Changes in DH - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-23-2009, 06:01 PM - Thread Starter
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Has anyone (particularly ftm's) noticed a change on your DH as you draw closer to the big day? I feel like my poor DH is more depressed lately and becomes obsessive about getting projects done that are totally unnecessary (totally unlike him). He seems to be very stressed about work which is going fine from what I can tell. He always denies he is anxious or nervous about the baby coming and in fact has not shown much interest at all. The only time he gets excited is in front of other people or when he's on the phone with someone. No interest in feeling movements. No interest in sex or even cuddling, although he seems all concerned that our fur babies need more attention. He is still wonderful about taking care of me but I just feel something is off and my intuition is that the baby is the root of it. FWIW- he has always wanted a family and was 100% behind the conception of this LO.

Any suggestions to make this last month a better transition and get him in a better mind state? Anyone with stories to share?

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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#2 of 4 Old 06-23-2009, 06:33 PM
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I'm a FTM too and I think it is hard for the guys, sometimes. My husband has been really stressed about work, for legit reasons, but he normally enjoys his job so it is hard to watch him be frustrated. I know what you mean, too, about him wanting to start projects that really don't need to be done right now when there is a whole list of things that are more important (at least to me, anyway). But I think as our bellies get bigger and reality starts setting in a little more towards the end here, men do become more introverted. For us, we get a huge rush of hormones after our babe is born that help aid us in becoming "moms". Men don't get that same surge, and the added responsibility of being a father, protector, and breadwinner weights heavily for some. I'm sorry your DH has not been more affectionate, as mine has not been lacking in that area, and hope he comes around. Hopefully once your baby gets here, he will be as in love as you are and wonder how life even exisited before your little one

Brittany- Wife to Eric : Mama to Asher : born 7/15/09
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#3 of 4 Old 06-24-2009, 01:47 AM
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Maybe my DH is weird, but he has been much more lovey dovey and touchy feely lately. I'm enjoying it, b/c for most of this pregnancy he hasn't been like this. I think he can see that I am pretty uncomfortable at this stage and is trying to give me some extra attn, esp since this is my last pregnancy. As for house projects, only about half of them are complete... I know at this point he isn't going to finish the rest of them, so I have stopped bugging him about them. I'm just trying to get him to watch my older two kids, so I can focus on getting the rest of the baby stuff ready. This is baby #3 for us, but thinking back my DH was a lot more anxious when I was going to be a FTM with getting house projects done, so I think that it's probably, "normal" to an extent for guys to act the way the first two posters described when they are going to be parents for the first time.
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#4 of 4 Old 06-24-2009, 02:22 AM
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When I was pregnant with our son (first and as of now only child) it had been planned, and DH went to every appointment and was very good to me while I was pregnant. Yet, he had little to no interest in feeling the baby move or other aspects of the pregnancy. He didn't read up on birthing and was little support to me while I labored (this time I hired a doula for that exact reason). I think that for men it's really hard to understand that there is a real baby growing inside of the woman. Heck, it's hard for me to truly believe there is a little human being inside of me, and I'm the one carrying it!

That being said, my husband is an outstanding father. He's a stay-at-home-dad who makes his own work hours. He's been at home while I work a "regular" full time job for our son's entire almost 5 year life. They have an unbelievable bond - I couldn't ask for someone to be a better parent to my son. Our son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 6 months old. Most parents of kids with diabetes have the mom do all the work - many times the father doesn't know how to dose for insulin or even check blood sugars because it always falls on the mother to do the work in caring for the children. Not so with my husband - we share all the responsibilities equally, including all the diabetes stuff. I am blessed.

This time around, again a planned pregnancy, same thing. Heck, he's not even planning on being in the delivery room because he just has no interest in watching me go through it again. I think that might worry or upset me if I didn't know what kind of father he is.

I have a male friend at work who described basically the same to me about himself - that he just didn't know he loved his kids until they were born. The second they are born he falls in love with them - but before that it's just intangible.

I don't know if any of that makes you feel better. My point is that how a man is during pregnancy may not necessarily be an indicator of the type of parent they are (if that's what you were worried about).

Jordana, mama to almost 8 year old Evan, 3 year old Atticus, and 1 year old Tabitha - my gifts from heaven

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