DH dropped the baby - baby's fine - DH not so much! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 02:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So what would you do if your DH was giving you a much needed break from the baby and all of a sudden you heard a boom, then a cry and went running to find DH had fallen asleep holding the baby - who rolled off his lap and onto the floor?

I freaked out. The baby is fine ... but now I won't let DH go near the baby - which isn't helping me - or them ... but C'Mon ... there is a bed right next to this rocking chair.

I have been screaming at DH all day ... anyone want to try and help me shift my anger - so I can stop punishing DH. I know these things happen ... but all I can seem to say is IDIOT and MORON.

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#2 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 03:02 AM
 
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I would say you need to hand the baby right over to him and take a long nap.

Seriously. This could happen to anyone. If he's generally attentive and careful, you're only building walls between the two of you and between DH and DC. Do you really want DH to be afraid of holding DC?

My brother did this the night his son came home from the hospital. Was rocking the baby to sleep after nursing, fell asleep himself, and baby dropped. He's a great father.

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#3 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 03:37 AM
 
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I am sure your husband feels horrible as it is - this was obviously an accident and accidents happen to all of us eventually. Give him a break and let him have some cuddle time with the baby - I'm sure it will do you both good to take a moment to breathe and calm down.
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#4 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 10:37 AM
 
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Be angry at the situation and not your dh. the pp have some good points.

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#5 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 10:50 AM
 
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Give the baby back to your DH and take a much needed nap. Falls happen all the time especially with newborns and sleepy moms and dads. This has happened to all of us at some time or another and it just as easily could have been you. Babies are mallable, their bones are soft and they are made that way for THEIR safety - nature/God had this in mind knowing falls, bumps, and bruises are inevitable the first year. I'm sure your DH feels horrible and if this had been you who fell asleep how would it make you feel for him to treat you the way you are treating him?
You need to sleep because the way you are acting is how I can act from sleep deprivation, and its not nice and you are unable to think clearly. Tell him you're sorry and give him the LO back.

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#6 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 10:59 AM
 
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I was preparing a bath for my then about 6-week old son, and in my sleep deprived state put him down on the toilet in his towel, and then watched in that painful slow motion where you can't get to them fast enough, as he slid down off the toilet and conked onto the hard, cold tile floor. He was fine. I had a good cry for a while...and then moved on.

Mama, gently, you need to get some rest and move on. Baby is OK, daddy feels HORRIBLE, and while I understand the protective instinct, attacking him is not going to help any of the relationships in the house.

Write it out on paper and then tear it up and throw it away, shout it into a pillow in a room by yourself, find some way to get it out one more time that doesn't involve directing it towards him, and then let it go.

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#7 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 11:19 AM
 
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We have the opposite dynamic in our house. Both DH and I have been the responsible parent during some accidents. But god help me if I was the one watching DD if she fell or was dropped. The last accident she had she was bouncing on the bed and fell off and hit her head on the radiator and split her scalp open and needed 2 staples. After my initial OMG!!!! I have to confess my next thought was "thank goodness it was DH who was watching her" because he would have been SO furious at me and would probably still be furious about it to this day 4 months later. And yet he's had the same amount if not more accidents with her, plus the only one that merited an emergency room visit. Which I don't blame him for.

As the one on the other end of the anger, I can only say that it's not at all helpful. It shifts the situation from its rightful place ("is she ok?") to something that is not useful ("it's all your fault, I can't trust you ever again").

Honestly, if the SAME THING happened again (he falls asleep and drops the baby) I'd be pissed because he didn't learn from it. Also I'd be horrified and distrustful if he didn't seem to feel bad at all about it. But if you've got a man who was concerned about the baby and seems to have learned his lesson, the only thing your anger is going to serve is to drive you two apart.

