Who is sure that people will be rude to them when they share the news? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 51 Old 10-30-2008, 12:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is baby 6!
People already stare at us and whisper when we walk down the street.
DH is a pastor and I am a SAHM, so we live in a modest income.
People know that, specially the neighbours (the parsonage happens to be in an affluent neighbourhood, so we are an aberration as it is :roll: Oh, and we homeschool!!

My MIL is such a witch! I want her to be the last one to know!! Last time she saw me (in June) she said: "You have to get fixed! Your body is looking terrible after all these kids, and you can barely take care of the ones you have!"
SIL says that one of the reasons is that she is very concerned that I will out do her when it comes to number of kids (she has 7) Like I want to compete with her!! Arghhhhhhh

Anyway, I am not looking forward to walking down the street with a huge belly and 5 kids under 11 on toll... I mean, I mostly don't care, but some days rude comments get to me...

I told DH that I am afraid some day I will get so fed up with strangers coming up to me and asking WHY I have so many kids, that I may just answer: "It is because my husband and I like to **** "
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#2 of 51 Old 10-30-2008, 01:39 PM
 
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This will be our 3rd and I am sure that at least one of my close friends will have something unkind to say. My MIL wanted us to have another, but her reasoning is very rude. I have 2 boys and of course she insists that we have a girl. Uh, how am I supposed to do that? So I know she is going to say something mean if this one is a boy.
So I'm not in the exact same boat as you, but am worried about telling some people. I feel sad about it because I just want everyone to be as happy as I am!

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#3 of 51 Old 10-30-2008, 05:18 PM
 
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I think we can expect this from some family members. It really burns me up that people can't just be happy for you and let any other issues they may have go.
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#4 of 51 Old 10-30-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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Not about having "too many" But I've found that when your pregnant everyone is 10X stupider and 10x more rude (Is that just hormones? ) I can expect comments (lots of comments) about Homebirth, Circ, Vax Etc. But this time around Im so much more confident in my decisions hopefully I can let it roll off my back.
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#5 of 51 Old 10-30-2008, 08:51 PM
 
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This will only be #2 for us, but I suspect there may be some people who will give us rude comments because of our financial situation.. (DH is unemployed- collecting unemployment, but hasn't been able to find a decent job). Well, we were actually planning on waiting a little while longer to TTC (even though we wanted to sooner, but I was charting and trying to be careful).. anyway, I had a fluke cycle and O'd waaay earlier than normal.. so here I am.

I am happy, DH is happy, our family will mostly be happy.. but just concerned about finances. I will probably tell them, I have most everything I need because I saved everything including diapers from DS. If I have a girl I can spend $15 at a thrift store and get plenty of clothes (assuming no one buys anything for *her*).

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#6 of 51 Old 10-31-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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Quindin, my brother and sister in law have 5 under 8 years of age, and due for another one soon, homeschool, and homestead. I must admit it took some getting used to, and inner-family concern about their ability to take care of them, but when I visit I am so thankful that there are at least 5 more sweet, respectful, intelligent little kids being raised into this world. And recognize, from my perspective, how many people who are critical just have their head up their ass for sake of having it there. 5+ kids is intimidating to me personally, but they have a community (the church) and the capability. So thank heaven for these great little beings!
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#7 of 51 Old 10-31-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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I guess I may have people not so happy with me.

THe pregnancy is with my ex.. whom is what he is.. an ex... and i told them i was no longer involved with him (physically).. well i guess this truth will really be told now

oops....
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#8 of 51 Old 10-31-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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It's partly my own fault but I know my mom will tell me I'm nuts. For the last year I've been saying we are absolutely DONE-no more babies! But my DH wouldn't go get snipped because he wanted 1 more and kept hoping I'd change my mind. I DIDN'T change my mind but I guess fate has something else in mind for me.
So I know she'll look at me like I was a dumb teenager or something and say "there are ways to prevent that ya know"

My MIL will give me a funny look too like "aren't we a little old for that?" but she'll be fine in the long run. She's finally gotten used to our unconventional ways.

