All Alone with 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 12:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
christibale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mcminnville, Oregon
Posts: 281
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was so wrapped up in getting a VBAC, which I got, that I never considered the recovery.

My stitches got infected and tore out and after a 4 hour repair, I have been on bedrest for the past several days. The stitches started to tear again.

My dd who is 2 is going a little crazy now that the baby is here. She won't listen to me, and she is downright dangerous. I am not an uptight mama at all, so this is upsetting to me.

DH got a phone call the day after the birth to see if he could take a business trip. He left this morning and will be gone a week. Meanwhile, I am on bedrest with no help. All my friends work until after her bedtime, and I have no family around.

I am so scared and worried that this is going to be tramatic for me. It hurts so much to get up and make food. I wanted to enjoy my new baby, and all I am doing is yelling at my toddler.

Wife to Jared; SAHM to dd Daphne (03/07) and VBAC Cyprus (06/09). Farmer, Wool Goddess, Photographer and Seamstress
christibale is offline  
#2 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:01 PM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Do you have the resources to hire some short term help?

A mother's helper for a couple hours a day? Someone to help prepare meals or clean?

Are you a member of a church? I'd call and ask them if they have anyone who can volunteer to come help out for at least a couple of hours?

Are you a member of any other groups? Perhaps a moms group? You could call the coordinator and see if anyone can help.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is offline  
#3 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:15 PM
 
Quindin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh man... I can't imagine being alone so soon after birth, even less so with an older child to care for and recovering from stitches

Do you have any neighbors that can come every once in a while?
I am shy and don't like asking for help, so I was amazed at how thankful and happy the neighbors were when my husband asked them if they could come over in case of a tranfers.

Maybe some of your friends can bring some ready or easy-to-make snacks and meals for you and your toddler. Even if it is not 100% healthy, it is not long term and it will help you (like frozen pizza, etc)

And the mommy helper thing is a great idea!
Ask your friends if they know of a 11/12 yo girl who may want to come and play and help you watch your toddler while you rest. Many moms do that and it is a very affordable and convenient alternative. The girl ways enjoys it and they also like the pocket money I am amazed at why a HUGE help my 11yo daughter provides just by playing with my youngest.

I am sending good thoughts your way
Quindin is offline  
#4 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:26 PM
 
Mama_Michelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You have gotten some good suggestions for pps. But I wanted to send you a hug.
Mama_Michelle is offline  
#5 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:28 PM
 
kellykins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 955
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't have anything to add either except s:

Kelly, mama to DD energy.gif : (3-30-06) and DS bouncy.gif 7/28/09) ....and gummi, due 3-30-13! (large sch....praying.gif)

kellykins is offline  
#6 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:34 PM
 
koalove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: raleigh nc
Posts: 872
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow, that is sooo hard. i know it isnt ideal, but could you get a bunch of movies for your 2 year old? im ot plugging netflix or nything but you can sig up for 2 weeks free and stream videos from your computer while you are waiting for them to come in the mail. and you dont have to go anywhere to get the movies. i wold be ordering tons of delivered meals from restaurants. if your friends work until after dd's bedtime, does that mean they have mornings free? perhaps someone can come and make a lasagna or something that you stick in the oven later. or just take dd to the park to get some energy out. i agree with trying to find a neighborhood kid to help out although if i wre in your shoes, i wouldnt even know where to start with that one so i can see why its not realistic. i have also hae stitches that became infected after an episiotomy 11 years ago but i reemebr how horrible it was. sitz baths. lots of them. you will get through this mama. keep posting here and let us know how its going!

joyful mama to DS 2-05, open adoption birthmama to DD 5-07: and DS 6-98, and my littlest one 7-09. crazy in love with DH!
koalove is offline  
#7 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:49 PM
 
Ianthe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Logan, Utah
Posts: 6,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would hire a post partem doula.. can you post on your local tribal area for one?

stillheart.gif The Hippie & the Marine stillheart.gif  hh2.gif
My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011

Ianthe is offline  
#8 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:50 PM
 
penstamon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: 4th dimension
Posts: 977
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wish I could do something IRL to help!

