Adjusting to two kids - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-08-2009, 10:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
MamatoPeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 371
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Anyone else going from one to two kids and feeling very guilty? My two year old is having a hard time. She is having constant meltdowns. Its breaking my heart.

What do you do when your nursing to keep your other kids busy?

(baby crying, time to nurse)

Mama to & +:::
MamatoPeach is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-08-2009, 11:00 PM
 
Serenyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Natchez, MS
Posts: 2,376
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Give him to his daddy! Honestly I feel really guilty. I wanted him to be another year older before I had another baby but it didn't work out that way. He cries to nurse every time he sees the baby nursing, and sometimes he wants my attention and I can't give it to him.

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

~We may not have it all together  but together we have it all~ uc.jpgsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactivist.giflactivist.gif 

Serenyd is offline  
Old 11-08-2009, 11:14 PM
 
Mommy2Liz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: So. Utah
Posts: 261
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seriously MamatoPeach....are you me??

My DD is 2.5 and is not sleeping or napping, throwing little tantrums and just overall needing more attention. My husband is doing his best to help with her but sometimes she just wants me. No matter how tired I am, I try and read books to her or spend a few minutes snuggling with her in bed, etc. I usually invite her to sit with me while I nurse her brother and have her sing to him or tell me stories. I think as soon as my family all leaves and the excitement dies down, she'll be ready to adjust to her schedule again. I think we'll be watching lots of movies together and just enjoying our rest time. I think she is as annoyed with the company as I am.
Mommy2Liz is offline  
Old 11-09-2009, 03:25 PM
 
fyrebloom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North of Boston, South of sanity
Posts: 1,737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Today's my first day flying solo and it's not easy with 4 kids! I too was not planning to have the last three be so close in age (been there done that with the first three) but the girls seem to be handling it ok. There is def jealousy, but I'm trying to spend time with them while the lil guy is napping. I was right where you were last time though. OH MAN was it hard when the twins arrived and Elliott was not quite 20 months old. You muddle through, you can do it!

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
fyrebloom is offline  
Old 11-09-2009, 06:29 PM
 
BlueEyedLady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 396
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DS and DD are almost exactly 23 months apart. He's actually adjusting better than I thought he would...for the first few days Sadie was a novelty and he couldn't give her enough kisses. Then, he started hitting, throwing tantrums, etc. Now mostly he's okay. He's generally really good with her, helping by bringing diapers or pacifiers or whatever I ask him to retrieve for me. He likes to sit by her, hold her, etc. He often forgets that she's so little and gets too rough, but for the most part he's good.

Sadie is FF, but my biggest problems with him are when she's getting a bottle. He wants to be on my lap then when she is. The rest of the time he's great with sharing the attention, but when she's eating he wants to have all of me. So generally we'll watch a part of a video to distract him a bit. If he isn't wanting all of my attention and is content to just hang out with me, then we'll sing songs, look at books, etc. I try to make an effort to spend time with him and only him too when DD is sleeping. He just had his 2nd birthday so there are new toys to play with, which also helps. He's loving sitting with me and trying to learn to string his beads and put his new puzzles together, etc.
BlueEyedLady is offline  
Old 11-09-2009, 10:15 PM
 
Kmama2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamatoPeach View Post
Anyone else going from one to two kids and feeling very guilty? My two year old is having a hard time. She is having constant meltdowns. Its breaking my heart.

What do you do when your nursing to keep your other kids busy?

(baby crying, time to nurse)
I have a 28 month old and then ds who is 4 weeks. I try and stick with dd's routine as much as possible.. I think it helped that ds was born at home ( during the night) and she didn't have to go anywhere or spend any nights without me or DH.
Sometimes if she is being really whiny and I have to nurse the baby I either pull out the snacks... or the TV Ill put on a 20 min dora episode or ask her if she wants a snack. Certain things like apples, cheese sticks she can go in the fridge and get herself and that keeps her busy for a few mins.
Most often though if I am nursing and she wants/ needs something I just ask her if she wants me to read to her ( which is like her fav thing).. so I nurse the baby on one side and she sits on my other side on the couch or the floor and I read to her... that way she doesn't feel left out that I am spending so much time with the baby.
I try to give her lots of snuggles and hugs etc at the end of the day too when I am putting her to bed.
Ohh and when Dh is around ( weekends and evenings) he trys to give her lots of time and attention and do special things with her .

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

Kmama2 is offline  
Old 11-11-2009, 04:12 PM
 
eloise24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD is 21 months old . . . We're doing good but my mom leaves on Friday and then the real test will begin! It's been wonderful to have extra help around and someone to give her extra attention. She has calmed down about baby and pretty much ignores him (not in a bad way) except for always wanting to kiss him, which is sweet.

We'll see on Friday though . . . .

Wife to my Denali-climbing DH
Mom to DD born Jan. 08 and DS born Oct. 09, and "baby sister" due Oct 2013!
House mom to ten boys, ages 8-11 at a group home! Yes, I must be nuts!
eloise24 is offline  
Old 11-11-2009, 10:10 PM
 
Aufilia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 1,832
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
My DD is 3.5 and I don't know what I'm going to do when it's just me and her and the baby in the house afte rmy MIL leaves tomorrow. I just spend soooo much time nursing, how will I ever be able to take care of my older DD at the same time? You'd think she'd be self-entertaining but not for 30-40 minutes at a time all day long...

