Who is sure that people will be rude to them when they share the news? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 11:17 AM
 
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Wow! I thought I was the only one with very opinionated family members! We have told DH's mom and stepdad and some friends, but I'm going to wait to tell my family until I can't hide it any more. My mom is the worst. I think I will preface our conversation with, "If you have anything negative to say, don't say a word. Just smile and let it drop." I had so much negative feedback from her with #5 and I refuse to feel like that again. This will be the last (and I mean it this time!) and I want this to be a very calm, serene pregnancy with no negativity whatsoever . . if I can help it!

Kelly - wife to the best DH and : Mama to 6 younguns
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#32 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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violet, how sad! that would make me feel terrible. hopefully you don't have to see them very often.

Kelly, my oldest is 13 too! that must be really hard coming from your own home. hope you can hide it a long time.

i wsa thinking about this this morning again. we never see dh's family so i don't care what they know. my parents won't even be unhappy but i will just feel so embarrassed. they know that we're struggling with our mortgage and trying to restructure our loan to afford it better. also the fact that i DID tell them last month on the spur of the moment that i was pregnant and then the very next day had a m/c. i can't help but wish i never told them last month so that i could tell them now and not have them think, 'well, if it was an accident, what the heck did you do it again for?'

Christie

Vegan, homeschooling mom to my 3 boys and my girl, missing Matthew born still at 34 weeks
 

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#33 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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Well, I got some rudeness where I least expected it...

I'm on another website where I blog. I'm an open book on there because hey, that's what blogging is for and most of these people I have known online for several years. They know what I went through with my first DD, the miscarriages I had, and with my second DD... they all know that condoms have failed as well as birth control pills. Only a few of them actually know I got a little darker BFP, the rest are still waiting for an annoucement so to say...

Well, I get on today and got a comment basically saying that since I only had one period post partum and I'm supposily irregular (who's to say?), that there is no way I can be pregnant again. ...It just irritated me to no end! I know my body, I've seen the tests...even got other people's opinions on it to make sure I wasnt kidding myself!! I knew the mini pill would fail and I was pretty sure I knew when I O'd, but we took a risk. ...And because of comments like that, I wont annouce anything on my blog until I get a darker BFP... even though I have pictures of my last BFP.

I just hate unwanted opinions on MY body.
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#34 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 10:23 PM
 
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I cant believe some of the people we all have to deal with. Who are they to be so opinionated, particularly when they have never been in the situation!

I am in academia and most friends/colleagues think that kids detract from career (so f'n what?) and fun and vacations and going out. DH and I had the conversation right after I broke the news last night and realized some of our friends may not want to hang out anymore. Some of them are "fixed" now and claim they hate kids.

Well if their friendship is that shallow, its not worth my time!

I also have a SIL that may be upset because she is getting married over holidays which is when we will break the new to the extended family.

Once again

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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#35 of 51 Old 12-26-2008, 03:21 PM
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[QUOTE=Quindin;

I told DH that I am afraid some day I will get so fed up with strangers coming up to me and asking WHY I have so many kids, that I may just answer: "It is because my husband and I like to **** " [/QUOTE]

Let me know their response when you say this. I am sure Mrs. Duggar tells others this all the time when they make comments about her crew.
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#36 of 51 Old 12-26-2008, 05:02 PM
 
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I am bracing myself for some negative/rude comments (have only told very few ppl so far). This is baby #3 for us, maybe not a big deal compared to some of the mamas here who have many more kids. However, among our friends, most stop at two. The only ppl who know IRL (who are our age) who have more than 2 kids are families who extremely religious. So, needless to say, we are kind of the oddballs. I think that *most* of the ppl that we know will be happy and supportive. However, I think that we will get rude comments from ppl that are strangers or those that we don't really know well. We have not told mil/fil yet, I have no clue what their rxn will be, esp mil, who is just someone I have issues with to begin with.
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#37 of 51 Old 12-26-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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I've heard it and will hear it until my kids are grown, I'm sure. I'm pregnant with #5. My oldest will turn 6 on April 12. Sooo, yes, I will have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old, 3 yr old, 1 yr old, and a newborn. I'm 22. I will turn 23 a few weeks after this baby is born. My husband doesn't make great money. We live with my mom. So of course we are going to get the comments and looks. This baby was an oops. We were using condoms because we were done - but weren't sure if in 5 yrs we would want another - because well, we are really young. So now we are sure that we are done and hubby will get snipped sometime during this pregnancy. At first I was shocked, then happy, and now scared and having a bit of a hard time dealing with the idea of 5 kids under 6.
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#38 of 51 Old 12-26-2008, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The good news is that NONE of my inlaws said anything mean or rude! I was very happily surprised!