I have a few friends that will say we're nuts but will be supportive. We started late compared to most of our friends that have teenagers already. They'll just be glad they get to hold a baby but not have to keep it

Full-time homeschooling mama : of a 15yo "teenager" , 12yo DIVA, 9yo builder, & 4yo treasure.
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#9 of 51 Old 11-02-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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I'm really scared to tell my mom, really. She was, shall we say, less than enthusiastic when I told her I was pregnant with DS. I think part of it is that she gets so worried about me because pregnancy is not kind to me, she'll also probably be very worried about how I'll care for my kids if I'm as sick as I was with both previous pregnancies. I don't know, I'm just scared to tell her, I'm almost positive her reaction will upset me in some way.

I'm unsure how my family will react, too.

So far I've only told people who I knew would be excited and supportive. I feel so sad that I feel this way, that I know people will make rude or unwelcome comments. It's like only the first pregnancy is exciting or worth celebrating.
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#10 of 51 Old 11-04-2008, 05:39 PM
 
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Yes - people will be rude - they always are...sometimes I don't even think they know it!

Read this: http://www.plomp.com/largefam/comebacks.htm

It's a fabulous list of comebacks for parents of large fams.:

Unschooling, writer mom of Matt, 22; Lydia, 21; Alex, 18; Liam, 16; Jack, 9; Kiara, 7; Seamus, 5; Anais, 1 and ??? May 2015. About to hit the road in an RV full time. Currently live off grid in Alaska.
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#11 of 51 Old 11-04-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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Me. This will be #4 for us. We have a 4.5 yr old, a 2.5 yr old, and a 10 mos old. My family will flip cos they thought 3 was too many. DH's fam will flip cause #3 and 4 will be so close in age, and our money situation is not stable right now. But like my DH says, they're our kids, not there's!
:
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#12 of 51 Old 11-04-2008, 06:23 PM
 
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I'm not looking forward to telling family, because my Mom stresses (and shows it) about me having to take care of 3 little ones (no matter how much I tell her that it's not difficult & I love it!) and she knows I'm not so great with the finances sometimes. The biggest reason I'm not wanting to tell yet is because we're paying my in-laws back for a vehicle they bought for DH for work (MIL & DH did it without consulting me first )... and now we will have to somehow buy a bigger vehicle for me.

I'm really struggling with that right now... wanting to pay the in-laws back with tax refund, needing to save for another vehicle, and REALLY wanting a homebirth ($3,000 = $375/month). I really want to have a financial plan before telling everyone, but I'm showing already and it's hard trying to hide it.
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#13 of 51 Old 11-05-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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My MIL and SIL's are always making nasty comments. This is my 5th pregnancy, and it's sad that we have never gotten a "congratulations" from them. I think my SIL's are just jealous because they are well over 30 almost 40, unmarried, no dating relationships, and miserable. Due to there behavior they are not apart of our lives, DH does call them every blue moon though. I told him not to bother telling them that I am pregnant since I know they will have negative comments. I would rather them hear it from my FIL or DH's other family members. In the end, all that matters is we love each other, our kids, and can take care of them.

Mom to 4, & a Baby Girl in Heaven 01/2009. Missing my New Angel 12/2009
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#14 of 51 Old 11-05-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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Me. This will be #4 for us. We have a 4.5 yr old, a 2.5 yr old, and a 10 mos old. My family will flip cos they thought 3 was too many. DH's fam will flip cause #3 and 4 will be so close in age, and our money situation is not stable right now. But like my DH says, they're our kids, not there's!
:
Wow, lil'mama, we're mirror images!
I have three the same ages.

