Post-partum blues/depression or overwhelmed new mom? - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-09-2009, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a little episode this weekend. I'm 2 1/2 weeks post-partum and DH and I slept over my brother's house as we normally did pre-baby, to help my brother move. There was so much going on in the main area of the house, so I slipped away with DD so I could feed her and hopefully nap with her. Well, putting her down for a nap took longer than expected. After an hour of fussing and crying, she finally fell asleep in my arms and I was relieved, but at that moment my mom walked in and started talking to me, startling DD. That's when the tears started coming. I wasn't sobbing or totally crying, just tears started coming down. Then, my aunt walked in, saw me crying, asked why I was crying, so more tears came down.

Thing is, I was tired at the moment. DD was congested that night, so we were up much more than usual. Since bringing DD home from the hospital after 1 day, it's only been DH and I. Yes, people come to visit, but not often enough or long enough for me to get some sleep and never overnight. Now, everyone thinks I'm getting baby blues/depression from that one incident. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ruling it out or denying it. I just feel that at this moment, I'm a fairly young (25) new mom who's got this big responsibility on her shoulders all of a sudden.

DH has been phenomenal. For the last 2 weeks, he's taken care of me, the house, the dog, and the baby. But as any mother knows, we cannot get enough sleep no matter what. I'm tired, DD is quite demanding, she's not very easy to put to sleep unless she's nursing, she doesn't quite like her swing yet, and is not easily rocked to sleep. She doesn't like being snugly swaddled with her arms in either.

And it's tough on me for people to see me cry. Everyone that knows me knows that I'm not the type to cry for nothing. So when someone sees me cry, I get embarrassed and that brings on more tears. And when people mind me about me crying and asks if I'm OK or why I'm crying, I get embarrassed and tears come again. That's just how I've always been. And that's what happened this weekend.

Now everyone keeps calling me, asking me if I'm OK. I'm at the point where I'm not even answering calls and asked DH to listen to my voicemails and let me know what they said. I appreciate the concern, but it's almost annoying. I feel like if they keep minding me like this, that it will eventually turn into blues/depression because I'll start believing that something is wrong with me. But for now, I feel like I'm just a tired and sometimes overwhelmed mommy. I've spoken to DH about it and he knows how I feel. And I told him to also watch out and still be open to see signs of the blues.

I know this is long and probably didn't make sense, but I needed to vent to someone other than DH. I've never had thoughts of hurting myself or the baby, I've never had thoughts about being incapable as a mother to my child, I don't hate my child, I don't resent DH, and I've never had thoughts of not wanting to hold and comfort my child. So should I be worried about developing blues/depression or is my reaction reasonable being 2 weeks post-partum with no help except for DH? And today, DH is going back to work. I told him that if I really can't handle it and feel as if something is developing, I would ask him to stay home another week.
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Old 11-09-2009, 04:59 PM
 
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I think what you're going through is totally normal. I had several days where I would burst into tears for no reason at all. I'm guessing that it's just all of the crazy hormone changes going on right now. I chalked it up to baby blues, and started feeling more like my old self in a few days.

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Old 11-09-2009, 05:12 PM
 
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I think what is going on is less PPD and more exhaustion. I cry when I don't get enough sleep when I'm not postpartum! I was a really young mom (I had two babies by 24) and it can be a lot to handle, but being young is an advantage, too!

You have hormones pinging around, a new big responsibility, and less sleep than you have ever had to function on before. It is normal to tear up when someone comes in and wakes up the baby you worked so hard to get down.

Take could care of yourself and try to get rest. Explain to all of your caring relatives that yes, you are a bit hormonal and tired but that you just need a little extra help while you heal up during this transitional time.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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Old 11-09-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by myvspace View Post
I had a little episode this weekend. I'm 2 1/2 weeks post-partum and DH and I slept over my brother's house as we normally did pre-baby, to help my brother move..
That is about how far I got with reading the post before I was ready to respond...

Being a new mom is majorly exhausting and its emotional. The tears can flow easily during this time, and I think it is totally normal, even helpful. You helped your brother move with a 2 1/2 week old? I don't think I even brushed my teeth for a month!

