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At what point are you announcing your news to friends and family?

1K views 27 replies 27 participants last post by  SLOgirl 
#1 ·
It's KILLING me to not tell anyone yet, but my DH is adamant that we wait until the doc says it's OK to spread the news. When is that usually? After hearing the heartbeat? After the 1st trimester? When are you telling family? friends? work?
 
#2 ·
We have already told *everyone*. Including many 3 way phone calls with my mom & aunts, grandmas, you name it.
I have a very hard time keeping quiet about these things.

(Admittedly, I haven't suffered a miscarriage before. My heart goes out to those who have
, and I would probably have put off telling the world if I'd have been through that pain in the past.)
 
#3 ·
We've told everyone. We've stopped just short of shouting it from the rooftops.


I do have a higher risk of miscarriage because of some health issues, but just like last time, I'm determined to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible...for us that includes sharing it with our friends and family. If I miscarry, well...we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
 
#4 ·
We've always told family and close friends right away. In general, I feel like it's easier for people to see a m/c as a powerful loss if they knew about the expected baby before they learned about the m/c. Of course, that's not true for everyone, but I think at least some people are less prone to make unthinkingly hurtful comments if the loss feels more like a more real loss to them (as in, they thought they were going to have a new grandchild, and now they won't), rather than a more hypothetical loss (as it might if they didn't know I was pg until after it was over).

For more casual friends and acquaintances, we wait till around 14 weeks. If I wouldn't want to call and tell them after finding out about a loss, I don't want to tell them early. (It's really hard to get cheerful questions about the baby from people who don't know about a m/c.) Another way I look at it is, would I turn to this person for support if something happened? If not, I try to wait.

I did have a m/c before ds, but our decisions on who to tell when didn't change after that. The only thing that's changed a bit this time around is that we're not telling ds and dd for another week or more. It basically depends on how long dh can hold out. (He's not good at secrets.
) The main reason I don't want to tell the kids right away is that ds tends to ask question after question after question about things, and I can just imagine the lengthy discussions about what happened if this baby doesn't make it.
 
#5 ·
Not in your DDC, just dropping by.

My first pregnancy, we kept secret from all but a very few until twelve weeks.

My second, we lost the weekend we were planning to announce.

When I get pregnant again, I am spilling to my sisters, my mom, and my closest friends the moment I get a positive test. It is possible that my definition of "closest friends" for these purposes is very broad. I need people to hold my hand until we see the heartbeat.

Our first time out, when I asked the OB when it was okay to tell, she looked confused. She said to make announcements when it feels right. IMO, this is the best advice available on the subject.
 
#6 ·
I need support, so friends irl know. They are awesome, in so many ways. Per our history, the first trimester is too early to tell, but again, per our history, we need the support. We told mil because she lives here. We aren't telling other family for a bit longer. We do not see some of them being too terribly happy, only because they are very worried about my health, not because they won't absolutely adore another baby around!
 
#7 ·
Well DH & I really found out "for sure" ourselves today


I'll probably tell a friend or two because I know they will jump for joy...

Family on the other hand... BIL will be mad as always, I rarely talk to my bro as he's going through a really rough time, I am currently taking a break from speaking with my parents and DH's well I don't really know but I'm pretty sure all of the family will be pretty upset as our youngest is only 6.5 mths.

Only when I announced her pregnancy did anyone have anything good to say...

So maybe Easter? Maybe I'll give them all easter eggs and put an announcement inside?
 
#8 ·
I told everyone the day I found out which was when I was one day shy of 3w. I like to tell people right away because I want everyone I know praying for me and the baby and if something should happen I would need their support as well....plus I am a big mouth
 
#9 ·
I'll be 6w tomorrow, and we've only told our best friends. I'm waiting to tell family until after we see a heartbeat (hopefully at my first ultrasound on the 23rd). This will be my parents' first grandchild, and it would break my mother's heart if something were to happen to the pregnancy. I don't want to get her too excited until we've seen some evidence that it's a viable pregnancy. Part of my hesitation could also come from going through 6 rounds of infertility treatments and seeing a lot of pregnancies that don't end well on the infertility board.