Anyway, since we announced it we have heard:

"Are you happy about it?" usually accompanied by a pittying look, and usually right in front of my other kids!!
That one is so rude, but we have heard many times! What are people thinking we will answer? "Actually, we are devastated!" If it were true (and obviously, it is not) such a struggle is not something people share with acquaintances anyway - and not in front of the other kids! ?
Our answer is of course: "We are thrilled!"

"Was it planned"
Gosh, I HATE that one! Another super rude and invasive comment - and I get that from strangers.

"When are you going to stop" or "Are you done?"
I have been answering "Who knows" followed by a smile, and that's enough to make them stop asking.

And no, I have not had the opportunity (or balls) to give that cheeky answer I mentioned earlier
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#39 of 51 Old 12-27-2008, 01:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quindin View Post
The good news is that NONE of my inlaws said anything mean or rude! I was very happily surprised!

Anyway, since we announced it we have heard:

"Are you happy about it?" usually accompanied by a pittying look, and usually right in front of my other kids!!
That one is so rude, but we have heard many times! What are people thinking we will answer? "Actually, we are devastated!" If it were true (and obviously, it is not) such a struggle is not something people share with acquaintances anyway - and not in front of the other kids! ?
Our answer is of course: "We are thrilled!"

"Was it planned"
Gosh, I HATE that one! Another super rude and invasive comment - and I get that from strangers.

"When are you going to stop" or "Are you done?"
I have been answering "Who knows" followed by a smile, and that's enough to make them stop asking.

And no, I have not had the opportunity (or balls) to give that cheeky answer I mentioned earlier
I am confused. You told your BF today? Does BF mean boyfriend. So you told your boyfriend about the baby before you told this board?
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#40 of 51 Old 12-27-2008, 08:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You quoted the wrong post - I don't have a boyfriend nor did I write BF
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#41 of 51 Old 12-27-2008, 12:10 PM
 
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Every time my pregnancy comes up with someone new, either at work, or with relatives, I brace myself for the look of concern or mild disgust. I am very overweight and there are many people out in the world who see that as endangerment to the baby, and there are articles even suggesting that pregnancies involving obese women should be considered child abuse.http://aussiemistress.blogspot.com/2...ild-abuse.html

Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
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#42 of 51 Old 12-28-2008, 12:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzanneDeAz View Post
I am confused. You told your BF today? Does BF mean boyfriend. So you told your boyfriend about the baby before you told this board?
I would guess in the context of the post you meant to quote, "BF" means "best friend."
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#43 of 51 Old 12-29-2008, 07:36 AM
 
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best friend = BF

at least I think that's what she means
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#44 of 51 Old 12-29-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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I will get all kinds of rude comments.

This is #3 for us and our older two are almost 5 and 6.5 so we are just starting to get some ability-to-sleep-in-a little-bit-on-the weekend time back.

Plus I will be 42 when the sprout is born.

There will be a lot of "you must be crazy", "better you than me" and "you do realize that you will be 60 when this child graduates from high school right?".

Us being PG again will be a shock to most people. i dont really know why since it is obvious that we are crazy about kids.

Me (42), DH (41), DD (7), DS1 (5) and DS2 Aug 02/09
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#45 of 51 Old 01-29-2009, 02:17 AM
 
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Hope you all don't mind if I barge here and bring up this old post. I am 15w with #6 (when this one is born, the others will be 8, 6, 6, 3 and 1). This was a big surprise, considering I'll be 41, have a long history of infertility and have not had a period since before my baby was born last May. Anyhow, I still haven't told my mother! She's going to threaten to move in with me or something, since I couldn't possibly handle it on my own. I think she felt oppressed by having four kids herself. (the truth is, I just have very different standards and systems for how I keep house LOL.) She drives me crazy.

