To tell or not to tell - (Final Update Posted) - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-13-2009, 11:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It has been about 2wks now that I found out I was pregnant. It didn't bother me at first to wait it out for an u/s and then tell everyone, but I'm finding that excitement in me to just blurt it out to anyone and everyone family and friend related. I am a bit worried about their reactions, but at the same time I want them to know. I can't decide if it would be best to just restrict these feelings, wait for the u/s and then tell them, or just go crazy with phonecalls and do it now?

I will be 29 weeks comes tomorrow(the 14th, but that is just an estimate from the doctor, he said I was carrying well). A part of me wants to make sure the baby is all okay, but then again I just want to get it off my chest!


Yay to do it now
OR Nay and wait for the u/s?

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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Old 07-14-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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Depends on how you'd feel if there is something wrong, I think. If you know you aer going to need support, then I'd go ahead and tell people. If you'd want to deal with it privately, then I would wait. To me, it's not like you are in the first or even second trimester, so the chance of something going wrong is a lot less, so I'd probably tell someone.

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Old 07-14-2009, 12:25 AM
 
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How did you just find out at 27 weeks??

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
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Old 07-14-2009, 12:53 AM
 
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Well, I think you should go into it wholeheartedly, yet I don't know about phone calls to announce it, either.

Tough one. Maybe send out a card with a copy of the US photo and a sweet note?

-Tangy
Mama to Jon (14), Josh (12), Jack (5), Jamison (3), and Jocelyn (9 months)
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Old 07-14-2009, 01:24 AM
 
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do it now already. yes, how did you not figure it out until 27 weeks along?? at this point, people only have two months left to get used to the idea of your new baby coming in september. don't make anyone wait any longer.

and your concern for the baby is valid, of course, but at 29 weeks along, there's probably not much you can do about it anyway if there were something "wrong" except to adjust to it yourself, and at this point you may appreciate the support you will receive when you announce.

what a shocker. my neighbor's sister, who recently separated from her husband and moved in with them, also found out she's pregnant rather "late in the game." i think she was about 24 weeks along. it does happen!! enjoy!

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Old 07-14-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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At this stage of the game, it really doesn't matter what the u/s shows, so I'd tell. You're going to need support with this, and your support system is going to need a little time to adjust to the idea.

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Old 07-14-2009, 02:19 AM
 
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I'd tell. Finding out at 27 weeks is really, really late and you are going to need a lot of support. You have to pack an entire pregnancy's worth of emotions and worries and excitements into just over 2 months. Let your friends and family know ASAP, so they can share those emotions with you and help you cope. Even if you're thrilled, that is a HUGE adjustment to make in very little time.

Congratulations!

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Old 07-14-2009, 05:37 AM
 
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How do they not know? 29 weeks is really far along, are you not showing?
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Old 07-14-2009, 05:42 AM
 
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I'd just tell. My cousin just had this same thing happen. Was on birth control, hadn't been with anyonne since early Feb., and was going to the gym daily. Aside from a small "pooch" that didn't seem to want to tone up there was no reason to suspect anything. My aunt caught a side glimpse of her one night and off they went for a preg test. The next day she went to terminate and found out she couldn't. She's due in Oct. Totally possible to not know. Funny thing is a couple days later she fet a strong enough kick to realize what it was (first baby). It all made sense then.

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Old 07-14-2009, 09:35 AM
 
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to the DDC and Congrats!

I'd tell now, but that's just me.

My family: me jog.gif, dh geek.gif, ds reading.gif (11), dd1 hearts.gif (9), and dd2 energy.gif(3).

Tout va s'arranger à la fin. Si elle ne fonctionne pas; ce n'est pas la fin.

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Old 07-14-2009, 09:49 AM
 
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To share or not to share depend on person to person.well if its legal it should be disclosed. Anyways congrats to those who are expecting.
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Old 07-14-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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Wow, what a position to be in!!! First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy, my heartfelt belief is that no matter what, a baby is something to be celebrated and is never bad. The CIRCUMSTANCES might not be ideal, but the baby is a miracle to be celebrated!!!

YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!! :

Now what to do with family depends heavily on the family situation. I, for one, would not be able to keep it quiet AT ALL, but that's because I'm in a situation where a baby is a welcome addition (perhaps not quite a "planned" addition, but a welcome one still!) and everyone in the family was happy with the news (even the ones who knew it wasn't planned).

If you are holding off waiting until the ultrasound just so you have a picture to show to make the announcement more fun, then go ahead and wait, I imagine that your ultrasound is scheduled very soon??

