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#1 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really hope SOMEONE can help me or at least explain what is going on with my daughter. I have a non-napper, but not for the typical reasons. It's not that I can't get her to sleep. She actually falls to sleep easily in my arms, or in her cosleeper, or in her crib, or in her cradle, or in her motorized swing or in her carseat. You get the idea.

The PROBLEM is that her sleep only lasts for an average of 10 minutes. She can't STAY asleep through her changing sleep stages and make it to REM.

We've tried these things:
-Tight swaddling
-Loose swaddling
-Pacifier
-Shushing
-Rocking
-Patting
-Soft music
-White noise
-Black-out shades
-"Wearing Down" (wearing in a sling until asleep and gently removing)
-Sleeping with her
-Carseat for naps
-Motorized swing
-Gently rocking cradle
-Warm bath before bedtime followed by Gripe Water and massage in a dim room
-Entering the room just before a change in sleep stage to pat through the transition to the next sleep stage
-Read these books: Baby Whisperer, No Cry Sleep Solution, Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child and Happiest Baby on the Block
-Wearing her during naps (but how does one shower/bend over to do any household duties, change clothes, etc.?)

She will only sleep for long periods of time (2 hours), if in my arms. I've taken that opportunity to observe her and write notes about the timing of her sleep stages - noting when she is in light sleep and transitioning to deep sleep or into REM. Using that info I've rocked her until she was in deep sleep and then put her down (35 minutes)...but she'll fall asleep and transfer nicely to the crib even if I set her down in a light sleep stage anyway so it wouldn't matter! It's just that 10 minutes into it (just as I get into something I need to get done) she wakes up!

I REALLY want a block of time that I can count on just to get my wits about me each day. I know that developmentally she needs more sleep. She doesn't sleep well at night either and so I am barely running on fumes here and she surely would benefit from more sleep. I NEED this child to nap and though I do NOT like the CIO method, I am close to considering it out of sheer desperation unless I can figure something out. She is perfect in every other way and doesn't even cry when she wakes (and yes, I do just leave her there for awhile but that's not the break I need, I need to NOT have to be vigilant to her noises and needs on the monitor for a little while, the constant vigilance is wearing me down and my brain can't function on so little sleep) I need to take care of things knowing full and well that she's asleep and doesn't need something for a short while.

And before anyone bashes my DH, he is always willing to do whatever I need and will take her but she always ends up fussy and wanting to be back with me or needing to nurse. It's not a break when I can hear her crying...it only stresses me out until I can get her back in my arms to calm her. But then, there I am again...eternally attached and never a moment to just figure out my to-do list, much less complete anything on it!

Can anyone help me?

Do any of you experienced mama's know how to compete with an infant (in any way other than what I've already tried) who rouses with every sleep stage????

Please help me!!
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#2 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 07:19 PM
 
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No you aren't the only one. As I write this ds has napped... 2 ten min naps this am and one hour this afternoon ( I held him for 15 min of that though). Its driving me batty. My first never did this. He is over tired too but nothing works. I have tried everything you have tried. Maybe its a phase???
If I hold him he will sleep for a few hours but I have a toddler so that doesnt work so good.

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#3 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 07:28 PM
 
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My first was like that. She could only nap in my arms. If I tried to put her down she woke. If I tried to nurse her down in the bed and then get up she would wake in 10 minutes. She never once napped alone..not once. She did this until she was 2 and gave up naps. After that she periodically needed a nap and still had to do it in my arms. She is now 5 and has been a great sleeper at night for most of her life. I was just grateful I had no other children at the time.

My baby now, Veronica, doesn't sleep long on her own during naps either. Someone is usually holding her or slinging her. I don't mind too much because she gets enough sleep during the day but not so much that she isn't ready for bed at night. She takes several cat naps during the day.

My advice would be to have no expectations, I find that is the best way to keep your sanity when dealing with babies/children and sleep.

Beth wife to Tom and mommy to Therese 11/4/04 Anna Mary 6/15/07 and Veronica 10/20/09
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#4 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 07:41 PM
 
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Marching right alongside with you, soldier.

Lyra won't sleep alone either. SHe's gotta be in the sling or Moby, in our arms, or right on top of us (Like if we're lying on the couch). At night when she's in bed, she sleeps in the crook of my arm. If I try to move away to get some space or lord forbid I want to have some *ahem* time with my husband, all bets are off and she starts to fuss and cry.

