Last baby and the big V - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 11-04-2009, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dh scheduled his vasectomy for Nov. 19th. I am having such mixed feelings about it all. We have 4 kids...that is a lot. I always wanted 10 growing up dh thought 2. He was done at 3 and Oliver is our bonus baby. Pregnancy and post partum healing is really hard on my body. I won't go into it too much but I essentially have the female parts of a 60 year old and I am 28. Even my OB recommended no more babies. I have done every type of birth control out there except the norplant and have had terrible reactions to everything( allergic to latex and spermicide, got pregnant using condoms, uti's from diaphragm, bleed for 2 weeks on my period with IUD, progesterone based ones give me migraines, the pill makes me psychotic, this baby was conceived using NFP). So we are pretty much down to permanent options. The V will cost us only a $15 insurance copay.
So I feel done and like our family is complete. I never want to be pregnant again or give birth again. DH and I have stressful jobs (attorney and soon to be midwife) so it makes sense to be done.

SO why am I so sad....I think I am angry that the decision is almost made for us because of my health. I want the decision to be based purely on us feeling like our family is complete but it can't. I feel betrayed by my own body.

Anyone else SO getting snipped soon? How are you feeling about it?

.
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#2 of 19 Old 11-04-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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I think I am angry that the decision is almost made for us because of my health. I want the decision to be based purely on us feeling like our family is complete but it can't. I feel betrayed by my own body.
This is how I feel. With severe hyperemesis, pg comes close to killing me. I don't want to be pregnant again, but I don't want to never be pregnant again, ykwim? DH is scheduled for January because we've had troubled getting it scheduled.

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#3 of 19 Old 11-04-2009, 07:49 PM
 
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i could almost write that word for word. hormonal birth controls make me completely psychotic. even the mini-pill nearly caused me to lose my mind! the iud caused severe cramping and bleeding every 1-2 wks. dh has not met his deductible yet; i have so i am getting a tubal. the consult is set for nov 18th.

i was told by my ob to NEVER get pg again. and she's CATHOLIC! she's referring me out to another ob to get the tubal and also adhesion removal for my endometriosis.

i'm so stinking sad and i thought i would be stoic especially after the horror story of a pregnancy i had. but i feel ROBBED. i want 10 kids, too and we're close with 7. i want a body that works like it should. i want to fulfil my dreams. but i have to put the health (both physical and mental) of my family, myself and especially a possible baby before my 'wants.'

i going to be a mess though and dh is just as heart broken. he's already asked me if i want more and agreed to look into adoption with me.

s and peace and believe me you are not alone in your sadness!

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#4 of 19 Old 11-04-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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To all of you ladies. My Dh had his vasectomy already on October 23rd. I cried the night before and couldn't sleep. He said as he was sitting there having the procedure that he kept picturing Bridget and saying to himself, "Wow, she is our last one." He said it was sort of bittersweet because he doesn't want anymore, but when you have spent the last 13 years of your life having pregnancies and having babies it is hard to say goodbye to that chapter. I'm tearing up as I write this. I feel like 32 is so young to be done with babies, but then again I started young and I just can't be 18 kids and counting!

I think, especially being so soon after giving birth it is normal to feel sad about permanent birth control. I haven't had any real problems with birth control other than they just don't work and I kidded with DH that this probably won't work either. Somehow or another I wouldn't be surprised if another baby snuck through.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#5 of 19 Old 11-04-2009, 08:53 PM
 
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DH will be having one probably in Jan, and we are both freakin' ecstatic!!
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#6 of 19 Old 11-04-2009, 10:37 PM
 
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I totally feel the same way. Before Amelia was born I was adamant that she was our last. Now, I just can't imagine that was the last time I'd ever grow a life inside of me, or give birth. I know that if we stay in NY we cannot afford another, but it makes me so sad!

I think we'll make the final decision in a couple of months. But DH still wants the vasectomy, so we'll see what happens.

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#7 of 19 Old 11-05-2009, 12:30 PM
 
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DP doesn't want anyone messing with his equipment and I can't say I blame him. I do feel like we're done though. DP didn't want kids to begin with and now he has 4 (we have 3 together). Of course he loves them now that they are here, but it's really not fair to him to keep pushing for more. And unless we move and buy new vehicles, we don't have the room for another one. I do feel a little bit bad that Kara won't have a sister. I look at her and can't believe this will be the last baby of mine I ever hold.
But at the same time I'm scared because I can't take hormonal birth control and I'm scared of IUDs, and nothing else seems like a good option. We've used withdrawal/condoms with some success, but I have to pay attention to my cycles and be careful not to dtd without a condom during my fertile period ... this can be difficult when bf'ing because I often have irregular cycles and am so dry down there it's hard to tell if I am ovulating or not by my cervical mucus. I'm scared of screwing up and getting pregnant at the wrong time. This pregnancy really took a toll on me when I did not think it would since I'm only 28 and it would be really stressful for everyone if I got pg again. So I almost wish he was getting a V, but I respect his decision.

