Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just for fun...and because I'm feeling a little punchy today...

1. Looks like you're gaining weight all over!
2. You're going to name the baby that?
3. [Insert name here] is/was so much smaller than you.
4. How many months are you? (OK, I know this is a silly one, but this peeves me because the weeks to months conversion makes no sense to me--6? 7?)
5. Must be the hormones...
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#2 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 11:21 AM
 
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5. Must be the hormones...
Grrr. I hate that one!
I'll add no. 6:

6. Don't............................, you might ............................ and hurt the baby.
...........run down the stairs.................trip
...........drive too fast .......................have an accident
...........lift this..................................hurt yourself
...........jump around ....................... fall
...........eat this ............................... get [illness]

Mom since Oct'09. Wife to a loving husband. Expecting a little bean in May'12

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#3 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 11:28 AM
 
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4. How many months are you? (OK, I know this is a silly one, but this peeves me because the weeks to months conversion makes no sense to me--6? 7?)
I don't like getting asked this either, b/c I never know what to say! Does the general public think the pregnancy ends at nine months, making me six months, or are they dividing by weeks, making me almost seven? It's very confusing. People probably think I'm crazy when I stumble over my answer. I know how far along I am, just not in months! Maybe I'll just start telling them how many months I have left instead of how many I've completed...
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#4 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 11:36 AM
 
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I ususally take nine and subtract how many months I have left... I'm due in Nov, meaning I have three months left, so I say I'm 6 months pregnant. More than one person has said "oh, so you are due in Nov?" so I must be doing something right.

With at least once every pregnancy I have had someone make some sort of comment about how I got myself 'into this condition'. Such as "I know what YOUVE been up to" while poking my belly. BLECH! And it's usually some creepy 70 year old man at the grocery store. I could really do without that for sure.

Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
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#5 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 01:06 PM
 
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The weeks to months thing makes me crabby as well. Two or three people have actually been like "God, who knows this WEEKS thing - just tell me the MONTHS" which leaves me and like "um, pregnant chicks know the weeks thing." I've done the same as PP, just subtracting the time from my EDD and giving them that now. Makes them happy. Whatevs.

The "don't do" thing, well I just get flat out rude. I say things like "So you're going to sit here and tell me I shouldn't do x, y or z when you let your daughter try out for Playboy last year. Interesting." Or "You mean to tell me you think it's okay that get a babysitter to go out and play poker, but you're concerned about my little one because I'm eating a chimichanga for lunch? Really?"

It's funny, people don't talk to me about being pregnant much anymore.

:yawning 33yo first-time solo mama to DD born 11/21/09
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#6 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 01:34 PM
 
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"ARE YOU HAVING TWINS??"

:

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I survived 16 mos! Ask me about breastfeeding a baby with posterior tongue tie, high palate, and weak oral motor skills- whew!

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#7 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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with at least once every pregnancy i have had someone make some sort of comment about how i got myself 'into this condition'. Such as "i know what youve been up to" while poking my belly. Blech! And it's usually some creepy 70 year old man at the grocery store. I could really do without that for sure.
ewww!!
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#8 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 01:55 PM
 
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Ooooh I hate it when someone tells me I can't do something because I'm pregnant. I wanted to go roller skating the other week. Nooooo I can't because I'm an invalid pregnant person! My friend invited me to go bowling tonight, and NOOOOOOOOO a pregnant woman can't bowl! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRG.

And then yesterday I went to get my hair trimmed up and the lady who was trimming my hair asked me how far along I am (I don't like question. I'm sorry. I realize that people ask just for something so say to a pregnant woman, but I just don't like discussing when my due date is or how far along I am and I wish everyone would just STOP). Anyway. I said six months. (I think I'm six months, I don't know. I'm like 26 weeks, I think. That's six months, right?). The lady cutting my hair looked back at her co-worker and said, "Whoa! She's SIX months and you're only FIVE months and LOOK HOW MUCH SHE'S SHOWING!" Proof, yet again, towards one of the several reasons I hate telling anyone how far along I am or when I am due. I almost wanted to not leave a tip for the lady doing my hair, but she was all bubbly and nice and had no clue she offended me down to the depths of my pregnant soul.

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#9 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 02:04 PM
 
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"Are you eating that?!?!"

Why yes, yes I am. And I'm going to LOVE it too. Excuse me for indulging a craving or two. And really, get a life :

(this was a lady behind me in line at Taco Bell, btw)
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#10 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 02:11 PM
 
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Just for fun...and because I'm feeling a little punchy today...

1. Looks like you're gaining weight all over!
2. You're going to name the baby that?
5. Must be the hormones...
1. My mom had told me before I told her I was pregnant that it looked like I had gained weight.

