No I am not going to wean my baby. No. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 01-08-2010, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I need to rant.

No. I am not going to give him a bottle of formula to make him sleep through the night.
No. I am not going to put some cereal in his bottle to make him sleep.
No. I am not going to wean him at three months.
NO.

It is normal for him to eat a lot.
It is normal for "a lot" to mean every hour, or two hours, or three hours.
It is normal that he has a fussy hour or two spread out over the day. Babies fuss!
It is normal that he sleeps an hour, or two hours, or three hours (max!) He's still only 8lbs10oz -- he has a small belly!
It is normal that I am tired.
It is normal that I can only pump an ounce (both breasts) at one sitting. I am also feeding a hungry baby! I understand that if I could pump more, then I could get a break more often with DP or one of the grandmas feeding Nate. I am OK with not getting a lot of breaks. I'd rather put my energy into feeding the baby than pumping all the time. It's draining to feed AND pump! (Plus my breasts really hurt if I go more than 3 hours without feeding him so it's not like I'd get 8 hours of sleep anyway.)

I am fine.
Just because I say that I am tired doesn't mean that I am depressed, upset, resentful of my baby, angry, ready to quit, or otherwise not OK. I am just stating a fact. I am tired. But I accept this tiredness as part of being mother to a 10 week old baby. I signed up for this. I chose this. I am handling this.

I am not seeking a way out. I do not see ANY of the current circumstances as a problem. I am living the normal, sleep-deprived, sometimes-cranky, sometimes overjoyed, totally in love with my newborn life of a new mother.

Yesterday, my mother who is recuperating from pneumonia was upset that I can't come to her house for several hours to help out because I don't have any saved milk in the fridge. (I cannot bring the baby there.) She said that I should consider weaning him at 3 months so that I can get a break. My own mother! Who nursed my baby brother until he was TWO!

She, and DP, and friends all say that formula is just the same as breastmilk, just as good as breastmilk, and that I should not feel a drop of guilt about weaning, or swapping in formula whenever it's convenient to do so. This isn't true though. Formula is not the same, and I will impact my supply if I feed him formula. (I also WOULD really feel guilty if I fed him formula just to get another hour or two of sleep. I'm not doing that badly for sleep, and I feel that I would be acting really selfishly to impact our breastfeeding relationship when I don't really need to do so. It would be different if I were really exhausted, or so beat that I was getting sick, or whatever, but I'm not.)

Being a new mother isn't a problem to be fixed. It's tiring, but it's awesome. I am happier than I have ever been, even if I do have bags under my eyes and complain that the laundry is piling up. I don't really care about anything right now other than loving this baby. And I want everyone around me to shut the heck up unless they want to tell me that I'm doing a great job and that this baby is the cutest damn baby they have ever seen!

OK, end rant. Sorry -- had to get that out!!!

Spiralshell -- Mama to David Nathaniel, born October 2009. And so you see I have come to doubt all that I once held as true. I stand alone without belief, the only truth I know is you.
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#2 of 15 Old 01-08-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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You go Cindy! I couldn't agree more! Who, besides you mother, is making these suggestions? You are doing a great job, Nate if flourishing and you are right about all the normalcies of new motherhood. I'm glad you are enjoying the sleepy, dreamy time that this is. It is short lived and will soon be a distant memory so eat it up while you can!

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#3 of 15 Old 01-08-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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You are doing a FANTASTIC job and formula is not a guarantee they will sleep through the night anyways! My baby has started sleeping mostly through the night without a drop of formula but like you pointed out if your lo is only 8lbs he NEEDS to eat all the time and you are doing everything exactly perfectly! Mine is about 17lbs and sometimes eats every hour just b/c he feels like it! and he is obsessed with boobs.. I swear he thinks of boobs most every hour he is awake

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#4 of 15 Old 01-08-2010, 09:35 PM
 
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plus, your baby probably wouldn't take formula or a bottle anyway
mine won't, and I was so hopeful she would at least take a bottle of breast milk...
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#5 of 15 Old 01-08-2010, 11:36 PM
 
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Sounds like your mom is resentful that you are spending more time with the baby than with her. Just a thought. I could be totally off-base.

An idea: You could bring the pump to your mom's house and pump there if you can't bring the baby. Of course your being run down and exhausted, you might not want to expose yourself to pneumonia. IS there no one else who can help out? Other siblings?

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#6 of 15 Old 01-08-2010, 11:58 PM
 
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to you.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#7 of 15 Old 01-09-2010, 01:26 AM
 
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Hi there! I read your post and had to respond. If you don't want to supplement, you can show your family this:

*A Single Bottle of Formula Has Lasting Impact on Gut Flora
http://massbfc.org/formula/bottle.html

*http://breastfeeding.suite101.com/ar...baby_prebiotic

Good luck! You sound like a perfectly normal mom to me! ! have a 7 week old, and I feel the same way

 
 
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#8 of 15 Old 01-09-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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great post!!
My In law's babysat last night.. I fed ds at 7 pm and we came back at 9 pm ( usually he is asleep and doesn't eat at this time)
Mil kept playing with him so of course he got hungry... when we got back FIL said we were wondering if we could give him sugar water!!!!!!!!!!! Hell no!!
How about calling me and telling me he was hungry so I could come back???? duh! We were just running errands!!!!

