Naming issue... - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-20-2009, 12:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DP and I are having a tough time finding a name we both love. There are a few names we both like okay, but nothing that we're set on.

I thought of a name the other day that seemed so perfect. When DP got home I mentioned it to him, and he replied "I like it too, but we can't use it."

I said "why??". We don't know a single person with this name.
DP says because he just had a conversation with a friend, and she mentioned that when they were pregnant with their daughter (who is the same age as our son), their second choice was *the* name that we were discussing. They actually talked about how it's not a good idea to share names because they will then get "stolen" - and what if you have another and want to use the name, etc.

Thing is, her husband has always said they are done. Not having anymore. And if they did have another there is only a 50% chance that they have a girl! They live on the other side of the city and we see them every few months...kids will not be in school together. In fact I have not seen their daughter in nearly a year.

DP wants to ask permission to use the name because of this conversation. He thinks she may actually say no, take a hike. I am going to be so upset if this is the reason we can't use a name that finally feels right!!

What would you do?

e

Mama to DS 02/15/06, and DD born 08/31/09!
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Old 08-20-2009, 12:07 PM
 
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i'D USE THE NAME. tHERE ARE NO RIGHTS TO ANY NAME.
iF YOU LOVE IT AND WANT IT, USE IT.

oops sorry about the caps!
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Old 08-20-2009, 12:08 PM
 
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i would use it. they are not having another baby right now and if you love that name for your child, then sorry to them, cause your baby will be here soon.
it is just a coincidence, not like you stole it. you don't need to ask someones permission to name your child whatever you want, that is just silly to me.

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Old 08-20-2009, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really agree - I thought of the name before I even knew that they had once considered it. I actually wish that DP didn't even have the conversation with her, then we wouldn't have known at all.

I kind of want to talk with her, and rather than asking permission - just say, we have added this name to our list. Just so you know. DP told me after I fell in love with it that you once considered it but used another.

Something like that. I'm all distraught over this, lol. Pregnancy hormones anyone??

Erin

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Old 08-20-2009, 01:35 PM
 
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take the name. for goodness sake. unless there is a real good chance that these people will still be in your lives 20 years from now, what is the difference. i'm always on the lookout for good names to "steal". what's the name, BTW!

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Old 08-20-2009, 01:46 PM
 
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Use the name!! I'm tired of people "claiming" names and then getting annoyed when others use them.

Mama to sweet Joey (01/27/06), rainbow1284.gif VBAC baby Rita born 09/12/09!
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Old 08-20-2009, 01:54 PM
 
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Use it.

I have to 'fess up to being one of those people who "reserved" a name, thereby thwarting a family member. My sister was pregnant the same time I was with Ian, we were due two weeks apart. I was having a boy, she was having a girl. I had a girl name picked out for Ian, though, in case he was a girl, and planned on using that name for a future daughter. She called me...IN LABOR...and said that her husband had suggested that name for their daughter (who was going to be born any time!!) and she wanted my "permission" to use it for their daughter instead.

I hesitated and said "but, it's OUR name!" and she said "I know, I feel so bad, that's why I told hubby that I had to call you, because you've been saying that's your girl name for months now..." So they came up with a different name for their daughter, a beautiful name that definitely suits her.

And you know what? When I got pregnant again, I found that the girl name I had "reserved" felt like it had been "used"...I felt like I needed a new name for this new baby, that the name "belonged" to Ian. And even this third time, again I came up with yet a different girl name, because I felt like the first two were "used".

And I have all boys anyway!!!

So I do kind of feel bad...they wanted to use the name, they asked my permission. I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes, and they were forced to come up with a different name.

Now we've just decided to keep names quiet until birth for that very reason.

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Old 08-20-2009, 02:02 PM
 
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Last year, at a family reunion, I was talking with my MIL. We were talking about if we wanted to have another child and what names I liked. Later that month, they adopted a puppy. Guess what she named him? Yup. The boy name I absolutely adore! Here I am 38 weeks pregnant and still do not love any other name more than the name she "stole". I cannot name my baby boy after the dog now. I am still kind of ticked about it. Nobody else sees it as a big deal so perhaps I am being silly.


I think if it was your situation, I would use the name you have your heart set on.
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Old 08-20-2009, 02:08 PM
 
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If they are close friends, you need to ask them.

And there are two sides to this name thing.....


My own sister stole my stillborn son's name. I haven't spoken to her since. I was not ready and I'm still not ready.. to hear that name being bounced around the playground. And certainly did not want a nephew with my dead son's name. It was no honor she was doing me... it was hurtful and cruel.
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Old 08-20-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joeys_mom View Post
Use the name!! I'm tired of people "claiming" names and then getting annoyed when others use them.
Totally agree. There is no "ownership" of names, that is just ridiculous!

ETA: philomom, so sorry for your loss. Your name situation is completely different in my opinion, your sister was out of line.

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Old 08-20-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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I agree with the 'use it' crowd.

If your dh feels like an explanation is in order, have him tell the truth...that you had thought of this name BEFORE their conversation together and that you were completely sold on it (if he needs to bring in the hormonal pg. lady bit, go ahead and use it).

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Old 08-20-2009, 05:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by joeys_mom View Post
Use the name!! I'm tired of people "claiming" names and then getting annoyed when others use them.
yes this!!

Kimberly
(Mama to West (11/07) Mabel Kelly 10/02/09)
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:41 PM
 
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use it. If she was pregnant and having a boy and had already named him I'd probably say to pick something else, but if it's a hypothetical boy that she may or may not EVER have, then it's not "her" name. Use it. I am also very tired of people claiming a name and getting huffy when someone else has a baby first and uses the name.

And if your DH disagrees I'd honestly use the "I'm the one who is pregnant and giving birth and we are naming him THIS name. End of discussion" card. But that's me and my hormones and achy lower back talking.

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Old 08-21-2009, 12:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
If they are close friends, you need to ask them.

And there are two sides to this name thing.....


My own sister stole my stillborn son's name. I haven't spoken to her since. I was not ready and I'm still not ready.. to hear that name being bounced around the playground. And certainly did not want a nephew with my dead son's name. It was no honor she was doing me... it was hurtful and cruel.
I'm so sorry. That is truly hurtful, and I would feel the same way. Did your sister think she was honoring her nephew by using the name?

This is a name that has not been already used, so I definitely feel it is a different situation.

Tonight I told DP that I was having contractions coming every 10 mins or so, and he immediately picked up the phone to call our friend, lol. Didn't get ahold of her though. I have my fingers crossed that she will just say, "go ahead, don't be silly!". I just don't want to have to deal with mad friends...

Erin

Mama to DS 02/15/06, and DD born 08/31/09!
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