Older Sibling Jealousy? - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-02-2009, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone dealing with an older child who's struggling to adjust to the new baby? My 22 month old is having some trouble. Thankfully he's not acting aggressive to the baby or unhappy with her (on the contrary, he's very loving towards her, almost too much!) but he's just not his normal easy-going self right now.

I know that's common and I was expecting there to be some of that, but it's hard not to be frustrated when he's whiny, clingy, demanding, etc. He's still nursing and now he's wanting to nurse ALL THE TIME, including at night, which he hasn't done in many months.

I know he is going through a hard, uncertain time and that I need to be very compassionate towards him and see that he is suffering in a toddler sort of way. He needs to know I love him... but he's acting so unloveable. It's hard. Any suggestions?

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Old 12-02-2009, 08:08 PM
 
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We have a little of this going on too. My DD wants to nurse all the time too. I've had to tell her "in a little bit" but I make sure she gets some time alone with me too. I have her read books to me while I nurse, she seems to love that.

We have been making sure to spend alone time with her. My husband is good at having reading time or taking a trip to the library or taking her on a walk. I try and have her help me with things for the baby so she feels useful. I also try not to pick at her for touching or kissing the baby. I think when she gets to snuggle with him, she feels less like she has been replaced. Our sleeping is an issue right now, but we are working on it.

I know that isn't much advice, just talking out what we are trying. Good luck!
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Old 12-02-2009, 09:01 PM
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I wish I had some advice. My 2 yo dd has gotten lost in the shuffle and I feel awful about it!
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Old 12-03-2009, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Mommy2Liz View Post
We have been making sure to spend alone time with her. My husband is good at having reading time or taking a trip to the library or taking her on a walk. I try and have her help me with things for the baby so she feels useful. I also try not to pick at her for touching or kissing the baby. I think when she gets to snuggle with him, she feels less like she has been replaced. Our sleeping is an issue right now, but we are working on it.

I know that isn't much advice, just talking out what we are trying. Good luck!
Having alone time is very important, I agree! I need to make that a priority. DH has an activity that he does with the two older ones for a couple hours every Wednesday evening, so I'm home with the baby and DS2 - I sould use that time to bond with him instead of catching up on my own things.

On the snuggling with baby thing, I really agree! DS2 gets very sad if I don't let him snuggle the baby. Both my two boys (ages 3.5 years and 22 months) are very affectionate towards her, rushing to her whenever she cries, patting her back and touching her face. They really maul her with toddler boy love! I try not to be too uptight about this. Obviously have to be watchful, but the baby isn't made of sugar - she can handle a little bit of slobbery love. I want DS2 to feel like she's "his" baby too.

Thanks for the good words!

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Old 12-03-2009, 01:52 PM
 
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Yesterday I glanced the baby who was in a bouncy chair and his face was covered in blood. I rushed over only to smell catchup. My two year old whose face was dirty from lunch had covered the baby in catchup kisses. Gross but so sweet.

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Old 12-03-2009, 07:23 PM
 
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My 22 month is having issues as well. I am trying to adjust to the fact that one of them is going to have to cry while I attend to the needs of the other. It is SO hard. Also, DP caught DS trying to stab her with a pencil last week while I was in the shower! I don't think he really meant to hurt her ... but at the same time he likes the attention/reaction he gets when he is mean to her. At first when she would cry he would ask if she was "okay?" now he just goes, "Kara, HUSH!"

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Old 12-05-2009, 03:02 AM
 
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My two year old is definitely having issue's since Evan was born. Still not sure if it's just her being "two" or because of the baby being here. She loves him very much, but is just NOT a gentle person! I'm sure the fact that we are constantly telling her she cannot do this or that (like poke him in the eyes or sit on top of him) is upsetting to her. Especially when I get more impatient after the 58th time telling her not to sit on him while he's in the swing! She's doesn't act out toward the baby though. She's doing other things to get attention, like trying to run out the front door, destroying puzzles her brother has worked hard on, climbing the counters and getting food/items out of the upboards....all things she knows she's not supposed to do. I'm trying hard to give her that extra one on one time, but feel guilty that sometimes there just isn't enough of me to go around all the time!

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Old 12-06-2009, 10:54 PM
 
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No suggestions, just in the same boat.

DD *loves* DS... she just acts more two-ish. More defiant, more no!, more tantrums.
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Old 12-07-2009, 09:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by completebeginnings View Post
Yesterday I glanced the baby who was in a bouncy chair and his face was covered in blood. I rushed over only to smell catchup. My two year old whose face was dirty from lunch had covered the baby in catchup kisses. Gross but so sweet.

slinggirl.gif  Melissa: wife todh_malesling.GIF, mama to 5 dear children grouphug.gif and remembering Matthias angel2.gif (8.9.05 - 8.10.05)

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