All natural Mama to Keira 6/1/07, Israel 10/10/ 09, Nairi 04/01/2011, and #4 March 2013

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#9 of 15 Old 01-09-2010, 10:47 PM
 
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cindy! millie fights the bottle lately and she's had one since birth! she loves her ninnies!

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#10 of 15 Old 01-09-2010, 11:16 PM
 
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You go girl!

.
Homeschooling, midwifery mom to 4 beautiful blessings(8,6,4,1)

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#11 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 02:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support everybody!

I was just so shocked that my mom suggested weaning because I'm tired. Not getting a cleaning lady, or doing more take-out or frozen meals from BJs (a temporary sacrifice of nutrition for survival!), or using the grocery delivery service, or dropping off the laundry at the laundromat for them to wash and fold it. But weaning! She knows that I want to nurse for at least a year!

I managed to bottle three ounces today (pumping at nearly every feeding -- I pump the opposite breast from the one he's on) so tomorrow DP's mom will watch him while I go help my mom for a few hours.

Spiralshell -- Mama to David Nathaniel, born October 2009. And so you see I have come to doubt all that I once held as true. I stand alone without belief, the only truth I know is you.
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#12 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 06:11 PM
 
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yikes!

it is natural to be tired - geez what a pile of ca ca you had to deal with
the newborn stage is sooooo brutal. i am still tired - not as tired as i was - but it's not like you have a baby to get more sleep in your life!

mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98. novaxnocirc.gif

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#13 of 15 Old 01-11-2010, 12:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spiralshell View Post
Thanks for the support everybody!

I was just so shocked that my mom suggested weaning because I'm tired. Not getting a cleaning lady, or doing more take-out or frozen meals from BJs (a temporary sacrifice of nutrition for survival!), or using the grocery delivery service, or dropping off the laundry at the laundromat for them to wash and fold it. But weaning! She knows that I want to nurse for at least a year!
or...maybe SHE could help out? my g'ma (80!) offered to come clean my house for me AND she gave us some money to go get take out! she never bf and she thinks it's weird (especially after 6 mos) but she knows how important it is and how we've struggled. i'm sorry your mom was so insensitive!

Jen-loving Bill, mama to Teryn 18, Kalyn 16, Ricky 13, Natalie 5, Angel Zoe '07 and rainbow1284.gifAmelia Rae 22 mos bonus kids (dss) W 14, W 13 NEW grandbaby due 10/10/11

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#14 of 15 Old 01-11-2010, 06:35 PM
 
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Spiralshell I want to say hugs to you and RIGHT ON to your entire rant but especially this part:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spiralshell View Post
Being a new mother isn't a problem to be fixed.
Yes!!!!!! Why do people (like, people in my close immediate family) not get this? Yes, babies cry. Yes, it's hard and tiring. But you know what, that's OK!!! That's what we signed up for, it's what everyone signed up for when they have a baby, since the beginning of time!!!
Good for you for staying strong and not weaning or giving into these weenie (heh heh, it's a pun -- god I am sleep deprived) suggestions.
My family also seems overly concerned that I can go out and have "me time." I keep telling them, I had 35 years of "me time." I don't need any more me time! It's baby time!
Sorry, just had to hop on your rant there. Stay strong sister!

Becca, mommy to my little pumpkin DS (10/09)
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#15 of 15 Old 01-12-2010, 06:53 PM
 
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I'm glad you wrote that all this is normal. Roslyn is also on this schedule still at 13 weeks and 13+ lbs. My mom says "oh, she needs more food" (she's been making underhanded comments about my milk supply since the beginning, for no reason) and that babies should be able to sleep through the night by now if they are warm enough and not hungry. I told her she is teething and my mom said "of well she'll teethe for months before she cuts any teeth". how the heyl does she know? she has a know-it-all answer for everything. and she has underhanded judgments and criticisms for everything I do or tell her about.
glad she's 3000 miles away. she started calling me every day after baby was born. HOW ANNOYING!
anyway, sorry - I'm irritated with my mother these days as well.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Spiralshell View Post
I need to rant.


It is normal for him to eat a lot.
It is normal for "a lot" to mean every hour, or two hours, or three hours.
It is normal that he has a fussy hour or two spread out over the day. Babies fuss!
It is normal that he sleeps an hour, or two hours, or three hours (max!) He's still only 8lbs10oz -- he has a small belly!
It is normal that I am tired.
It is normal that I can only pump an ounce (both breasts) at one sitting.
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