DS1 (2,5 yrs) is having a really hard time, it seems as though the terrible 2s have hit him hard since DS2 arrived, he's stuck between being wild and somewhat agressive (throwing, slamming doors, hitting) and being very affectionate and of course there's a lot of melt-downs and yelling NO, he's also tired all the time and wakes up very early every morning.
Even though I know this is all normal and try to take one day at a time, sometimes I do get really frustrated (also because I'm still very tired) and mad or worry that it will never go back to normal.
How are your other kids doing, and please tell me I'm not alone with stuff like this!
We were really surprised at how well dd2 is adapting... she has some special needs and sensory issues and is very attached to me specifically. Her therapists (and dh and I) had been working with her to smooth the new babe transition and it seems to have worked (she cries when I'm not there sometimes, and gets upset that I can't carry her right now, but nothing too extreme) but I guess we should have spent more time preparing dd1 too? Though we did do a lot of "prep".
I remember when dd2 arrived dd1 was similar... love baby/hate everyone else... for about two months. The tantrums were EXTREME. This time there are tantrums and screaming and acting out but not to the same level. And she does seem to really like the baby.
I sooooo hear you on being tired though (Tor nurses every 2 hours round the clock and today he woke at 5am and stayed awake/in need of soothing till 7:30, and with the therapist coming at 9am and both girls waking at 8 I am dead on my feet and it's not even noon!). My mantra is "6 to 8 weeks, 6 to 8 weeks, 6 to 8 weeks" because I know that in 6-8 weeks we'll be at a new normal, the adjustments will be made, the habits formed, and in the minds of the girls at least Torin will be a "of course we've always had a little brother" item not worthy of a tantrum.
We just have to get there in one piece!
My 4-year-old is doing well. He doesn't seem to have any sort of resentment for the time the baby requires, he adores her, is affectionate, et cetera. His behavior is mostly fine, with the only new exception being that he is sometimes just ignoring what we say--knowing, perhaps, that we'll be too busy to do anything about it right away. Like, if he asks if he can use my computer and I say no, I might come upstairs 15 minutes later to find him quietly using the computer. When I say, "Sam, I don't you you *couldn't* use the computer," he might just turn it off (without explanation) or he might say, "I was only using it for a minute" or something. He also has stopped *asking* permission to do a lot of things like that, so I'll be looking for my laptop and ask if he knows where it is and he'll be like, "Oh, yeah--it's in my closet (?); I'll go get it." Anyway, not ideal, but I'm not complaining, either. He's getting ready to start preschool and he's expressed a little reluctance to going--he says he wants to be home with me and his sisters. I think he's a little afraid he's going to miss out on something. But he visited the school last night for an open house and was super-excited about it before it was all over, so I think we'll be all right.
My 2.5-year-old is doing *great* where the baby is directly concerned--she's gentle and affectionate, and is always trying to help the baby communicate when she's crying, "Do you want to nurse? Mom, I think she wants to nurse." Or, "Do you want Daddy to hold you? Dad, I think she wants you to hold her." Last night, my two older kids stayed at my parents' house (about 2 miles from here) and my daughter almost wouldn't stay, because she said she would "miss the baby too much." She ended up staying, and did just fine.
We're seeing more attention-seeking behaviors from her, though. Making senseless messes (something she wasn't doing before the baby came) like shaking salt all over the table or squeezing a juice box out into her carseat. Stuff like that. Again, nothing *terribly* troubling, but she's definitely looking for a bit more attention from us. She also refuses to leave the baby alone, which drives me NUTS sometimes, because if I get the baby to sleep and want to set her down for a little bit (often so I CAN give the older kids my attention), Lucie will go sit with her and coo over her and pet her (totally nicely--but it wakes her up) and then the baby is crying and I'm back to giving her all my attention, and I feel like it's causing a cycle, with regarding to giving the older kids more attention. But yesterday when I said, "Lucie! PLEASE leave her alone to sleep for a little bit!" Lucie stomped off, upset, and said that she "wasn't playing with anyone who doesn't love her, and nobody loves her, so she's not playing with anyone." She got over it pretty quickly, and I tried to explain that I only wanted her to leave the baby alone so I could have some time alone with her. But that's basically the sort of challenging behavior we're getting out of her as a result of the baby joining our family.
All-in-all, not too bad, but still some kinks to work out before this will all really feel "normal" to us.
Dd1 has been doing some intentional ignoring as well... she'll stare off into the distance or actually cover her ears and say "I'm not hearing you". But I think that's fairly normal 4yo behavior that we'd see no matter what.
