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#1 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 09:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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...what do you think are my odds of having a baby shower? I'm due in 2 months and no one from work has mentioned it to me since I first got pregnant (my boss said then that she'd love to throw me one, but she hasn't mentioned it since) and no one from church has mentioned it at all. Yes, it's my second child, but everyone knows I gave away everything from my first child. When do people normally throw baby showers? Are surprise baby showers common? Are people hesitating because they don't know the baby's gender? I know it's petty, but I'm looking at my gift registry and there are things on there that I actually need that I don't know whether to budget for or not, and I am a super-duper-budget person so this is a little stressful.

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#2 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 10:23 AM
 
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Hmmm....hard to say what the chances/reasons are. I know I was totally bummed because I didn't think I'd be getting one, but lo and behold, the same friend who threw my bridal shower and a shower for my 1st stepped up and offered. I know completely what you mean about needing/wanting quite a few things.

Is there any way you can "hint" about a shower (or lack thereof) or the kinds of things you need? I think that even if you don't get a formal shower, many people like to buy gifts for Baby. If you make your registry list known to a few key people, maybe they will let others know where to find it. Or if people ask what you need, you could reply with where your registered to give them ideas... ??

Good luck! I completely understand where you're coming from...
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#3 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 12:01 PM
 
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I knew I'd have one, but wasn't told until labor day weekend when it would be (Oct 18th, and I'm due 3 weeks later). I wish it were earlier, but evidently, lots of people hold off until the last 6 weeks. I *think* I will get one at work, but I don't know when, I guess people figure you have nothing else to do, and will just show up when scheduled because I will probably have 3 showers altogether and no one has ever asked us when would be a good time. For our diaper/wipe shower (not my idea, but sounds good!) my MIL (who isn't throwing the shower) was asked which of 3 dates would work best. Not us, my MIL. I don't think this is done to make it a surprise, I think people do really think I have nothing else to do on the weekends but attend baby showers - don't mind - but still.

-Katrina - 32 weeks -

Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

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#4 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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It's not petty, really.

I'm wondering if I'll get one too. I really don't need much, but it would be a nice gesture nonetheless. We'll see.

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#5 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 01:01 PM
 
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It's not petty. I'm 100% sure I am NOT getting one. I didn't expect one. I am due in 7 weeks, but not a single person, friend or family member, has even so much as asked if there is anything we need. Which sucks OUT LOUD, since we are in the worst financial shape we have ever been in. I suppose people just assume that since DS is 3 we kept all his "stuff." But that isn't true. I sold almost all of it at consignment sales and on Craigslist. At least we have some clothing, a carseat, diapers and blankets and stuff. Honestly, it isn't so much the "doing without" a cover for the Boppy or not having a bouncy seat...it's more hurtful that no one has even asked.
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#6 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 01:08 PM
 
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i'm sorry to hear this, as well as some other momma's posting on here about this and not getting one. i'm not having one either but it was my choice to cancel it, mostly because i wasn't going to pull my family together knowing there would be issues, and i stress too easy to deal with fam. issues so i just stay out of the way as much as possible(we all have our own drama).

the only advice i can give is maybe poke around a little and ask about it. i don't think it would be rude just to inquire about the occasion anyway. maybe they think someone else is going to end up doing it for you and so aren't too quick to jump the gun? so maybe just ask about it and see what's going on.

i really am not sure about baby showers being a surprise? i had never heard of it BUT DH's sister *was* going to throw me a surprise bbshower on my b-day, but i found out it was going to happen and... well... i didn't let her do it. so, who knows it *is* possible!

but still back to my original advice, i would just ask.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#7 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 01:27 PM
 
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I had two showers last time, one from my church and my mother threw the other in my hometown so all my family could pitch in (I don’t live in my home state anymore).

I would really like a shower (I won’t say I need one since dh and I are blessed at the moment to have a little extra to spend), but it would make like easier for me. I’d like to take the full FMLA leave for TN which is 16 weeks, but in order to do that, since we’re a two income family, we’re having to save every dime, which means that the things I want may have to be sacrificed. With that said, the baby already has every it needs but I have a few items that I’d still like to get, but would love for my friends and family to offer to help.

My church hasn’t mentioned throwing a shower this time, and I don’t think it’s going to happen. IMO, although dd is just 2, this baby is a boy so I would think it’s the norm to get two showers when they’re opposite sex. I don’t know. Maybe not.

