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#1 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 01:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is 6 weeks and has been particularly fussy over the past several days. i don't want to rush to label him "high needs" even though he seems to fit the description perfectly. Some things I've read indicate that all babies get fussy around milestone ages, 6 weeks being one of them. but if he's been vocal, clingy, demanding, melodramatic and a poor nurser/sleeper since the beginning, are we doomed to have to put up with these high needs forever? or am i just extremely sleep deprived and drained?

i am losing my mind. i love my baby with all my heart, but sometimes i just can't handle being around him for one more second. what have i gotten myself into? he's relentless. his hardest time of day is when DH is at work and i am utterly overwhelmed.

is it really high needs, or just a typical 6-week tantrum-fest?

gotta run, he's screaming his head off again.

Doula ~ CBE ~ Life Partner to my ManBearPeach ~ Multiple-miscarriage Survivor ~ Homebirthing, Breastfeeding, CDing, Babywearing, Co-Sleeping Mama to my Boy Bean , born 9/30/09!
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#2 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 01:52 AM
 
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ddc crashing... just want to say everything is/seems worse when you are tired. lack of sleep is huge. my babe is a toddler now and i read my journal from her first months and can just see how my perspective was altered because i was so.dang.tired.

that's not much of an answer but was meant to be encouraging. it does and will get better. be kind to yourself. hugs.
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#3 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 01:59 AM
 
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Ah mama! I'm so sorry you are having a hard time and I don't know if he is high needs or if this is just a developmental thing without knowing more, but either way I promise it will get better. The only advice I can offer is since you know what time of day he fusses, be prepared to just take care of him then. If anything else needs to get done, plan to do it before or after his fussy time. Mine gets fussy at night when I normally make dinner, so I have been making dinner earlier or at least getting it prepared. When she is especially fussy I put her in the wrap (she cries harder at first) and go for a walk. This usually makes her go to sleep. If I can't leave to walk I at least go outside. Sometimes a change of scenery really helps both mom and baby! If nothing works and you are getting to the end of your rope. Put the baby down for a few minutes and walk away for a few minutes. I'm not an advocate of crying it out at all, but I am an advocate of good mommies staying sane. Sometimes 3 minutes in another room taking some deep breaths is enough to center yourself so you can be a better mommy to your baby. Good luck and I hope soon he is calmer.

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#4 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 02:13 AM
 
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It sounds like both of you are normal.

I'm going through the same thing right now. This is my second fussy baby. It's hard. But by 3 mon ths my first was a happy baby, and I'm expecting something similar with my second. And, you know what? DD (my first) is the coolest little girl on Earth!

This too shall pass. It doesn't last forever; even if it seems like it does.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#5 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 02:27 AM
 
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DDC crashing to offer you some

It does get easier. 6 weeks is a very common time for this. Infants tend to go through growth spurts at 7-10 days, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months. They don't really look at a calendar so ages are approximate. They will cluster feed, fuss and cry, and just in general become extra needy. It can be quite tough I mean infants are needy enough right.

Being sleep deprived really does amplify everything. It is such a cliche I know but, if at all possible, sleep when he sleeps. Not easy if there are other little ones home. Have someone help if you can. If it's dishes, laundry, etc that stops you from resting forget it. It can wait.

Take care.
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#6 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 09:16 AM
 
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Do you wear him? I consider my dd to be really easy, but she doesn't like being put down for any amount of time. She is always being held/worn at all times. We did this with our older girls as well, so we are used to it.

This is your first child, right? You need to savor this time and forget all else. With my first I basically spent my days on the couch nursing my babe and drifting in and out of sleep...it was heaven. Just let everything else go and spend time with your baby, you will never have the chance to do it again. This baby will grow up and if more children come along you will not have the luxury of just dropping everything to sit and snuggle with your baby

Beth

Beth wife to Tom and mommy to Therese 11/4/04 Anna Mary 6/15/07 and Veronica 10/20/09
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#7 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 11:13 AM
 
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ddc crashing...and nak.

this is my third, and he's definitely more needy than my other two, even my second who was highly complicated because of severe medical issues!

i've discovered that if i eat dairy, gavin has "colic". he sreams, he arches, he gets stiff, he wants to eat but can't latch well, etc. when i cut dairy i had a new baby! i'm figuring out through trial and error how strict i have to be with the no-dairy, like can he handle the small amount of whey that's in the margarine on my toast? can he handle raw dairy? or cooked dairy? both have different protein structures.

i'm also suspecting that there might be another food he's sensitive to, and i'm keeping a diet and behavior log to try to figure it out.

colic wasn't his only symptom, he also had a bad diaper rash and really smelly poop, not normal breastmilk poop smell. so consider trying to alter your diet to see if it helps. it sucks being off dairy, really sucks!! especially with the holidays approaching, but as you're discovering, having a screaming baby is way more stressful.

i hope you get some relief soon--both of you!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#8 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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Yes, it will get better. I promise you it will. This will be a hazy memory one day not too far off in the future.

