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vent - anyone have relatives that make rude comments about pg/sex of baby?

706 views 13 replies 10 participants last post by  momoftworedheads 
#1 ·
Hello all,

Warning - this is a rant to vent!

My Aunt swears that my DH and I know the sex of this baby, which neither of us do. I have had 3 u/s, two for anatomy (at the first they could not get everything they needed) and one to make sure the placenta has moved from the cervix so I can have a vaginal delivery.
She is telling people that we know we are having a girl and that we are just keeping it a secret. She told my mother this and a good friend of mine. She thinks we are crazy to have a 4th child and told them both that as well.

My mother had now gotten on the bandwagon of being totally rude as well. The baby is measuring 3 weeks over in most of his/her measurements, but the head measurement was the biggest and measuring over the most. I am 31 weeks, the baby's head circumference is over 34 weeks.

My mom says, well "you look bigger this time" (which I definitely do not, I have only gained 8 lbs), and this is definitely a boy, only boys are big! She wants a girl in the worst way, she has 5 grandsons and 2 granddaughters. Also, three people we know that are Pg, are all having girls, so since things come in three's(in her opinion), now I am definitely having a boy. She shows her disapproval of a possible boy all of the time and it really upsets me. My DH just tries to blow her off and tells her to stop it but she keeps it up.

Tonight he told her that this is going to be the biggest girl you have ever seen. Get over it! It was funny, but still her comments had upset me enough. Then she asked my boys how they would feel if it is a brother and not a sister like she is hoping. I just wish she'd let up, I just want to being home a healthy baby!

I have noone in real life to vent this to, only my DH and he has heard enough of it. Thanks for reading.

Take care,
Jen
 
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#2 ·
I feel your pain.
we are having a girl after two boys and my mother is sooo pleased to the point that i know the baby girl will have special treatment that i know my boys never had. She also thought we shouldn't have any more children and keeps on saying "you're not going to have any more, right?"
Just let it roll of your back, smile in a knowing way, it must be driving her MAD not knowing the sex of the baby.
 
#3 ·
Everyone in our families seems to be convinced/wishful thinking that this is a girl. It is so agravating at times because I have been/am working so hard to cultivate true equanimity about having a boy or a girl. I truly long for a daughter - but I also went into the pg with the full knowledge that I could easily have another son and that I want another child much more than I want a girl. It is really important to me to be excited to get to know my child whether s/he is male or female! So it's definitely off-putting to be "teased" about it all the time.

At least there is no way anyone can think we know - we've had no ultrasound or other diagnostic test so NOBODY in the whole world can possibly know for sure!
 
#4 ·
My mom made a few comments early on like she was disappointed it was an other boy but I got really mad and hurt so she hasn't said anything since. We are having our second boy and honeslty I like it that way. I wanted to have a brother for DS. The bond they will have is something I have never experienced as the only girl but see DH with his brother who is less than 2 years younger.

I would never accept a comment to my other children about the inferiority of one sex over the other. Think about how hurt they will be when the "girl" gets all the special attention from family they never got. But then I am pretty vocal when people say inappropriate things
 
#5 ·
We're having our second girl - so far, it seems all anyone wants to say is "Oh, but I bet your husband wants a boy!"
First, he doesn't. He's thrilled about having girls.
Second, well, it doesn't really MATTER if he wants a boy - he's getting girls!

Luckily, our families are so thrilled that we're having another baby that they don't care what sex the kid is.
 
#6 ·
My MIL kept commenting before we found out that she wanted a boy so the family name would be carried on... she has 2 other sons and she's really that afraid that the family won't be passed on, not even once?! It kinda irked me and I had hoped for a girl, but we're getting her boy. I don't think it really affected her too much though. Both families are happy about the baby.

DH's family keeps saying, "you never know if could be a girl". They say this because their last was supposed to be a girl, but turned out to be a boy. Well, our little guy showed off his little penis a couple times to the tech and it was QUITE obvious. It's more likely anyways to mix it up with a girl, than a boy. Primarily, because there's something THERE. Hopefully they'll stop that soon and just be satisfied with whatever grandchild they get. I know they will be.

Whatever you have, it will be a wonderful baby and addition to your family.
 
#7 ·
My mom said "You're not wanting to be like the Duggars, are you"..... this really made me mad, I just looked at her and said no. I was surprised and didn't have a good comeback, I wish DH would have heard her.


