How annoyed do you get with mainstream baby thinkers? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 09-01-2009, 09:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen View Post
You must be reading over at BabyCenter DDC.

I'll read stuff and get annoyed and then come right back to MDC. IRL, I don't bother arguing, but I do defend my choices. I DO NOT preach to others because I think others have to find their own way, as I did, and it's not worth my time (or breath) to tell someone something they don't want to hear/believe.
I go there just to fight with people when I'm in that kind of mood. I'll avoid MDC so there's no way I can pass my bad mood on or say something that can be taken the wrong way. If I'm feeling punchy or cranky it's off to Babycenter to ... well ... make it interesting

BFARing mama to Haley (3/07) and Abigail (11/10/09)
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#32 of 45 Old 09-01-2009, 10:06 PM
 
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What is your culture, Tattooed Hand?

I researched the living *#$& out of every single issue Mothering covers, and lived it, too, with my first child, and a lot of the conclusions I came to are the opposite, would probably be considered "mainstream." On the other hand, I am still "AP" about enough things that mainstreamers think I'm strange. Either way, I'm about as educated as they come, and I get very with people IRL who imply otherwise.

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I have to agree with this too. I have some friends who do AP, though they birthed in the hospital and don't co-sleep. Oh my god, everything is either AP or Furberized and there is only this lock step one or the other. I mentioned that some AP practices are in my culture and some just seem like common sense, while others can be lax according to situation and the particular baby and they can't seen to understand that. They preach and it's really annoying and it makes me want to point out things like the fact that the mama does all the freaking work with the kids, which really annoys me.

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#33 of 45 Old 09-02-2009, 02:03 AM
 
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What a heated discussion! Well I gotta say what bugs me is when someone who thinks they know me puts me into a box of what they expect my birthing/ parenting choices are. I hate boxes. I am a complicated person and don't follow any books on how to be a hippie mother. I am a highly educated free thinker and I treat others that way too. I blew an aquaintence away because my hubbie and I decided to find out the sex of our baby, she said, " That surprises me that you would do that." What surprises me is she owns a baby shop and you would think she had a clue that it takes all kinds. Like I said don't but me in a box...

 Self employed 37 year old lady.gifMother of one 4 year old super herosuperhero.gifand wife to a lovely DH malesling.GIF who is my hero. Its been a long run but I am pregnant with #21sttri.gif due 10/10/14. goorganic.jpgnovaxnocirc.gifbftoddler.gifHere we go again....
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#34 of 45 Old 09-02-2009, 06:03 PM
 
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How annoyed do I get with mainstream baby thinkers??

Well, pretty annoyed actually, but I keep it all inside. I don't recall meeting a woman who has chosen to give birth naturally (besides the women at the birth center!) I am surrounded by mainstream women. They don't bother me, and I know it is their choice on how to give birth. But I HATE when they give me the third degree on my choices. I don't do that to them, but they think it is ok to judge me. The most annoying topic lately is the ultrasound. I did not get one. Well, my husband's whole family--4 sisters and a nurse mother in law--they cannot understand why I didn't get the u/s. Like they are just going to die if they don't find out what the baby is before it is actually born. I don't even talk about where I plan to give birth either, heaven forbid!

I spend every minute of my free time reading and researching. Whatever decision I come to, it is well thought out. I don't have anything against those who are more mainstream, but a lot of those ways are just not for me. It is irritating when people make decisions without doing any research at all, but turn around and criticize me for making a choice that is different from theirs.

 
 
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#35 of 45 Old 09-02-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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It helps to educate yourself as much as possible, after all you are responsible for your baby! When I was pregnant with my first we took a class and it has shaped my thinking and attitudes with all the babies I have had.

As a veteran mom, my advice is to learn as much as you can... ask experienced moms (who have positive results - not just think they do) and ask your health care provider many questions and read a lot.

Momey
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#36 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 12:56 AM
 
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I totally agree with Momey. Find moms with older children who you think are amazing and whose parenting style you respect. Ask them. Ignore everyone else. I know that was what guided me into a lot of AP things in the first place -- there were these two families in our church who just had these amazing, calm, centered children (ages 7, 10 and 12), and they seemed so connected to them and I wanted to know what they knew. Unfortunately I moved away from them right after we gave birth to ds1.

