Pregnancy After Loss February Thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 85 Old 02-04-2009, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How is everyone?

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#2 of 85 Old 02-04-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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I find myself worrying more about m/c as the time my m/c happened last time approaches. Having a missed m/c makes you worry that your baby could have died already and you just don't know it yet. It took me several weeks to start bleeding at all with my m/c so I didn't know until I was almost 16 weeks. U/s showed the baby had died around 12 weeks.

I will be much happier after 12 weeks and even happier after 16 weeks!!

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#3 of 85 Old 02-04-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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crummy. I just don't know when I'll feel confident in this pregnancy. Hopefully soon. I need to call and make my first appt. I already had an u/s and promising qualitative hcgs.... but I can't find the heartbeat on my home doppler yet, ugh! I'm just still trying to be detached, but I can FEEL myself getting warm and snuggly feeling towards this baby - and my kids will just be crushed - you know.

How about yourself?

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It's a crazy life!

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#4 of 85 Old 02-04-2009, 06:10 PM
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I'm feeling pretty positive still.. I'm shocked at it actually. I thougth I'd never be able to enjoy a pregnancy or have good feelings about it again. I've also been feeling like CRAP! So, that makes me feel good too... puking a few times a day is only great when preggers! I'm getting an ultrasound next Thursday, so I'm pretty anxious.. i feel confident that I'll see a little alien baby doing a jig in there.. but no matter how 'postive' your thoughts.. pessimism sneaks in sometimes.. and I feel that's normal after what I've been through. I do think i"m mentally prepared for anything though. Once you experience the worst possible outcome in a pregnancy you are more prepared for bad outcomes than before. I still just keep hoping that if this baby is going to leave me too.. that they please just go NOW and NOT wait until the end.

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#5 of 85 Old 02-04-2009, 07:13 PM
 
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1/29 was the anniversary of my loss and NO ONE remembered. NO ONE, not even DH said ANYTHING about it! NOTHING!!!!

I had an u/s last Tuesday and everything looks good. While most of the time I am thinking positive about this pregnancy, I can't help but worry that the baby has died inside me. Is that morbid? I can't wait til my appt later this month to hear the heartbeat.

I am still nauseous and exhausted, so I figure those are good signs.

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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#6 of 85 Old 02-05-2009, 12:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry no one remembered, Deb.

As for me, I am doing okay. I still haven't gone in to do my initial pee so I can be referred to the appropriate clinic at our MTF. I had actually psyched myself up to do it today and woke up feeling like ass. Hopefully I will feel better this afternoon and can just rip the bandaid off and do it then.

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#7 of 85 Old 02-05-2009, 06:24 PM
 
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Hi mamas...I am so heartbroken for my cousin...she had her baby girl Tuesday, but due to complications her baby passed away last night (she was full term). I feel terrible guilty about be ing pregnant with my fourth now that she has lost her first. I don't even know what to do for her, besides love her & help with practical things. I've had early losses, but nothing like hers. I'm sorry if my posting this here upsets anyone, but I thought you ladies would understand. Any ideas on how to help her would be great. I don't have internet at home right now, but I can check my email Paradise Mommie @ yahoo. com (no spaces), and I check in here on MDC from school.

Lisa~ Good luck today! You can do this!

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#8 of 85 Old 02-05-2009, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would bring her food and just be with her to listen. Don't feel guilty.

I did the initial pee in a cup today and I didn't even have a moment. Yay!!

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#9 of 85 Old 02-05-2009, 10:08 PM
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aw Amy, I'm so sorry for your cousins loss. Just be there for her and her family. The loss boards here are wonderful, so it might be a good place for her when she's ready? I've found that writing everything down has helped me heal and also reading stories of other families struck by this tragedy, it helped to realize that I wasn't alone on this journey.. and I saw a lot of hope from other women who have been here before me.