We are expecting baby #4 and my parents happily had 6 kids, so I'm not sure where she is coming from.
:
 
#12 ·
My mom said "You're not wanting to be like the Duggars, are you"..... this really made me mad, I just looked at her and said no. I was surprised and didn't have a good comeback, I wish DH would have heard her.
QUOTE]

That gets under my skin like nothing else. What right does anyone have to tell my husband and me that we should stop having children, can't afford anymore, etc etc etc?! We are not having babies and letting them be a burden on society. We are not asking our family to take care of them for us. And it's not anyone else's business!! Please! I just can't stand people putting their noses where they don't belong. So maybe it wouldn't work for everyone to have so many kids, but the Duggars seem to be doing something right to have such well rounded, well behaved, happy children. I wish I could be so organized and calm! Only I and my husband can know what we can handle.
 
#8 ·
I think we have the same mother. My mother flipped out when I told her I didn't want to find out the sex. She started campaigning to DH to try to change my mind and even asked if she could come and have the u/s tech just tell her and not us. Ummm, NO. She has control issues and it KILLS her to not know everything. I ended up caving and finding out so now she's pressuring me to tell her the name. I won't do it. It is none of her business and I don't feel like hearing her $.02 about my choices. We didn't tell anyone DS2's name until he was born and it really burned her ass in a major way. But then as soon as I told her, the first words out of her mouth were "Why would you choose Reese for a middle name?" She has major foot-in-mouth disease.
 
#9 ·
Thanks you to all of you! I feel a little better today - she can really get to me sometimes!

Jillian - I think we do have the same mother!! She was like that w/son # 3, we were not sure of a name, so we didn't tell people and then once he had a name, she was like, where did Augustine come from?

Take care all!

Jen
 
#10 ·
I've been lucky this time and heard no weight or sex comments.
However, my DH is deployed so I have to deal with the baby comments on my own. I was told by my mother "I really think you should stop after this one..." (I will have 2 kids then, she had 3 and was a drug addict). My MIL says stuff like "In this economy birth control is even more important. People can't afford to have more than two kids. You don't plan to have any more do you? You had better be careful when C gets home! Double up on birth control. You don't want a post-deployment baby so soon after having Ryan."
 
#11 ·
How terrible!
I think I would just have to tell her that if she can't love your baby whatever the gender, she just doesn't need to be around any of your children. Maybe a bit extreme, but hopefully she would realize how silly she is being and you wouldn't actually have to cut ties.
Ask her how she would feel if this baby is a boy and knows that his grandmother didn't want him. Does she love the boys you already have as much as she would if they were girls? Does she wish they had been different children to fulfill her dream of dresses and ribbons? (or whatever it is she's so hung up on) If she's so wrapped around the axle about the baby's gender, she can't truly love it unconditionally. While it's normal to have a preference, this is way over the line.
I hope that things will get easier for you. Good luck, and I hope that you have a beautiful birth and beautiful baby!
 
#14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyMommaBear View Post
How terrible!
I think I would just have to tell her that if she can't love your baby whatever the gender, she just doesn't need to be around any of your children. Maybe a bit extreme, but hopefully she would realize how silly she is being and you wouldn't actually have to cut ties.
Ask her how she would feel if this baby is a boy and knows that his grandmother didn't want him. Does she love the boys you already have as much as she would if they were girls? Does she wish they had been different children to fulfill her dream of dresses and ribbons? (or whatever it is she's so hung up on) If she's so wrapped around the axle about the baby's gender, she can't truly love it unconditionally. While it's normal to have a preference, this is way over the line.
I hope that things will get easier for you. Good luck, and I hope that you have a beautiful birth and beautiful baby!

: I totally agree with you, this is the way to go with her. I have not heard from her since Monday night!

She loves girl stuff. She goes totally overboard with my nieces to the point it is embarassing/inappropriate. When it is their birthdays, they get enough clothes for a fashion show (one is 6, the other is 11). She bought my sons end of the year school gifts - one small toy each -(fine, we really do not need more stuff). She took my older niece to get clothes (went overboard) and made sure my niece mentioned it to me. It's irritating. I do not want my sons to think that they are less since they are boys. They notice what the girls get but they don't care right now since it's clothes and things they do not like.

Thanks again!
Jen
 
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