I have TMI will you share your TMI with me? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 12:40 AM - Thread Starter
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I never discuss DTD, for me to tell another or ask another persons advice means I have hit a wall! Am I normal? How do I fix it? Is it broken? OH I need advice or your stories...where are you with this?

I had a long labor, I stopped counting at 60 hours. I pushed for 2 hours and then ended up with an emergency c-section but I got a health girl.

SO 6 weeks passed, cleared for take off...we tried DTD...pain, not good didn't even really get started. I stopped it before we got to far because the pain was still there. Now we are 11 weeks and I am so nervous. I have avoided it, I am not interested. He is, he is very very very interested! I wish he wasn't, although then I suppose I would wonder what is wrong with me, so I guess I should be happy. Now I feel like he isn't happy, although he says he understands, I don't think he really does. I have no interest. To be honest the interest problem isn't a new thing, lost interest about 6 months before our daughter was conceived, but that is another issue all together.

I love DH, he is attractive to me and I want to be with him...is there something wrong with me? Is it possible that it won't hurt this time? I know I could just try and see....but, ugh nothing seems to fall right, daughter won't sleep alone, she fusses, wakes up, cries, something always stops us...me.

Any thoughts on what I can do, should do, what you would do or what you have done?? Am I alone on this one? I just want to climb into bed and go to sleep! But I want him to know I love him too....ahhhhhh help

ETA: Okay this is a strange question...but I have to ask, what do you do about the milk?? ok imagining things start to go well...umm having milk dripping all over the place, not exactly my idea of a good time. I am so self conscious about that right now. I actually hate my breasts, they are droopy and stretched and enormous and leaky!!! Maybe lights off?!

Sophia ~ 9/21 learning how to be crunchy mama. Uh oh, I just went over the crunch edge! ECing!! Planned ~ maybe next time : :
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#2 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 12:48 AM
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Well, I think two things - First of all, it's SO normal to have low/no libido right after having a baby - especially if you're nursing....even more so for a lot of women whose breasts are their erogenous zones. Secondly - it probably won't hurt, it may have been just a little too soon, or not enough warm up time for you.

You may want to try a new time - not late at night, just pick a time when the baby usually sleeps soundly for a while (read: exhausted and well fed ) Give yourself LOTS of warm up time.

I seem to go back and forth right now. Sometimes I am ready and sometimes just not.

Julia(34), Mommy to: Maddie(10), Grace(6), Charlotte (3) and our only Little Man (due 2/23). 

It's a crazy life!

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#3 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 12:57 AM
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First of all take a deep breath. It sounds like he is understanding, so that is a good start. I know I can't even think about DTD for months after birth added to nursing round the clock.
That said: nursing causes you to be very dry, so my biggest advise is to try lubricant. It can make the difference between pain and less pain. And then just take your time.
Good luck!
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#4 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 01:03 AM
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No real advice, I'm in a similar spot. Honestly, I have absolutely no interest. DH does though... I am hoping it sorts itself out over the next few months.
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#5 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 04:27 AM
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Well, on the boob issue... I'm right there with you. Gravity + milk hasn't been great aesthetically for my boobs. Visions of native African persons in Nat. Geo magazines. No joke, seriously. I'm 33, but NOT 85!! DP doesn't seem to mind. He thinks the milk is funny. TMI, but he still does his manly thing, and gets milk, and seems ok with it. if he says something about it tho, it kills the mood for me.

Insert=just like when lil man is having a mid-night nursing session and DP rolls over to spoon me from behind and gets a little, ahem, alert. Because I can't handle nursing to be in connection with anything sexual. CREEPY. DP finds this funny too, when I wake up at 3am with... Get off me, dude, I'm nursing!! :-)

That said, we're now 12 weeks PP and only one DTD. Successful for ME (whoohoo! no pain!), but not for him, because I freaked out about birth control. That was 3 weeks ago. He hasn't tried since, and honestly, I just needed that first out of my system, and now I'm totally not interested.

Just know that you're not alone in your feelings. When you're OK with trying, and that he's sympathetic to your potential pains is a PLUS, it'll happen. Don't stress. But also, don't make it too big. that's what we did. And then when we did finally, it was less than magical. More of physical beings doing their thing, you know? We have much more stimulating "togetherness" just cuddling and finding love over the baby. Not the same, but it brings a lot of kisses and snuggles.

single, WAH mom, to my only very kind & sweet lil man
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#6 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 09:52 AM
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For so many women, 6 weeks is just not nearly enough, even if physically you've recuperated, emotionally and hormonally you likely haven't. Some women find it easy to jump right back in, others it takes weeks longer, months longer!!

