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#1 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 08:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Lately this has been creeping up on me, so I thought, I'll share my thoughts and maybe others can tell there's as well?

My biggest fear is, that I won't be able to connect with my child. I am just no one that "clicks" very easily with people or children. My husband usually has an instant connection with little children and babies. And I am sometimes a bit jealous though.

His biggest fear is, to be a responsible father. His father stinks, so this is something really important to him.

Mom since Oct'09. Wife to a loving husband. Expecting a little bean in May'12

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#2 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 08:40 AM
 
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My biggest fear about the birth is that I'll tear again. That was awful last time.

My biggest fear about the baby is that I won't be a good enough mother to a second child because I won't have the energy I had to devote to the first.

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#3 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 08:41 AM
 
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I have this same fear too. I'm not very bonded with either of my parents. That's why natural birth and breastfeeding are so important to me! I'm so afraid of a c-section for this reason. I'm praying praying praying for a healthy and safe natural delivery. I need all the help nature can give me!

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#4 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 09:03 AM
 
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I'm so glad you posted this! My biggest fear is just weighing on me a lot. My fear is that this little guy will be premature like my first child. DS came at 35 weeks and even though he was healthy (no NICU), I still feel like he wasn't ready to be born. DS1 felt just miserable and couldn't be set down for the first 6 weeks of his life (I mean literally 24/7) without crying uncontrollably. I feel like if he would have come later that he would've been more comfortable in his own skin out in the world.

And this past weekend I camped with DH's family and their friends. All weekend I kept hearing how low I was carrying and how there is no way I'll go another 3 months...sigh...they were all nice ppl but playing on my fear so much! And I'm not due until Nov. 28th!!
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#5 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 09:14 AM
 
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If I lay it all out there, my biggest fear is that the baby would die at the homebirth and I'd get to live with/hear about it for the rest of my life. I know the chances of that are slim, but it is my biggest fear.

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
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#6 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 10:18 AM
 
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This is so timely, because I just had very vivid dreams about this last night...my fear is that I'll never know what it feels like to go into labor on my own. This is silly, right? Because all babies come out eventually! But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if my body is defective and my visions of a beautiful homebirth will result in disappointment--stuck in the hospital bed, on the pitocin drip again.

I'm also worried about tearing again and that my tendency to "overthink" things will somehow impede my labor.

Phew, thanks for listening. That felt good to get out.

Belltree and Carrie-- These are your first children, right? Your fear is totally understandable. I do know that bonding can be a very real issue for some, but for many (if not most), meeting your children for the first time is something like falling totally, hopelessly, head-over-heels, crazy in love one hundred times over.
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#7 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 10:38 AM
 
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This is so timely, because I just had very vivid dreams about this last night...my fear is that I'll never know what it feels like to go into labor on my own. This is silly, right? Because all babies come out eventually! But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if my body is defective and my visions of a beautiful homebirth will result in disappointment--stuck in the hospital bed, on the pitocin drip again.

My first two were induced so I know how you feel. When dd was coming, I knew. I had barely any labor all day but I could feel the regular contrations. My water broke at about 10:30 that night and then it really kicked in. There was no mistaking.

Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
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#8 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 11:50 AM
 
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Worst case scenerio for me for the birth is a c-section. Even though I KNOW it would only be an a true emergency, I still don't think I could ever get over birthing a baby that way and all that comes with it. (I think this one is mostly because I've been in the room for a few)

The birth itself... I dread the pain. I dread pushing. Pushing hurt like hell with my last birth... I think because his body was born all in one heavy duty push. I do sometimes have moments of panic when I think about pushing another baby out.