As far as work goes, I'm going to hold out as long as possible. I work from home and only have to go into the office about once a month, so it will be pretty easy to hide the pregnancy for a while. I took a big promotion at the end of last year, so I'd like to really get settled in the job before I announce it. That may change if they want to put me in charge of a big project that will coincide with my maternity leave. If all goes well, I'll probably tell between month 3 and 4.
 
#10 ·
THANK YOU! lol i'm not alone in my big mouthness! lol i am so excited that i just cannot keep it in. then i get my cousin saying "OUCH! why are you telling people so early?" then my doctor saying "1 in 4 pregnancies miscarry you know."

awesome. thanks for the support! lol

but i don't care. i'm HAPPY! ecstatic really. and if i lose this baby, well, i'll need all the love and hugs i can get. so i am going to enjoy this baby for as long as i am blessed to carry HER! lol
 
#12 ·
With baby #1 we wanted to wait until Christmas, which was 13 weeks, but I was so sick it was hard to keep coming up with excuses why I couldn't participate in all the Christmas celebrations. We ended up telling at about 9-10 weeks. It was nice to have a secret just between DH and I for a while. It made it more exciting and romantic, I thought.

With my last pregnancy we told right away, and I'm glad, because after we miscarried I had the support and love I really needed.

With this one I wasn't going to even take the test until I was 2 weeks overdue, but my friends shoved me in the bathroom with the stick when I was a week overdue, so they immediatly new. This one is #13 on my side, so it wasn't all that exciting to announce to my family, so we just called my parents and emailed my siblings (ya, lame, I know). DH called his family during a family dinner (we live across the continent from everyone else, so they were all together) to tell them. We just tell people as it comes up.
 
#13 ·
My plan was to wait until 12 weeks. I don't think I'll be quiet that long. So far I told my boss, immediate family and a couple friends. I told one friend last night because she had told me that she goes to Mass every day and that we are the first names on her prayer list. I figured a few extra thoughts from her would help.

I think the one thing keeping me from telling the world is my 3 year old DD. She loves babies and I would hate to have to tell her the baby died.
 
#14 ·
We told everyone last week(6weeks), I guess I'm a big mouth and can't keep a secret, plus I just think for me it's better than me acting weird-I can't keep a big secret like that and would accidentally spill the beans. Plus with as tired as I've been I'd say everything is a ok with my pregnancy so far, and my confirmation test at the clinic the lady said it came up in about 1 second.

It's funny a pp said it was #13 on her side and so it's not that exciting for ppl. This will be my IL's 26th grandchild and my MIL was sooooo excited, she gets so excited for every baby. They are just a huge family who loves kids, so anybody having a baby is great news. It's sweet. Plus it's only our 2nd(and last), so maybe that makes it special too.
 
#15 ·
waiting for the most part until the beginning of the 2nd trimester
i did tell my best friend and 2 close girl friends who are both pregnant right now - my little support group...and my brother accidentally found out.

other than that, we'll wait. i waited until 14wks to tell my family last time and nearly 16wks before i told my friends (i wasn't really sure when to tell, my mom had 3 miscarriages - two were at the 18wk and 21wk mark - which spooked me a little)

or if i start to show earlier maybe (i was wearing my normal size until the 5mth mark last time)
 
#16 ·
I will wait to tell my family as long as possible! I honestly hate the attention that comes along with being pregnant. Hate it! I'm guessing I'll have to tell my sister sooner than I'd like to so that I can get my maternity clothes back.
Hopefully she can not spill my beans for me...

My close friends already know, since I needed someone to yack to about it.
 