I don't think you need to worry about PPD at this point at all. Most people feel weepy and sad when they're sleep deprived, which pretty much every new parent is. People in my family also started asking me if I thought I had PPD after my son was born and it was really annoying. I was glad they cared, but I just kept thinking to myself, what is abnormal about feeling a little blue when you are being woken up every three minutes all night long, never having a second to yourself, possibly having pain with breastfeeding or some discomfort (me a LOT of discomfort, cracked/bleeding, blistered nips, mastitis, etc), hosting a bazillion guests at your house, etc? What is so abnormal about feeling blue in that situation? I am pretty certain that you could take almost any human being, baby or no baby, put them in a sleep depriving and demanding situation that caring for a newborn is, and replicate the same symptoms that you're experiencing.

PPD is obviously very real, but I think that all the hype around it (which is actually a good thing in many ways) has made moms needlessly worry that something is really "wrong" with them. If it doesn't continue long term or spiral into additional more serious symptoms, I think it's completely in the realm of normal. I'm wondering if there are even any moms out there who *didn't* experience this. Good luck! Things do get much easier as the weeks and months go by...
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Old 11-09-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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I'm only 10 days out myself, but I think it's pretty normal to feel the way you do. I LOVE this post about postpartum feelings. It helped me put a "normal" frame of reference around what I was feeling.

http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/postpartum.html

Mama to P. born at home 10/09, and W. born in the hospital 2/13

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Old 11-09-2009, 06:39 PM
 
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I think totally normal also. I have two kids, and after both of them I've been over the moon. I never once, after either one (and granted DD is only 5 1/2 weeks old) have felt the slightest bit down or depressed or regretful...but I have been totally exhausted both times.

With DS, he had his days and nights mixed up for a couple of months at least, and I was completely stupid and didn't nap during the day so I was exhausted. But, he was fairly easy to put to sleep when he DID sleep. I was so tired with him that I would get really short with DH (who never got up in the middle of the night) and say a lot of things I shouldn't have. I was cranky and didn't find a lot of joy in anything then because I was just so stinking tired.

DD, on the other hand, is a great nighttime sleeper (only up once, maybe twice), but is a NIGHTMARE to put down to sleep. She is getting better, but for a while when she'd get up in the middle of the night she'd be up for HOURS. And this time I can't sleep during the day since I have DS to care for also. So again, sheer exhaustion...and there have been a couple of nights when I can't get her to sleep where I just couldn't stop the tears from running down my face. Again, not unhappy about anything at all, just so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.

Oh, also...neither of my kids liked being swaddled with their arms in tight either, but they DO like being swaddled. So I just leave their arms out. When I put their arms in they fight and scream until they wriggle them free, but if I leave them out they're happy and content. Maybe try swaddling your DD from the chest down, leaving her arms out? Might not work, but it's worth a try.
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Old 11-09-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cileag View Post
I'm only 10 days out myself, but I think it's pretty normal to feel the way you do. I LOVE this post about postpartum feelings. It helped me put a "normal" frame of reference around what I was feeling.

http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/postpartum.html
Thank you for linking that blog. I am 3 weeks postpartum and having a rough time also. I have 3 other kids to watch after and my husband went back to work today and I am not dealing well. I'll be fine, but its hard. The kids, thankfully, are in the back family room watching cartoons and being quiet for the time being. Helps me regroup when they are quiet long enough for me to get a breath.

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Old 11-09-2009, 08:07 PM
 
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Sounds pretty normal to me. Being a new mom is hard, and the sleep deprivation is the worst part in my emotional breakdowns. I would never have been helping someone move with a 2.5 week old, no way.

On the other hand yay for you having such a rockin dh-mine is great with the new baby thing too.