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

penstamon is offline  
#9 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:52 PM
 
georgiegirl1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 920
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lots of hugs. I agree that you should try to hire someone...a post partum doula or a mother's helper. My DD (3) LOVES to play with the 9 year old girl across the street. I might end up hiring her to play with DD a few afternoons a week.

mama to DD (7), DS (3.5), and another DS arriving in August!

georgiegirl1974 is offline  
#10 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 01:54 PM
 
Ianthe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Logan, Utah
Posts: 6,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
how long is your dh gone? how far away?

would it also be possible for your mom to drive or fly into town to help you? maybe you could split airfare or something... ?

stillheart.gif The Hippie & the Marine stillheart.gif  hh2.gif
My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011

Ianthe is offline  
#11 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 02:34 PM
 
LindsC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 740
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I don't have any better advice than what was already given.

Lindsay - Mum to Logan (May 3, 2007), Graysen (June 26, 2009) and welcoming somebody new in September 2011!
LindsC is offline  
#12 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 03:45 PM
 
Avani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,958
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I will be alone with 6 kids when this one comes and i have no family. I really discussed it thoroughly with my midwife and she enlisted the help of doulas who are still doing their training and work for free. There will be a few that are going to come and help out and a few neighbors have also offered and i am going to take them up on it also. Even passing out one kid to each neighbor who has a child of the similar age is going to be my back up for getting some space. Anyway you could contact your midwife and ask her for any resources?
Avani is offline  
#13 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 05:11 PM
 
bajamergrrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
bajamergrrl is offline  
#14 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 05:16 PM
 
gossamerwindweb's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I instantly looked to see if you were anywhere close to me. You aren't I don't have any advice that hasn't been given already but I just want to send you and let you know that people care.

Angela lactivist.gif, married for 14 1/2 years to DHtwins.gif, mother to DD 8-5-97homeschool.gif, DS 8-5-09 uc.jpgbabyf.gif, and SURPRISE!!! pos.gif due 2-17-12

gossamerwindweb is offline  
#15 of 25 Old 07-08-2009, 11:29 PM
 
haren.13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh mama I'm so sorry I can't imagine how hard it must be to do this alone while your DH is away ~ I have a 2 year old, too, and we're struggling with both DH and I here! I don't have any better advice than that given, but wanted to send hugs your way.

Sarah, loving wife to Michael (9/6/03), SAHM to my big girl Maya "Monkey" Grace (10/5/07) and my baby girl Charlotte "Bugsy" Mae (7/2/09) : :
haren.13 is offline  
#16 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 12:33 AM
 
tracymom1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I would take Avani's advice and try to find a postpartum doula who is in training and would work for free or a small stipend. You are pretty centrally located between Portland and Salem so there has to be someone out there who can help you. And you NEED the help! Try posting in your tribal area or look into birth centers and midwife education programs - I know you can find someone.
more

hh2.gif Proud Mama to DS1 09/07 ribboncesarean.gif, DD 07/09 hbac.gif, and DS2 06/11 uc.jpg.  Feeling more and more blessed with each day!

 

 
 
 
  

tracymom1 is offline  
#17 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 12:49 AM
 
Just1More's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,932
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Been there. I wasn't down so much as I was exhausted and with a colicky baby. Your head gets all messed up when someone is crying all the time and you're exhuasted. At least mine does. I need people to reset my brain sometimes. I go to Walmart, or the park, or SOMEWHERE. It gives the kids something else to look at, and I get to talk to someone, even if it is a stranger.

Firstly, you CAN do this.

Expect it to be awful, then the parts that aren't will seem very nice. Instead of constantly being disappointed in how you day goes, you have to change your standards.

Make yourself do 2 things through the pain. The first is to totally babyproof one room. Stay in that room and make your dd stay in there, too. Then you can not worry about watching her so much. Screaming, crying, whatever. Assure her that you love her, and that you will be right there, but stick to your guns and lay on that bed!

The next is go to the grocery store and buy all the easy foods you possibly can. This is not the week for spinach and fresh fruit. This is the pop tart week. Pick up disposable everything.

(I do not buy paper towels, etc, and I do not buy anything prepacked. This is me talking. Survival is more important than ideals this week.)

Now, go home, plop yourself in bed and your dd in front of the TV. Offer her a pop tart or can of ravioli every now and then. Do not do dishes, pile them neatly by the sink.

