I fully realized the lack of DH's understanding the other day. He came home from work with the intention of going out immediately afterward to ride his motorcycle with his friends. I had been waiting for him to come home so that I could go run some quick errands while he watched DS. DH refused to put his plans on hold for a little while saying that I had all day to run my errands. What he doesn't understand is that running errands with DS is not ideal. Sometimes our days consist of both of us catching up on sleep if DS was up for a long time at night. DS has days where he nurses around the clock and won't sleep anywhere but on my lap. There isn't anyone else I can call to give me a break. I may not manage to eat or shower till DH gets home. If DS and I make it to the car, there's usually a period of time where he screams in the car or screams when we arrive at our destination. Calming DS usually involves nursing which isn't always convenient even though I do NIP. Going anywhere with DS usually works better if there are at least two of available to wrangle him. Needless to say I wanted to throw something at DH's head...and almost did.
Ok, I'm sorry if I sound whiny particularly since there are mamas who do it all by themselves and with more than one DC. I'm just more annoyed with DH thinking it should be easy.
Anyway, does anyone else have a clueless DH/DP?
My problem with my boyfriend (and his family) is his insistence that using pacis and bottles won't screw up our bfing. He seems to think that pumping and letting someone give DS a bottle would "help." People don't realize that nursing really doesn't bother me.
The other problem? He expected DS to sleep okay in a cradle on day one (well... four). He didn't seem to believe me when I said we had plenty of time to get him used to it.
I am sorry mama - that just sucks. Have you left him with the baby for more than a few minutes at a time? Maybe what he needs is an hour or two with DS so that he can fully understand what you go through all day. Are you planning on pumping and giving a bottle occasionally? If so, this might be a good way to hand off DS for a while and see how DH does.
And, as a side note, I would really recommend traveling and running errands with your baby as much as possible because it really can be easy to get around with a newborn (if you are confident bfing in public and wear a sling). It is a hard adjustment, but it can go smoothly with a little planning and an open mind. I spent the first few months with my first DC at home, only venturing out occasionally and I wish I would have gotten out more with him. Now, with a 2yo and newborn it is exponentially more difficult to get around and I miss the days of only having one to schlep around!
Proud Mama to DS1 09/07 , DD 07/09 , and DS2 06/11 . Feeling more and more blessed with each day!
:And, as a side note, I would really recommend traveling and running errands with your baby as much as possible because it really can be easy to get around with a newborn (if you are confident bfing in public and wear a sling). It is a hard adjustment, but it can go smoothly with a little planning and an open mind.
When I only had one child, I used to space out my errands so I had somewhere to go every day if I felt I needed to get out of the house. Also try to find some momma friends with babies or toddlers so you can meet at the park or out to lunch. Nursing in public gets easier every time you do it and you'll feel more confident and comfortable with it each time.
Now that I have a toddler AND a newborn going out and doing errands is a LITTLE bit harder. But I think my husband realizes how much work it is. He was gone for an ENTIRE WEEK out of town for work when DS when freaking 2 weeks old. Hardest week ever!!!
I think the adjustment to having a child is harder for guys sometimes because they don't have to feed the baby so they don't quite understand how much work it truly is. My husband sleeps through all our night feedings so I don't think he realizes why I am so tired when I went to sleep at 9pm... he assumes I should be well rested HAHA.
All I can say is that you should try to communicate how you are feeling as best as you can to your husband. If you don't let him know the extent of what you're feeling and going through you may end up resenting him. I was afraid to let my DH know just how I felt the first time and yet I somehow expected him to figure it out on his own. This time I started prepping him during pregnancy that I would really need him to do more this time than he did the first time. And he is so much more considerate this time.
Bethany ~ Mama of two wonderful boys ♥ ♥ Wife to one amazing man ♥
Massage Therapist ~ Doula ~ Student Midwife
I hope things get even better and your DH spends plenty of quality time once the bottle is introduced.
Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11
A moby wrap saved my sanity. I would put the wrap on before I left the house, put ds in his carseat, drive to where ever I was going, take ds out of his car seat and pop him in the moby. He loved it. I could go anywhere, and he'd be happy. Grocery shopping became an enjoyable escape each week- heck, sometimes we'd go more than once a week.
I didn't know any other moms in town until ds was over 2 months old (that was when I found the local MOMS club chapter- google them, there may be a chapter in your area). Finding that group (I'm now the president) was a complete life saver. Finally, I had support- Moms who knew what I was going through and activities to look forward to each week. yeah, it's not like a newborn is going to play at the playground, but the adult conversation at the playground was worth getting out of bed that morning!
As for your dh, I'm at a loss as to what to say. If my dh tried to be that selfish, and put his social life ahead of our family life, I'd have a few words for him. The first few months are such a stressfull time for new families- each person is learning their new role and sometimes it's a struggle. Motorcycles will still be there once everyone has adjusted.
The Hippie & the Marine
My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011
I came home every day for a week and asked him why the house wasn't clean and dinner wasn't made, lol. He got it and hasn't given me any trouble this time around! Maybe that's harsh, but it worked!
I suggest to any mom whose DP is being a three-letter donkey to leave for more than several hours - he'll get the picture.