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#5 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 09:38 PM
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my 3rd child was like this- she stopped "napping" at 3 mos. She had a period of "napping" from 9 mos- 12 mos and that was it. She's now 2.5 and still doesn't nap. ever. Thankfully my Oct baby is a super napper.
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#6 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 09:58 PM
 
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I wish I had some advice for you...I know how hard it is. Dylan won't sleep without me. During the day, the moment he hits a different object than me, he wakes up. I do not do anything without him during the day. I feel absolutely the same as you in regard to DH. It's great that he can help when he's home, but I can never get things done because I'm waiting to take DS back.

My only sanity is that he does sleep through the night.

Is your LO okay in other ways...tummy problems? Reflux? Maybe the position she is in in your arms is more comfortable for her? All just guesses. I even cut out caffeine, just in case.

For me, while I can't get ANYTHING done, I'm trying to remember that it won't be like this forever. I'm trying to make peace with it.

Proud mom of Dylan born 10/10/09
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#7 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 11:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh yeah! I also tried cutting caffeine like you. Didn't help and since I've had no sleep, I gladly started drinking some coffee again. That was a rough few days!

I definitely think it's more comfortable in my arms. I've even tried putting a heating pad under a blanket and then removing it just before laying her down in order to mimic the warmth of my arms.

I don't think she has any digestion issues. I don't see evidence of more reflux than normal for a baby and she doesn't really cry for "no reason" or have any issues with gas.

I'm just starting to feel resentful....I went through such hell with a "longer than normal" birth without any drugs, I strictly breastfeed even though I just want a break and I cloth diaper...etc., and so on. All moms make sacrifices and I feel like I am voluntarily sacrificing even more than the typical modern mom and...for what? I'm not sure. I don't know that things are going any better for me than they have for any baby/mom who had the epidural and use formula. I know if I had even one night's sleep I wouldn't feel so resentful or defeatist. But I haven't...and so I do.
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#8 of 30 Old 01-04-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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Same here except, fortunately, ds sleeps well at night (for now). Just waiting for him to get older.

I agree with this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Therese's Mommy View Post
My advice would be to have no expectations, I find that is the best way to keep your sanity when dealing with babies/children and sleep.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#9 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 12:06 AM
 
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Therese's mommy does have the right attitude. For me I WEAR DS most of the day, he will wake up and not nap unless in the Moby. The guy sleeps fine at night, but if he cannot touch someone he just wakes almost immediately. My DD would sleep for hours and hours in her bouncy chair, with DS we're lucky if we get 5 minutes w/out crying in it-as long as he's held or worn he's that happiest baby ever. I also have a 3 y/old and I CAN'T put him down for a nap because my DD is a terror and can't stop bugging him, like ever. If I don't wear him there is no napping.

Showering? I do that at night when DH can hold him. I just really cannot shower during the day, he wants to eat, be held, etc....I've had to let go of any major "me" time, the shower is what I get-it's my hour of bliss. Shower, blow-dry my hair, it's my nightly ritual.

I just have to say lowering the expectations for yourself may be hard and it doesn't mean you are a bad mom. I mean here I am on MDC, but I'm not CD-ing, all organic mama-I can't be that. I have to draw myt own line somehwere. I can barely do my family laundry-not also a heap of diapers too, I'm just saying. For me I've realized that I can't be everything, and I am ok with that.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#10 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 12:58 AM
 
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DDC Crashing. Sorry you are dealing with a light sleeper. My first DS was just like that, except he would not fall asleep in the car, a swing, or anywhere other than in my arms...ever. He only slept through a nap if I was holding him. Around 16 months of age I started being able to nurse him to sleep then transfer him to the bed. He'd sleep for about an hour, then wake up to nurse and would fall back asleep to finish the nap. I always tell the story of how frustrating it was to hear people complain that their 3 or 6 month old wasn't sleeping through the night yet and I wasall "Sleeping through the night? My 18 month old isn't even sleeping through a NAP." *sigh*

The only things that worked for me were:
Give up the to-do list and just hold him or nap with him.
Hang on to my sanity until he grew out of it.

