At what point are you announcing your news to friends and family? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 01:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's KILLING me to not tell anyone yet, but my DH is adamant that we wait until the doc says it's OK to spread the news. When is that usually? After hearing the heartbeat? After the 1st trimester? When are you telling family? friends? work?
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#2 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 01:49 AM
 
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We have already told *everyone*. Including many 3 way phone calls with my mom & aunts, grandmas, you name it. I have a very hard time keeping quiet about these things.


(Admittedly, I haven't suffered a miscarriage before. My heart goes out to those who have , and I would probably have put off telling the world if I'd have been through that pain in the past.)

North Idaho rural living treehugger.gif mama to: 22 yo DD, 15 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. stillheart.gif And someone new coming this Christmas! stillheart.gif

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#3 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:03 AM
 
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We've told everyone. We've stopped just short of shouting it from the rooftops.

I do have a higher risk of miscarriage because of some health issues, but just like last time, I'm determined to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible...for us that includes sharing it with our friends and family. If I miscarry, well...we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
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#4 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:05 AM
 
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We've always told family and close friends right away. In general, I feel like it's easier for people to see a m/c as a powerful loss if they knew about the expected baby before they learned about the m/c. Of course, that's not true for everyone, but I think at least some people are less prone to make unthinkingly hurtful comments if the loss feels more like a more real loss to them (as in, they thought they were going to have a new grandchild, and now they won't), rather than a more hypothetical loss (as it might if they didn't know I was pg until after it was over).

For more casual friends and acquaintances, we wait till around 14 weeks. If I wouldn't want to call and tell them after finding out about a loss, I don't want to tell them early. (It's really hard to get cheerful questions about the baby from people who don't know about a m/c.) Another way I look at it is, would I turn to this person for support if something happened? If not, I try to wait.

I did have a m/c before ds, but our decisions on who to tell when didn't change after that. The only thing that's changed a bit this time around is that we're not telling ds and dd for another week or more. It basically depends on how long dh can hold out. (He's not good at secrets. ) The main reason I don't want to tell the kids right away is that ds tends to ask question after question after question about things, and I can just imagine the lengthy discussions about what happened if this baby doesn't make it.

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#5 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:19 AM
 
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Not in your DDC, just dropping by.

My first pregnancy, we kept secret from all but a very few until twelve weeks.

My second, we lost the weekend we were planning to announce.

When I get pregnant again, I am spilling to my sisters, my mom, and my closest friends the moment I get a positive test. It is possible that my definition of "closest friends" for these purposes is very broad. I need people to hold my hand until we see the heartbeat.

Our first time out, when I asked the OB when it was okay to tell, she looked confused. She said to make announcements when it feels right. IMO, this is the best advice available on the subject.
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#6 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:47 AM
 
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I need support, so friends irl know. They are awesome, in so many ways. Per our history, the first trimester is too early to tell, but again, per our history, we need the support. We told mil because she lives here. We aren't telling other family for a bit longer. We do not see some of them being too terribly happy, only because they are very worried about my health, not because they won't absolutely adore another baby around!
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#7 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 04:56 AM
 
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Well DH & I really found out "for sure" ourselves today

I'll probably tell a friend or two because I know they will jump for joy...

Family on the other hand... BIL will be mad as always, I rarely talk to my bro as he's going through a really rough time, I am currently taking a break from speaking with my parents and DH's well I don't really know but I'm pretty sure all of the family will be pretty upset as our youngest is only 6.5 mths.

Only when I announced her pregnancy did anyone have anything good to say...

So maybe Easter? Maybe I'll give them all easter eggs and put an announcement inside?

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#8 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 08:37 AM
 
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I told everyone the day I found out which was when I was one day shy of 3w. I like to tell people right away because I want everyone I know praying for me and the baby and if something should happen I would need their support as well....plus I am a big mouth

Beth wife to Tom and mommy to Therese 11/4/04 Anna Mary 6/15/07 and Veronica 10/20/09
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#9 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 10:34 AM
 
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I'll be 6w tomorrow, and we've only told our best friends. I'm waiting to tell family until after we see a heartbeat (hopefully at my first ultrasound on the 23rd). This will be my parents' first grandchild, and it would break my mother's heart if something were to happen to the pregnancy. I don't want to get her too excited until we've seen some evidence that it's a viable pregnancy. Part of my hesitation could also come from going through 6 rounds of infertility treatments and seeing a lot of pregnancies that don't end well on the infertility board.