If you want to try again, be sure to use a lot of lubrication, the hormones of breastfeeding tend to be very drying.

If you're self-conscious of your boobs, or if you don't want to risk an accidental leakage incident, keep your bra on! But I'd recommend that you go buy a sexy bra in your new size, nursing bras aren't always sexy My poor husband is a boob guy, but my boobs are pretty much off limits when I'm nursing, at least for teh first year or so. I just can't handle them being touched much since the baby (and my toddler, and my pump!) are touching them all day, you know?

If "traditional" sex still scares you or hurts, just remember that there are plenty of "other" ways you can enjoy your husband. We're 9.5 weeks post partum here and have not DTD yet, but we have "had fun", if that makes any sense

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#7 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 10:59 AM
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i don't have enough time to read the responses so i don't know if i am repeating...
but a glass of wine (or two) and a bottle of lube can be amazing. i think each time we have dtd i have had a drink or two first to help relax me. and the lube, we just need that, my body is not the same at all. so far i have no leaked any milk but of course he knows what he is in for, not much i can do if milk wants to come out!
the first few times it hurt for me too but we went really slow and kept going and it felt good, just try to keep at it. tell your husband he has to date you again.

SAHM to Coraline Mae, born 09/16/09. Expecting #2 10/04!

Vice President of Boston Babywearers

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#8 of 15 Old 12-08-2009, 07:30 PM
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I was six months out with DS1. Just had NO drive! Nursing can kill your drive so try not to freak out about it. Relax, maybe a joint bubble bath, some good lube. It will happen hon.

for the milk I just keep my nursing bra on. Otherwise things can get very sticky. lol

Amy~ Crunchy mummy to Dane (9-15-07) & Kai (9-14-09)
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#9 of 15 Old 12-15-2009, 03:53 PM
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nursing + Zoloft = ZERO drive for me. I feel terrible because I am incredibly horny during pregnancy and now NOTHING.

We have not DTD yet, but I'm trying to work up the courage.

~ deb, BFAR mommy to ds1 Dec 7, 2003, Jan 08, ds2 Sept 20, 2009
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#10 of 15 Old 12-15-2009, 08:29 PM
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almost 3 mos pp and no dtd. it was 4 mos last time. this is a season and it is short. life isn't just about having sex. enjoy your baby and each other in other ways right now. i am so going to write a blog post about this when i have time. so many moms feel guilty b/c they want to take care of their new babies, not do the thing that makes babies!
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#11 of 15 Old 12-16-2009, 01:53 PM
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we are also in the "not yet dtd" camp. for us it is a factor of getting ready to move, exhaustion and depression (both of us). At this point, I'm interested but too tired.

My family: me jog.gif, dh geek.gif, ds reading.gif (11), dd1 hearts.gif (9), and dd2 energy.gif(3).

Tout va s'arranger à la fin. Si elle ne fonctionne pas; ce n'est pas la fin.

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#12 of 15 Old 12-18-2009, 10:29 PM
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hugs, mama. 3+ mos here. the first few times we dtd, it hurt where i tore. yesterday we dtd, and it was the best time pp. dh had to be really patient. i've found that different positions work better than others too; it feels better if i control the pace. dtd is so therapeutic. i was avoiding it when it hurt, but just sharing that moment of intense physical connection is so important for both of us. i also found, like with losing my virginity, the more we do it, the better it gets.
w/ my first, i was back to normal, and really out of control from the time of 8 weeks. so different this time.
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#13 of 15 Old 12-18-2009, 10:38 PM
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also, more tmi here. on the subject of boobs- i'm 26, but having nursed non stop since i was 22- they're not what i consider pretty; they sag, have stretch marks... dh is so happy to be getting any action from me- he could not care less how pretty they are, and he says they're beautiful b/c they've fed his beautiful babies. i bet your dh would feel the same way. in terms of milk, dh is amused by it, and considers it just me being turned on... sex can be messy, we embrace it!
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#14 of 15 Old 12-19-2009, 01:07 PM
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No interest here either, which is very uncommon for me. We DTD when I was 4 weeks post partum but haven't since. We're going on 12 weeks next week since baby was born.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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#15 of 15 Old 12-20-2009, 05:30 PM
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we did it at 7 weeks and again (last night) at 14 weeks. no interest on my part, but trying to keep him happy. FWIW, if he's good at oral and enjoys doing it to you, you can skip the lube!

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