I feel like my little kids are inhibiting my labor. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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IMO the mind-body connection is very strong. And my little kids are making me very stressed out. I feel like I need a quiet place & time to focus on this baby in my womb, and once I'm relaxed then the little one will come. I don't feel like I've had time to focus on this upcoming labor/birth, and that may be part of the reason I've had so much "false" labor pains with nothing more substantial coming.

My little ones are dear and I love them, but they are also very talkative kids (especially the 4-year-old) who need lots of attention! I'm very different from my eldest child (she's so extroverted, and I admire that, but I am an introvert...I need that quiet to get focused and energy), and I'm thinking that some of this stress isn't helping.

Does that make sense? Any one else been in this situation?

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#2 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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DDC crashing, but wanted so say that my second birth was inhibited by having DD1 there. We had prepared for her to be at the birth, and it was heartbreaking for me to send her to her grandma's (she had never spent the night away from us!) but after 12 hours of stop and go contractions, i had to admit that I could not "get to work" with her around, because i was afraid I would scare her. She left to grandma's at 10pm, and I immediately went into transition, and had her sister by 11:30.

So, yeah, i do think that focusing on the other kids can hold back labor in some people. Can you get away for a few hours? i guess my advice is to listen to your gut - it sounds like you have that mama-cat "I'm going to go hide in a box, enter at your own risk" feeling starting, so listen if you can.

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
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#3 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 06:26 PM
 
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I really do believe you have to be ready for it and part of that is getting some mental space. Anyway you can get a bit of a break? At least take a quiet bath by yourself(preferrably daily)? Do you get any time in the morning or the evening? Or do you let them go visit the g-parents sometimes? I would do whatever you need to do to relax!

Happily Married to my : 11 yrs- Mama to wild-eyed monkey boy 7-04, fiery little girl 4-07, and the happy smiley baby that sleeps 11-09!
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#4 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 06:29 PM
 
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Can your husband/partner take the kids out for a while and give you a few hours of peace?

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#5 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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I feel the same way about my kids stressing me out lately...I'm doing a birthing center birth because I think dh and I would both be too tense for a home birth to go as smoothly as we'd like...because of the general chaos (kid-centered) around here.

DH also sometimes stresses me out--I keep telling him if he wants this baby to come on he needs to put out more (he's pretty much scared to DTD with me after about 30+ weeks, whereas I'm RTG all the time) and help me destress/focus around him and the small people!

Can you stay up after everyone else or get up earlier than everyone else and have some focused "you" time?

-lava
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#6 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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I definetly felt that way with this one. The day I went into actual labour I sent the girls to their grandparents house and was able to just relax and not fight the contractions. It didn't take long after that till they were strong and regular. Before that I felt that I was fighting against the contractions.

Pam, momma to Sofie Avye Seth
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#7 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 07:46 PM
 
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All the decent contractions I've had have been in the middle of the night--after the kids are all off asleep. My mw said she sees that a lot with moms who have older kids--they get the kids to bed and THEN go into labor. She asked what my ds' bedtime was and I said 8 and she said "then i'll expect a call around 10:30"

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loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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#8 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 07:53 PM
 
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Yep. When I was pregnant with baby #3, my DH was working at home full time but ALL the time, I mean, even when I was in early labor. I had been having on and off again contrx for two days. Looking back, it prob had something to do to with the fact I needed to relax and take care of myself, but couldn't with him working 24/7 and the two little ones needing me to take care of them.

So, I called my Mom after that second day (night, rather). I broke down, I knew I needed some help. She came across town (she rarely did this), and fed the two little ones lunch and I relaxed and did my thing, and went into active labor, like, an hour later. I think my body was trying to go into labor but was "aware" that I was in self-preservation mode as I was trying to take care of everyone else. Once that was taken care of, my body was like "finally!" and did the labor thing.

YK, I hadn't thought of all this till I read your question!! I better keep this in mind for this time around, too!

K, to myself after reading what brightonwoman wrote--your mw is a wise woman! b/c my contrx with #3 were at nighttime too (both days of start and stop labor), until my Mom came to help in the afternoon and my labor finally kicked in. Coincidence? Hm, I am starting to think not!

Ooo, so glad this thread was started!

Mama to DS (10), DS (8), DS (5), DD (3), & DD (6 months).
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#9 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivymae View Post
She left to grandma's at 10pm, and I immediately went into transition, and had her sister by 11:30.
.
Wow! it's crazy how the body works, but I definitely believe it to be true. I feel if I just had a day (or even less) to myself, things would really get started here.

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#10 of 13 Old 11-05-2009, 11:35 PM
 
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Thank you for posting this. I'm feeling like my DD (2.5) is stressing me out. Yesterday started out very stressful and then we had a really good day -- and about and hour or so before DH came home they started coming regularly for the first time (10 min apart). As morning approached they went away and I can probably count on both hands how many I've had all day. Now I'm a wreck.

Hopefully things will get better once DH is home for the weekend -- plus my favorite midwife is on call starting tomorrow night.

Hope things get rolling for you!

BFARing mama to Haley (3/07) and Abigail (11/10/09)
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#11 of 13 Old 11-06-2009, 12:45 AM
 
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I completely agree! Wed. morning I had contractions that were actually painful and cervical pain between them and I was really optimistic - but I was also ALONE. Once I picked my four year old up from preschool around 12:30pm things immediately began to fizzle out. I really believe that if I had a few days alone, and could walk as much as I wanted (walking seems to really get my BHs going like crazy) - I'd have a fighting chance of going into labor.

...ooO*Ooo*ooO*Ooo...
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#12 of 13 Old 11-06-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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Oh gosh, yes. I could have written this post. I've been prodroming (is that a word) for days and days, usually in the evenings. But I do have my fair share of stuff happening during the day, too. I have had a lot less patience with my kids lately. I've brought in help as much as I've been able, but the day to day stuff is just wearing me out. Unfortunately for me that's not going to get easier with a baby around-- my DH can barely take a week off because we don't have enough money saved. Oh, how my life would be drastically different these next few weeks if my husband got paid time off.

I know for a fact once things really get rolling I'll have to have the kids go to my moms if they are awake. There's no way I'll be able to focus on laboring with them around. Lessen learned from last time, for sure.
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#13 of 13 Old 11-06-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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PS, my kids are 4 (9/05) and 2 (6/07) My oldest is developmentally delayed. So, it might have to do with the age of our kids, too.
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