2. My step-mom's mom said, "...You're naming it Kaine?...".

5. I have not had any dramatic mood-swings or emotional spells with my pregnancy, but now that everyone knows that I am, if I get angry or upset, it is because I'm pregnant now. Very frustrating!

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#11 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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"Are you eating that?!?!"

Why yes, yes I am. And I'm going to LOVE it too. Excuse me for indulging a craving or two. And really, get a life :

(this was a lady behind me in line at Taco Bell, btw)
Dude, I totally would have given her the Pregnant Lady Stink Eye -- the one expression that can cause fear in the hearts of even the most hardened criminals.

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#12 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 02:50 PM
 
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I work in a hospital, with about 80% of the staff being women, and I have gotten this one countless times:

Them (upon seeing baby bump): "Congratulations!"

Me: "Thanks!"

Them: "When are you due/how far along are you?"

Me: "November/ X months" (no one knew before 22 weeks, btw)

Them: "Wow, that is going to be a BIG baby!" or "Are you SURE you're not having twins?" (as in "you're huge!") :

Me: Actually, I'm measuring right on.

Oh, and I should add that my baby bump is ALL OUT FRONT!!! I have only gained 11 pounds at 25 weeks, and though I was overweight to begin with, all my weight gain is in the belly! My boobs are only up 1 cup size and nothing else has changed! And actually, I think I look better preg than before, because the baby bump took the place of all my previous belly flab and makes the rest of me look smaller! So buzz off, people!!!!

Mama to my beautiful DS bornhomebirth.jpg 11/09 and sweet DD born homebirth.jpg1/12.  angel1.gif Malaika 3/11 (8 wks).  winner.jpgnocirc.gifsaynovax.gifhola.gif
 
 

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#13 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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ROFL at the taco bell lady!!

yes the weeks-to-months thing is annoying.

I was getting people guessing "oh, are you about 5-6 months along?' when I was like...10 weeks. Then when I'd say 10 weeks or whatever, they'd look mortified (which was satisfying!). Then I'd be nice and say, "well you show earlier with your fourth baby"

And they'd get the bug-eyes and stick their foot in their mouths again by saying stuff like "This is your FOURTH?!? WOW that's a LOT of kids!" or "You don't look old enough to have FOUR KIDS!" i love it.

i hate the sideways glances when i order something caffeinated. i mean, seriously, it's not a vodka sour :

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#14 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 03:00 PM
 
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i hate when people ask me how fa along i am then go no way you are that far along you are barly showing! oh im sorry the baby is mes perfect and ive gained 2pounds sorry you dont Think i look that preg but you are not in my body!

Jen loveing Wifey to my Hubby Jeremy Mommy to Austin David and KayLeigh marie
i love my life!!!
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#15 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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Ladies....I feel you. I am currently wanting to avoid ALL QUESTIONS and certainly the stupid ones like:

1. Was this planned? (WTF?)
2. You didn't have morning sickness? Lucky you...but, is everything ok with the baby?
3. Are you vaxing your child?
4. Why are you using a midwife.....?
5. ARE YOU GETTING AN EPIDURAL???...followed by a smart-ass look and some comment about me wanting one...
6. DO YOU HAVE A NAME PICKED OUT? (we do, but we are not telling because I don't need to hear random comments!)
7.Should you be doing, eating: ______________?

And the list goes on.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Boy, not sure if its the full moon or preggo hormones, but I have limited tolerance today!
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#16 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 04:07 PM
 
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I have escaped all negative comments...so far. :

Although I will say that I have a friend who said it was so great that I hadn't gained any weight yet. She said it very innocently but I'm thinking "I'm supposed to gain weight, I'm pregnant!!"

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
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#17 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 04:25 PM
 
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2. You didn't have morning sickness? Lucky you...but, is everything ok with the baby?
4. Why are you using a midwife.....?
5. ARE YOU GETTING AN EPIDURAL???...followed by a smart-ass look and some comment about me wanting one...
2. I feel you on this one. Not only does it make me worry knowing baby is fine(now), but it is also irritating.

4. I'm not using one, but I have brought it up to a few people. While I know I can't due to high risk, I always get glared at with a look that says, "Are you insane?", especially if I just come right out and say HB, and "That is not safe, for anyone". .... .... Well BEFORE hospitals people did it, in some cultures it is still the norm. and present day people do it all the time. I hate it when people associate 1 story with everyone else, there are PLENTY of successful, beautiful, and good HB's.

5. While I have to do a hospital birth, and am high risk, I will still try to avoid an epi. at all costs. I am actually in the process of getting my heart disease re-evaluated, and if it checks out and everything else does to, I will NOT be getting an epidural, and everyone I tell just looks at me like I'm stupid and says, "You're going to change your mind, ha".