My mom asked me if I wanted her throw another shower, but I had to say no. I don’t want to feel like a leech since in the last four years I’ve received two showers from my mom. In 2005, she threw my bridal shower and in 2007 she threw my baby shower. I don’t see my family often since I live out of town, but I don’t want to become the relative whom they never hear from unless she wants something, ykwim? Sigh.

I’m already almost 32 weeks. By this point last time, I had already had one shower and the other was just a few weeks away. I had known about them for months.

I guess I’d better suck it up this time, eh?

Ph.D. Mama to Anaiah born 10/06/07 and Mathias born 11/14/09 and Wife to my cocoa puff DH.
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#8 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had my baby shower with dd at about this point in pregnancy, from my church, which has set a precedent of throwing showers for second babies, albeit second babies of the opposite gender of the first, which we don't know about in this case. I am hoping more for one from work since my boss DID mention it enthusiastically six months ago.

I just added up the stuff from our registry and if we bought it all, new, it would come to around $1500. Of course, if we had to get it ourselves we would get some of it used, not all of the stuff will be needed right away, and some of it isn't really needed, just nice to have. Maybe I should try to sock $750 or so under the mattress and then if people are generous at the last minute, I can spend it on the college fund or something. In fact, I already went ahead and bought a newborn diaper stash, and my friend's sister gave me her old infant car seat with an extra base, which are probably the only two things I felt HAD to be done PRIOR to the birth.

I'm glad y'all don't think this is a petty thing to think about. I'm sorry not everyone is getting help and support from friends.

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#9 of 19 Old 09-15-2009, 06:24 PM
 
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Aw, it's not petty at all. Even if there is no shower beforehand, I'm certain people will give gifts once the baby is born. Since you have those essential things that you *need* at the moment, exchange those gifts you don't need, save up the credit, and get the rest later.
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#10 of 19 Old 09-16-2009, 01:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frogautumn View Post
Aw, it's not petty at all. Even if there is no shower beforehand, I'm certain people will give gifts once the baby is born.
Totally! People love to buy teeny little yellow sleepers or green onesies when they know you're having a baby, but when they know it's a boy or girl specifically, they tend to go nuts buying pink or blue! With DS I didn't get a shower, but after he came along, we were completely bombarded with gifts. To the point that it was a little overwhelming.

It just sucks that you can budget for things like that, but you can likely count on a haul after baby comes.

Mama of 2 sweet boys, Miles (Jan 3/07) and Avery (Nov 28/09) My fast and furious HBAC
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#11 of 19 Old 09-16-2009, 07:59 AM
 
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I am going through this exact thing. This is my fourth pregnancy and I have never had a shower. My first pregnancy, a shower was scheduled for the weekend after I lost the baby. My second, I at first didn't want a shower because I was afraid to jinx it. Then I wanted one but didn't get one. My third was a miscarriage. So, here I am, we have all old hand-me-downs and thrift store stuff, and we are dirt poor. I was debating 2 things:

Throwing a blessingway for myself and hoping people bring me stuff!
asking DH to throw me a shower (which sounds so sweet except that i had to ask him)

I also mentioned to my mom that we are registering for some stuff (HINT HINT) because we have no boy stuff and the things like our infant car seat, etc are over 6 years old). I told her, so it was not too obvious, that "worst case scenario, we get a discount from BRU for anything on our registry that is not purchased".

I asked DH if I was going to get a shower and he said "I think so...." (then he winked). Could you ask someone to throw you a shower? Every birth should be celebrated.

Kerri, mom to Doran  angel2.gif  (born still 7/6/05 at 33 weeks), Mairaed (11/16/07),  angel1.gif 11/15/08 at 10 weeks,  Kieran (11/2/09).   angel1.gif 1/11/11 at 15 weeks
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#12 of 19 Old 09-16-2009, 10:49 PM
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Don't count on a workplace shower. Most of the time co-workers are really just acquaintances (how many do you hang out with outside of work?), and with holidays, are going o focus on their own families. Church friends might, but again, it's the time of year people are thinking about Christmas.

Don't count on a shower at all. If you get one, fantastic. If you don't, you're prepared. I didn't count on one, and I won't, until invitations are sent.

What you should do is prioritize things from what you absolutely need most on down to the things you would like to have, but really don't have to have. Tackle the first things first, and don't worry about buying new, especially the clothes. You know babies outgrow things so quickly. Look on freecycle.org and craigslist for free and very-low-priced baby clothes. I've spent about $60 on clothes, including gas to pick up free stuff and shipping for an eBay lot. This is not even HALF of what I've got:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/okb9d2

For about $60 Total. Including gas. $60.