I now live in a smallish city with a lot of mainstream thinking. People have seen me wearing my babies around town and breastfeeding my toddlers and changing cloth diapers and those who have been at my house know there is no crib anywhere. I have found that since I moved here (5 yrs ago) a lot of women have quietly approached me to talk about cloth diapers or get advice on slings or to get some support because they are nursing on demand in a church where all the other women are Baby Wisers. Not all of these women change what they are doing, but some try slings or cloth diapers and have started using them around town as well. But I've found that its sometimes best not to say anything.

And in the last five years I've found that sometimes I've judged and criticized people's parenting only to discover that they were right and I was wrong in the long run . . . sometimes the ideology you prefer is just not right for your child or practical for your family.

Jill , mom to Andrew (09/04), Aaron(01/07), and Emma (11/09)
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#37 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 12:08 PM
 
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I totally agree with Momey. Find moms with older children who you think are amazing and whose parenting style you respect. Ask them. Ignore everyone else.
And in the last five years I've found that sometimes I've judged and criticized people's parenting only to discover that they were right and I was wrong in the long run . . . sometimes the ideology you prefer is just not right for your child or practical for your family.

I'm with Jilly on this one. Though I don't get advice anymore. Most people assume correctly that I'm probably not going to listen to their advice anyways.
I have learned that parenting one is a lot different then parenting two, and I'm sure that parenting 3 is going to be different again. Each child is different and you have to learn to adapt to that child.
The funny thing is I thought I was mainstream with dd1. (I had never heard of AP) and my friends (who were AP) told me that I was even more AP then they were. So I looked it up, and I guess I am a lot more AP then mainstream. But I still think that I'm just "normal". I'm not doing anything that different then how my mom did things. Though I do delay and select vax, where she didn't. My 32 year old brother isn't circ'd so I have never ever thought about ever circ'ing my boys. My mom EBF for at least a year with all of us, had natural births with all of us, and CD'ed. Plus discpline was a lot more AP then mainstream.
The only person I get annoyed with is my MIL, as she is against BF. But she now realizes that I'm going to BF regardless of what she says. And she has these weird notions of childbirthing. But I've learned to ignore her advice quite effectively.

Pam, momma to Sofie Avye Seth
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#38 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 12:40 PM
 
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I get annoyed with BOTH mainstream AND AP baby thinkers who think their way is the only way of doing things and assume that anyone who does things differently is weird or needs to be "educated" and who refuse to keep an open mind about the possibiltiies.
RIGHT ON GIRL!!!!

To each her own.....I try very hard not to judge (openly at least...LOLOL) because I certainly don't appreciate it!

My mantra is: "If I want to know your opinion and thoughts...I will ASK!!!!!" I have no problem shutting down what I don't need/want-- and I refrain from trying to educate my pals who do things very differently from me with their pregnancy/birth (unless they ask me a question, of course....)

I find this board, in general, to be chock full of intellegent and honest women who "take what they want and leave the rest" -- which is why I keep coming back!!! (I gave up on other boards ages ago....)

:to all!
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#39 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 01:08 PM
 
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These are all very good bits of advice. My rabid AP friends have kids and a family dynamic that does not appeal to me. I do have friends I think have a great set up and cool kids and I will talk to them.

You all make good points about judgement and how to think of difference and deal with unwanted advice and views. Thanks for the food for thought.

Juliacat, my family is mostly Iranian, with some Bengali and Burmese thrown in...

mama to Rassa, born 12/9/09
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#40 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 02:46 PM
 
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I also once had someone say "you aren't going to make your baby be VEGETARIAN, are you?" (um.. yeah, we don't eat meat because we think it is not right (for us) so why the heck would we let her????)
Wow. Yeah, I'm vegan, and people are probably wondering the same thing about me, although I haven't been asked yet. But what gets me about the above statement is the "make your baby" part. As if you are being unreasonable and even depriving your baby by not giving meat! If your baby isn't exposed to meat, he/she is not going to miss it! It's all about what you get used to. (Which I realize you know, but I wish other people knew it!! Grrrr..)

Besides, veg food is so yummy!