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#18 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 06:03 PM
 
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Ladies....I feel you. I am currently wanting to avoid ALL QUESTIONS and certainly the stupid ones like:

1. Was this planned? (WTF?)
2. You didn't have morning sickness? Lucky you...but, is everything ok with the baby?
3. Are you vaxing your child?
4. Why are you using a midwife.....?
5. ARE YOU GETTING AN EPIDURAL???...followed by a smart-ass look and some comment about me wanting one...
6. DO YOU HAVE A NAME PICKED OUT? (we do, but we are not telling because I don't need to hear random comments!)
7.Should you be doing, eating: ______________?

And the list goes on.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Boy, not sure if its the full moon or preggo hormones, but I have limited tolerance today!
In the same thread ... at a friend's birthday brunch this weekend, I was talking with one of the birthday girl's friends who has a little boy. This is the first time I've met her, and as soon as I mention I'm having a boy, she asks in a loud voice, "Wow! Are you having him circumcised?"

Um ... no ... but are you really asking me this? At brunch? With a bunch of people I've never met before?

Mama to DS 11/25/09 kid.gif
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#19 of 45 Old 08-05-2009, 11:08 PM
 
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Yeah--- a question on circumcision from someone you barely know (or someone you know well for that matter) is so weird and obnoxious....

Seriously....I can't believe the sorts of comments I have gotten---and mostly from women who have children....which was SO disappointing!!! I actually wrote/posted on this on the main board a few weeks ago. Here was my post:

***Begin Venting:

I can't figure out why many women can't refrain from from being constantly negative about _______ (fill in the blank with the word: pregnancy, birth choices, kids, sleep, life….etc.) I have been stunned and really disappointed (and quite frankly depressed) with the nasty-ass comments that many women (some total strangers) 99% of whom have kids have said to me re: the words I listed above. It makes me not want to discuss this at all, and now I find myself avoiding the topic at all costs except with a few “safe” people.

It’s as though women want other women to suffer or feel bad/frightened about the fill in the blank words above!!!! Why, I don’t know—unresolved anger, shame, guilt, or something? I am shocked how strongly women have wanted to shove negative comments/stories in my face—and how strongly they react to a “thanks, but no thanks” comment to my wanting to listen to it. These boards are a safe-haven and reminder that not all women are so miserable....

I mean, I know having a kid changes everything - I know sleep, sex, etc. suffers…I know birth is hard, I know….______(Again, fill in the blank)…which is why I chose to not have a kid until 34. And I fully chose it now, knowing that I might regret it later in relation to my freedom, my marriage, my whatever—but what the hell????--- it’s my (our) road to travel and life has to keep changing anyways!!!!

Something that this experience has taught me so far is that I will always say only a few POSITIVE generic comments to a women who discloses that she is pregnant to me…..because the last thing anyone wants to continue hearing is that “congrats, how exciting—your life is going to suck from now on!!!” or “congrats, how exciting—childbirth and pregnancy is the most horrible painful experience you will ever have in your life!”*********

That rant was spurned by several days of unsolicited advice/comments about:
1. How I am "dreaming" if I think I don't want an epi during labor...
2. How my current, occasional fatigue is just "practice for the rest of your life"
3. How my sex life will be over whether I like it or not....
4. And so on, and so forth....

Thankfully I DO have good experiences here on this board- and have several "real life" friends who are very happy and positive mommas--- through the ups and the downs! So they are my role models!

I am using my hypnobirthing "bubble of peace" in a BIG way lately!

PS- I do not/would not pass judgment on my friends/co-workers/women in general who want to have an epi, or who have one when they didn't plan it.... We are all different and our choices are just as valid and important as the next....so I REALLY don't get why saying that you are NOT planning on having one sparks such a bitchy, judgmental reaction in so many!!!!???? I have decided not to answer the question from this point forward, as I just get to irritated with the responses!!!!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT!!!!!!!!!!!

A joyful and peaceful pregnancy to all!!!!:
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#20 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 01:05 AM
 
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After becoming a mother myself, I vowed never to say anything even remotely offensive to a pregnant woman. When I find out someone is expecting, I make a generic congratulations and maybe say something about cute, squishable babies. That's it. If it is someone I see on a regular basis, then I try to compliment her on occasion.

But onto something kind of funny...

My friend came over this evening and she was eying me up and down and assessing my pregnancy so far (which didn't really bother me because we are close friends), and she blurted out, quite by accident, I believe, "Wow. Your butt looks smaller. Or... maybe it looks smaller because everything else is so big!"

There was a moment of stunned silence and then we both cracked up. If it had come from anyone but her, I probably would have been irate. But it was actually funny.