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#8 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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Saw this in "new posts".
All 3 of our children have "gotten away" from us at some point in the past. Sleep deprivation is so hard in those early months. I totally understand your anger mama, but daddy feels horrible and its time to apologize and hand the baby back. Accidents happen, you will have your fair share of duh moments too. Promise.
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#9 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 01:37 PM
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also, from another point of view, we mamas have to think "strategically" in these situations where DH is doing something "wrong" when we're getting our breaks. whenever i see my dh doing something kinda dumb where i know the "obvious" solution i just gotta think to myself, "do i want to continue having these breaks?" if so then i have to just keep quiet and let him and the babe find their own routine, mess up a little etc.. even if it means more hassle for me now, it'll pay off in the long-run.
seriously, too much nagging and some of these dudes will just shut down and drop out and you'll be taking care of the babe singlehandedly until they go off to college. i see it with my SIL. her DH can do nothing right and she's now basically raising 5 kids alone.
obviously safety issues are different...sorry this happened to you...must have been scary...but i agree with the other posts too. could have been anyone.

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#10 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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Give the baby back to your husband, go take a nap, and move on. The baby is fine, your DH didn't do it on purpose, and it happens to the best of parents. At some point you'll turn your back or step just a tiny bit too far away and the baby will have an accident on your watch, too. I'm sure you won't want your DH to take the baby away from you and refuse to let you hold him when (not IF, when) that happens, so don't treat your DH that way because he made one mistake. He's not an idiot or a moron or a bad dad. He's a human who got tired.

I'm glad your baby is okay and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to him, he's a very lucky little guy indeed. He'll be fine. Give him to your husband and take a break.

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#11 of 19 Old 01-08-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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babies are slippery! I'd give him a break as well.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#12 of 19 Old 01-09-2010, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the posts. You are all right! I have moved on and given DH back the baby. I think I acted so angrily because it happened with our 5 year old when she was a baby as well ... same chair same scenario ... but with her I caught it before she hit the floor. DH and I talked about it NOT happening again. About how to make sure the baby is in a safe place if you are tired etc. So it was an instant replay and I got pissed. He's a great dad - I know this. He is dangerous though when he is tired because he can't tell if he's going to fall asleep or not ... I find him sleeping at the table sometimes. We are BOTH going to bed early tonight - like now!!
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#13 of 19 Old 01-09-2010, 01:17 AM
 
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I am glad you got past it and glad your lo is ok.

 
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#14 of 19 Old 01-09-2010, 02:43 AM
 
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DDC from October, but we all have moments like this.

I was nursing my baby in transit, and I went to go open the back door to let the dogs in the house (they were barking in the yard) and I opened the door right into the back of her head.

She had a good wail for a few minutes (I joined her!), but she's fine. Didn't even leave a mark

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#15 of 19 Old 01-09-2010, 10:46 AM
 
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WIth the additional information, I can see why you'd be more upset. I'd just add that when you're sleep deprived with a newborn, you're not really thinking straight enough to realize you're sleep deprived...he probably didn't think he was going to fall asleep, KWIM? I'm glad you've been able to move forward, and you're planning to sack out early tonight!

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#16 of 19 Old 01-10-2010, 09:49 PM
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I'd encourage dh to use the boppy- it creates sort of a speed bump between baby and the floor.
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#17 of 19 Old 01-13-2010, 03:15 AM
 
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DDC crashing!
if its happened with both children in the same chair i would get rid of the chair personally.
maybe he will hold baby in bed then and it would be safer.
blame it on the chair, not the daddy, that way there is less tension between you.
hugs, i've been there, it sucks!
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#18 of 19 Old 01-13-2010, 03:24 AM
 
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Unless it's a pattern (not like two babies, same chair, 5 years apart; but like not attending to the 5 year old and accidents always happen on his watch), I wouldn't sweat it. It happens.

Happy with my DH, 2 kids, dog, fish, and frogs
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#19 of 19 Old 01-13-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EviesMom View Post
Unless it's a pattern (not like two babies, same chair, 5 years apart; but like not attending to the 5 year old and accidents always happen on his watch), I wouldn't sweat it. It happens.
I agree - it's tough to stay calm, but these things happen, and I'm sure your hubby is already kicking himself for it, so....

p.s. EviesMom - neighbor!!! Are you in the mood for a "homeschooling in NYC" chat? I have years to go, but it is very interesting, and would love to talk to an experienced mama about it!

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