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#8 of 19 Old 11-05-2009, 06:30 PM
 
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One of my DPs can't WAIT to get snipped and the other won't do it. He likes condoms and is happy doing it that way forever. I guess that's ok, and it's his parts. The one who want's the big V just lost his insurance and the new one has a huge deductable so the snip is on hold until that is met or he gets better insurance. Course he HATES condoms and I can't do other birth control... and I've done them all. BCP and Mirena (anything hormone really) mess up my milk supply, Paraguard my body rejected and pushed out, diaphram gave me UTIs, and I'm allergic to latex anyway. I'm looking into Essure but I'm a little scared to do something so new. We all def feel that we're done with our family, although I would like to surrogate for an infertile or gay couple when Malcolm is quite a bit older. Just working out the details of permenant BC at this point.

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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#9 of 19 Old 11-05-2009, 07:19 PM
 
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I went through the same feelings. Here's something that articulates them.

http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/...2006_haas.html
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#10 of 19 Old 11-05-2009, 09:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I went through the same feelings. Here's something that articulates them.

http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/...2006_haas.html
I enjoyed that! Thank you for sharing it.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#11 of 19 Old 11-07-2009, 01:46 PM
 
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No need here, we had to do IVF to get this one. I thought this was about vaginas,

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#12 of 19 Old 11-07-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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Pookietooth-I think it would be funny, and cool, if you get pregnant on your own thinking you are safe! I have actually known two couples that this has happened to.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#13 of 19 Old 11-07-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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No need here, we had to do IVF to get this one. I thought this was about vaginas,
My first son was IVF after 2 years of trying on our own, then clomid, then injectibles, and finally IVF.

Our daughter (that we lost) was a total surprise. I got pregnant with her on my 4th period back when my son was only 11 months old! This new baby was conceived our first month of being cleared to try again exactly 6 months after our loss.

So....ya never know!

~heather

heather - wife to my wonderful husband , mama to Brenten William 12/29/06, and Devin Findley 10/20/09
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#14 of 19 Old 11-08-2009, 02:46 AM
 
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Yeah, well, ds was with injectables, and then we tried with alternative things like herbs, homeopathy, all kinds of diets, then we finally gave in and did IVF. And I'm 43 and my mom went through menopause pretty early. So I doubt it could happen. We stopped all forms of birth control before we even were married, and that was 12 years ago!

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#15 of 19 Old 11-08-2009, 04:14 AM
 
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dh is getting it done, scheduling it, etc
he's seen what i went through with pregnancies and births so no question.

we both feel it's the best option for us, so it will be soon after he starts his 9mths of parental leave in december.

mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98. novaxnocirc.gif

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#16 of 19 Old 11-08-2009, 07:09 AM
 
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jen, i had to have surgery to get pg with natalie. zoe was a complete surprise because we were just sure we'd need help again. this time, i had scheduled surgery and 2 days later had to call back and cancel it because we were pg. you just never know

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#17 of 19 Old 11-08-2009, 10:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have PCOS and the doctors told me pregnancy would be almost impossible and we just had our 4th baby in 6 years.

.
Homeschooling, midwifery mom to 4 beautiful blessings(8,6,4,1)

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#18 of 19 Old 11-09-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by completebeginnings View Post
Dh scheduled his vasectomy for Nov. 19th. I am having such mixed feelings about it all. We have 4 kids...that is a lot. I always wanted 10 growing up dh thought 2. He was done at 3 and Oliver is our bonus baby. Pregnancy and post partum healing is really hard on my body. I won't go into it too much but I essentially have the female parts of a 60 year old and I am 28. Even my OB recommended no more babies. I have done every type of birth control out there except the norplant and have had terrible reactions to everything( allergic to latex and spermicide, got pregnant using condoms, uti's from diaphragm, bleed for 2 weeks on my period with IUD, progesterone based ones give me migraines, the pill makes me psychotic, this baby was conceived using NFP). So we are pretty much down to permanent options. The V will cost us only a $15 insurance copay.
So I feel done and like our family is complete. I never want to be pregnant again or give birth again. DH and I have stressful jobs (attorney and soon to be midwife) so it makes sense to be done.

SO why am I so sad....I think I am angry that the decision is almost made for us because of my health. I want the decision to be based purely on us feeling like our family is complete but it can't. I feel betrayed by my own body.

Anyone else SO getting snipped soon? How are you feeling about it?
This is where we stand. I am in the same boat as you, although I am not allergic, I just have the same reactions to everything as you. My husband hasn't made his appointment yet, but I've realized that its the permanance of it that I don't like. But there isn't any other option. We are at baby #4 right now too. I wanted 6 or more, and hubby wanted 4. But I do not want to be pregnant again or go through labor again. I guess knowing that you can eventually reverse a "V" later, but I don't want to go through that. I just don't want to permanently take our options away either. But I am done.

Married to a Navy man of 12 yrs.

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#19 of 19 Old 11-20-2009, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Update:
Vasectomy is all done. I cried all morning before the procedure but I think it was compounded by other issues (baby has severe GER and trying to figure out if we are going to do meds). The procedure went well. I got to watch which was cool. DH is in a lot of pain now and was complaining about not being able to sleep. I couldn't help but smirk and think welcome to pregnancy and labor.
Feeling at peace about it. I have 4 wonderful healthy children and a very busy and fulfilled life. Just a bit hard to let the dream die and know that at the age of 28 my baby days are over. So sad. But my body says no more. Not that I ever plan on having sex again at this point anyways. I am 4 weeks pp and still zero desire. It was hard for dh because I think he wanted to experience intercourse "normally" once more before the surgery but oh well. It was his choice.

.
Homeschooling, midwifery mom to 4 beautiful blessings(8,6,4,1)

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