He started sleeping well at night around 2 years, starting sleeping through naps on his own around the same time. Now I am happy to report that he is a little over 3 years and sleeps all night long in his own bed and takes a 2 hour nap on his own every day. So, although the road can be long and stressful, it will get better eventually. You just have to take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.

Hang in there. It will get better.
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#11 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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For me I've realized that I can't be everything, and I am ok with that.
I really struggle with this...and I'm not doing myself any favors.
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#12 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Friendlee View Post
I really struggle with this...and I'm not doing myself any favors.
I just had to have this same kind of conversation with my friend, she really didn't realize that much of the stress she's feeling is brought on by her too high of a bar she's set for herself. I'm more laid back roll with punches kind of mom, she's more I need to meet everyone's expectations all the time, but really the most important thing is to try and find whatever it is that makes you find some sort of balance. If you baby is happy sleeping when you carry her-that may just be the way it has to be for now, you also have to remember that it is always temporary, baby's change, their needs change.

I'm learning about my son every day, he's different than my DD was. Both of my children have been happy babies, very easy-but different, with different needs. DD was laid back in the fact she would nap in her bouncy, Ds is not that way. He is a Moby or Ergo boy, that is how he sleeps. Right now he's on Daddy's chest. He is only this way one time, and yes it is hard to get anything done, but just wait until you have a toddler.

IDK if things really get easier-they just evolve, and so do you as a parent.

What kind of carrier are you using? You mentioned not being able to do any cleaning or chores around the house while holding the baby-just curious.

Don't be too hard on yourself-having a new baby is hard work, but it is so rewarding. Oh and pumping some milk for your DH to give the baby a bottle isn't going to hurt anyone, the whole family will function better IF mama gets a bit of herself, even if it going out for 20 minutes to the store.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#13 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 10:14 AM
 
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hugs emily! it does get better...or maybe i'm just so crazy that i stopped noticing???

anyway, i have had 3 or my 5 that did not sleep well and i've just given in and held them. when dd3 was 9 mos, i flipped completely out and dh finally started helping me more. with this one, i still have to remind him that when he's giving me a break, he can't follow me aroung waiting to toss her back at me, no matter what. sometimes she fusses in his arms, but i need me time, even if it's just to poop alone!!!

it doesn't feel like it now, but one day you'll realize that she's sleeping better and the next thing you know, she's going off to college!

s

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#14 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 06:49 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Norasmomma;14884232]

What kind of carrier are you using? You mentioned not being able to do any cleaning or chores around the house while holding the baby-just curious.

QUOTE]


I have the same problem... not that ds is happy in the moby anymore either. But I coudln't really bend over etc in the moby or Baby Bjorn anyways. What sort of carrier do you recommend for letting lo nap and still get chores done?

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#15 of 30 Old 01-05-2010, 09:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have the Sleepy Wrap which is just like the Moby only the fabric is stretchy. And I have the Ergo with the new heart-to-heart infant insert. I LOVE the sleepy wrap...but for instance, today when I needed to get the meatloaf out of the oven and then whip up the topping and put it back in, it was REALLY difficult keeping her from spilling out of the wrap and in the oven since when I bend over, her head falls back and then her shoulders. I always have to have one hand free to hold her into me. *Maybe if I had her head all wrapped up too...but she doesn't like that and it looks like it's hard for her to breathe anyway so I prefer her head to be exposed a little anyway.

The Ergo is just way too out in front of me to do any cooking. Both of the wraps are difficult to cook in. I find it hard to see over the baby enough to deal with boiling, sauteeing, chopping, etc.

The wraps are great for doing laundry, folding, or for walking (which I don't do since I live on a busy, curvy road with no sidewalks. It's also great for running errands if I want to mess with removing her from the carseat. I can wear a tank top, then put on the sleepywrap and then wear a cardigan. When I'm in the parking lot, I just plunk her in my wrap and I can shop/pay hands free.

I find that I hold my body and my back a certain way when I am wearing her and I don't like that. I love to wear her. Just not for everything. Unloading the dishwasher, showering, refilling the dog's water, getting dressed, etc are not wrap/Ergo friendly activities.
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#16 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 01:59 AM
 
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automatic bouncing baby hammock.
saved my life.
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#17 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 02:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you have a link to where I might find one of those?
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#18 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kmama2 View Post




I have the same problem... not that ds is happy in the moby anymore either. But I coudln't really bend over etc in the moby or Baby Bjorn anyways. What sort of carrier do you recommend for letting lo nap and still get chores done?