If you're waiting until the ultrasound to make sure the baby is healthy, then that's up to you and your beliefs and your state's laws. If baby is not healthy, would you consider adoption? Would you consider termination? Can you even terminate this late? (I have no idea what abortion laws are) If you chose to put baby up for adoption or terminate, would you still tell family? If those are the kinds of decisions you're potentially facing, then perhaps choose one or two close relatives or friends who can be a support system for you, but hold off on telling the rest until you know for sure what you're doing.

If you're waiting until the ultrasound because you just need this time to yourself to come to terms with a late-discovered pregnancy, then that's perfectly reasonable. I know for me, seeing the baby on ultrasound somehow makes it feel so much more "real", so I could completely understand if you wanted to just see the baby before you announce it.

When you do announce it, your attitude will determine their reactions. If you announce it as a wonderful miraculous thing that you are SO thrilled about, they are more likely to follow that lead and make it a positive thing. If you announce it sheepishly, guiltily, or come across in any way negative, then you are more likely to get those responses back. Do you have a partner with you right now? If so, get him on board, agree on your thoughts on this, and do it together. Say something like "we have shocking news...we just found out we're having a baby in 2.5 months!! We weren't expecting it, but we're thrilled!!!"

I, for one, am very happy for you! I hope that your ultrasound goes well, and that the rest of your pregnancy is as uneventful as the first half obviously was!!!!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just never knew. I was never noxious/sick, I never threw up, I never got headaches, cramps, diff. period cycles. I never shown. I went in to the doc. for something totally irrelevant to pregnancy, especially since I never had any signs or symptoms. I've posted about it before, but just for the people who asked here, now you know.

I was also not just wanting to wait for the U/S because of pictures or determining the gender. Since I am so far along, I would want to be able to know if anything was wrong before going into it with family; because I'm sure they would have questions about it? - If the baby is unhealthy in some way, I would want to be able to answer these questions, not blindly walk into it. - I am also aware that there is little to be done since I am so far along, so it is purely for discussion purposes not to make a miracle of a baby that might have something wrong with it.

On the other hand, I want to tell them because yes it is very far along and they should know now that I do. That's all, lol.

And no you can not terminate this late, nor would I. It is my responsibility to take care of this situation and whatever is wrong with it, if at all anything is wrong, it could be perfectly healthy, I would take care of him/her either way it goes. Had I known I would have started prenatal vitamins long ago, and taken the precautions I needed to.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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How did they date your pregnancy if you haven't had an ultra sound yet and aren't sure of the date of your last menstrual period?

Nicole - Mom to FOUR healthy, happy, wild boys.
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How did they date your pregnancy if you haven't had an ultra sound yet and aren't sure of the date of your last menstrual period?
I'm not sure. The doctor felt my abdomen after finding out I was pregnant, and just said "I would estimate you to be about 28wks". How exactly he knew is beyond me as I know little. He could very well have been inaccurate. Another reason I want the U/S.

edit: And guys I already feel awful about this, can we not try and determine how I didn't know? I just simply didn't know. I apologize for not knowing, I really wish I did(especially since I am not educated on pregnancy whatsoever). I was just looking for positive answers on whether or not I should go ahead and tell my fam. and friends before an U/S, or wait it out.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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Old 07-14-2009, 03:03 PM
 
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I would absolutely tell and not wait for the u/s. Finding out you're pg when you're far along is enough of a shock and you're probably processing so many different emotions. You need support, and your friends and family should know so that they can support you, period.

Hopefully everything will turn out just fine . Will you be having an u/s soon? I'm sure you're on pins and needles waiting at this point! Now that you know you're pg, are you feeling the baby move?

Congratulations and please keep us updated on how you're doing.

Guin

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Charlotte (6);Sophie (5) Down Syndrome & so beautiful! brokenheart.gif(9/08), & rainbow1284.gifDuncan 8/26/09
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Old 07-14-2009, 04:23 PM
 
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no need to apologise, I'm just curious if you are showing now. If you are, I think your family would be able to tell, no? Most of us on here are pretty showy!
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Old 07-14-2009, 05:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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no need to apologise, I'm just curious if you are showing now. If you are, I think your family would be able to tell, no? Most of us on here are pretty showy!
Not showing whatsoever. I actually visited my mom a few days ago and neither her nor my brother caught on. My DH's sister has 2 kids and didn't notice either, lol. I think if I popped somewhat of a belly they would be able to tell, since they have had kids, though.

