Major rant - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
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It's been a tough few days. I really want to get involved on this board and make "friends," but I'm still trying not to believe I'm actually pregnant so when we lose this one, I won't be so sad. I appreciate everyone reading and responding when I do post though. I'm lurking in the background most days.

My son (2) has been sick and vomitting for a week. So now, I find myself discounting what I thought was morning sickness as this virus. We actually had to take himi to the ER on Sunday because he was so dehydrated. Poor little guy needed an IV and fluids and it was just a mess. He's doing better now. DD (4) got sick too, but not nearly as bad and she seems to be on the mend also.

My DH I think is running for sainthood. He was up everynight with them, got no sleep and managed to keep laundry flowing. He hasn't been feeling well either, but hasn't actually gotten the bug. He also has managed to keep me hydrated with various drinks and fed with random foods. What I can eat one day makes me gag the next, and I have NO idea what I want to eat (really I want NOTHING to eat, but the hungrier I get the worse I feel).

DH wants to get a vasectomy while we're pg. We've had 8 m/c. With each one a little piece of me dies. With my DD I was sick until about 16 weeks and lost about 30 pounds (weight I needed to lose, but doing it while pregnant not so good). With DS I was sick until I gave birth. I again lost about 30 pounds. Each time, DH has been a trooper. He has done what he could to keep our house together, help me, and help the kids. It is really soooo hard on him. I always thought I wanted a big family, but I feel selfish for wanting to have more with how sick I get. I don't even know if I want to have more now. I can't tell if I'm holding on to an old and outdated dream or if it's truly what I want. I love giving birth, but I hate being pregnant. So, I'm reading about urologists in our area and vasectomies in general. There are some super scary websites out there that seem to have outdated info/studies, and not a whole lot else. It seems like for every site that says NO VASECTOMIES... EVIL, there is another that says Vasectomies are wonderful with no ill effects!

On a seperate note, it seems my father thinks I'm a complete loser. My husband was laid off in March of last year. He's had some odd jobs here and there, but no real offers of permanent employment (which it turns out now is a good thing because of this pg). I (which is now "we" or even mostly DH) do childcare. We do 3 kids part time. It pays our rent and little else. We have a MEAP grant for our electric bill and get WIC and a small amount of Food Stamps. We live pretty frugally. We don't ask them for money. When my father found out I was pregnant (by accident from my daughter) he said, "I want to say congratulations, but I want someone to get a job." Because the childcare I provide is what? A hobby? Not work? Hello?!

This pg was NOT planned. We were CTA, and I missed something, obviously. We had plans to have another one in 3-4 years, but now we were both focusing on education and other things. That doesn't mean it was an accident, or unwanted. It's taking some time to adjust to the idea, and at the same time, we want NOT to adjust to the idea to protect our broken hearts.

I'm just so overwhelmed, and needed to vent.



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#2 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 03:21 PM
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Oh Trisha! I can relate to so much of what you wrote. This babe wasn't what I was expecting right now either, and I too haven't gotten used to it. I've had only 2 m/c's but the fear is still there. My last pregnancy it took forever to really bond and feel something because I just couldn't get my hopes up again.

And this time its odd to not want my hopes up, and at the same time I'm feeling overwhelmed and shocked that I'm pregnant in the first place. LOL

And we're white trash too. LOL I'm not even telling my family. Hell, they don't even know my last two children anyway.

Vent all you want.

treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

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#3 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 03:22 PM
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I couldn't read without responding. I'm so sorry you're going through this all.
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#4 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 03:25 PM
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Oh, I'm so sorry. I know a little how you feel about not being able/willing to really believe you're pg. It took me so long to evolve into believing this time (I had a <5 wk loss after my m/c) that it still feels a little strange, like I just "decided" I am pg, or something. Like I'm a little crazy. The ultrasound helped me a lot, but I don't know when your many losses were, I can see that would make a difference.