Do you have anyone who can come over every once in a while to help or at least keep you company? THe worst is the isolation. You're tired, and frustrated and no one can help but you. THere is no one even to talk to. It's so overwhelming.

It is without question my least favorite stage of babyhood. Without question. I hate to wish anything away but I have an internal countdown clock until 3 months or so. Christmas Day exactly for us. THere are other challenges then, sure, but they are a bit easier to meet because you are more used to each other and more interactive.
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#9 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 01:26 PM
 
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My first was high needs and very similar and it was tiring. It didn't improve until she was 2 and she is now 6 she has been very easy.Then I had 2 easy boys but number 4 (3 weeks) is higher needs. Exercise is huge, nap, white noise (fan, vacuum etc.) and a supportive honey.

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Homeschooling, midwifery mom to 4 beautiful blessings(8,6,4,1)

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#10 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 08:36 PM
 
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just sending you hugs, it does get better. this is baby #3 for me and i can tell you for SURE it gets better. somethings that helped me survive the newborn phase -- especially with my daughter who was fussy one : the advice from happiest baby on the block (it comes in DVD and works like magic for my children, especially his tips on swaddling), wearing your baby and going for a walk outside - the outside air somehow works better than inside air for calming both me and baby, dr. sears books to assure me that we all are normal, and giving baby to my husband sometimes so i can step outside and have a breath to myself and catch my sanity back.

it gets better, you guys are normal, and you will get through this. lots of hugs.

WAHM to a toddler, preschooler, and kindergarten student. 
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#11 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 09:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Pandme View Post
Yes, it will get better. I promise you it will. This will be a hazy memory one day not too far off in the future.

Do you have anyone who can come over every once in a while to help or at least keep you company? THe worst is the isolation. You're tired, and frustrated and no one can help but you. THere is no one even to talk to. It's so overwhelming.

It is without question my least favorite stage of babyhood. Without question. I hate to wish anything away but I have an internal countdown clock until 3 months or so. Christmas Day exactly for us. THere are other challenges then, sure, but they are a bit easier to meet because you are more used to each other and more interactive.
I also hate to have a count down, but this is also not my favorite stage. Then, just as it is getting easier....off to work I go. OP...hang in there I figure it has to get easier because at some point....it can't get much harder!

Tricia, married to DH. 2MC's & 4 yrs ttc...finally mom to Andrew6/06 and Benjamin 10/09. Adopted bro & sis 2002. My 2 fav. words: Spay and Neuter! I'm an Ultimate Viewer, 2010!

 

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#12 of 25 Old 11-15-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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I have been there / done that. It does get better, it really really does.

But for now, take a deep breath, and repeat after me:

"This too shall pass."
"This too shall pass."
"This too shall pass."
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#13 of 25 Old 11-16-2009, 10:26 AM
 
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What do you mean by melodramatic? Is he any better when being worn? Does he nurse better in some positions than others?

My babies have all cried (loudly and insistently) when left by themselves but all 3 were/are usually content when being worn or co-sleeping with us. So people commented, "Wow, she's a really calm baby, isn't she?" which always made me smile.

I also agree that getting out for fresh air and a change of scenery really helps both baby and mom, too, as well as finding someone to give you a break sometimes.

DD1 (Oct 99), DD2 (Sep 02), DD3 (Oct 09)
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#14 of 25 Old 11-16-2009, 11:12 AM
 
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My babies have all cried (loudly and insistently) when left by themselves but all 3 were/are usually content when being worn or co-sleeping with us. So people commented, "Wow, she's a really calm baby, isn't she?" which always made me smile.
This is exactly my experience with my 3 as infants. As infants they never get put down unless it is totally necessary (5yo needs to be wiped for instance) because they totally hate it. When I wear my infants when I am out I look like a stellar mom because they are so happy to be riding around in the sling...of course, I know better

Beth wife to Tom and mommy to Therese 11/4/04 Anna Mary 6/15/07 and Veronica 10/20/09
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#15 of 25 Old 11-16-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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mine is 5 weeks today. i have her in the sling bouncing on the ball as "we speak". i have been nursing constantly lately. it helps her, but if i don't she screams.
we can't just wear DD, we have to bounce her non-stop.
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#16 of 25 Old 11-16-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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mine is 5 weeks today. i have her in the sling bouncing on the ball as "we speak". i have been nursing constantly lately. it helps her, but if i don't she screams.
we can't just wear DD, we have to bounce her non-stop.
Oh yeah, there's no sitting down. We're on the ball a lot too.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#17 of 25 Old 11-17-2009, 10:04 AM
 
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I am right there with ya sister. Last night was one of the worst nights. DS was gassy and screaming for alot of the night. I have already cut out dairy... I thought he was improving but ugh! He is high maintence. Sometimes he is content to be worn but I can't nurse him constantly as he has relfux and will puke it all back at me and fuss more. ds will be 6 weeks Sat so I am hoping he turns the corner soon.