Used bottles can be sanitized (though don't bother with used nipples), as can used baby tubs. What reason is there for a brand new stroller? And even a used crib is just as likely to be safe as a brand new one. Every dollar saved buying used is a dollar to put toward something else.

By doing this, we have everything we really need, and then some. All that's left are a glider and pump and a few odds and ends, and only the pump is truly a needed item.

I'm 29 weeks today. I'm due December 2nd, but expected to deliver any time after November 11th. Less than 2 months away. My fiance's mom just set a baby shower date for October 17th. Showers can be close to a due date, or even held after a baby is born! One November mama I was acquainted with on another board had her first shower way back in June and then started complaining about the stuff she received that she had registered for because the baby was found out later to be a boy and she registered for a slightly girly crib.
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#13 of 19 Old 09-20-2009, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A friend of mine from church whom I didn't know when I had dd (because she hadn't moved here yet) offered to throw me a baby shower! I am so excited!!

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#14 of 19 Old 09-20-2009, 08:46 PM
 
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I am not getting a shower, but in my area, showers for subsequent pregnancies are not the norm, so I wouldn't expect one.
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#15 of 19 Old 09-20-2009, 11:14 PM
 
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I was also told just the other day that my coworkers were going to throw me a shower. Also glad that my friend in charge of planning it asked me if I wanted a traditional shower (everybody bring a separate gift), a diaper shower (disposables, um no thanks), or a gift-pool type shower (everybody pitches in for a big gift or two). I said yes to the latter- so hopefully I get a Britax car seat or two.

Momma to DD (12/04) hearts.gif and DS (11/09) hbac.gif.
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#16 of 19 Old 09-21-2009, 09:34 AM
 
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No shower here, we did have to buy just about everything all over again as this was not a planned pregnancy and I had gotten rid of a lot of baby things. It's our third boy but the seasons were off, so we had virtually nothing in terms of clothes, either. We started buying things pretty early on so we've had most everything bought for a while. I think even at this point if someone offered I'd say no... we're pretty set.

A blessing/meal shower would be totally up my alley these days, though. I'm hoping even if no one offers to host one just to have a little get together anyway to get me into a mental place to welcome the baby, and get that positive energy going. I think I need that more than stuff at this point! But I think the idea is sort of the same... acknowledging the baby.
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#17 of 19 Old 09-21-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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We won't be having a shower. This is my second and we also gave away all of our baby stuff from ds so I had to start over. The only important things on my list were clothes, diapers, Moby, a cosleeper and a car seat.

Since we aren't finding out the gender of this baby I had to REALLY search for gender neutral clothes but we managed to find some amazing deals at consignment stores and I worked out some awesome trades on diaper swappers. I think I've only spent about $25 on clothes and I have all that we need! I also found a trade for the Moby we needed.

I also bought 36 (new) Indian Prefolds and 12 (used) Kissaluvs and LOTS of used and new wool from Diaper Swappers.

I found a relative with the cosleeper we needed and now we only lack the carseat.

It's not the norm around here to throw showers after baby #1 so I didn't expect anything.

Carolina, tree hugging, treehugger.gif animal loving, backyard chicken keeping, Wife to Dh, homeschooling Mama to Ds1(Aug '06) and Ds2 (Nov '09)

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#18 of 19 Old 09-21-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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I don't know how much it changes for a second child (this is my first) but I had to come right out and ask my mom, sort of indirectly, to host the shower. I had so many people asking (me) when it was going to be but no one was offering to do it. Turns out my mom was happy to do it; she had been thinking she "couldn't" because of an old-fashioned rule that someone outside the family is supposed to give the shower.

It ends up I'm having two showers, one where I live, given by my friends here (bless them), and one in my home city (about 2 hours away) where most of my family and old friends are. My home city shower is only 3.5 weeks before my due date! I hope I make it and I'm not too uncomfortable.

I think it's appropriate, if people are asking you when your shower will be, to say "As far as I know it hasn't been scheduled ... if you know anyone interested in hosting, let her know!" If no one's asking, I'm not sure what the protocol would be. I know I'd be anxious about acquiring everything ourselves without some help from friends and family. Don't want to dust off the credit card ... but may have to for some items.

Good luck --

Sweet, beautiful DS born at home 11/11/09!
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#19 of 19 Old 09-21-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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I'm the opposite--my work shower is the only one I'll have!

Melissa, wife to Brian, mommy to my home born, breastfeeding, sling-riding, sleep sharing, cloth diapered, intact kiddos Adam 11/09 and Leah 8/12.

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