Heather, Vegan Dietitian, Wife to DH since 9-04, mom to Pepper : and mom to born 10/09
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#41 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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I only get annoyed when people say stupid things to me about our parenting choices, yet aren't willing to listen to and hear the reasons behind why we do what we do. If you don't like what we are doing, either keep your opinion to yourself or ASK us why we are doing it. We'll be happy to explain.
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#42 of 45 Old 09-03-2009, 06:04 PM
 
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I only get annoyed when people say stupid things to me about our parenting choices, yet aren't willing to listen to and hear the reasons behind why we do what we do. If you don't like what we are doing, either keep your opinion to yourself or ASK us why we are doing it. We'll be happy to explain.
I really hate that too. They voice their opinion and then when you talk about your own opinions or go to explain they want nothing to do with it, and just sort of shutdown and ignore whatever it is you're talking about, no means to listen or even reason. It's just *their way* and a big *screw* your way kind of thing.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#43 of 45 Old 09-04-2009, 12:39 PM
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What does annoy me is people who blindly believe what they're told. A doctor, who has a financial interest in a c-section, for instance, telling a woman that the SAFEST birth for babies is always a c-sections. Woman who think that because every case on A Baby Story included induction at 37/38 weeks must mean that that is the way it's supposed to be done. The high number f people in general convinced that a natural, out-of-hospital birth is selfish and abusive because it's "always safer" to have it in the hospital (the US is #1 for hospital births in the world, yet #2 for infant mortality rates in developed countries...something's not exactly working in favor of that argument).

Really, this is a country where kids are raised to do ad believe as they're told rather than to learn to think for themselves, so it's not surprising that now it's a nation of parents now who go along with the mainstream as they were raised to do as children, and so don't think for themselves. Thinking outside the box makes on an easy target, and debate skills are horrid, at best, so, since so few people seem to learn to to that anymore, it's easier to just go along with the latest trends than to formulate independent thoughts and arguments for those thoughts. You've heard of "sheeple"? There ya go.
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#44 of 45 Old 09-04-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Really, this is a country where kids are raised to do ad believe as they're told rather than to learn to think for themselves, so it's not surprising that now it's a nation of parents now who go along with the mainstream as they were raised to do as children, and so don't think for themselves.
This is precisely why we're homeschooling. I taught middle school social studies for 7 years and would regularly bang my head against the wall at the opinions expressed by the kids (who were parroting those of their parents...). I spent an entire year trying to convince a group of 7th graders that the reason we went to war in Iraq was NOT "because they blew up the World Trade Center". But, this was what mom and dad believed so they MUST be right...l:

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#45 of 45 Old 09-04-2009, 01:26 PM
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This is precisely why we're homeschooling. I taught middle school social studies for 7 years and would regularly bang my head against the wall at the opinions expressed by the kids (who were parroting those of their parents...). I spent an entire year trying to convince a group of 7th graders that the reason we went to war in Iraq was NOT "because they blew up the World Trade Center". But, this was what mom and dad believed so they MUST be right...l:
This made me audibly groan loud enough to wake one of my dogs. I'm so thankful my dad raised me to think and research for myself. On the opposite end, I had a teacher in high school who insisted Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed in the 30's and that Pearl Harbor happened sometime in summer of 1945. I failed on a test in his class for writing down the "wrong" date for these events, as in the CORRECT ones.

There are good and bad parents regarding education, good and bad teachers too, and somewhere along the line, somehow most are neglecting to teach kids the vale in seeking answers for themselves. My dad would have me get out the encyclopedias (oh ye primitive days) if it was an answer I could look up for myself. I wish that kids were taught to look for themselves more. Even the parents/teachers with the right answers most of the time can be wrong sometimes, and aren't always there to ask anyway. There's so much value in knowing how to find answers for oneself that it being lost here.

We will be homeschooling. This was decided prior to this pregnancy. It's important to us that our daughter learn to do more than simply ask a question to someone and take that answer as the correct one. It's also important to us that she not suffer the pressure of parroting an answer for the approval of classmates. I was the lone kid in my classes who would argue with the teachers during class if I knew they were teaching the wrong info (like those dates above), and it got ME labeled as the stupid one. That was hard. It's easy to see why so many kids will just give in and say the wrong thing to not stick out. But that benefits no one in the end.

Homeschool and free-thinking and knowing the value of research it is!
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