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#18 of 25 Old 11-17-2009, 10:50 AM
 
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Oh yeah, there's no sitting down. We're on the ball a lot too.
I have no idea how life could continue without our ball. It's crazy. And no, no sitting. I love it when people tell me to lay around and snuggle and enjoy my baby. Not possible.

Jamie, busy Mama to my sweet little O Man, loving wife to Brian, and very excited about our new addition, the J Man, here after ourh20homebirth.gif
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#19 of 25 Old 11-17-2009, 03:41 PM
 
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It sounds like both of you are normal.

I'm going through the same thing right now. This is my second fussy baby. It's hard. But by 3 mon ths my first was a happy baby, and I'm expecting something similar with my second. And, you know what? DD (my first) is the coolest little girl on Earth!

This too shall pass. It doesn't last forever; even if it seems like it does.
So true.

It really will get better. 6 weeks is the turning point and by 3 months everything should be much much better.

My first was really really needy during those first months. I thought it was normal, but this second one is sooooooo different. Even she is a little fussy now in the build up to 6 weeks, but it's like a different world (which is a blessed blessed thing) from my DS. But I always thought of DS as a good and calm baby, and so did everyone else, so it does get better. It really does.

Hang in there.

I found Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child very informative on infant sleep patterns, though I don't follow all his advice.

Wife to the man I never expected, DS born at home '07, '08, baby girl born at home Oct '09!
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#20 of 25 Old 11-17-2009, 05:23 PM
 
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This too shall pass(and then another phase starts-teething).

Having the first baby is hard, even if they are an "easy baby". Babies are needy, they cry, the sleep deprivation is brutal at times. My DD was a relatively "easy" babe, but she demanded more of my energy than DS. Then she started teething at 3.5 months, it went on until she was a bit past two, and she started cruising and crawling the same week when she was 6.5 months. She is "spirited" little girl with 10x's more energy than most kids I know.

My point is it's always a phase and they all shall pass, it just seems like forever in the moment. It will get better, you think you finally got it figured out, then it all changes again.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#21 of 25 Old 11-17-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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My DS was the most laid back, easy baby on the face of the planet. Truly. Nothing upset him, I swear, and he'd have been absolutely perfect if he'd have slept. That was his only issue.

But Sadie, well, she's just like what you're describing. I don't know that she's high needs, but she is definitely more needy than DS was. And that's ok, they all have different personalities. But yeah, it's definitely tiring and draining for now.

I'm keeping myself going by reminding myself that one day, I really WILL want these days back. I'll want tiny little babies to snuggle, when there's nothing in the world in the middle of the night but me and my baby. Ha, well, sometimes it helps anyway.
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#22 of 25 Old 11-17-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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crashing frpm, Sept.. but I went through the exact same thing with my LO at the exact same time. Get yourself a carrier that works for you and your LO (for me it wasn't the Moby like everyone said), and just know it will get better.

I was also fearing I had a "high-needs" baby too, I am happy to report that I have wonderful happy smiley giggley baby now at 3 months. I am sure you'll make it through this!

like everyone said: this too shall pass.

Momma to Samuel Wyatt 8/15/09 and our new addition Jack 9/25/11!   mdcblog5.gif  winner.jpgcd.gif

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#23 of 25 Old 11-18-2009, 03:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, mamas, for all of your kind and encouraging words! We were definitely going through a rough patch there for a few days, and we finally have a little break. I'm enjoying it while it lasts, but luckily he's been sleeping some more (even napping! it's a Christmas miracle) over the past 2 days, so I'm handling his meltdowns a little bit better. He's still not what I would describe as a mellow or easy-going baby (I don't expect him to be, at this point), but I've gotten some good smiles out of him today, so I'm feeling TONS better!

How can I not be head-over-heels about someone this cute?

Thanks again.

Doula ~ CBE ~ Life Partner to my ManBearPeach ~ Multiple-miscarriage Survivor ~ Homebirthing, Breastfeeding, CDing, Babywearing, Co-Sleeping Mama to my Boy Bean , born 9/30/09!
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#24 of 25 Old 11-18-2009, 10:22 AM
 
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Thank you, mamas, for all of your kind and encouraging words! We were definitely going through a rough patch there for a few days, and we finally have a little break. I'm enjoying it while it lasts, but luckily he's been sleeping some more (even napping! it's a Christmas miracle) over the past 2 days, so I'm handling his meltdowns a little bit better. He's still not what I would describe as a mellow or easy-going baby (I don't expect him to be, at this point), but I've gotten some good smiles out of him today, so I'm feeling TONS better!

How can I not be head-over-heels about someone this cute?

Thanks again.
aww what a cute face!!!! This is how ds likes to held 90 % of the day... (thats dh in the pics)
http://tmvigneau.blogspot.com/2009/11/fussy-boy.html

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#25 of 25 Old 11-18-2009, 08:39 PM
 
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Yeah, it gets sort of better, but not for quite a while. It changes is how I look at it, and we have to enjoy the present for what it is because the future may or may not seem better when we're there. My six year old was a high needs infant and now he's a high needs kid. I was just reading that a fussy baby can actually be a sign of giftedness, if that's any consolation.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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