It's still so hard - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 12-28-2009, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi guys. I guess I needed a little venting time as we are still struggling so much. I never realized how much work and how exhausting having a newborn can be. It's more mentally fatiguing than anything else.

Nursing continues to be a struggle. With exception of the first morning feeding, Dylan continues to cry and scream at the end of nursing. If he burps or spits up, that's the worst. He is taking Zantac two times a day now...I think it helps a little.

He is hands on all the time. If I'm not actively entertaining him, he's fussing. Naps are getting harder and harder for him. He takes a couple a day, but only for about 20 minutes. I can't do anything during the day. The one upside is that he doesn't wake up all night.

Going out doesn't go over well either. We try to get out of the house, but he gets pretty fussy and usually ends up crying too much in the car. It's heartbreaking to finally get home to a baby eyes full of tears and a sweaty baby from crying so much in his car seat.

But - he is the love of my life. He smiles and laughs and I love him more than anything. But, it's taking a toll on me and I'm overwhelmed by it at times. I know that it will keep on getting better.

I just wish that I could do something for myself. DH fortunately feeds me...otherwise I'm not sure that I would even be able to eat. I wish I could get DS to take a bottle, then maybe I could have just one opportunity to do something else, or at least not have the heartbreak of one nursing session.

Thanks for letting me go on....

Proud mom of Dylan born 10/10/09
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#2 of 17 Old 12-28-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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: This one day at a time stuff is the worst. My second was a spitty gassy baby and it was so hard. I remember people telling me that it goes away at around 8 or 9 months and I wanted to scream. 8 or 9 MONTHS! Are you kidding me, I'll never make it! But I did. This year at Christmas, my kids (almost 6 and 2.5) sat at the table at grandma's and ate their supper and I got to eat a whole meal without having to help someone else eat, or remind someone to not to chew with their mouth open or anything. it was really heaven. And so it will be for you, I promise it will pass. And I'm sorry it's so rough on you now. :
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#3 of 17 Old 12-28-2009, 06:09 PM
 
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Have you had his latch examined by a really good lactation consultant, one with real training and experience (most RNs who are lactation consultants have just had a weekend seminar and taken a test)? I say that because not only does it sound like he's not a very efficient nurser, but also I've heard that reflux can actually be caused by tongue tie (wlthough most mainstream docs don't think that). Tongue tie is vastly under-diagnosed and under-treated from what I hear. I just had my dd's clipped, and we are now going to do some craniosacral therapy to help her with her latch (she doesn't stick her tongue out while nursing and her lips are always tightly pursed when she nurses). A bottle would make things worse if the latch is a problem. You can post in finding your tribe for your area a request for a tongue-tie expert; also cross post in breastfeeding challenges. I actually got my referral from a thread in health in healing I think, which was about clipping a tongue tie. I wouldn't have found her otherwise.
Anyway, to you. Babies can be really hard.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#4 of 17 Old 12-28-2009, 08:10 PM
 
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so sorry. I know it can be hard - nursing and napping.
for naps I made a copy of the Happy Hangup baby hammock and bought an automatic bouncing unit to go with it, so R sleeps in her hammock being bounced non-stop by the machine. it has allowed me to even take a daytime nap!
I know the Amby and other hammocks are having safety issues right now, but the happy hangup (HappyHangup.com) without the pillow is very safe. baby can't roll at all.
I hope things get better and get a break.
DH and I are on the brink of divorce, so i know how hard it can be...
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#5 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 01:22 AM
 
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s meredith!!! we are FINALLY getting a bit better, but she does get up at night, too. sometimes she's up 7-8 times at night! but she's going longer stretches without nursing and is interacting with us so it seems more worth it if ykwim.

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#6 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 04:19 PM
 
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Wow, that Happy Hangup is spendy! How did you make your own?

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#7 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 04:35 PM
 
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It is hard! My first was similar to yours... a handfull!!
She was fine as long as she was nursing or napping in my lap (always catnaps). I held her constantly either in my arms or in a sling. She hated the carseat. She found no comfort in the swing or bouncer.