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#21 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 09:43 AM
 
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ladyleah=I believe women make these comments about parenthood and epidurals because of their own experiences. I am not for or against epidurals, but for many mom's they are regretting their choice, loved their choice, or can't understand why anyone would make another choice. If a woman has been through NCB, she's likely to say "Good for you".

As for being a new parent, everyone experiences everything differently! You are an adult who is coming into this new experience armed and dangerous! Don't let anyone scare you with their experience. Of course you will lose some sleep with a newborn but then you'll realize, the first time you get 3 hours in a row, how wonderful it was! It doesn't stay like that forever! People assume that because I have 3 kids I'm always tired. No way! I sleep through the night and have for the last 3 years after my youngest started to....

I'm rambling...just keep your chin up and know you can do this. There's nothing to be afraid of and people should mind their own business. I don't know why people can't just be positive?!

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
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#22 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 10:35 AM
 
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The are you really doing/eating that? gets me. I avoid some things, sure, but not everything. I still eat tuna (maybe once a month) and I still eat sushi (Japanese women have done forever, who am I to argue?) I enjoy my caffeine very much thank you, and I think the baby does too it gets him moving

I think the most frustrating thing is the epidural question. Yes I know this is my first and I've never personally experienced labor. But I know I really don't want one, and the fact is that I think a lot of women have them because of the pitocin they give so freely on labor wards that makes the pain unbearable (which is why this one is going to be a homebirth). Not that I ever mention homebirth to anyone unless they seem somewhat supportive of the idea. Usually I just give the name of the hospital that is our back up.

Nearly everyone says, but you don't know how painful labor really is, (true, but I really think that it doesn't have to be as painful, and is entirely bearable and do-able) and people - I really should say women, because men don't ever say these things, just roll their eyes and go "whatever".

thanks for a chance to vent a bit! LOL it's like all the advice I got regarding morning sickness, in one ear and out the other.

List: saltines and peanut butter (classic, but I hate saltines), ginger ale, ditto, watermelon (I really don't like watermelon) . . .sprite . . .eat before bed, eat as soon as you get up . . .don't stop eating really . . .LOL

- Katrina - due 11/7/09

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#23 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 11:45 AM
 
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I very much appreciate the comments and feedback ladies!

Again, this board has been so helpful to me to just vent out the stuff swirling around my head and typing it up.....it helps me to not feel alone and isolated in the experience!
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#24 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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OMG. great thread.
~"You should not drink soda water- it is not healthy" (coming from a girl who was smoking)
~you are eating CHIPS? Your baby is going to be born with oily skin and acne!
~OMG, you are HUGE! Are you sure it isn't twins?


Kerri, mom to Doran  angel2.gif  (born still 7/6/05 at 33 weeks), Mairaed (11/16/07),  angel1.gif 11/15/08 at 10 weeks,  Kieran (11/2/09).   angel1.gif 1/11/11 at 15 weeks
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#25 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 03:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ExuberantDaffodil View Post
Dude...the Pregnant Lady Stink Eye -- the one expression that can cause fear in the hearts of even the most hardened criminals.
I must have some kind of permanent PLSE going on because NOBODY comments to me about my pregnancy. It's sort of like I NEVER got hit on in bars or at the gym when I was single. I must have some don't-f*@#-with-me vibe going on that makes strangers shy away from commenting. If I figure out my secret, I'll let you all in on it.

Doula, WOHM, wife to a super-fun papa, mama to the Monkey ('07), and his little brother, the Sea Monkey ('09).
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#26 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 06:47 PM
 
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I come out with my new, blue maternity shirt on, allowing DH to bask in the radiance of my glowing beauty. So what does he say?

Oh honey! You look like a blueberry!

mom to ds (6) + ds (3) and 11/22/09
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#27 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 08:09 PM
 
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My MIL has great advice. I shouldnt put my arms over my head or the cord will wrap around the babys neck(no my arms are not connected to my uterus at all). I should start wearing maternity jeans or the baby will be squished and not grow. Oh and I shouldnt drink soda because so and so's daughter didnt(good for her)!

joy.gif:Mommy to Lennon Elizabeth 11/27/09 and somebody new, due 10/08joy.gif:

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#28 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 08:10 PM
 
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Any comment about size.

You are getting so big!

You can't possibly be x months along! you are tiny!

hh2.gif

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#29 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 08:15 PM
 
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My standard greeting to a pregnant woman is "You look beautiful!"

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#30 of 45 Old 08-06-2009, 10:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by furfeet View Post
I come out with my new, blue maternity shirt on, allowing DH to bask in the radiance of my glowing beauty. So what does he say?

Oh honey! You look like a blueberry!
Oh no!!! My dh did something similar though. He nicknamed my maternity undies 'parachute panties' and proceeded to climb up on the bed and jump off with a pair above his head. Yes, he's 30 something. Sigh.
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