He only wants me at home - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-21-2009, 01:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH is great with the baby. He changes diapers, knows how to hold him, sings, sways, babywears, we cosleep. Cormac likes him very much- from my lap. But when DH tries to hold him, Cormac immediately starts to cry. The lower lip pokes out, and tears start running right away!

This just started a couple of weeks ago. Before that, he was content to be held by anyone at all. We've tried giving it a while to see if he'll settle down, but Cormac will scream bloody murder the entire time. I make sure he's fed & happy before I hand him over, but it doesn't matter. I mean, if DH holds him for 45 minutes while I get the other kids to bed, the child will be hysterical that entire time without pause. So now, unless I just really need a break and want to cook or eat my breakfast or shower without holding Cormac, I take him back from DH when he's screaming.

Oddly, I can leave him on the floor on a blanket, and he will usually be quite happy there for a few minutes while I take care of things that are hard to do while holding him (like put on makeup). So he would rather lie on the floor than be held by DH. He will also usually go to my 2 close girlfriends without crying! wtf.

Our older ds (now 5) also cried like this, except he wouldn't ever go to anybody, not just DH. He STRONGLY preferred me for 4 YEARS! He was just plain rude to DH and it nearly drove DH crazy- all he wanted was to love and be loved by our boy, and it took that long for them to develop a happy relationship. I can't handle it if it's like that with Cormac too!

So far DH is keeping it together, being really calm and OK about the whole thing. But the rejection has got to hurt, especially when he saw Cormac being held by my friend last night. What can I do!!!

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

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#2 of 6 Old 12-21-2009, 02:07 PM
 
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Susanna is a Mommy's baby, too. Gabe was not so much. He would go to anybody. I try not to make her go to anybody she doesn't want to when possible.

Maybe just try respecting his need for you but also keep trying? Like give him to dh but take him back if he protests and just keep at it, but always allow him to come back to you if he wants. That is what I'm doing.
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#3 of 6 Old 12-21-2009, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Michelle! Yes, that's what we're doing too now. When it firsst started happening, there were a couple of times when he cried a long time with DH, and we were bewildered because he had previously been so happy with him. So we let it go on longer then than we would now, thinking he could be calmed by DH. But he just can't. We won't let him cry like that unless I really need to do something (like if I'm washing my hair, which now happens only every 4 days or so!) We'll keep trying.

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

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#4 of 6 Old 12-21-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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Can you do family cuddles? Like you sit on DH's lap and hold baby. So, that he is kind of sitting on DH's lap. And, each time you do, maybe as DS gets cozier, you can transition more out of DH's lap, but leave DS there -- and still be beside them. Then transition to being further away. Just a thought...my LO is in the camp where he will go to anyone. Which is also kind of trying, I'd like to feel like he prefers me just a little to complete strangers, but what are you going to do?

Kristin , married to DH , mama to DS 8/4/09 and EDD 6/24/11
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#5 of 6 Old 12-21-2009, 03:35 PM
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i've noticed this too, just not so pronounced. i think it comes down to the way a woman holds a baby vs a man. other women might just have that softer motherly way about them.
not to dis the men though b/c there is definatly a time and a place for more masculinity. i mean, i teach 2 year-olds and there was this one kid who would go home and talk about me to his parents and run to me at school and i would cuddle him to sleep at naptime. well, now he is 3 and we saw him at a party the other day and i get all excited to get this great big hug from him but instead he totally ignored me, went up to my husband who he had met maybe once before, asked him his name and off they went, him on my husbands shoulders. he totally ignored me the rest of the night. i didn't even exist. tables turned y/k?
i'd say your husband is going to get his time to shine too.

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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#6 of 6 Old 12-21-2009, 03:37 PM
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also, there are ages where "stranger" anxiety peaks (not that your husband is a stranger but he's not mommy)....why does 4 months seem to me like it might be one of them??? i just feel like i might have heard it someplace but not sure

Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
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