Well I have a Moby, but I wear it really high and pretty tight, I have no choice but to wear him since my 3 y/old terrorizes him and things still need to get done. I also use my Ergo, it has the head cover thing and I'll put that up if he's sleeping, IDK I just find that it is more supportive for when I am doing things. Maybe I'm just more used to it or something I do almost everything wearing my baby.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#19 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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I use the Moby when I'm in get-things-done mode too. She falls asleep if I pace for a bit, and then I turn her head to the side and tuck it in the side closest to my body. No spillage ever.

I also wear it quite tight.

and whoever mentioned chucking out your expectations- thank you. best advice yet. I stopped checking the clocks and started paying more attention to just meeting her needs and we, as a family, are better off for it.

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#20 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 04:14 PM
 
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Do you have a link to where I might find one of those?
http://www.mamalittlehelper.com/automatic_hammock.htm

Just so you know, I got one of these but made my own hammock and hangar b/c of the issues with the Amby, and these hammocks are similar. the "infant" hammock she sells looks ok. I'll PM you soon and give you more info.
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#21 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 05:29 PM
 
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Well I have a Moby, but I wear it really high and pretty tight, I have no choice but to wear him since my 3 y/old terrorizes him and things still need to get done. I also use my Ergo, it has the head cover thing and I'll put that up if he's sleeping, IDK I just find that it is more supportive for when I am doing things. Maybe I'm just more used to it or something I do almost everything wearing my baby.

hmm see when I wear my baby I feel almost like I am pregnant again. All this weight right up front... plus its hard to see. Last night for instance I tried to wash dishes with ds in the Baby Bjorn.. It was terribly uncomfortable and hard to do. As is laundry, picking up toys, eating lunch etc. I only find it hand if we are going to to the mall and walking around or in church etc. Someplace where I am going to be doing alot of walking/standing but not bending if you know what I mean? I really thought it would be more comfortable to wear a young baby but I don't find it to be so when I am at home.

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#22 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 05:57 PM
 
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Yeah IDK if I didn't wear him absolutely nothing would get done. My DD is a highly spirited 3 y/o-I mean she's highly extroverted and needs A LOT more time and energy than most kids her age. Wearing my son is the only way I can tend to her, get him to have any sort of a nap without her harassing him. She constantly wants to know if he is sleeping, and if he is she really has the desire to wake him up. The girl hasn't napped since he was born, and is just so full of energy it is hard to explain to most people.

I'm guessing since it is such a necessity I've adjusted, plus I know it's not forever and soon he'll be on my back.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#23 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 09:09 PM
 
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to you. I've had similar issues although today dd is actually napping on the bed (we have an additional problem with ds waking her up). I find that if I take her outside in the morning, and she falls asleep while I'm out for awhile, she naps better on her own later. Also, she naps better in stores or with some sort of white noise. Sleep begets sleep, as Elizabeth Pantley says -- it's hard once they're overtired to get them back to sleeping more. Maybe you could try wearing her all day once so she naps well and see if one well-rested day would be enough to get her sleepier.

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#24 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 09:11 PM
 
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hmm see when I wear my baby I feel almost like I am pregnant again. All this weight right up front... plus its hard to see. Last night for instance I tried to wash dishes with ds in the Baby Bjorn.. It was terribly uncomfortable and hard to do. As is laundry, picking up toys, eating lunch etc. I only find it hand if we are going to to the mall and walking around or in church etc. Someplace where I am going to be doing alot of walking/standing but not bending if you know what I mean? I really thought it would be more comfortable to wear a young baby but I don't find it to be so when I am at home.
They are getting old enough you will soon be able to use a back carry (not sure the minimum age on that though), and then it will be easier to do dishes. I don't do a lot of laundry or dishes while baby wearing, but I bet in the babywearing forum they could help.

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#25 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 09:15 PM
 
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I'm just starting to feel resentful....I went through such hell with a "longer than normal" birth without any drugs, I strictly breastfeed even though I just want a break and I cloth diaper...etc., and so on. All moms make sacrifices and I feel like I am voluntarily sacrificing even more than the typical modern mom and...for what? I'm not sure. I don't know that things are going any better for me than they have for any baby/mom who had the epidural and use formula. I know if I had even one night's sleep I wouldn't feel so resentful or defeatist. But I haven't...and so I do.
They probably aren't going better for you right now, but they will later when your child is more bonded to you and more responsive than had you used formula, done CIO, etc. The infancy stage is much harder in many ways with AP (time wise especially), but there are definite rewards too, such as the oxytocin you are getting when nursing or being skin to skin.