Everyone I've visited lately has not noticed a thing, everyone has treated me the same, they have no idea.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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Old 07-14-2009, 05:19 PM
 
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edit: And guys I already feel awful about this, can we not try and determine how I didn't know? I just simply didn't know. I apologize for not knowing, I really wish I did(especially since I am not educated on pregnancy whatsoever). I was just looking for positive answers on whether or not I should go ahead and tell my fam. and friends before an U/S, or wait it out.
Sorry, I don't think anyone meant to come across negatively, just shocked! We've all been miserable and obviously pregnant for a while now, so to think of only just now finding out??? I can't imagine!!

When is your ultrasound? I'm surprised that you've had to wait even 2 weeks, honestly, you'd think that your dr would have gotten you in to date the pregnancy at least, because the further you are, the harder it is to estimate a due date.

Something you'll have to be very cognizant about is them worrying about you going early or late. You have no dates to go off of, most of us know our last cycle dates, our ovulation dates, even our date of conception, so we can argue with our providers if they try to say we're too early or too late. But you don't have those dates, you'll only have this late ultrasound (and late ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate). So I'd be very up front with the dr about it, ask how much variance they think the ultrasound has (most drs say plus or minus two weeks or more) and insist on a written range of delivery dates that your dr is comfortable with. So if the ultrasound says you're due 9/15 (just as an example) then your dr should agree that your range is 9/1 - 9/30. That's a wide range, but hold your dr to it, don't let them pressure you into an induction without darn good reason!!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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Old 07-14-2009, 05:32 PM
 
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Firsttimemommy if you makes you feel any better...My mother who is/was a labor and delivery nurse had four previous prenancies etc. Did not figure out she was pregnant with my younger sister until she just over 20 weeks. She was nursing my then 1 year old brother and struggling with grapefruit sized fibroids in her uterus (she was unaware of them she just thought she had very heavy periods). Also, she never showed until aboout 34/35 weeks. So it was not until my grandmother mentioned she was glowing did she add 2+2 and call her OB. And voila she was pregnant.
I hope the rest of your pregancy goes by as smoothly and quickly as the first half did. Pregnancy is such a beautiful time in a woman's life. Embrace these last 10?? weeks as much as you can! I wish you nothing but the best!

:CLC,Doula :Mama to 2
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Old 07-14-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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Awww - don't feel bad! What a fantastic story you'll always have to tell. (assuming baby is okay, that is) Not too many people can claim that and mean it. (think of that Discovery Health show "I didn't know I was Pregnant", yk?)

I would definitely tell your family, at least your parents. No matter how this plays out, you're going to need support! Frankly though - I don't know that I'd tell the world, you don't know ANYTHING about the health of this baby, and you may decide you don't want to drag the whole thing out with everyone, yk? But, you probably will need someone other than this board, that much I know!

Julia(34), Mommy to: Maddie(10), Grace(6), Charlotte (3) and our only Little Man (due 2/23). 

It's a crazy life!

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Old 07-14-2009, 11:33 PM
 
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i'd tell asap for sure.

l, <>< wife to my sweetie, proud mama to 3 cubs, 2 who clw & 1 that i i ep for . baby was evicted early by induction due to severe pre-e/hellp syndrome
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Old 07-14-2009, 11:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have come to the conclusion that me and DH are releasing the news to fam. come tomorrow. Yep. We'll see how it goes.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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Old 07-15-2009, 12:24 AM
 
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I have come to the conclusion that me and DH are releasing the news to fam. come tomorrow. Yep. We'll see how it goes.
Good luck!!

Just remember, your attitude matters a lot in this! Be positive, and if anyone says anything negative, say something like "that's not a nice thing to say to a pregnant woman! This was a surprise, but it's a baby, we're thrilled!!"

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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Old 07-15-2009, 01:37 AM
 
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Congrats and good luck!

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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Old 07-15-2009, 12:25 PM
 
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I have come to the conclusion that me and DH are releasing the news to fam. come tomorrow. Yep. We'll see how it goes.
Good luck and welcome to the DDC!

I'm one that, if I hadn't had regular periods, could *easily* have gone up to this point without knowing either. Or even if I had quit testing (ran out of tests) a week earlier. The pregnancy symptoms I have could have been easily explained away by other things, and I'm barely showing now. Honestly, I think a lot of women would be in the same boat. All women's bodies work differently-- it's not fair to think that just because you feel that you would have known for sure, that the next gal would.

Anyways, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! :

And let us know how it goes with the fam!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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Old 07-15-2009, 12:45 PM
 
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Good luck and welcome to the DDC!

I'm one that, if I hadn't had regular periods, could *easily* have gone up to this point without knowing either. Or even if I had quit testing (ran out of tests) a week earlier. The pregnancy symptoms I have could have been easily explained away by other things, and I'm barely showing now. Honestly, I think a lot of women would be in the same boat. All women's bodies work differently-- it's not fair to think that just because you feel that you would have known for sure, that the next gal would.