As for this child, I fear a lot more about he and his health. I have big concerns about autism as we already have a son with it. My last child had really bad colic and it would be very difficult to have another scream-all-day-and-night baby, but we'd survive. Of course I haven't even allowed myself to really take in the reality of having three children who are four years (developmentally delayed) two years, and a newborn. I am a little scared I won't bond with him as easily as I did the other two.
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#9 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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good thread topic..

i don't really have any concrete fears--but more just this vague panic that i won't be able to cope with life once this new kid is born :

bad timing, yk? i am supposed to be working MORE, not taking time off to deal with childbirth. i don't want to have to prioritize things like that, but we are in too much trouble financially for me to do anything else :

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#10 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 03:03 PM
 
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my biggest fear for birth is an episiotomy(i know, should be the least of my fears), but it is still very fresh in my mind and it still gives me chills thinking it could always happen without me knowing.

my biggest fear for baby is he isn't healthy... i would feel more guilt over this than anything i ever have. before i knew i was pregnant i did plenty of awful things that could have done damage(he moves A LOT with good force so this eases my mind some), but still... him coming out with something wrong and unfix-able would just break my heart.

please come out strong and healthy kaine.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#11 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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frogautumn, thank you for your kind words What you said, is what I read in books, but then I am afraid of ppd as well. I know I should be worried about other things, like my health, the health of my baby etc. But heck, you can't always choose your fears.

Krystal323, I sort of know what you mean. I had hoped to finish my degree in a year and I will run out of funding. Yes, this is a very much wanted baby, but it also came a bit of a surprised, after being told, that I would not be able to conceive without hormonal therapy and IVF.

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#12 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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I'm worried about not having the strength (mentally/physically) to endure a long labor.

Tips?

Momma to DD (12/04) hearts.gif and DS (11/09) hbac.gif.
I survived 16 mos! Ask me about breastfeeding a baby with posterior tongue tie, high palate, and weak oral motor skills- whew!

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#13 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 03:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by belltree View Post
frogautumn, thank you for your kind words What you said, is what I read in books, but then I am afraid of ppd as well. I know I should be worried about other things, like my health, the health of my baby etc. But heck, you can't always choose your fears.
Just an anecdote...I am considered at risk for PPD. My mother committed suicide as a result of PPD when I was a baby, her sister suffered severe depression and addiction issues which resulted in her suicide, and I have struggled with minor-to-major depression throughout my life. When I was pg with DS#1, I was seeing a therapist, taking Omega 3s, and had established a relationship with a psychiatrist in case we felt meds were necessary. They never were--I think I had the opposite of PPD--it was like some sort of post-partum euphoria. It was a tremendously powerful and healing experience. I also think that our success with nursing and other AP methods really contributed to a feeling of well-being. I plan on doing all these things again with the addition of using the placenta in order to be proactive.
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#14 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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frogautumn, thank you for sharing your story. I have been thinking about "placenta eating" as well. I know that hormonal changes (PMS) can really through me off sometimes. But we are also debating a Lotus birth, if the hospital let's us do it. And I am not sure, if eating the placenta and Lotus birth wouldn't be excluding each other.

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#15 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 04:23 PM
 
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Frogautumn, thank you for sharing your story, as well. I had bad prenatal/PPD w/ DD. I have a strong family history as well, and having social issues on top of that (my father died, DH didn't want me to keep my pregnancy, etc.) I felt driven to the edge constantly. I can't believe I survived, actually.

I'm going to keep what you did in mind; I think I'll keep the Omega 3's flowing this time PP, as they have helped TREMENDOUSLY with prenatal depression (what's that? ) and have the counseling lined up in case I need it.

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#16 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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my biggest fear Today is the pain of labor i did my boys both wit no pain killers and no epi and i remember how Really bad the pain was and it scares me to think of labor again!
my 2nd fear is my mom she is so bonded with my son its Great but she doesnt seem to really care much about this pregnacy at all and i fear she wont connect with this baby seing and she had 2 girls and lost my brother at 38 weeks thats why she says she is so bonded with my son

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i love my life!!!
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#17 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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Since I have GD I'm worried about the baby having blood sugar issues after birth. I'm not so much concerned with size, I think that's a grossly overused scare tactic.