It got better eventually, but it took a long time. She didn't sleep through the night until she was over 2 years.

My one sanity saver was a little table called a Table Mate - it's one of those as seen on TV things that you can pull up close to you. I had my laptop on it so that I could surf online while DD nursed or napped in my lap and I still felt like I had adult contact and some entertainment. I sat in the nursery for hours on end for the first 5 months.

I guess the good news is that even after that, I still wanted another one!
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#8 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 04:54 PM
 
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Ha! This is so funny....but I was just sitting here (at my table-mate!!!!) reading these posts as I am at my wits end with my un-napping baby. I love her. She is so dear and each smile is worth a thousands sleepless nights - but when, oh, when will she sleep more than 10-20 minutes!?!?!

Artgoddess, you said it well. You remind me..."one...day...at a...time." Sometimes I can only manage one minute at a time and I really do think it's gotten better so I have to remind myself that there has been some progress.

MeredithK, I've heard from so many people that the 4 month mark really comes with more routine and a happier baby. I hope that's true. Hang in there. You are not alone.
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#9 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 06:04 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread... I was just start about to start my own. I've had such a rough day with ds.... 2 15 min naps a super over exhausted baby who just crys and crys. I have such a hard time getting him to sleep.. I try holding, walking, rocking him, nursing him, cradle swing, crib.. I got so frustrated at one point today I had to put him in his crib and walk away for 5 min.
He has yet to be on a car ride longer than 4 min where he isn't crying for 90% of it. We have done a bit of traveling for the holidays.. nothing major a few 40 min car rides and he just screams no matter what. I tryed sitting next to him, giving him a passy, not sitting next to him. We switched him from a infant seat to a Radian. No luck.... seriously.. my dd was a content baby and I loved every min of her newborn stage. This one.. I can't wait for him to be 6 months and hopefully less fussy.
He does decent at night.. usually one 4-5 hour stretch thank God... but seriously.
Israel had improved alot with my cutting out dairy but I ate some cheese and a few desserts with butter on xmas and now he is super super fussy and spitting up a ton.... He is so darn gassy too.. he will wake up from sleeping if he has to fart.... and man when on when will he sleep longer than 15 min?????

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#10 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 06:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your responses. I was waiting to post again until I had 2 free hands, but that isn't happening. Not that I'm glad some of you are going through the same thing but it's nice to not be alone.

Luckily for the holidays, DH got me a netbook so I can at least be online a bit during the day.

It may be worth going to a LC again. We went last month for thrush help.

It really is one moment at a time. I know it will get better or at least I'll keep adapting. Maybe when he gets a bit bigger/more head control we can find a carrier that we like and it will free me up a bit more.

Proud mom of Dylan born 10/10/09
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#11 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kmama2 View Post
. We switched him from a infant seat to a Radian.
I thought about trying the same thing!! Our LOs have the same birthday....maybe that has something to do with it!

Right now I'm stuck with him sleeping on my lap. It's always a struggle if I should try to put him down. Usually I decide it's not worth the risk. Then, I pray the dogs don't bark!

Proud mom of Dylan born 10/10/09
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#12 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kmama2 View Post
Thank you for starting this thread... I was just start about to start my own. I've had such a rough day with ds.... 2 15 min naps a super over exhausted baby who just crys and crys. I have such a hard time getting him to sleep.. I try holding, walking, rocking him, nursing him, cradle swing, crib.. I got so frustrated at one point today I had to put him in his crib and walk away for 5 min.
He has yet to be on a car ride longer than 4 min where he isn't crying for 90% of it. We have done a bit of traveling for the holidays.. nothing major a few 40 min car rides and he just screams no matter what. I tryed sitting next to him, giving him a passy, not sitting next to him. We switched him from a infant seat to a Radian. No luck.... seriously.. my dd was a content baby and I loved every min of her newborn stage. This one.. I can't wait for him to be 6 months and hopefully less fussy.
He does decent at night.. usually one 4-5 hour stretch thank God... but seriously.
Israel had improved alot with my cutting out dairy but I ate some cheese and a few desserts with butter on xmas and now he is super super fussy and spitting up a ton.... He is so darn gassy too.. he will wake up from sleeping if he has to fart.... and man when on when will he sleep longer than 15 min?????
this is us most of the time....

