unsolicited advice? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 12:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm getting used to the unsolicited advice. but it really bugs me that my mil brought me some 'parenting' books this weekend. the newest one was written in the early 80's. these are all things, according to her, that worked for her as a parent. here are a few of the gems of wisdom.

(paraphrasing)

babies do not have any developmental milestones until after the 3rd month.

children should not sleep with their parents because it causes them to grow up and be dependent and insecure.

starting at just a few weeks old, you should give your baby sugar water if she wakes up hungry at night.

children who are hyperactive or high-needs usually end up being average and doing menial jobs because they are not as intelligent as other children.

at four to six week, babies enjoy and flourish on pureed fruits and vegetables.

even breastfed babies should learn to take bottles.

do not pick your baby up when she fusses. this will make her become dependent on you and she will expect to be picked up.

most newborns will sleep anytime, anywhere. (my personal fav)

so, at least now i know why mainstreamers introduce solids so soon. they are getting this weird advice from their parents! i can't believe that dh made it out of infancy. me either, for that matter. i was raised mostly by my g'parents and when i told my g'ma about these parenting tips in the books mil gave me, she agreed with them and said 'back then, babies were healthier.' um, ok. they also grew up to have heart disease and diabetes!

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#2 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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i would just take them with a grain of sal. they were prob her personal books. i would keep them as a collectible or something, but obviously they are way outdated. and you are obviously way better informed.


i hear ya on the unwanted advice. s

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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#3 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 12:54 AM
 
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It's so hard to deal with unsolicited advice and it seems so magnified right after you have a baby. Just remember she is only trying to help. I'm sure I've given advice that I thought was excellent that the other person thought was ridiculous too.

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#4 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 02:31 AM
 
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Sheesh, that is some awful advice. It would make Dr. Sears hair curl! What does it say about carseats? Are they optional?

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#5 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 01:04 PM
 
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The only one I personally would barely agree with is taking a bottle, for us it's saved our butts a few times. So many women I know get so freaked out because they try to introduce a bottle too late, then a babe won't take it. I do like to have a small amount of freedom as a breastfeeding mom, but that's just me.

The rest is crap, I always get told my son needs a hat-that's great if you really enjoy the sound of a screaming baby-the kid HATES hats, unless it's really cold.

The developmental one is such a friggin joke, ugh-they have developmental milestones within minutes of birth, babies are waaayyyy smarter than some would give credit for, sheesh.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#6 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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well the books can be useful -to start a bonfire or fire in the fireplace...think she'd be insulted?


mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98. novaxnocirc.gif

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#7 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 07:48 PM
 
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wow, those are like, all in the universe opposite of what it should be!
even my pediatrician just told me babies will sleep when they are tired. yah, right. is that why I've had to buy and automatic bouncing baby hammock to get her to nap so I don't spend hours on the yoga ball?
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#8 of 14 Old 12-21-2009, 08:44 PM
 
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My baby is sleeping better after I had her tongue tie clipped, something that used to be done all the time. Occasionally, I will nurse her, lay her down, and she will pass out (not when I plan it, just when I put her down to say, put on the sling). But she still often either nurses to sleep or needs to be rocked or held to sleep. Or all three. And she definitely sleeps better with white noise. She has slept in a restaurant, though. A pretty noisy one at that, and at a friend's house too.
I had a friend whose mom tried to feed her newborn (I think she was like a month old) a Little Debbie cake. ugh!

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

mighty-mama and her sister Kundalini-Mamacandle.gif

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#9 of 14 Old 12-23-2009, 07:16 PM
 
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Wow. Just. Wow.

My MIL suggested I start watching Supernanny for child rearing advice.
Ummmmmmm yeeeaaaah.

rebecca: mama to Jack Oct09 born at home! - BF, Co-sleeping, cloth diapering, child-led solids; writer, book designer and teen mentor; dh 10+yrs (who gets to work at home!) and two cats.
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#10 of 14 Old 12-23-2009, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beatgenxer View Post
Wow. Just. Wow.

My MIL suggested I start watching Supernanny for child rearing advice.
Ummmmmmm yeeeaaaah.

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#11 of 14 Old 12-23-2009, 07:53 PM
 
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I wonder whose idea it was that newborns would sleep anywhere, anytime. Maybe someone who didn't have a newborn, or forgot what it was like to have a newborn.
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#12 of 14 Old 12-27-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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Wow I thought those were some great tips....... oh I better go now cause my husband is about to come and club me on the head so he can drag me to his cave.

:
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#13 of 14 Old 12-28-2009, 12:59 AM
 
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DDC crashing from May . . .

We are visiting my in-laws for Xmas and I just escaped the dinner table to MDC after receiving very similar advice throughout dinner. I'm glad I saw this post so I could share my own rant.

From FIL: you'll thank us this summer when baby is sleeping through the night after you give her some mashed bananas at bedtime. No more waking up every 2 hours to feed her! Um sure, mashed bananas to a 6 week old. Sounds like a great plan!

Unsolicited advice can be so frustrating, I can totally relate and I'm only 20 weeks along!

M :, wife to P :, Proud new mama to N
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#14 of 14 Old 12-28-2009, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by star*mora View Post
well the books can be useful -to start a bonfire or fire in the fireplace...think she'd be insulted?

lol arlene! i threw them away...as much as i despise not recycling, especially books, i filed them under "T" in the big green filing cabinet. i was afraid if i put them in the recycling, someone would dig them out and give them to an unsuspecting new mama.

hugs to trumpcard! i was on pg #6 and still getting the 'oh, you'll need to wean at 6 mos because your milk spoils after that' advice! you'd *THINK* that after me nursing 4 kids (the toddler was nursed until 26 mos) that they would get the idea?

i'm sure my family s******s behind my back because i won't let them pass amelia around right now. she's 3 mos and it's flu season. they should be glad i make an appearance!!!

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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