions and comments.) I'm not trying to say that people are being oversensitive, I just didn't realize it was a personal question and figure most people don't realize that it might make you uncomfortable.

I got a lot of questions along the lines of "when are you going to have kids" when I was going through IF treatments but nothing but positive responses when people have found out I was pg.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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Old 01-30-2009, 07:10 PM
 
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From a total stranger 3 weeks ago (I was 14 wk): "So you are about to pop"
Me: "No, I am due in July"
Cashier lady: "OMG! Are you sure? You look so huge"



And about jealousy from relatives...
My MIL is upset that I am on baby 6. She had 7 (2 with her first husband, 5 with FIL) and apparently I threatening her "record" (like I even think about that! ).
When she was here this summer, she went on and on about how I HAD To get fixed because I could barely manage the ones I had. She went on about what a "great mom" she had been (according to DH and his siblings, she was FAR from it!).
Well, she did not say anything nasty when we announced the pregnancy, but she has again started, saying I cannot manage my kids.
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Old 01-31-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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I got the "Was it planned?" from my mil. It was the 2nd thing she said after "Oh, that's suprising news." Later, she went on and on about how surprised her husband was when she told him (my fil, obviously).

What makes it rude to me is:
1) this is ONLY #2 (what is she going to say NEXT time??!??!?!?! I plan on having at least 3 children!)
2) ds is 18 months old, will be 2 years, almost 2 months when this little one gets here (her 2 boys are 4 years apart, evidently the PERFECT and ONLY spacing that's normal)
3) I plan EVERYTHING. Seriously. She knows this. The week of our wedding I had CHARTS hanging in our hallway of things to do, people to pay, the week's schedule. I have lists everywhere, my calendar goes with me everywhere. I plan my meals for 2 weeks, then I make my grocery list, which is then cross-referneced with what's on sale. Why on earth would she think I WOULDN'T plan this?

So to me, this is a rude comment. I don't take it personally, she's just going to have to get over it and realize that not everyone plans their family to her standards.

Married to my favorite man, homeschoolin' mama to a question-asking bug hunter (6) ; a twirling, shy, silly girl (4); a hurricane of boy energy (2), and expecting #4 in April 2014.
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Old 01-31-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Quindin View Post
From a total stranger 3 weeks ago (I was 14 wk): "So you are about to pop"
Me: "No, I am due in July"
Cashier lady: "OMG! Are you sure? You look so huge"
What is it with cashiers and thier big mouths!?!?! I got the same comment when I still had over 2 months to go when I was pg w/ my ds.

One of my friends, who was BARELY showing at the time, had a cashier at Target start a conversation with her then 3 year old daughter...."So, young lady, are you ready to be a big sister?" My friend was APPALLED, she and her husband had just told their daughter the news themselves recently- what if they hadn't told her yet?!?!

THEN, the same cashier, not picking up on the fact that her conversation was no wanted, Asked about names. When my friend tried the "we aren't telling anyone" route, thinking that would shut her up, the cashier then started suggesting names to her. From that day on, my friend refuses to get in that womans' check out lane.

Married to my favorite man, homeschoolin' mama to a question-asking bug hunter (6) ; a twirling, shy, silly girl (4); a hurricane of boy energy (2), and expecting #4 in April 2014.
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Old 01-31-2009, 09:48 PM
 
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I think the "were you trying" or "was it a surprise" question is about the rudest and most personal question that a person who doesn't know you intimately can ask about a pregnancy. What on earth business is it of theirs!?? I do feel that people are VERY judgmental about people who get pregnant accidentally, and that is the only reason I could see that they would ask. :

I'm Kellie :, married to Chris , and mom to one baby girl (7/12/09).
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Old 01-31-2009, 10:56 PM
 
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We have a blended family. My DF has 2 children and I have 1. He lost a child at birth last year with his ex girlfriend.

This baby was not an OOPS. I messed up my pills for 3 days and then started with break through bleeding. We had unprotected sex and well, here comes baby, not really PLANNED but not avoided. I discontinued the pill thinking i would not get pregnant anyway (although secretly hoping for a little one)

My mom and I are on the phone the other day and she says, he IS having a vasectomy, right? I'm sorry, why is it HIS job to protect us from pregnancy and WHY the heck would he do something so final at 24 years old??? She told me that we are not financially ready to add another after this baby. Ok, yes, I agree, but why a PERMANENT procedure?????? I CAN protect myself and our family, but we may want more children in the future she just couldn't grasp that we would want more children. She kept saying how fertile DF is and that a vasectomy would be best... WTF????

Today, I said a dumb thing. I felt very bad after and apologized. I saw a couple who have 2 boys, one is 22 months and the baby is 8 months. Meaning she got pg pretty much right away. I did not do the math and said, "Yeah my stepkids are a year apart, I told their mom she was crazy!" I did the math in my head and realized they were not that far off from this age difference. I apologized and felt really bad. i think kids are great and ALOT of them is great too, but I KNOW I could not handle kids that close. I actually applaud people who do, but I really didn't mean it negatively. I apologized anyway.

We all say silly things sometimes, but it doesn't make it any less annoying.
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Old 02-10-2009, 04:19 PM
 
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This one really bugs me, for a few reasons.