Overall I have to say that I'm really impressed at how the kids are doing with the new baby. I expected things to be a lot more difficult.
He wants to help and keep asking me if baby needs a diaper. It is super cute.
No tantrums or otherwise acting out in any way. He is just like he was before.
He is loving all the daddy attention he has gotten the past few weeks when DH has had primary toddler duty. I think this has been really good for them. DH was super involved as a SAHD until DS was a little over 1 but when he went back to work a lot of the responsibility fell on me. Now they have reconnected.
We're surviving the arrival of a newborn here. DD1 is 3 years old and is HIGH ENERGY. She loves her new little sister, but loves her FIERCELY (is that even a word?)... She basically tackles the baby, squeeses so hard, etc. that we are sure that DD2 will develop PTSD in the next few weeks. We do everything we can to protect the little one, but DD1 climbs into her bassinett, crib, Amby, swing while DD2 is in it, etc. We try to distract her, but in the time it takes to run to the restroom, DD2 is being squished.
I can't do tummy time or floor time with DD2 when DD1 is home at this point in time.
The good news is that DD1 started Montessori school full time last week and appears to be adjusting well. We are adventuring out afterschool for a few hours a day before coming home. That seems to limit the "tackle the baby, get into trouble, tempertantrum" time that occurs right before Daddy gets home. Hopefully as DD2 gets older and bigger the fierce love won't be quite so much an issue.
someday we'll sleep again, right? I can't complain. I think Santiago is giving us like 3 hour spurts at night, which is better than what Salvador did.
I am finding the transition to 3 much easier than the transition to 2 was, mostly for reasons having to do with sibling issues . . . we had a really really hard time when DS2 was born that I was pretty firmly in denial about for a long time, but looking back . . .
DS1 was much more ready for a new sibling this time, at almost 5.5, than he was last time (at 2.2). He fell IN LOVE with DD in the first couple of weeks - sometimes in almost a jealous or possessive way! He's calmed down some now, but still wants to hold, bounce, turn her upside down, sing loud songs for her, etc. I'm working with him on the idea that he's very strong, so he needs to be very careful because he could hurt her without even meaning to, and that he CAN be very gentle if he chooses to. In the past couple of days I found a phrase that works really well for him - he needs to always give her "butterfly" kisses, pets, etc. - as gentle as if a butterfly was touching her.
DS2 I think has decided to up the competition with his big brother rather than trying to compete with the baby! In some ways, this is probably good. His interactions with the baby are mostly sweet little kisses and occasionally wanting to hold her or help with a diaper or something, and he doesn't seem that phased in general (there are moments) by my needing to spend a lot of time with/on her. OTOH, he keeps telling me he likes Daddy better than me! In other ways, this is hard because they were already pretty competative with each other and it's, like, ramped up to the umpteenth degree now.
DH has been home A LOT for the past six weeks and his fall work season is starting up now - plus I'll be working from home part time now too. So I expect more adjustment. But Wombat, you are so right about the 6 - 8 weeks thing - we are at 6 weeks now and it's SO NICE to be here - I do feel like we've turned a corner - there are lots more corners to come, of course, but . . .
Here as mama to W (2/04), R (5/06), D (7/09), and J (12/9/12!), co-parenting with my DH
I WOH part-time, am a doula & childbirth educator, home/unschool, and hope we are nearing the center of chaos
“It is simply no longer possible to believe much of the clinical research that is published, or to rely on the judgment of trusted physicians or authoritative medical guidelines.” - Marcia Angell, M.D., former NEJM Editor Private Parts are Private Property!
I guess I expected there would be some adjustment for my son, but I never thought about the fact that my hormones would have me in tears as I watched my DS figure out his new role in the family.
It's only been 4 weeks so I know that the boys all just need to adjust to the new routine.
Take care all!!
Jen, mama to (M-13, N- 10, C- 8 J- 3.5, and J -2, A (10/4/07) and 3 early losses)
We are expecting baby #7 in November 2013
this morning was rough, though. she's starting to hurt him inadvertently, like a knee to the head while crawling on the bed or sippie cup tossed around that lands on him. we had just finished having this whole (one-sided) conversation about how babies are fragile and how bonks give them big owies. she needed to feel better about hurting jackie so she retrieved a book but tossed it and got the baby on the head. board book, too. i cried with him...how am i supposed to keep him safe without alienating her from her home and family?
mama to n 12.17.07 and j 08.13.09
We are going though alot of the same thing... and I don't have a good answer for you. Just hugs and know you aren't the only family trying to figure this balance out....
that said, i still think she's going to end up maiming the baby.
mama to n 12.17.07 and j 08.13.09