As far as work goes, I'm going to hold out as long as possible. I work from home and only have to go into the office about once a month, so it will be pretty easy to hide the pregnancy for a while. I took a big promotion at the end of last year, so I'd like to really get settled in the job before I announce it. That may change if they want to put me in charge of a big project that will coincide with my maternity leave. If all goes well, I'll probably tell between month 3 and 4.

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#10 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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THANK YOU! lol i'm not alone in my big mouthness! lol i am so excited that i just cannot keep it in. then i get my cousin saying "OUCH! why are you telling people so early?" then my doctor saying "1 in 4 pregnancies miscarry you know."

awesome. thanks for the support! lol

but i don't care. i'm HAPPY! ecstatic really. and if i lose this baby, well, i'll need all the love and hugs i can get. so i am going to enjoy this baby for as long as i am blessed to carry HER! lol
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#11 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 11:01 AM
 
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We have waiting for so long for this baby so we spent ALL day on the phone telling everyone! We couldn't wait!

JenaMom to ds & dd Proud to
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#12 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 11:13 AM
 
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With baby #1 we wanted to wait until Christmas, which was 13 weeks, but I was so sick it was hard to keep coming up with excuses why I couldn't participate in all the Christmas celebrations. We ended up telling at about 9-10 weeks. It was nice to have a secret just between DH and I for a while. It made it more exciting and romantic, I thought.

With my last pregnancy we told right away, and I'm glad, because after we miscarried I had the support and love I really needed.

With this one I wasn't going to even take the test until I was 2 weeks overdue, but my friends shoved me in the bathroom with the stick when I was a week overdue, so they immediatly new. This one is #13 on my side, so it wasn't all that exciting to announce to my family, so we just called my parents and emailed my siblings (ya, lame, I know). DH called his family during a family dinner (we live across the continent from everyone else, so they were all together) to tell them. We just tell people as it comes up.

"Well behaved women seldom make history." Laurel Ulrich   To make my mark I familybed2.gifnovaxnocirc.giffly-by-nursing2.giffemalesling.GIFhbac.gif waterbirth.jpgcd.gif adoptionheart-1.gif, among other things,  and try to live a sustainable, natural life. My brood includes DD1, DS1 2 and 3, and expecting another in Aug 2014. 
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#13 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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My plan was to wait until 12 weeks. I don't think I'll be quiet that long. So far I told my boss, immediate family and a couple friends. I told one friend last night because she had told me that she goes to Mass every day and that we are the first names on her prayer list. I figured a few extra thoughts from her would help.

I think the one thing keeping me from telling the world is my 3 year old DD. She loves babies and I would hate to have to tell her the baby died.
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#14 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 12:36 PM
 
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We told everyone last week(6weeks), I guess I'm a big mouth and can't keep a secret, plus I just think for me it's better than me acting weird-I can't keep a big secret like that and would accidentally spill the beans. Plus with as tired as I've been I'd say everything is a ok with my pregnancy so far, and my confirmation test at the clinic the lady said it came up in about 1 second.

It's funny a pp said it was #13 on her side and so it's not that exciting for ppl. This will be my IL's 26th grandchild and my MIL was sooooo excited, she gets so excited for every baby. They are just a huge family who loves kids, so anybody having a baby is great news. It's sweet. Plus it's only our 2nd(and last), so maybe that makes it special too.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#15 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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waiting for the most part until the beginning of the 2nd trimester
i did tell my best friend and 2 close girl friends who are both pregnant right now - my little support group...and my brother accidentally found out.

other than that, we'll wait. i waited until 14wks to tell my family last time and nearly 16wks before i told my friends (i wasn't really sure when to tell, my mom had 3 miscarriages - two were at the 18wk and 21wk mark - which spooked me a little)

or if i start to show earlier maybe (i was wearing my normal size until the 5mth mark last time)

mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98. novaxnocirc.gif

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#16 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:29 PM
 
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I will wait to tell my family as long as possible! I honestly hate the attention that comes along with being pregnant. Hate it! I'm guessing I'll have to tell my sister sooner than I'd like to so that I can get my maternity clothes back. Hopefully she can not spill my beans for me...