First, consider if it was an unplanned pregnancy. People don't seem to reat that as if it's a big deal when you're married (just because you're married, I think) - but it can be a really freaking huge deal. The pain and fear and confusion that can come with an unplanned pregnancy is very, very big - and there can be difficult decisions involved. I didn't expect to be pregnant. I had taken the morning-after pill, in fact. I had to decide whether I wanted to remain pregnant, and I decided that I did - but I don't want to have to smile and say "why yes, I was very happily surprised" because...I wasn't very happily surprised. I also don't like lying, though I have taken to hedging and simply saying "It was a plan, it just happened sooner than I expected", because that is true - I did want to be pregnant eventually, just not yet. Basically, that question puts you on the spot and forces you to say SOMETHING, and frankly, it really bothers me to be put in that position over and over again. I knew I would be put there, but it still bothers me that people feel that's an acceptable, casual question to ask. I talked to my close friends about the whole thing, and they know the story. But I don't like having it brought up by strangers, and for people to think that there is no possible way anunplanned pregnancy could be unwelcome just because of where a person is in life is inaccurate and unfair.

I think it's just a reflexive question people ask,a long iwth 'will you find out the sex" and "were you super sick" and all those other things. It just...that's why it bothers me.

I talked to my my brother-in-law about it once, and he suggested some cathartic, rude things I could say. I won't say them because I know people mean well, but it was fun to think about! Things like..."You know, it wasn't planned, but thank goodness I know who the father is!" Or "Years of anal sex, and the minute we try vaginal - BAM!"
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Old 02-10-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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haha, laughing at the last post.
I agree that it's an invasive question. I say thoughtless well meaning things more often than I should but saying that would just make me blush. I mean you are basically asking about someone's sex life and birth control.
I mean if the answer's yes, it means the couple was probably having either lots of sex or planned sex. If it's no then they messed up they're birth control method or whatever.
I messed up on charting (I don't temp so that's my main problem) and vented to most of my friends about it so I wasn't asked.
MIL had some pretty annoying things to say: "Now you have to move" and "Now you have to buy a minivan, there's just no other way". As well as questioning if we can afford 3 kids, how we have to use better birth control. It's not like she supports us. Very annoying!
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Old 02-10-2009, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate the "was it planned" question too, because although it was I feel real uncomfortable about sharing that fact. So many people follow it with "I know you were trying"- BUT, we never told anyone we were trying! They just assumed that we were because we got married this summer after 9 years together. So, yeah, that upsets me.

Here is one I just heard from a friend, who was 9 months pg at the time. Her mean neighbor had his dogs off leash and they were attacking my friends dogs (on leash), so she asked him to get his dogs. He became verbally abusive, and she explained that she was pg and was afraid of slipping on the ice untangling the dogs. To which he replied "Oh, I thought you were just a fat b*tch" :

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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Old 02-10-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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Oooh I've got one!

Last week at work, my boss comes up to me and puts her arm around my shoulder saying, "look, you've got a little baby belly! Well, I bet people just think you're getting fat because it kind of looks more like chub than baby"
GRR
I wanted to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're feeling bad about yourself today, but you don't have to make fun of me to make yourself feel better"

But I just smiled. Seriously, some people have NO tact meter!

Working, freshly graduated! mama.  Loving life with DHguitar.gif , DD 7/09energy.gif, and DS 06/11 babyboy.gif.
 
 
 
  

 
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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so, this isnt horrible, but my neighbor - who's known of my pregnancy since I was like 7 weeks, saw me for the first time in about a month yesterday (our kids like to play together alot when its not freezing out - so its not like she is a strnager or something by any stretch.) And one of the first things she said to me was "Are you ever gonna get a biiig belly??" Like I have something to do with my size. And the convo continued on to morning sickness, and I explained I had been getting sick anytime I would get hungry, my body felt sick instead. Her respose? "Oh, that must be why you're still so little"... UM HELLO I am a super small boned person and am just "small" to start with and you KNOW I eat relatively healthily (OK super healthy comparitively) what did you expect, me to blow up like a balloon overnight???
:

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Old 02-10-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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"Years of anal sex, and the minute we try vaginal - BAM!"
Heh. This is exactly the kind of thing my husband would say.

People keep asking me to stand in profile, which isn't really rude, I guess... just mildly annoying. I'm like, "Sure! This is called FAT."
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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I got one...

Monday I wore maternity clothes for the first time. My mother had bought me a pair of jeans and some really cute tops for my birthday on the 6th. So, I wore my jeans and this cute gray, empire waist top to work. The two other women in the office cornered me and were demanding to know if I was wearing maternity clothes. Up until then, I've been hiding myself under baggy sweat shirts. So, I admitted I was finally wearing maternity clothes. Coworker A exclaimed "Oh you look so cute, and you LOOK pregnant!" while coworker B is examing me and then says "I don't think you look pregnant at all." She basically just said I looked fat! Coworker A got disgruntled on my behalf saying "No, she definitely looks pregnant." Coworker B just shook her head and walked away.

For the record though... I don't like coworker B because she is VERY high maintenance and a total jerk sometimes. She doesn't like me either and generally avoids me because I don't put up with her rude comments. So, I think she was just either being A. thoughtless or B. spiteful. She hasn't been happy for me since I announced I was pregnant.

A tired mommy to DD (7/09) and loving wife to DH (08/06)
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Old 02-11-2009, 12:48 PM
 
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Oh and here's another one, although not as annoying.

After we first told my parents we were expecting, my mom says "I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a grandmother." I just looked at her and said "You don't get a vote."

A tired mommy to DD (7/09) and loving wife to DH (08/06)
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:11 PM
 
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I had a well meaning but very honest friend tell me that I was getting a little junk in my trunk. Awesome :P

Sarah, loving wife to Michael (9/6/03), SAHM to my big girl Maya "Monkey" Grace (10/5/07) and my baby girl Charlotte "Bugsy" Mae (7/2/09) : :
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:14 PM
 
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The last two posts made me laugh out loud!

Newly Single-Mama. Raising homebirth baby, Josephine, July '09.

 

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