My stitches got infected and tore out and after a 4 hour repair, I have been on bedrest for the past several days. The stitches started to tear again.
My dd who is 2 is going a little crazy now that the baby is here. She won't listen to me, and she is downright dangerous. I am not an uptight mama at all, so this is upsetting to me.
DH got a phone call the day after the birth to see if he could take a business trip. He left this morning and will be gone a week. Meanwhile, I am on bedrest with no help. All my friends work until after her bedtime, and I have no family around.
I am so scared and worried that this is going to be tramatic for me. It hurts so much to get up and make food. I wanted to enjoy my new baby, and all I am doing is yelling at my toddler.
A mother's helper for a couple hours a day? Someone to help prepare meals or clean?
Are you a member of a church? I'd call and ask them if they have anyone who can volunteer to come help out for at least a couple of hours?
Are you a member of any other groups? Perhaps a moms group? You could call the coordinator and see if anyone can help.
Do you have any neighbors that can come every once in a while?
I am shy and don't like asking for help, so I was amazed at how thankful and happy the neighbors were when my husband asked them if they could come over in case of a tranfers.
Maybe some of your friends can bring some ready or easy-to-make snacks and meals for you and your toddler. Even if it is not 100% healthy, it is not long term and it will help you (like frozen pizza, etc)
And the mommy helper thing is a great idea!
Ask your friends if they know of a 11/12 yo girl who may want to come and play and help you watch your toddler while you rest. Many moms do that and it is a very affordable and convenient alternative. The girl ways enjoys it and they also like the pocket money I am amazed at why a HUGE help my 11yo daughter provides just by playing with my youngest.
I am sending good thoughts your way
joyful mama to DS 2-05, open adoption birthmama to DD 5-07: and DS 6-98, and my littlest one 7-09. crazy in love with DH!
mama to DD (7), DS (3.5), and another DS arriving in August!
would it also be possible for your mom to drive or fly into town to help you? maybe you could split airfare or something... ?
The Hippie & the Marine
My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011
Angela , married for 14 1/2 years to DH, mother to DD 8-5-97, DS 8-5-09 , and SURPRISE!!! due 2-17-12
I would take Avani's advice and try to find a postpartum doula who is in training and would work for free or a small stipend. You are pretty centrally located between Portland and Salem so there has to be someone out there who can help you. And you NEED the help! Try posting in your tribal area or look into birth centers and midwife education programs - I know you can find someone.
Proud Mama to DS1 09/07 , DD 07/09 , and DS2 06/11 . Feeling more and more blessed with each day!
Firstly, you CAN do this.
Expect it to be awful, then the parts that aren't will seem very nice. Instead of constantly being disappointed in how you day goes, you have to change your standards.
Make yourself do 2 things through the pain. The first is to totally babyproof one room. Stay in that room and make your dd stay in there, too. Then you can not worry about watching her so much. Screaming, crying, whatever. Assure her that you love her, and that you will be right there, but stick to your guns and lay on that bed!
The next is go to the grocery store and buy all the easy foods you possibly can. This is not the week for spinach and fresh fruit. This is the pop tart week. Pick up disposable everything.
(I do not buy paper towels, etc, and I do not buy anything prepacked. This is me talking. Survival is more important than ideals this week.)
Now, go home, plop yourself in bed and your dd in front of the TV. Offer her a pop tart or can of ravioli every now and then. Do not do dishes, pile them neatly by the sink.
Seriously. It can be done, but admit that you need help, and if you can't get a person, go disposable and unhealthy. It's a week, it's not going to kill anyone or anything.
You are right to consider the trauma to yourself. From my experience, you MUST lower your standards for this time. Don't clean house, don't bath the kids. Don't spend time properly baby-proofing, just shove everything into boxes and stick them into a room where you can close the door. In fact, if you feel you have to pick up your house at night, shove all the stuff you pick up into boxes and push them into the room, too.
All bets are off this week.
And remember...you're strong. You CAN!
"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."
What a tough situation! I couldn't imagine being alone right after giving birth!
If you can't find anyone to help, I agree with the PP that said to do paper everything and easy food. And TV. Just do what you have to do to get through the week.
I also second the idea of kid videos for your two-year-old when you're in dire situations like that. I just got a Raffi concert DVD from Netflix and my three-year-old is in love with it. I figure it's probably one of the healthiest things she can watch if she's staring at the TV. It stimulates her mind and doesn't subject her to commercialism. (It also encourages her to get up and dance, jump, sing, and do other physical stuff.) I plan to hang on to that DVD for a while, unless we buy our own copy soon.
as you get through this difficult time.
Crunchy in mainstream suburbia | Sleep-deprived WAHM
Get some videos, buy some tv dinners and spaghettios, and excuse yourself from 'super mom' duties until you have healed. Sometimes 'survival mode' is the best that we can do, and a week of it won't hurt either of your kids.
Another option is to call a couple local to you churches and tell them your situation. There are tons of little old lady-types that love to play with kids and bring over meals for people who are in need...and honey...you are definitely in need.
Thanks for ALL of your help.
My husband called one of our church leaders while he was gone and told her to check in on me last night. She called me and I told her it was tough and she got on the phone and got a TON of people to help. I've spent almost the entire day in bed. My room is totally safe for the 2 year old to be in, so I just put a lock on the inside of the door and turned on Sesame Street this morning while I slept. Then someone came over to entertain her and keep me company, but I was still too shy to ask her to help with laundry and stuff.
I've got a dinner train going though now, so people are bringing over meals they made for me to eat or freeze, and that is totally helping a lot.
DH may be home sooner than he thought, but still no real return time, so I'm just surviving. DD seems to be adjusting to life in the house. If I can make it another week, that would be great.
I thought I would just spend the entire time admiring the baby and floating on a cloud, and it seems that I underthought it!!!!
Thanks for all the advice. I even found someone to hire for the times I feel like I don't have enough help. I HATE that possibility, but it will have to work.