Tell them thank you, but a shower after the birth is just not a possibility because we'll be in the middle of flu season. Maybe at your next prenatal appointment, tell your doctor/midwife the scoop, and they can 'advise' you against having a shower (with 30-40 ladies playing pass the baby!!!!) after the birth. Then you can tell these women, "Sorry, but my doctor said..."
Please try not to stress about it. It sounds like you have a lovely babymoon planned already.
Wife to (08/03), Mom to (10/05) and (11/09).
Can you just drop it and maybe they will also let it drop? Are they waiting for a reply from you or is the ball in their court? Is there someone in this group with whom you are closer and you can confide in her and maybe she'll take it to the organizer as if it were her idea?
"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
I like the idea of telling them you asked the dr about it and he advised against it due to the flu season and newborns being especially vulnerable. Ladies who are your MIL's age will almost certainly respect that since it is coming from your dr.
I would thank them very much for their kind thought but decline for that reason.
Loving my twin boys! 11/03/2009 And my daughter 08/16/11 momma Homesteader Doula
I would just call and explain that you are going to refrain from taking baby out for some time. Blame it on the swine flu, etc. Let them know that while you really truly appreciate the gesture, you will have to decline. Or, is there any way you could attend but not bring baby along? I suppose that is an option. Just take pics in with you? I would just call the woman and explain how you are feeling. If they are as caring as they seem to be with the offer to throw the shower then perhaps once you explain to her and she senses the emotion in your voice, then she will understand.
I'm not taking my baby to church for a while either, and I am going to have to just upset family around the holidays because my baby WILL NOT be passed around, and if they cannot deal with that, then we won't be at the family festivities. It won't be easy, but I can't budge on this.
If they still want to do it then they can- I just had one at 38.5 days and it was fine.
Momma to DD (12/04) and DS (11/09) .
I survived 16 mos! Ask me about breastfeeding a baby with posterior tongue tie, high palate, and weak oral motor skills- whew!
"Oh, with H1N1 my doctor has said that we should really have the baby avoid crowds until it's _____ weeks old" (insert your preference for how long to wait for the shower) and then suggest that if they still want to plan you a shower that they do it ASAP or in March or something!
I don't think you're being weird or pathetic at all. I love your DH for taking it on himself to get you out of it. Love him for it!
Melissa, wife to Brian, mommy to my home born, breastfeeding, sling-riding, sleep sharing, cloth diapered, intact kiddos Adam 11/09 and Leah 8/12.
Know that many of us are struggling with the same scenarios. DH and I currently have the IL's unhappy with us because we won't commit to driving 11 HOURS one way with a baby a few weeks old to the birthday party of a great grandparent. Sorry, not doing it.
And SIL is mad because she thinks we should be hosting Thanksgiving for over 20 people at our house with a newborn during flu season. No thanks- they can be mad if they want but I'm very confident we are doing the right thing by saying no.
We mamas need other mamas in our corner
I need to politely decline, but I don't know how or if it's possible. I am just sick over this, and I know it sounds pathetic ... I just. . . I don't know.
(regardless of whether you use a ped. or not, this is worth a shot
"my pediatrician said that b/c of the swine flu going around, the baby is not to have visitors outside the family for the first month." And then act totally bummed that you "have" to comply and oh, wish so much that you could have them pass the baby around, but, hey, they could always do the shower earlier
They most likely won't argue with that.
(oops, just read through the thread and saw you have this advice given to you. It's good advice, worth a try!)
Mama to DS (10), DS (8), DS (5), DD (3), & DD (6 months).
Lucky Wife to My Techy DH for 11 years.
We Homebirth, Full-term Breastfeeding,
Connection Parenting, Life Learning, our LDS faith.
Not in your ddc but saw this post doing a search for h1n1. I just wanted to add to this that being your first baby, your feelings are only going to get more protective after the birth!
You're making the right decision!
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