I'm annoyed that people assume we want a boy! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 05-08-2009, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have 2 beautiful little girls. But when people find out we're expecting, I keep getting this comment: "You must be hoping for a boy this time!"

I tell them like it is. Um, no. We love our little girls and would love another one!

So if we have another girl, are people going to say things like "I'm so sorry..."
How annoying is THAT????!!!! Why do people say these things?

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#2 of 19 Old 05-08-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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Right there with you! Even my mother says Maybe you will get your girl this time. UMmmmm I absolutely LOVE and ADORE my boy! I'd be perfectly happy with either. I'd prefer they be completely healthy but if it's in the cards for me to have a child with disabilities, well then so be it. I get really angry when people "hope i have a girl". I have actually told them that if I had to pick right this moment I would probably say boy, but I'm thrilled if it's a girl too! Ugh, some people!
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#3 of 19 Old 05-08-2009, 07:59 PM
 
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I announced my pregnancy and the VERY FIRST THING MIL said was, "Oh, I hope it's another girl!" B!$@%.

Mommy to eyesroll.gif (age 7) and mischievous.gif (age 3)

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#4 of 19 Old 05-08-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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I have 2 boys and people keep asking when when I am trying for a girl. I don't know why people assume the family isn't complete unless you have both sexes.

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#5 of 19 Old 05-09-2009, 04:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree with you, in fact I think that children, as they grow up, find more meaningful their relationships with their siblings of their own gender. Sorry if I'm stereotyping (I know what I'm about to say isn't always true)...

but, for example, say I can never have another child. I'm thrilled that my girls will have each other. I dream of when they are grown up with their own families, able to share with each other about birth, being moms, etc. And the same with boys. The family next door has 2 little boys. It's great for those boys to have each other, a brother. The families I know with one boy and one girl, their children just don't seem as close. (I'm sure some of you will disagree, however.)

I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. I hardly ever talk with my brothers (maybe once a year, if that). Whereas I am ALWAYS calling up my sisters on the phone, just to ask simple things like "I need a good recipe for supper, can you give me any ideas?" or "do you have the recipe for those cookies of mom's?" or "should I buy this dress or that one, which looks better?"



just my own personal opinion.

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#6 of 19 Old 05-09-2009, 08:35 PM
 
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we had a girl first, and never got those comments (probably because we only had one girl/kid at the time). i figured #2 would be a girl, bought girl stuff - at delivery - suprise - a BOY! (we didn't have an u/s) .... my midwife asked his name, and i had to ask john, i was so stunned, lol!

THEN, we started to get "great, you can stop now - you've got one of each!" oy! when we got pregnant with #3, MIL was in "so much shock" she didn't call back to congratulate me for days, lol. #4 wasn't as shocking to anyone, lol!

Jenn, wife to John
Mama to Kayleigh (6), Ethan (4), Norah (1), & Charlotte coming 11.09
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#7 of 19 Old 05-17-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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Same thing here! I am so sick of people asking, "What do you want this time?"

Umm . . . how about a perfectly healthy BABY. I have 2 girls and I would LOVE to have another girl but if we are blessed with a boy then we'll still be happy! Before we got pregnant people always asked, "When are you going to try for a boy?" I HATED that question. Like my 2 girls aren't good enough!
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#8 of 19 Old 05-17-2009, 10:26 PM
 
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I have heard that more times than I can count! Even after my first DD was born and we were expecting baby #2, people were assuming we'd "want" a boy. As if we can control it! Then the more girls we had (we have three all together), we inevitably got the question, "So are you going to try for a boy next time?"

Well....we didn't really "try" for anything. We left having another child in God's hands, and would be thrilled with whatever we were blessed with. As it so happens now, we were unexpectedly blessed to be PG again, and its a boy for the first time! (which we are still over the moon about!) But, we would have been thrilled for a 4th daughter, too. A healthy baby is all I care about, either way.
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#9 of 19 Old 05-18-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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I'm always asked if I want a baby girl this time. They're usually surprised when I say I want another little boy. My DS is great- I would love another just like him!

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
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#10 of 19 Old 05-18-2009, 09:29 AM
 
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It IS annoying. My MIL wants a grandSON so badly that she is annoying the crap out of me about it every time I see her now. She seemed disappointed that her first grandbaby, born to BIL and SIL in April, was a girl. UGH.