It sure sounds to me like you've got morning sickness. And like you have a job I hope all goes well for you. :

We're planning/thinking about a vasectomy when we're done with having kids, too, but I haven't done ANY research as we are potentially wanting 3 (although I have spent the past several weeks thinking that I would be INSANE to do this again) so it's a ways off.

Wife to the man I never expected, DS born at home '07, '08, baby girl born at home Oct '09!
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#5 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 03:36 PM
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I think you need one of those.

Mama to 5 (b17,b11,b9,g6,b4)

Our Final Addition stork-suprise.gifarriving in Mid June 2014

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#6 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 03:41 PM
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Sounds so overwhelming.
I find it is always good to remember that during these crazy stressfull times of uncertainty, that our pregnancy hormones just make the emotions so much more "there" than they would be normally.
Everything seems that much worse.
I don't know if it's in budget but i've found doubling my prenatal vitamin helps or at least just making sure i'm getting enough B12 in my system.

Sounds like your husband is not lazy and is working very hard at the moment....the right job will come along in time. As long as your not letting yourself get into piles of debt I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. Hopefully once you get back on your feet health wise something will come up for him!

anyway..take care!
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#7 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 05:10 PM
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I'm so sorry. I agree that pregnancy hormones make the stressful aspects of our life even more stressful. Especially for those of us who expereinced multiple miscarriages, we understand more keenly the gift a child brings. Your father doesn't understand and couldn't because he hasn't been in your shoes before. Full-time employment with benefits would be great, but life is what it is at the moment and the economy isn't exactly supporting a whole lot of jobs right now. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to celebrate the new life that is forming right now and all he/she will bring to the world. While working in the inner city of Milwaukee with families who had absolutely nothing and yet were pregnant, I tried to always look at one very positive aspect of them having another child. I know it sounds idealistic, but maybe that mom is carrying the child that will cure cancer or win the nobel peace prize. That unborn child's life is precious and should be treasured and somehow things will work out. In the meantime, take care of yourself and give your dh a hug for being there emotionally for you and the kids when you need him most!

Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!


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#8 of 11 Old 02-28-2009, 05:16 PM
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Huge hugs, Trisha. I was waiting for this baby, but I wasn't prepared to feel so anxious and scared. I told myself I would try to relax and enjoy being pg and instead I'm waiting to see a heartbeat (after NOT seeing one last week) and trying to steel myself for what might happen next. I never, ever thought m/c would happen to me, even after all of the trials of pg. I was wrong, and I feel like I've paid my dues over the last almost 2 years.

We also won't be telling our families, because of the m/c and because we just don't need anyone else being hard on us. We're bad enough on ourselves, what with being scared and just trying to hold on. If it helps, please vent more. I'm sure you won't be alone! I just vent more on the PAL thread because I don't want to scare some of the new moms here.

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#9 of 11 Old 03-01-2009, 02:31 AM
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that sounds like a lot to handle

you guys must be saints to do in-home childcare. i know it would drive me bonkers!

i told my mom today--to her credit, she didn't cry or freak out too badly. but wasn't that long ago that we were on housing assistance and food stamps, and as an only child of two only children, my parents not only think we're financially irresponsible, but probably certifiably insane as well

whatever--the universe is on our side!

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#10 of 11 Old 03-01-2009, 01:06 PM
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That sounds like a lot to take in, I'm sorry mama! You know what though, while reading your post what came across loud and clear was that you and your DH and kiddos are happy and that's all that matters. I'm sorry your dad said such a hurtful thing, parents/family do that sometimes and I don't get it. I think it falls under that category of being so "comfortable" with people that they say things to us they would never say to other people or if someone else said it to you they'd get upset. weird. Anyway, enjoy your family and enjoy being here and stay positive!

One by one the days are slipping up behind you ~ One by one the sweetest days of life go by :
-Woodie Guthrie
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#11 of 11 Old 03-02-2009, 03:40 PM
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Sorry to hear that

Hang in there, it's wonderful how things work out and ppl adjust. Hope this one is your sticky baby. Try to relax and get some rest

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

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