I knew my parents and family would be the ones with the negative comments. After #2 they were already saying : "you know what causes that, right?" They also have loads to say in opposition to my opinions on vax, circ, discipline...pretty much everything parental. I have a friend who has made comments on how we'll "always be poor" when she found out about #3. : (we're not poor, but don't live according to her standard of living so I guess that's the qualifiying factor. )

We're excited and happy though. We weren't sure if our family was "complete" and I guess it wasn't yet.

Family has been accepting, thus far. Haven't told everyone. My friends that know have all been very supportive. I already get the: "you've got your hands full!" and "I don't know how you do it" comments from strangers. Can't wait to see expressions when I have a big belly or another baby in my arms!
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#15 of 51 Old 11-05-2008, 04:38 PM
 
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I am going to get the trying for a boy thing for sure. We always talked about having three kids, so this won't be too big of a suprise for anyone.

:,,:, to my three veggie ladies 12/09/05, : 10/03/07 & 07/10/09 hanging on for dear life to :
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#16 of 51 Old 11-05-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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I'm not looking forward to telling my doctoral committee. They won't be rude but they will be very concerned.

Mama to DS (6/07) h20homebirth.gif, DD (6/09) h20homebirth.gif, and DD (07/12) homebirth.jpg..

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#17 of 51 Old 11-06-2008, 03:46 PM
 
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I have mixed feelings about this. I am really excited to share with DH's family! I know that they will be supportive and excited! My parents on the other hand...I am NOT looking forward to talking with! I was just on the phone with my mom and she was asking if "when you guys decide to have kids" (she's thinking 2+years out) are you going to be a SAHM? Or work? Or will you want to/be able to? I mentioned that even if the money's tight there are WIC and other programs...then I got the 'that's welfare" and "that discourages hard work" lecture! grrr! My DH works sooo hard but when the times are tight, the younger guys just don't get work as easily!

Working, freshly graduated! mama.  Loving life with DHguitar.gif , DD 7/09energy.gif, and DS 06/11 babyboy.gif.
 
 
 
  

 
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#18 of 51 Old 11-09-2008, 12:31 AM
 
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We will for sure! We have 6 boys (10; 8; 5;; 3; 3; 2) The two 3 year olds are not twins, 1 is bio, 1 is adopted. We have just moved to Canada from South Africa and I'm stalling telling my parents and in-laws. I think we will just send them an e-mail with a poem announcing the pregnancy and a list of successful people who were 7th children. Then they can call us when they feel positive enought to talk to us.
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#19 of 51 Old 11-09-2008, 10:58 AM
 
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I think our fams will be mad that we waited until Christmas to tell them. I've been having trouble telling everyone that we aren't pg when we are. My MIL may be less than thrilled though. She tried to give us the "two children are just too expensive talk" about 4 months ago, but I refuse to see children as a liability. But, I think she'll be secretly thrilled.
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#20 of 51 Old 11-09-2008, 12:38 PM
 
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We will for sure! We have 6 boys (10; 8; 5;; 3; 3; 2) The two 3 year olds are not twins, 1 is bio, 1 is adopted. We have just moved to Canada from South Africa and I'm stalling telling my parents and in-laws. I think we will just send them an e-mail with a poem announcing the pregnancy and a list of successful people who were 7th children. Then they can call us when they feel positive enought to talk to us.
Yay for sevens! Let me know what you find out about successful sevens! And mega-congrats...remember, while seven might seem like a lot - the Duggars will always have more!

Unschooling, writer mom of Matt, 22; Lydia, 21; Alex, 18; Liam, 16; Jack, 9; Kiara, 7; Seamus, 5; Anais, 1 and ??? May 2015. About to hit the road in an RV full time. Currently live off grid in Alaska.
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#21 of 51 Old 11-10-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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Really... What is the point of being rude? What's the point of dissaproving? Do they think that we are gonna stop in our tracks and say,

"Gosh you're right! We are out of our minds, we just won't have this baby after all. Thanks for "saving" us from our stupidity!"

Not bloody likey!