Erin, mom to DD (1/06) and DS (10/09)
Aufilia is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 01:30 AM
 
Huck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serenyd View Post
Give him to his daddy! Honestly I feel really guilty. I wanted him to be another year older before I had another baby but it didn't work out that way. He cries to nurse every time he sees the baby nursing, and sometimes he wants my attention and I can't give it to him.
My son is a year older than yours and he isn't having an easy time either. He asks to nurse really often, much more often than I can really handle, and usually when I'm changing or nursing the baby. I've been trying not to say "no" to nursing and instead say "yes, in a minute..." or "Yes, after you finish that apple or read that book..." but that's not working very well. He really wants to control the situation and he's driving me a bit nuts!

I think it will be much easier when I can nurse on the go. I can't get the baby to nurse in the sling yet, so I'm stuck sitting down much of the day, which isn't great for entertaining an active little boy (plus it's cold and rainy, so we're stuck inside). I'm also working on EC with the new LO, which requires a lot of attention and not keeping her all diapered up constantly.

I agree, it is SOOOO much easier when my husband is able to take our son out for a while. But, he needs to be able to work.

Has anyone had any luck with getting friends to come over with their kids to play? I'm a little worried about too many germs in the house now, but it would be better than going out and getting exposed to lots of people.
Huck is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 03:40 PM
 
gumby74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern Wisconsin and wish I was in Madison.
Posts: 1,896
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a almost 3.5 year old and I feel guilty all the time. For three plus years he was my world and now eventhough I try to give him ind. attention it's harder and I feel horrible about it. He has definitely developed some new behaviors that apparently he only shows here at home. He goes to school most weekdays. I feel bad about that as well because I feel like he should be home with me when I am not in school, but he seems to do so much better there. Yesterday I took him out early and when he came home he was a total terror. I just can't win. I can't wait until the baby is older and can interract with all of us and thus incude him in on the play with DS1.

Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!

 

gumby74 is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 04:23 PM
 
Serenyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Natchez, MS
Posts: 2,376
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huck View Post
My son is a year older than yours and he isn't having an easy time either. He asks to nurse really often, much more often than I can really handle, and usually when I'm changing or nursing the baby. I've been trying not to say "no" to nursing and instead say "yes, in a minute..." or "Yes, after you finish that apple or read that book..." but that's not working very well. He really wants to control the situation and he's driving me a bit nuts!
Yes, exactly.

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

~We may not have it all together  but together we have it all~ uc.jpgsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactivist.giflactivist.gif 

Serenyd is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 05:14 PM
 
zjande's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: on the dusty homestead
Posts: 5,195
Mentioned: 22 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 32 Post(s)
Though I'm not technically adjusting to 2 kids, my toddler (22 mos) is adjusting to not being the baby & we're having a really rough time over here. Three of my kids have chicken pox- my 11yr old, 3 yr old & 22 mo old. And my 22 mo is the most miserable. Sooooo miserable. And I can only comfort him so much because I'm busy with our newborn. It makes me sad. My dh is back at work & I've been caring for my sickies by myself, on literally a few hours of interrupted sleep per night. And I had a root canal on Monday. Bleh.

Thanks, I needed to vent.

North Idaho rural living  mama to: 23 yo DD, 16 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
zjande is online now  
Old 11-12-2009, 05:39 PM
 
dyehappy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: GA
Posts: 67
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
for OP

Yes, I felt guilty. My two are 15 mos apart. It has been such a challenge and I am absolutely EXHAUSTED (add to the chaos of having a teenager, a toddler, and an infant; my DH's job has him working out of town every week for at least 4 days, but this stretch is 14 days)! We moved away from my support network 2 years ago and I've also really been struggling with the isolation and challenges of becoming a SAHM.

DS was so young when DD2 was born that he didn't really know what to think. I give him extra cuddle time, but I'm often rocking him on one side while I nurse DD2 on the other. Sometimes, I just have to let him cry for a little while until DD2 finishes and then we spend one-on-one time together. He gets such a sad look on his face when he sees me pick up the Boppy.

I had a fairly high responsibility, high stress job but it was a BREEZE compared to this! Most of the time I enjoy it, but the lack of sleep gets to me sometimes.

"People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy." -M. Csikszentmihalyi
dyehappy is offline  
Old 11-12-2009, 06:10 PM
 
gumby74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern Wisconsin and wish I was in Madison.
Posts: 1,896
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyehappy View Post
for OP

Yes, I felt guilty. My two are 15 mos apart. It has been such a challenge and I am absolutely EXHAUSTED (add to the chaos of having a teenager, a toddler, and an infant; my DH's job has him working out of town every week for at least 4 days, but this stretch is 14 days)! We moved away from my support network 2 years ago and I've also really been struggling with the isolation and challenges of becoming a SAHM.

DS was so young when DD2 was born that he didn't really know what to think. I give him extra cuddle time, but I'm often rocking him on one side while I nurse DD2 on the other. Sometimes, I just have to let him cry for a little while until DD2 finishes and then we spend one-on-one time together. He gets such a sad look on his face when he sees me pick up the Boppy.

I had a fairly high responsibility, high stress job but it was a BREEZE compared to this! Most of the time I enjoy it, but the lack of sleep gets to me sometimes.
I feel like I could have written this post!

Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!

 

gumby74 is offline  
Old 11-19-2009, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
MamatoPeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 371
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My daughter is having an awful time adjusting still. Not napping, whining and crying all day. I think I am going to have to put her on a schedule so she knows what to expect each day. I have never put her on a schedule, in fact I despise them, and I hate routine. BUT, she needs something. I nurse on demand and its hard for her to understand why mommy drops everything and leaves her to nurse.

I hope that things start to get better.

She is so sleep deprived. uhh and so am I

Mama to & +:::
MamatoPeach is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off