But I really want to share what MIL said. She was so sweet - DH told her the other night and she called me yesterday to say how happy she was, and that if her parents hadn't had 12, DH wouldn't be here. (MIL was #12.)
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#46 of 51 Old 01-29-2009, 06:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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snowmom5:

This is 6 for me too.
Your MIL sounds like my mom, but your mom sounds just like my MIL!
In her latest email, she told my husband that I HAVE to hire a nanny, because I obviously can't handle 6 And I had been so surprised she had been nice about the news so far... She too has totally different standards from mine.
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#47 of 51 Old 01-29-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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Quindin - all the talk about how I need to hire a nanny is one of the reasons I'm procrastinating on telling my family - had enough of that after #5. I have a very successful brother and at one point SIL had two nannies - one for each of her two kids (and she wasn't working, and they weren't that little). I had a nanny for a little while when I was on bedrest with my twins and then afterward, but I hated having someone around all the time. Plus it would be throwing money out the window - sure I could use a sitter sometimes, but I don't need full time help. Even though my mom loved being a mom - indeed her entire identity seemed wrapped up in it - she was depressed, I think, during my childhood for whatever reasons, and I think she projects her feelings about that time period onto me and my family. I'm trying to go a few more weeks without telling her. I'm sure she'll say she needs to move here (which is so NOT happening - no way could I deal with that). Even with 5 kids, she is completely convinced that I need her here. I'm her only daughter and my dad passed away a couple years ago - she needs to be needed but I'd like her to look elsewhere.

I'm just glad someone else understands this... maybe she'll surprise me and be happy? she'll be happy but behind my back she'll talk about how I have to get help. Like the time recently when she said my house was "not as bad as it used to be." gee thanks.
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#48 of 51 Old 01-29-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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My mom told me my fiance needs to get a vasectomy yesterday.. LOL

Ok mom, we will get right on that.
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#49 of 51 Old 01-29-2009, 07:52 PM
 
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It amazes me how rude people can be - be it having a larger family to infertility, people just say things that are stupid if they actually thought about it. I know a precious family with 6 girls. She was due with her 6th the same week as my 2nd was due and we had a fun time progressing through pregnancy together. I was shocked at the number of people who kept asking (in front of the other kids too) if they were "finally getting their boy this time!" How rude to imply that they only "kept" having kids in hopes of having a boy!
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#50 of 51 Old 01-29-2009, 09:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rebeccalynn View Post
It amazes me how rude people can be - be it having a larger family to infertility, people just say things that are stupid if they actually thought about it. I know a precious family with 6 girls. She was due with her 6th the same week as my 2nd was due and we had a fun time progressing through pregnancy together. I was shocked at the number of people who kept asking (in front of the other kids too) if they were "finally getting their boy this time!" How rude to imply that they only "kept" having kids in hopes of having a boy!

We get that all the time! We have 6 sons and people assume that we are desperate for a girl!
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#51 of 51 Old 02-02-2009, 04:12 PM
 
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A little update: I finally told my mother (I'm 16w today). In some ways, it wasn't as bad as I thought - she seemed happy and congratulated me and understood that this was a genuine surprise. But then she had to go down the whole infertility road, "see? all you needed to do was relax!" She has no idea how insulting that is. Then she said something about how I had told her I have bad eggs - not true, she just missed the entire point of some conversation I had with her around eight years ago regarding IVF. She never did understand the whole infertility thing, and that's fine as long as we don't have to discuss it. I just don't want her going around making hurtful comments to people currently suffering from infertility, like my cousins. She has a tendency to do this without realizing it. I can already hear it - look at your cousin, she never thought she'd have any kids and all she had to do was relax (by the way, yeah, I was really relaxed that weekend we conceived, right around the time one of my five young children had surgery on his spinal cord. right.)

There's plenty of time for my mother to threaten to move in. Just give her time for the shock to wear off. I'm glad I waited as long as I did. Now I'm telling random people all over the place because I'm so embarrassingly fat

On another note, I'm having a big u/s tomorrow and we are not finding out the gender (never have!)


snowmom to dd 8, ds 6, ds 6, ds 2, ds 8 months
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