Anyways, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! :

And let us know how it goes with the fam!
I agree.

My advice is- don't worry!! Every pregnancy does not have to be associated with testing, dietary and/or lifestyle restrictions, etc. Just b/c you CAN worry from 4 weeks on doesn't mean you have to!!

I think two months is a fine amount of time to prepare, in some ways it should be much easier. I didn't prepare for my 1st- I let my gf and some nice neighbors do it. One of my 'moms' said 'baby stuff, pshaw! All you need are some blankies and maybe an empty dresser drawer to use as a crib if needed. A baby just needs love, not stuff.'

You are just fine. I am another person who could easily have your story, especially with my first pregnancy. And with Ceci I took no prenatals, with Carl I took some, occasionally. They appear to be okay. Any testing I've done during pregnancy has been minimal. I've never even seen the need for a u/s, although it's probably fun to learn the gender and reassuring, I suppose.

Have fun with your surprise!!

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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Old 07-15-2009, 12:54 PM
 
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wowza! i have heard of folks like you, firstimemommy, but i have never "met" one in real life. congrats! and, in some ways, at least you have made it this far and not been sick/barfing/not pooping/etc, etc the whole time. that, in itself, is a miracle! this pregnancy has been such an uphill battle for me. now that i'm not longer puking, i'm having braxton hicks all the time. it's just neverending!

but congrats. you must be a natural baby carrier. i look like i have a basketball under my shirt. i ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store the other say and she was like, "Miss, are you.....?" and my response was, "duh..." seriously. it's like i shoved a ball up my shirt!

good luck with the family and adjusting to the idea yourself. and yes, keep us posted on the ultrasound. and welcome! this forum has saved my sanity

hugs.
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Old 07-15-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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About feeling bad about not knowing. Please don't feel bad!!

My step-sister was pregnant and didn't know until she went into labor. She just didn't show. She had a preemie (who is now 5 and wonderful) born around 30-32 weeks (they weren't sure exactly). It is a good story actually. She was moving that weekend into a new apartment and was borrowing my dad's truck. She had planned on moving by herself that night and then have her friends help her the next day with the big stuff... but since the clutch tricky on the truck my dad had my brother go and help her that night so she wouldn't get stuck anywhere.

She ended up having really back pains and decided to go to her parents house (my dad and step-mom)... they were concerned enough to take her to the hospital. Imagine the shock when they figured out she was in labor. She had pre-e but other wise delivered a perfectly healthy baby.

My dad called and left the funniest message..."just calling to say hi, we went grocery shopping, packed up holiday decorations, oh yea and Jess had a baby." In our family it was the shock of the century as we all pretty close.

As for the original question: Yes tell your family/friends. Bask in being pregnant, you have 28-29 weeks of pampering to make up for. And even though I think the baby is going to be just fine, if something is wrong you will really need that support!! Even if everything is perfect you will need support. This is big deal and I'm excited for you!!

Kimberly
(Mama to West (11/07) Mabel Kelly 10/02/09)
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I called everyone. It took a day later than expected because I wasn't able to get a hold of everyone as planned! - my fam. is all split up, only my mom and brother live here so I went and made phonecalls to family not here first. Went better than expected, I think.

I texted my dad(he doesn't answer his phone otherwise), "Congrats you're going to be the proud grandad of our kid". - His response, "Holy sh**!!! Really? Are you excited?!".

I got a hold of my grandma, and grandpa. I talked to them for a little while and then popped the news, I said, "I was just calling to congratulate you guys, that you're going to be a great granny, and great grandpa". My granny's response was a VERY deep backwards inhale and then "REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?". I said yes and I think she almost passed out(It's her first grandkid, she remarried since my grandpa passed on, but the guy she is with now is still grandpa material ). He just said "Wow, I'm happy for you!".

I haven't been able to get a hold of my aunt and uncle, and my cousins yet, I'm still working on it. In the mean time I'm trying to setup a date to get together with both my mom and brother(they live together). They always have their phone off, or aren't home, or something. I've never been able to effectively call them without a long wait, .

DH's sister was soooo excited and her kids are jumping for joy. She is setting me up a baby shower I guess, I don't really have a say-so in it, and I won't ruin it for her she just seems so happy to be doing it, haha.

Edit: Oye, I just found out DH's sister just bought us a bassinet, she said she was too excited to stop herself an to not to mad that she bought one. Lol.

So, so far it's going okay, just giving a little update on this part.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
First-Time-Mommy is offline  
 
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