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#10 of 85 Old 02-05-2009, 10:11 PM
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So, I've been feeling so good about this pregnancy and also great about how I've been handling it so far! I've impressed myself.. BUT.. this evening for some reason, I am letting the worry in.. I'm not sure why, but I just keep thinking what if the baby is already dead? what if.. what if..
I'm still feeling my symptoms - even puked today.. so I don't know where this is coming from?? Maybe it's because I have an ultrasound a week from today... I sure hope there is a bouncing baby inside!

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#11 of 85 Old 02-05-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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I'm pretty positive, with moments of worry. I had my first midwife appointment at 8 weeks on Friday. I had been waiting for that, since last time the first sign was at the 8 week appointment when the midwife did a vaginal exam and said I didn't feel 8 weeks - more like 6 - but not to worry. Anyway, this time since I wasn't due for a pap she wasn't planning to do an exam, but I asked and she did to put my mind at ease. She said I felt "totally appropriate".: Can't wait to get to 12 weeks and the dopler.
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#12 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 12:49 PM
 
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You know, I was doing well for most of this week, trying mostly not to think too much about it, until last night, when the anticipation of today's u/s fully hit me and my hopes plummeted again, although I have no concrete reason for it -- in fact, the awful cramping and back pain I've had from day one has stopped and I've had no further spotting in over a week now. Still, I'm *more* nervous about this afternoon than I was at last week's u/s, b/c now I have something concrete to lose (a precious hb).

Right now I feel like I'm staying pg through sheer force of will, which I know makes no rational sense, but that's how heavy the burden of anxiety and stress is. I'm only a hair's breadth away from being a total basketcase right now. And I'm only 6 1/2 wks. along, sigh...

Provided things continue, will my whole pg be like this? Will the feelings of dread ever let up so I can do any pleasant anticipating and/or daydreaming? Boy, I sure hope so! This much stress can't be good for either me or the baby!

Guin

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#13 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You have a platypus, I really think so!

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#14 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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Yay for getting the initial pee in the cup done, Lisa!

Thanks for all of your responses. She's not really into computer use, but I'll point her here. I was able to spend time with her yesterday which seemed to make both of us feel better.

As for my pg, I have hardly been able to eat for days what with m/s and the stress of this week, yet I am still paranoid that something will go wrong. I am so looking forward to hearing the heartbeat in a few weeks!

.

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#15 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 09:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I am kind of in a weird spot. I peed on Wednesday. They called me today and want me to be seen by an OB first thing Monday morning to have a scan and "discuss the pregnancy in detail." I am thinking I am getting risked to Complicated OB, but I really hope not. Maybe they are calling me in so I won't be freaked out. I guess I find out Monday.

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#16 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 09:07 PM
 
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Lisa~ I'm sorry you have to wait until Monday. I hope everything goes well.

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#17 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 09:20 PM
 
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Hey there, Lisa,

Do you suspect you might be getting automatically risked out b/c of what happened last time? I hope it's just that they're being thoughtful and not wanting you to wait and worry b/c of your loss in October. Was it the OB care or the hospital in particular that you had so much trouble with last time? I'm sorry you have to return somewhere where you have such bad memories. No chance of you guys moving before Sept., is there?

CaliMommie, I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin's baby. How incredibly sad. I'm glad you were able to see her and comfort her.

AFM: I think I just *may* have a platypus and not a duck after all, mamas! Little swimmy baby was there again today, bigger than last week (and yet still soooo tiny!), with a hb of 129 and he/she measured bang on for dates. And the best news of all....the subchorionic hematoma has SHRUNK and appears to be resolving. Hip, hip, hooray! : So unless I have more bleeding, no more messing with me/us until my 1st official prenatal appt. on March 10th.

Actually, the appt. was supposed to be a week earlier, but I would have been a day shy of 10 wks. when I went in again, and I was afraid we wouldn't be able to hear the hb with doppler yet, so I rescheduled it for 11 wks. instead; I want to stack the odds in my favor as much as possible, yk? Think that was a good move?