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#26 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 10:11 PM
 
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I'm just starting to feel resentful....I went through such hell with a "longer than normal" birth without any drugs, I strictly breastfeed even though I just want a break and I cloth diaper...etc., and so on. All moms make sacrifices and I feel like I am voluntarily sacrificing even more than the typical modern mom and...for what? I'm not sure. I don't know that things are going any better for me than they have for any baby/mom who had the epidural and use formula. I know if I had even one night's sleep I wouldn't feel so resentful or defeatist. But I haven't...and so I do.
you are simply sleep/rest deprived. you should do what you can to help yourself get rest, without losing your milk supply if that's important to you.
you won't feel this way once you're rested. whenever that is... I hope soon.
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#27 of 30 Old 01-06-2010, 10:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you gals for your support and encouragement.
I've been thinking a lot about the whole sleep begets sleep thing...and I think I might try the suggestion of wearing the baby for a day. I'd been trying to hold her for a nap each and every time she was tired, but I may as well wear her and at least have a little more freedom to do some stuff. It's true that I probably wouldn't feel so resentful if I were more rested. In fact, my mom came over yesterday and totally helped me to put on my oxygen mask. I felt SO much better and consequently, today went much better for us and the baby, though she didn't go to bed until 12:30 AM, she slept a lot longer than normal and I even woke up a little engorged and had to pump!

Pookietooth: I think you're probably right about things being better for us in the long run.

joyakshi: I am confused. Are they selling just the motor through that site or do they sell the whole get-up? I found a couple on Google and the hammocks are SO expensive. But I didn't close the door to it, because I am so desperate. I'm debating if I should even ask my husband. We're getting quite a fe hospital bills in the mail these days and it's not the best time to shell out $300 or more! But how can you put a price on sleep?!?!
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#28 of 30 Old 01-08-2010, 03:02 AM
 
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At the risk of being blasted... have you tried letting baby sleep on her tummy? All of my children sleep better on their tummies. I found that they startled themselves awake all of the time. My DD (middle child, now 3) is a terrible sleeper and has been since day 1. She slept on her side for a while but then would sleep better on her tummy. I struggled with sleep with my first DS and he would not sleep more than 15-30 minutes on his side (Per the recommendations 14 years ago). I put him on his tummy and he'd sleep hours.

Also my new Oct. baby likes to sleep on flannel so he now has new sheets of flannel. He rubs his face on his blanket as he falls asleep. He startles himself awake a lot too. I swaddle to help keep his arms in. I keep experimenting with him sleeping on his back but he doesn't last very long at all, less than 15 minutes. He's a good sleeper otherwise. Except in the car seat. He won't sleep there at all (which is not helpful with 14 yo and 3 yo siblings!).

I hope you find something that works. No sleep is a terrible thing.

Stephanie: married mom to 4

Located just slightly left of sanity.

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#29 of 30 Old 01-08-2010, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep, we're having her sleep on her belly. I was pretty torn about the fact that she was happiest on her belly until I spoke with my doctor, whom I really trust and like, and he said if she absolutely won't sleep on her back that it was okay to let her sleep on her tummy. He said that he even did that for a few of his own kids when they refused to sleep on their backs. I figure he has a lot of liability and if he was willing to give me the okay (considering we have none of the other risk factors for SIDS) then I felt comfortable doing so. However....it hasn't made much of a difference in her willingness to sleep longer. Turns out, she doesn't sleep well on either side!
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#30 of 30 Old 01-09-2010, 03:57 AM
 
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Too bad about the belly not working any better. I am currently reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I have found some good insights but I don't know. My 3 yo DD is a disaster when it comes to sleeping. I know it's largely my fault for being inconsistent. I've been lucky with my new guy. He sleeps well. With the holidays he started getting off track and that book has helped me get him back to sleeping OK. I don't have any other wisdom for you...just commiserations and wishes for sleep.

Stephanie: married mom to 4

Located just slightly left of sanity.

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