We have been worried about telling my husband's Dad and his wife, the last time I told her I was pregnant she used the words "birth defects and abberations" in the first sentence out of her mouth! Can you believe it!

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#22 of 51 Old 11-10-2008, 12:45 AM
 
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yay for sevens! Let me know what you find out about successful sevens! And mega-congrats...remember, while seven might seem like a lot - the duggars will always have more!:d
:d
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#23 of 51 Old 11-10-2008, 12:56 AM
 
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I'm scared. I don't believe our families will be rude, but I am worried about their reactions. They all knew we were planning to wait a few more years, but we are still excited and I want them to be excited too. I'm almost scared to tell them.

I'm Kellie :, married to Chris , and mom to one baby girl (7/12/09).
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#24 of 51 Old 11-10-2008, 12:59 AM
 
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I'm sure I'll get some rude comments. I'm a gestational surrogate, and so far it's either "wow, you are so wonderful for doing that" or a *try not to show my distaste and back away slowly* look. And that was before I was pregnant. To be honest, though, I'm kinda looking forward to the "Oh, are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" "Well, actually, it's not mine." conversations. Am I evil?

If anyone gives me flack about the parents, though, I'll rip them a new one. I'm still fuming over prop 8 passing.
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#25 of 51 Old 11-10-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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I bit the bullet and told my mom and aunt and uncle today, they all were quite amazed and positive about it. I'm so relieved! I finally told my bf today, too - she was a bit...shocked...I guess. I got the reaction I expected to get. Not exactly the reaction I'd hoped for. More of a "Wow, really? I don't know what to say. I guess it's okay since you're a SAHM..." Something like that. Nothing negative, but...yah. Not what I was hoping for. But I was mostly concerned about my mom, and she's happy.

Yay! :
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#26 of 51 Old 11-10-2008, 12:59 PM
 
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I'm sure I'll get some rude comments. I'm a gestational surrogate, and so far it's either "wow, you are so wonderful for doing that" or a *try not to show my distaste and back away slowly* look. And that was before I was pregnant. To be honest, though, I'm kinda looking forward to the "Oh, are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" "Well, actually, it's not mine." conversations. Am I evil?

If anyone gives me flack about the parents, though, I'll rip them a new one. I'm still fuming over prop 8 passing.
Evil, no way! subversive pehaps, but I think you deserve any of the little pleasures you can get out of this.

Anna Banana ~5 year old daughter ~3 year old son one angel baby and expecting July 2010
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#27 of 51 Old 11-11-2008, 12:48 PM
 
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This is the first grandchild on both sides so I know that everyone will be thrilled. I'm waiting until the ultrasound to tell the ILs though. I'm just so scared it won't stick, and I hate to get everyone's hopes up just to let them all down again.

Mom to a little boy (June 2009)
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#28 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 03:11 AM
 
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We wont be saying anything until I hit around 9 weeks due to previous miscarriages. I know when we say something though, we are bound to get some rude comments because I just had a baby on August 24th of this year. We werent trying... actually I was on birth control, but like our first, it failed. Nevertheless, we are happy.

Several of our family members know already, but there are some people I dread to tell. My best friend asked me a bit ago if I was pregnant again and at the time I wasnt sure... she basically told me she hoped I wasnt... which I thought was rude. I know when I tell her I am pregnant, she will act happy but wont be or just be flat out rude about it.
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#29 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 05:01 AM
 
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i'm nervous too! we have 4 already and it's not really the amount of children that my family will be upset with, it's our financial situation. eek!

Christie

Vegan, homeschooling mom to my 3 boys and my girl, missing Matthew born still at 34 weeks
 

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#30 of 51 Old 11-12-2008, 09:32 AM
 
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Dh told his mom, my mil, a couple of days ago. As I predicted ealier in this thread, it did not go well. She wasn't very happy and actually asked him not to tell anyone else in the family. How depressing.
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