While sitting in the office lobby waiting for the nurse to give me the "official" u/s results, I also decided to start doing something, and wanted to invite anyone who was interested in doing it with me: thus far, the hours, days, and weeks have been creeping by soooooo slowly, b/c I've been so worried and anxious. Well, I can't make time pass any faster, unfortunately, but I've decided I *can* celebrate each a little as each week passes. So I've resolved to do something nice for myself each week on the day I turn the next week pg. For me, it's a Tuesday, I think. So I'm thinking of nice, happy little things like painting my toenails, or treating myself to a hot fudge sundae, or watching a chick flick, or maybe a white chocolate mocha, mmmm. At least until I can finally say goodbye to the first trimester. Anyone else want to mark time this way with me? I think it's far healthier than morosely sitting here, waiting to m/c again.

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#18 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guinevere View Post
Hey there, Lisa,

Do you suspect you might be getting automatically risked out b/c of what happened last time? I hope it's just that they're being thoughtful and not wanting you to wait and worry b/c of your loss in October. Was it the OB care or the hospital in particular that you had so much trouble with last time? I'm sorry you have to return somewhere where you have such bad memories. No chance of you guys moving before Sept., is there?
I really don't know. I was told that there's a 20% chance of it happening again, but I am not sure I buy that entirely. It was the nurses who were terrible last time, not the OB. The OB was wonderful. I did have issues with them when I was trying my twin VBAC but that was just the crazy stuff people with VBACs have to deal with.

My husband won't even be home by this time next year, most likely so I am not moving! I am also not planning on delivering there.

Quote:
AFM: I think I just *may* have a platypus and not a duck after all, mamas! Little swimmy baby was there again today, bigger than last week (and yet still soooo tiny!), with a hb of 129 and he/she measured bang on for dates. And the best news of all....the subchorionic hematoma has SHRUNK and appears to be resolving. Hip, hip, hooray! : So unless I have more bleeding, no more messing with me/us until my 1st official prenatal appt. on March 10th.

Actually, the appt. was supposed to be a week earlier, but I would have been a day shy of 10 wks. when I went in again, and I was afraid we wouldn't be able to hear the hb with doppler yet, so I rescheduled it for 11 wks. instead; I want to stack the odds in my favor as much as possible, yk? Think that was a good move?

While sitting in the office lobby waiting for the nurse to give me the "official" u/s results, I also decided to start doing something, and wanted to invite anyone who was interested in doing it with me: thus far, the hours, days, and weeks have been creeping by soooooo slowly, b/c I've been so worried and anxious. Well, I can't make time pass any faster, unfortunately, but I've decided I *can* celebrate each a little as each week passes. So I've resolved to do something nice for myself each week on the day I turn the next week pg. For me, it's a Tuesday, I think. So I'm thinking of nice, happy little things like painting my toenails, or treating myself to a hot fudge sundae, or watching a chick flick, or maybe a white chocolate mocha, mmmm. At least until I can finally say goodbye to the first trimester. Anyone else want to mark time this way with me? I think it's far healthier than morosely sitting here, waiting to m/c again.

Guin


That's fantastic news! :: I think that I will join you in your thinking positive.

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#19 of 85 Old 02-06-2009, 11:30 PM
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Lisa, maybe you can visit your family when the baby is due! haha Ooops... then just happen into whatever hospital is closest! haha

Yay Guin!! That's awesome news!!

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#20 of 85 Old 02-09-2009, 02:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had my ultrasound today and there was one healthy baby measuring right on target and heart beating away. There was also a twin that had passed away around 5 weeks. I feel bad for being relieved that there is only one, but so be it. My husband is gone and I cannot imagine another twin pregnancy or taking care of twin newborns alone until they're four or five months old and he comes home. I am really confident that it would have been too much for me. I could have done it, but I think I would have had a really difficult time. So : for a healthy baby!

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#21 of 85 Old 02-09-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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Lisa, so glad the ultrasound went well.