My close friends already know, since I needed someone to yack to about it.
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#17 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:49 PM
 
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I told my mom, and a couple of close friends who I knew would be excited. We'll probably tell more family in a few weeks, as last time DPs dad seemed uncomfortable that we told him so soon (6 wks). I won't tell my advisor (I'm finishing my Masters, which majorly stalled after DD was born) until I can't possibly hide it anymore.

Kristal: Now an at-home mama to my Doodle and my Roo and partner to my love .
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#18 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 02:59 PM
 
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we weren't planning on telling our families until after the 1st tri, but my mom's father died, so we told our immediate families at 4 wks. we have told our dear friends, but are waiting to tell everyone else until around my b-day (3/26 - i'll tell ppl as they call to say happy b-day or if we go out for a b-day dinner) when i'll be 13 wks. these weeks are going so slow and i'm so excited to tell everyone.

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

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#19 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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As soon as I get the results back from my CVS, which is usually done between 10-12 weeks, I'm going to tell everyone who'll stand still long enough to hear me. Right now, only my husband and best two girlfriends know.

I've never gotten to the "telling everyone" stage before and am crossing my fingers and praying everyday that I get there this time.

Best wishes to all!

Working mama to a wonderful baby girl. Married to a really sweet guy. Just trying to do my best.
     
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#20 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 05:22 PM
 
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We're waiting until 12-13 weeks, due to our previous miscarriages. I have already told my little sister, though, because I promised her she'd be the first to know when I got pg again. My doula friend knows, too, and she's been VERY helpful!

I have major MIL issues. I'm terrified of telling her. DH joked that we should just not tell her and show up at her house on Christmas with a baby in our arms... "surprise!" LOL

Doula ~ CBE ~ Life Partner to my ManBearPeach ~ Multiple-miscarriage Survivor ~ Homebirthing, Breastfeeding, CDing, Babywearing, Co-Sleeping Mama to my Boy Bean , born 9/30/09!
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#21 of 28 Old 02-13-2009, 05:33 PM
 
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Even if I hadn't told my MIL she would have found out anyway. She is the nurse for a different doctor in my doctor's practice. My nurse asked if I told her. She said she would have tried to keep it a secret but was thankful she didn't have to. None of this is helped by my MIL and I having the same first and last name. Once my labs were filed under her name in the computer. Good thing we like each other. She scored me a huge bag of pre-natal vitamin samples.
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#22 of 28 Old 02-14-2009, 01:39 AM
 
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With DD, we planned to wait to tell most people until 12-13 weeks, but I was so sick! I told my boss around 7 weeks and my parents around 8 weeks. I managed to not tell most friends until 12 weeks by just plain avoiding them.

With my second PG I had told some friends and then I miscarried.

So far this time I've only told DH (duh!), my BFF, my midwife, and my TTC boards.

Erin, mom to DD (1/06) and DS (10/09)
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#23 of 28 Old 02-14-2009, 02:02 AM
 
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We've only told my side of the family. I am VERY close to them, and I HAD to have someone to talk with!! So, just my mom, dad, and two sisters. Soon we will tell DH's side of the family, and a few closest friends!

I am a superstitious person, so I try to keep it somewhat a secret for a while, but then again...I have a really hard time not telling everyone in sight!! So, I go in between and tell just those close people that would support me in the event of a loss.

LOVE having this DDC to come to. Don't know what I would do if I didn't have you ladies to chat with. I would go MAD!!

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#24 of 28 Old 02-14-2009, 11:51 AM
 
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I have had two miscarriages (not in a row) and the last one was just this past December. During that pregnancy my husband had told everyone (including waitresses at restaurants we frequent). At the beginning of January we went into one of the restaurants and the waitress asked if I had found out yet what the sex of the baby was. I had to explain that I had suffered a miscarriage and it was really uncomfortable for her and me. This time around I was adamant to keep it from everyone (even DH because he can't keep a secret). I have told 3 very close girlfriends and I told DH last week. He already spilled the beans to his bosses at work, but I never see them so whatever. I'm going to wait until I can hear a heartbeat to shout it from the rooftops. It is too painful if a loss happens otherwise.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#25 of 28 Old 02-14-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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With this being #4 for us, I'm not sure people will be super excited for us, so I think I will wait. It's fun to have a little secret between dh and I and we can make all our plans together without our nosey family!

It also makes sense for us to wait because once my 6 and 3 year old know, everyone will!
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#26 of 28 Old 02-16-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *smiles* View Post
With this being #4 for us, I'm not sure people will be super excited for us, so I think I will wait. It's fun to have a little secret between dh and I and we can make all our plans together without our nosey family!