As for the birth, I think my biggest fear is a c-section. I barely escaped having one with dd. I just don't want to deal with surgery. Of course if I have to, I have to-but I will do everything in my power to avoid it.
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#18 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 05:26 PM
 
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Is it really vain and shallow that right now one of my biggest fears is that I'll poop in front of everyone?

Seriously though, I'm not that scared that something will be wrong with the baby or me. I guess I just have a lot of faith it's going to be "okay."

That said, I really felt/heard what Youngfrankenstein said about something going wrong at a homebirth and not just having to deal with the grief, but also the guilt and condemnation (both internal and external).

Mom to DD Nov 2009,
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#19 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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Is it really vain and shallow that right now one of my biggest fears is that I'll poop in front of everyone?

Seriously though, I'm not that scared that something will be wrong with the baby or me. I guess I just have a lot of faith it's going to be "okay."

That said, I really felt/heard what Youngfrankenstein said about something going wrong at a homebirth and not just having to deal with the grief, but also the guilt and condemnation (both internal and external).
We're sisters! I am excited to try a water birth but I've heard so many stories of "floaties".

I know I "went" while my boys were born (inductions so no natural cleansing) and dh said it was really gross. And that's saying a lot because nothing grosses him out.

Seriously, again, I have made peace with the risks of homebirth but no one else IRL is as educated about the subject. It's their perceptions that I fear if the unthinkable happens.

Of course now I'm going to get ranty about the risks of hospital birth that no one blames mom and dad for.....

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#20 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 05:40 PM
 
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him coming out with something wrong and unfix-able would just break my heart.
This too, for me. I'm afraid of something awful like anencephaly that would have been diagnosed by ultrasound had I been willing to have one.

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#21 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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My biggest fear is that for some reason I won't be able to breastfeed like I want too (my mom couldn't for medical reasons with both me and my brother)and that I won't be able to handle the lack of sleep after she's born.

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#22 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 08:34 PM
 
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We're sisters! I am excited to try a water birth but I've heard so many stories of "floaties".
One of my birth quotes for the wall around my tub is "Shit happens."
Quote:
Originally Posted by juliacat
My biggest fear about the birth is that I'll tear again. That was awful last time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by First-Time-Mommy
my biggest fear for birth is an episiotomy
I honestly believe this is the biggest factor driving my decision to homebirth. I don't want permanent damage down there, any more than there has to be. I've had 33 years with my parts the way they are, darnit. My mw has an excellent track record as far as tearing and episiotomies. It's worth the $$ I'm shelling out out-of-pocket if this can at all be prevented. But...
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Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein
If I lay it all out there, my biggest fear is that the baby would die at the homebirth and I'd get to live with/hear about it for the rest of my life. I know the chances of that are slim, but it is my biggest fear.
This is hands down becoming my biggest fear. I actually had a night the other day where I had almost convinced myself that homebirthing was TREMENDOUSLY unsafe, and that all the studies saying otherwise were doctored, flawed, and done by those in the natural birthing community just to make us THINK its safe...it was really a bad, bad place to be in. I'm mostly over it, but I'm trying to resume concurrent care to keep my OB option open in case I freak out during labor (or in case my breech baby decides to stay ).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krystal323
i don't really have any concrete fears--but more just this vague panic that i won't be able to cope with life once this new kid is born
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogautumn
I think I had the opposite of PPD--it was like some sort of post-partum euphoria. It was a tremendously powerful and healing experience.
I'd like to third thanking frogautumn. I struggle with depression nearly daily and I'm so concerned about postpartum. I, too, have a psych on red alert for November and December should I need to go back on medication, but I'm just really, really concerned that I won't be able to handle the stress of a newborn all on my own going back to work when she's 6 weeks old. It's really, really, really scary.