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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#22 of 85 Old 02-09-2009, 04:01 PM
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Wow, Lisa.. I'm sorry about the twin baby.. but so happy for the one with a happily beating heart! YAY!! :

Me- having an ultrasound on thursday.. feeling so nervous already! I'm not sure why, I feel like I can handle ANYTHING! Sooooooo why not just be calm?? hhaha I told my friends that they can have us over for dinner Friday.. either we can show them our ultrasound pictures in person OR if I just have an empty uterus, I can drink a bottle or three of wine with them! haha I told Shaun that and he was shocked at my negativity! I told him that positive thinking doesn't make a live baby.. besides, when I say stuff like that I'm almost joking.. I think it helps me cope. Overall I'm still pretty positive and feeling great about the pregnancy.. I just need that proof! I need to SEE someone in there!

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#23 of 85 Old 02-09-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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I am so jealous of those of you who have scheduled ultrasounds! I will feel so much better once I see or hear the heartbeat!

.

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#24 of 85 Old 02-09-2009, 06:54 PM
 
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Lisa I'm sorry to hear about the twin, and glad that you have a nice healthy baby I'm sure it's conflicting emotions.

7 weeks today here and UGH the nausea has hit full force. I was traveling over the weekend and it was pure hell for a while. Better today, just praying I don't get as bad as yesterday.

I've been able to stay positive so far, very happy about that. We are just so excited to have our first baby. I have an ultrasound Thursday and I can't WAIT to see that there's actually a healthy baby in there.

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#25 of 85 Old 02-09-2009, 07:25 PM
 
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Am I the only one that stresses over every little twinge? I've been having abdominal cramping with the flu off and on for the last week, and every time it's like... is that my uterus? Or is that my intestines? I know I'm just freaking myself out, but I can't help it.

Then today I've been doing laundry and as I was walking back upstairs, I slipped on the packed dirt path. It's been raining for days - first sunny day we've had, I figured I'd do laundry while I could, since it's supposed to be raining again this afternoon. The path is slick and my foot slid right out from under me. As I went down (sideways) I threw out my hand to catch myself on the fence, and messed up my hand (gonna have a nasty bruise)... and all I could think was to be grateful I didn't fall forward.

<sigh> As much as I would love to enjoy every moment of being pregnant, it sure is stressful.

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#26 of 85 Old 02-12-2009, 12:07 AM
 
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okay, I'm freaking. I had a lot of cramping on Monday--I was exhausted after a long weekend, probably dehydrated, and just feeling awful.

Today I am on the verge of an anxiety attack that when I go to my appt in two weeks there will be no heartbeat. I have been reading too much about other people having m/c's at 12-13-14 weeks. I had my loss at 8 weeks, so I was feeling like I was out of the woods now that I'm 11 weeks. I guess not.....

DH is going to buy me a piece of chocolate cake.

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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#27 of 85 Old 02-12-2009, 12:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Cramping is pretty normal. It's bleeding AND cramping that would be more alarming. Hang in there.

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#28 of 85 Old 02-12-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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Thanks Lisa!

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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#29 of 85 Old 02-12-2009, 10:32 AM
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Yeah, Deb.. what Lisa said!

So, it's 730am.. and I"m up because I can't fall back asleep! I've got an ultrasound at 1045 and I'm FREEEEEEEAAAKING out!! I feel nauseous.. but is it pregnancy or nerves?! eeek! I just want to time to go by, I want to see and know for sure that there really IS a baby in there! Maybe I'll eat breakfast, then go work out for a little while to pass the time.. We have to leave in about 2 hours.. Shaun is coming with me. The other thing that is making me sick, is that this appointment is part of a study that I'm doing..it's at U of M hospital.. well, the last time I had an ultrasound there, I found out that my sweet Dresden had died.
BUT even though I'm feeling kind of crazy.. I still know that I can handle ANY THING! I just need to know either way.. please be there baby.. wiggling all about!

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#30 of 85 Old 02-12-2009, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Shannon, if I can go back, you can too! The worst has already happened, mama. I just KNOW you're going to have a beautiful babe, heart beating away in there.

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