It also makes sense for us to wait because once my 6 and 3 year old know, everyone will!
EXACTLY!

We're a bit surprised at the news ourselves and need a bit of time to adjust before taking on the world with the news, dh especially.

Mama to ds 11, ds 7, dd 5, dd 2, and dd born on 6/17/12!

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#27 of 28 Old 02-16-2009, 03:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TortelliniMama View Post
We've always told family and close friends right away. In general, I feel like it's easier for people to see a m/c as a powerful loss if they knew about the expected baby before they learned about the m/c. Of course, that's not true for everyone, but I think at least some people are less prone to make unthinkingly hurtful comments if the loss feels more like a more real loss to them (as in, they thought they were going to have a new grandchild, and now they won't), rather than a more hypothetical loss (as it might if they didn't know I was pg until after it was over).

For more casual friends and acquaintances, we wait till around 14 weeks. If I wouldn't want to call and tell them after finding out about a loss, I don't want to tell them early. (It's really hard to get cheerful questions about the baby from people who don't know about a m/c.) Another way I look at it is, would I turn to this person for support if something happened? If not, I try to wait.
: Totally.

We told everybody especially close to us the first day. I considered waiting, but I was in shock and it seemed like a good way to try to get used to the idea. Plus DH wanted to. We made an exception to the "would I want to tell them about an mc" rule for the stepkids, because that way we could make sure they heard it from DH, which seemed right. And then, DH also told his extended family... so that wasn't really in the plans, but I don't mind, they live far away anyway. Since then, though, I remind him that we should tell his other friends later.
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#28 of 28 Old 02-17-2009, 09:06 PM
 
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Prologue: I had an early m/c in late December. We had told my inlaws and my parents just before Christmas (the inlaws came for a visit before a month-long trip to Australia, and we had wanted to tell both families at the same time. Then again, I had already told my mom, but DH doesn't know that, and never will. She managed to keep it from my dad, though, which surprised me a bit). It would have been the 2nd GC for my folks and the first for the inlaws. We told our brothers (I have 2, DH has 1) the following day. Then, we had to tell the inlaws about the m/c when they called to tell us all about their trip. we had already told everyone else who knew a few weeks earlier, so it was hard talking about it again. Thankfully, my BIL had already hinted to them what had happened, so they were ready for the news.

This Time: I called my older brother the day after we found out. We are close, and he took the m/c very hard. He doesn't know it, but we're planning for him to be the godfather of the first child. I called my mom a week after we found out (about 5 weeks in) and asked her if she wanted to know if and when we got PG again. She said she didn't want to know until I was at least two weeks--no, a month--no, two months past--my AF. So I told her, "So I'll call you in a couple of weeks, then," and that was than. =) We told the in-laws about a week later during a weekly call with them. We never formally told my younger brother, but he figured it out after we went to watch a UFC fight with he & his wife at a local bar. We haven't told BIL yet, but he may be coming up for the weekend, so we'll probably tell him then.

The HR/Office Manager at my work knows, but she's keeping it mum. She's awesome for that. I probably won't tell my boss until a few months in. I work from home about 4.5 hours from my office, so it's not like we actually see each other. One of my employees knows--she recently had twins, and she knew about the m/c, but she doesn't have any contact with the home office, so it works out. Only thing is, I work in the wine industry, where it is considered an insult to refuse a wine tasting (especially since I'm dealing with the winery owners and winemakers most of the time). So, a few of the wineries know (which means, they probably all locally know at the rate word spreads in a small industry), since I just pat my belly and say "I would love to; maybe in about, say 7 months or so" when they offer.

My two closest girlfriends know (they pass the support test), and one other friend that is organizing a wine tasting tour for a whole group of friends in April (she was curious as to why I offered to be chauffer). And my cousin, who recently had a baby. I was freaking out one day and called her with questions.

We'll probably send a postcard announcement to the rest of the extended family once the doc has confirmed that everything is going well. Then at 12 weeks, we'll probably start telling more friends as we see them. (Funny story: we were actually with about 60 friends on an annual trip to Tahoe when the baby was conceived. We call it our little Snowball.)

Loving wife to my amazing husband. Three (December 2008, March 2009 and August 2009). Just past 11 weeks with #4. Shooting heparin 2x daily, with the bruises to prove it. Proud parent of a giant : .
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