And also, my mother and I have an intensely complicated relationship. I actually think the reason I haven't had kids (or wanted to have them) to this point is due mostly to the fear that I will misunderstand my kid as much as she's misunderstood me all these years. Having a little person scares the bejesus out of me.

So basically I'm afraid of everything.

:yawning 33yo first-time solo mama to DD born 11/21/09
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#23 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 08:52 PM
 
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This will be our first homebirth. I'm afraid the last few weeks are going to SUCK because this will be such a big baby (all our dc are big!) and I have to wait for labor to happen. I'm afraid I won't go into labor on my own. (5 of the previous 6 have been induced) I'm afraid I'll end up back at the hospital with another induction after all we've done to avoid the hospital this time. (They called CPS on us last time.) ACK!!!!

If only we could KNOW when labor was going to start, some of my fears would be for nothing.

Momma to 7
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#24 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 09:01 PM
 
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I have fears about home birth as well. I get afraid that things will go wrong and I'll never hear the end of it. I am also afraid of transporting since I really don't want to have this baby in the hospital. I had DD in the hospital and it was not that bad of an experience, plus I have an amazing backup OB so I know it isn't the end of the world. I just have high hopes for what I want this birth to be and I hope it all stays that way.

I'm afraid I will not have enough energy for both children. I'm scared of how DD will react to the baby and how I will adjust to having two kids. I have no family around so I'm pretty much on my own. I have some great friends who are willing to help, but they have their own families and it isn't the same as grandmas and aunts. I'm afraid I won't be as patient as I want to be.
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#25 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 09:19 PM
 
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For the birth- I am afraid of hemmrhoids. I had them terribly last time and it was by far the worst part of my recovery.

For the baby- I am feeling very guilty/worried that I won't be able to spend enough time bonding with this baby. My daughter had SO much attention, and still requires a lot of attention, and I'm really conflicted about making either of them wait/share.
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#26 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 09:25 PM
 
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I am freaking out about 3 things:
1) that I will give into an epidural, even though I don't want one
2) not being able to BF (I had alot of trouble with DD- I was so sore from nursing at the beginning, I would cry when it was time to feed her and I think I gave up and lost my supply)
3) PPD

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#27 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 10:03 PM
 
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my fears are

giving in to pain meds
not being able to BF
that something will be wrong with my girl

Lauren

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#28 of 42 Old 09-08-2009, 11:16 PM
 
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yeah, I forgot to mention that I'm afraid of PPD, esp seeing as it's incredibly likely given my circumstances.

I don't even know what we will do if I can't keep up with everything....I love my DH, but really, he's not much help right now. I have to keep working until he finds some sort of temp job so we don't starve while I'm recovering from the birth--but he can't even get it together enough to fill out or drop off an applicaton. Who are we kidding, thinking he can work?

sometimes i seriously wish my life had a pause button.

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#29 of 42 Old 09-10-2009, 10:38 AM
 
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For me, the episiotomy is the biggest fear about childbirth, but actually the one that I am truly worried about is not being able to BF or having PPD. My mom was notable to BF my sister and I because nobody supported her after c/s, and my mother in law didn't either. So their support on that aspect is quite limited. Also, since DH has not yet been able to find a job (He finished his studies last May), it seems like I will have to go back to work after 6 weeks
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#30 of 42 Old 09-10-2009, 11:01 AM
 
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My biggest fear about birth is that the baby or I won't survive. It's a crazy fear that came out of nowhere and I didn't fear that with either of my other two. I am also terrified that something will be wrong with the baby that I am unprepared for because I did not have the ultrasound. I had two early ones for different reasons, and couldn't justify having a third. I don't know if I could handle something wrong with the baby. I also am dreading birth this time, like I never have before. I think I feel like I was lucky twice so I am pushing it now.
I'm not to worried about after baby is here. I don't think DS will handle it as well as DD did when he was born, but I have a better sense that I can fit a baby into our lives this time. I am concerned about PPD, because I am certain I had it after DS and didn't seek help, I don't want to go back there again.
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