Not all babies like being swaddled DD HATED it as a newborn, she'd always kick free. DS is a cuddler, but I wear him much of the day in my Moby. You have to find what works and do that.and remember you guys are getting to know each other and there are bumps in all relationships. Learn what she likes not what a book or a family member says.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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Old 11-09-2009, 10:23 PM
 
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sounds normal to me. DD does not like swaddling but loves the sling and often will pass out in it when I'm carrying her around doing normal stuff (cooking, laundry, etc)

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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Old 11-10-2009, 12:56 AM
 
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Oh yes, I could have written much of your post myself.
Being exhausted wears you thin -- the control we usually have over our emotions just isn't there when we're this tired. No doubt about it, I'm much quicker to cry right now than I usually would be, and I'd be much better able to handle everything including the emotions of the labor and c-section if I were well-rested.
I'm sure my family thinks I'm PPD even though I keep telling them that it's just that I'm so tired. It actually bugs me -- they keep saying that I'm snappish or crying or whatever because of the hormones, even though I keep telling them that it's just that I'm worn thin.
Little Nate actually sleeps a lot -- too much. So it's not that he wakes me in the middle of the night, it's that I have to set my alarm and get myself up to wake him and feed him. I'm desperate to get my milk supply established and get him back up to his birthweight, and I feel horrible if I sleep through my alarm (which I've done several times) and let him go more than 3 hours without eating at night. The pressure of feeding him, with DP constantly asking why we don't just use formula, also keeps me on edge.

Hang in there. We're all going to survive this time, and in a few months when we have grinning, giggling chubby happy babies, we'll look back and laugh, right?

Spiralshell -- Mama to David Nathaniel, born October 2009. And so you see I have come to doubt all that I once held as true. I stand alone without belief, the only truth I know is you.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you ladies for the support and the reassurance that this is just new mom exhaustion. DH went to work for 5 hours today after DD's 2 week check-up. Things went well. She fed well, and fortunately for me, took good long naps after nursing. And when she was awake, she was just observing a lot. I finally had some time to enjoy my daughter in a peaceful state.

We'll see how things go tomorrow when DH goes to work for the whole day.
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cileag View Post
I'm only 10 days out myself, but I think it's pretty normal to feel the way you do. I LOVE this post about postpartum feelings. It helped me put a "normal" frame of reference around what I was feeling.

http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/postpartum.html
THANK YOU for the link. I really needed that today.

Doula ~ CBE ~ Life Partner to my ManBearPeach ~ Multiple-miscarriage Survivor ~ Homebirthing, Breastfeeding, CDing, Babywearing, Co-Sleeping Mama to my Boy Bean , born 9/30/09!
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:48 AM
 
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Thank you for that blog link. It said exactly what I'm going through and I was able to send it to my DH and my bestfriend so they can understand what the middle of the night is like for me.

My breaking point is the exhaustion along with this awful pain in my nipples (so bad I can't wear a shirt or bra) that I thought was thrush. Now that's cleared up and I still have pain. My MW thinks it might be Raynaud's (sp?) so we're trying mega doses of B complex to ease my nerve endings. But for now it's painful feedings in the middle of the night when all I want is sleep. I get so angry and upset and then the tears start. Poor DH can't stand it because there's not much he can do.

We're all going through our own painful upsetting PP time but everyone goes through it and as everyone reminds me, it won't last forever.

rebecca: mama to Jack Oct09 born at home! - BF, Co-sleeping, cloth diapering, child-led solids; writer, book designer and teen mentor; dh 10+yrs (who gets to work at home!) and two cats.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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Old 11-10-2009, 01:41 PM
 
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o. m. g. i just read that blog...did i write that and i just don't remember because of the haze of exhaustion??? i have freaked out over sitting her in her bouncy seat on the floor because it could tip over and smash her face into the carpet and then she'd suffocate. i've so had 'the knife thing' and i can't take her on the front porch because i can see myself falling off or just tumping her over the side. it's maybe 18" off the ground! i'd have a complete freaking panic attack anywhere that is 2-story!

funny thing is, i now remember having these thoughts every time, but i was sure that this time i was a complete lunatic. oh, and does anyone want my useless dh who gets 6+ hrs sleep/night and still bitches about how exhausted he is??? i had to threaten to hire someone to mow the lawn...because his poo little self is soooo tired because he works all day so he can't do anything besides eat dinner and go to bed. :S

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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