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#13 of 17 Old 12-29-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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us too.

tea6.gifStudent mama to Lyra June loveeyes.gif (ribboncesarean.gif 10.24.09)  and Olive Isis love.gif  (vbac.gif12.12.11) 

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#14 of 17 Old 12-30-2009, 12:37 AM
 
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My DD2 was like that. It was so hard. She is 4 now, and still a challenge. She was 3 before she slept through the night and gave up naps at 26 months. I remember the 20 minute naps and the screaming in the carseat very well. It DOES get better though.

And, for those of you on your first, this doesn't mean all of your babies will be like this. My first wasn't, and my third is as easy as can be. I spent this whole pregnancy terrified that I would have another baby like DD2, and I didn't think I would be able to handle it with two other kids.

I did find the Dr. Sears Fussy Baby book of some help, and my sling was a lifesaver. A lot of her issues were due to overstimulation, and when we were out, I could put her in there and cover her with a blanket and she did OK. Before we discovered that though, I didn't go ANYWHERE with her, and I was going crazy. She never liked the car either, and when she got older we learned that she suffered from carsickness (still does). We've been using those accupressure seabands for a couple of years now and they have really helped. They might be worth a try, in case that's an issue.

Also, for those who have sleep issues, have you tried swaddling? I have a few of the really big (40x40") swaddling blankets and they still fit DD at almost three months. DD2 never cared for swaddling, but DD3 sleeps a lot better when she is swaddled. Another thing that helped her sleep issues was a noise machine. Everything woke her up, and that helped cover a lot of noises so they didn't disturb her.
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#15 of 17 Old 12-30-2009, 02:53 PM
 
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DS#2 was just like that. And honestly, there wasn't a cure all for him, we just had to go with it and try new things. For a while our wrap worked well to help him block out other sights and some sounds and focus on nursing while I walked w/ him in it and he'd pass out. (This was around 5 months old though)

It was hard and frustrating but I just had to remember it'd be over before I knew it. He's 3 now and a great sleeper. (fwiw) Hang in there. My biggest recommendation is just to do whatever you can to help keep yourself sane - if he will only sleep ON you or with you right next to him then keep some great books, magazines near by or get some good dvds to entertain yourself. hth a little bit. Hang in there mama!!!!

One by one the days are slipping up behind you ~ One by one the sweetest days of life go by :
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#16 of 17 Old 12-30-2009, 05:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeredithK View Post
I wish I could get DS to take a bottle, then maybe I could have just one opportunity to do something else, or at least not have the heartbreak of one nursing session.

For my little guy he won't take a bottle if I am even in the same HOUSE as him, it is like he knows that I am in the house somewhere and wants the real thing. If I leave the house for a few hours though and leave him with dh and he is honestly hungry 9 times out of 10 he will take the bottle.

Busy Mom raising 5 kiddos, 7, 6, 5, 2  and a brand new bundle!! (5/15/11)  cd.gifribbonpb.gifnovaxnoIRC.gif

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#17 of 17 Old 12-31-2009, 12:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MeredithK View Post
I thought about trying the same thing!! Our LOs have the same birthday....maybe that has something to do with it!

Right now I'm stuck with him sleeping on my lap. It's always a struggle if I should try to put him down. Usually I decide it's not worth the risk. Then, I pray the dogs don't bark!
maybe its a 10/10 baby thing??? who knows. But its good to have company and to know I am not alone in not enjoying the newborn stage.. I never understood it when people said they hated the newborn stage since dd was such a content snuggly baby.. but this one....total opposite!!
miracle or all miracles today... Israel actually slept by himself on my bed for 2 and 1/2 hours this afternoon. It was heavenly.. and he was so much happier being well rested. I held him in my arms till he fell asleep and was able to transfer him to the bed without him waking up ( which rarely happens)

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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