#17 ·
I told my mom, and a couple of close friends who I knew would be excited. We'll probably tell more family in a few weeks, as last time DPs dad seemed uncomfortable that we told him so soon (6 wks). I won't tell my advisor (I'm finishing my Masters, which majorly stalled after DD was born) until I can't possibly hide it anymore.
 
#18 ·
we weren't planning on telling our families until after the 1st tri, but my mom's father died, so we told our immediate families at 4 wks. we have told our dear friends, but are waiting to tell everyone else until around my b-day (3/26 - i'll tell ppl as they call to say happy b-day or if we go out for a b-day dinner) when i'll be 13 wks. these weeks are going so slow and i'm so excited to tell everyone.
 
#19 ·
As soon as I get the results back from my CVS, which is usually done between 10-12 weeks, I'm going to tell everyone who'll stand still long enough to hear me. Right now, only my husband and best two girlfriends know.

I've never gotten to the "telling everyone" stage before and am crossing my fingers and praying everyday that I get there this time.

Best wishes to all!
 
#20 ·
We're waiting until 12-13 weeks, due to our previous miscarriages. I have already told my little sister, though, because I promised her she'd be the first to know when I got pg again. My doula friend knows, too, and she's been VERY helpful!

I have major MIL issues. I'm terrified of telling her. DH joked that we should just not tell her and show up at her house on Christmas with a baby in our arms... "surprise!" LOL
 
#21 ·
Even if I hadn't told my MIL she would have found out anyway. She is the nurse for a different doctor in my doctor's practice. My nurse asked if I told her. She said she would have tried to keep it a secret but was thankful she didn't have to. None of this is helped by my MIL and I having the same first and last name. Once my labs were filed under her name in the computer. Good thing we like each other. She scored me a huge bag of pre-natal vitamin samples.
 
#22 ·
With DD, we planned to wait to tell most people until 12-13 weeks, but I was so sick! I told my boss around 7 weeks and my parents around 8 weeks. I managed to not tell most friends until 12 weeks by just plain avoiding them.

With my second PG I had told some friends and then I miscarried.


So far this time I've only told DH (duh!), my BFF, my midwife, and my TTC boards.
 
#23 ·
We've only told my side of the family. I am VERY close to them, and I HAD to have someone to talk with!! So, just my mom, dad, and two sisters. Soon we will tell DH's side of the family, and a few closest friends!

I am a superstitious person, so I try to keep it somewhat a secret for a while, but then again...I have a really hard time not telling everyone in sight!! So, I go in between and tell just those close people that would support me in the event of a loss.

LOVE having this DDC to come to. Don't know what I would do if I didn't have you ladies to chat with. I would go MAD!!
 
#24 ·
I have had two miscarriages (not in a row) and the last one was just this past December. During that pregnancy my husband had told everyone (including waitresses at restaurants we frequent). At the beginning of January we went into one of the restaurants and the waitress asked if I had found out yet what the sex of the baby was. I had to explain that I had suffered a miscarriage and it was really uncomfortable for her and me. This time around I was adamant to keep it from everyone (even DH because he can't keep a secret). I have told 3 very close girlfriends and I told DH last week. He already spilled the beans to his bosses at work, but I never see them so whatever. I'm going to wait until I can hear a heartbeat to shout it from the rooftops. It is too painful if a loss happens otherwise.
 
#25 ·
With this being #4 for us, I'm not sure people will be super excited for us, so I think I will wait. It's fun to have a little secret between dh and I and we can make all our plans together without our nosey family!

It also makes sense for us to wait because once my 6 and 3 year old know, everyone will!
 
#26 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by *smiles* View Post
With this being #4 for us, I'm not sure people will be super excited for us, so I think I will wait. It's fun to have a little secret between dh and I and we can make all our plans together without our nosey family!

It also makes sense for us to wait because once my 6 and 3 year old know, everyone will!
EXACTLY!

We're a bit surprised at the news ourselves and need a bit of time to adjust before taking on the world with the news, dh especially.
 
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