Birthed a beautiful baby boy, Ethan, 11/11/09.
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#11 of 19 Old 05-18-2009, 09:37 AM
 
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I'm sure we'll get that next time to as we already have two girls
could just be a topic of conversation when they don't know what to say? who knows. Try not to take it too personal, I'm sure they realize you would also love another girl if that's what you do get
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#12 of 19 Old 05-18-2009, 09:38 AM
 
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oh and with number 2 for us they always asked that too, thought since we already had a girl we'd want a boy to have one of each, when we were actually hoping for two girls so they'd be friends share toys, etc.. being so close in age. People were half shocked for some reason.
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#13 of 19 Old 05-18-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by impromptukiss View Post

THEN, we started to get "great, you can stop now - you've got one of each!" oy! when we got pregnant with #3, MIL was in "so much shock" she didn't call back to congratulate me for days, lol. #4 wasn't as shocking to anyone, lol!
I had so much of this right after DS was born. It made me so mad, for strangers to tell me that the gender of my children determined whether or not I should have more!
I come from a family of 3 girls and then my sister and I both had girls, so my mom was constantly calling DS a boy before we ever knew. She was obsessed with getting a grandson. Now she has one and wants more. I think a lot of people were shocked when we found out we were pg again too. They think why?
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#14 of 19 Old 05-19-2009, 09:46 AM
 
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I think people make the assumption b/c most people do want to have both sexes in their families. Of course, I've not done a poll on it or anything, but I personally want a boy over a girl this time around. One, because I don't believe I want to have any more children and it'd be nice to have both sexes. Two, because I get to shop more, we have all girl stuff. And, Three, because I don't want to have to do any more hair in the morning. I am not sure about you guys, but it takes me 30 minutes to do my daughter's hair in the morning. I'd rather not add to the time if you know what I'm saying.

But all in all, my reasons are purely selfish reasons and I'd be delighted with either sex. I just wanted to point out that A LOT of people do think like this so that's where they're getting it from. I don't think you guys are the majority, is all I'm saying.

Ph.D. Mama to Anaiah born 10/06/07 and Mathias born 11/14/09 and Wife to my cocoa puff DH.
My Cup Runs Over Daily!

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#15 of 19 Old 05-20-2009, 05:34 PM
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With Carter, after we found out the sex, people would always make comments about how it was good for my husband, that he must be happy, etc., even to the point that people would outright tell him "oh, thank goodness it is not a girl." In reality, my husband would have been thrilled with either. And from the very beginning, we were both certain Carter was a girl. So he got excited about having a girl. He was shocked, but very happy at our ultrasound.

I just found out YESTERDAY that we are having a second boy. Again, we had no preference, and are thrilled. However, I already had one person ask if we are going to "keep trying for a girl." Well, we weren't "trying" for either. We want several more children, but I couldn't care less what sex they are. Just as long as they are mine, happy, and healthy, they are blessings.

Rebecca, mama to Carter Elliot , 06 November 07, Holden Oliver, 10 November 09, and Harper Lucinda Amelie, 26 September 11 and someone new, coming at the end of September 2013.

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#16 of 19 Old 05-20-2009, 06:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cellist View Post
It IS annoying. My MIL wants a grandSON so badly that she is annoying the crap out of me about it every time I see her now. She seemed disappointed that her first grandbaby, born to BIL and SIL in April, was a girl. UGH.
My MIL is the same way except she only wants grandDAUGHTERS. She had two sons and then her first son had three sons of his own, so my role in the family as defined by her is to spit out female grandchildren to make up for her terrible hardship of life.

I don't know if my dh is weird or what but he has never wanted a son...he only ever wanted to have one girl, and now that we're pregnant again, if he has to have two kids he'd rather have two girls. He says girls are better for the planet.

Mommy to eyesroll.gif (age 7) and mischievous.gif (age 3)

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#17 of 19 Old 05-20-2009, 07:03 PM
 
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We only have one son and people always comment on this baby's gender and my preference...assuming I would prefer a girl.

The truth is that I will be thrilled with whatever this baby turns out to be. I would be happy to give ds a sister or a brother. Honestly, I find a lot of the comments offensive. My ds is very spirited and I hear a lot of "you better hope this one is a girl"...or after chasing ds around and playing hard to the point of breathlessness someone will lean over and say "I hope for your sake you get a girl this time"

It has honestly taken me by surprise. I love my ds and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world...we plan to have more than 2 children so I don't feel particularly strongly about this baby needing to be any gender, and when people insinuate that one gender would be easier than the other...or that perhaps I would be overwhelmed with 2 boys...or worse...that my son is something I should rather trade for a girl, I get angry.

Carolina, tree hugging, treehugger.gif animal loving, backyard chicken keeping, Wife to Dh, homeschooling Mama to Ds1(Aug '06) and Ds2 (Nov '09)

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#18 of 19 Old 05-21-2009, 07:46 AM
 
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I've got four girls so I hear your pain. I'd love another girl!

Kelly with 4 DDs (8,6,4,4) and 1 DS (1)
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#19 of 19 Old 05-21-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beppie View Post
I agree with you, in fact I think that children, as they grow up, find more meaningful their relationships with their siblings of their own gender. Sorry if I'm stereotyping (I know what I'm about to say isn't always true)...
I just read your comment and was a bit surprised by it. I am close to my brothers than my sister. One of my brothers is closer to my sister, than to his other brothers. Same with my husband, he is closer to his sister, than his brother. I have never ever noticed a trend in gender regarding meaningful relationships between siblings before. I know sisters that are very close, and sisters that hate each other, same for brothers and brothers and sisters. I don't think it is possible to predict by gender, if siblings will be close to each other.

Mom since Oct'09. Wife to a loving husband. Expecting a little bean in May'12

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