Seriously. It can be done, but admit that you need help, and if you can't get a person, go disposable and unhealthy. It's a week, it's not going to kill anyone or anything.

You are right to consider the trauma to yourself. From my experience, you MUST lower your standards for this time. Don't clean house, don't bath the kids. Don't spend time properly baby-proofing, just shove everything into boxes and stick them into a room where you can close the door. In fact, if you feel you have to pick up your house at night, shove all the stuff you pick up into boxes and push them into the room, too.

All bets are off this week.

And remember...you're strong. You CAN!

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

Just1More is offline  
#18 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 03:24 AM
 
lindsayjean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,445
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
maybe cross post this in the tribal areas section? If you lived close to me I would sooooo come help you out.
lindsayjean is offline  
#19 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 12:06 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


What a tough situation! I couldn't imagine being alone right after giving birth!

If you can't find anyone to help, I agree with the PP that said to do paper everything and easy food. And TV. Just do what you have to do to get through the week.

love.gif

pinksprklybarefoot is offline  
#20 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 12:47 PM
 
majorsky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 483
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I may be alone with a three-year-old and a newborn in August or September as my DH possibly takes a business trip, and I have no family to help me, so I can understand your anxiety. I've asked my church to provide us with a few meals during that time because I know I won't have the energy to cook. My doula has offered to check in during that time as well.

I also second the idea of kid videos for your two-year-old when you're in dire situations like that. I just got a Raffi concert DVD from Netflix and my three-year-old is in love with it. I figure it's probably one of the healthiest things she can watch if she's staring at the TV. It stimulates her mind and doesn't subject her to commercialism. (It also encourages her to get up and dance, jump, sing, and do other physical stuff.) I plan to hang on to that DVD for a while, unless we buy our own copy soon.

as you get through this difficult time.

Kristin

Mama to Laurel '06 & high needs Will '09
Crunchy in mainstream suburbia | Sleep-deprived WAHM
majorsky is offline  
#21 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 07:56 PM
 
BoringTales's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 679
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh man...I'm sorry you are having a rough time! You must have some pretty extensive tearing. My goodness.

Get some videos, buy some tv dinners and spaghettios, and excuse yourself from 'super mom' duties until you have healed. Sometimes 'survival mode' is the best that we can do, and a week of it won't hurt either of your kids.

Another option is to call a couple local to you churches and tell them your situation. There are tons of little old lady-types that love to play with kids and bring over meals for people who are in need...and honey...you are definitely in need.

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
BoringTales is offline  
#22 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 08:02 PM
 
Ianthe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Logan, Utah
Posts: 6,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OP- how are you holding up?

stillheart.gif The Hippie & the Marine stillheart.gif  hh2.gif
My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011

Ianthe is offline  
#23 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 08:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
christibale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mcminnville, Oregon
Posts: 281
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Guys!

Thanks for ALL of your help.

My husband called one of our church leaders while he was gone and told her to check in on me last night. She called me and I told her it was tough and she got on the phone and got a TON of people to help. I've spent almost the entire day in bed. My room is totally safe for the 2 year old to be in, so I just put a lock on the inside of the door and turned on Sesame Street this morning while I slept. Then someone came over to entertain her and keep me company, but I was still too shy to ask her to help with laundry and stuff.

I've got a dinner train going though now, so people are bringing over meals they made for me to eat or freeze, and that is totally helping a lot.

DH may be home sooner than he thought, but still no real return time, so I'm just surviving. DD seems to be adjusting to life in the house. If I can make it another week, that would be great.

I thought I would just spend the entire time admiring the baby and floating on a cloud, and it seems that I underthought it!!!!

Thanks for all the advice. I even found someone to hire for the times I feel like I don't have enough help. I HATE that possibility, but it will have to work.

Wife to Jared; SAHM to dd Daphne (03/07) and VBAC Cyprus (06/09). Farmer, Wool Goddess, Photographer and Seamstress
christibale is offline  
#24 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 08:24 PM
 
bajamergrrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Glad to hear things are looking up for you mama.
bajamergrrl is offline  
#25 of 25 Old 07-09-2009, 08:59 PM
 
BoringTales's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 679
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so glad you got some help!! Now rest and enjoy your babies!

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
BoringTales is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off