Just wanted to let you know i'm not dissapearing. - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
ABell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am gonna turn our internet off for about two weeks. my husband is spending WAAAYY TOO MUCH time playing world of warcraft. I am not getting enough help and have been to the point of tears b/c i am so tired, frustrated and angry at him too may times over the last two months. i have to ask him to do anything, no self motivation. after i had the baby, he's playing the game ( like right after the doulas leave) i was vacuuming the rasins that my daughter spilled all over the house while he was playing his game and i was doing skin to skin with our just born son. I hav hurt so bad this past week and a half and he still sits on the damn computer playing his damn game while i have to ask if he can change our older baby's diaper b/c it hurts so bad i want to cry, just to bend over. i come home from the hospital last night at 6:30 and he is on the freaking game and there is literally a mountain of laundry that has need to be done for two days now, five feet from him. i said he needed to help and what does he do? start his b*&ching about me not appreciating what he DOES do, and telling the kids that eventually what they do won't be good enough either, yeah b/c that is mature. i could and would love to go on about this ( i seriousl need to scream over this) but you get the point. so since he won't be responsible with the game i am going to turn our internet off for about two weeks, hopefully he will come to his senses and realize there is a problem with palying wow up to 20 hrs a day( and NO THAT IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION!! sad huh??) any ways i hope all of you who go into labor soon have great labors and i will be checking in on the library computer as often as i can. i have two labor buddies Christsavesall and justmandy and since i am not gonna ba able to keeep track of them like i should be able to i hope they will pair up and be each other's strength. sorry this was so long, i just haven't been able to get any of this out. Thanks for reading
ABell is offline  
#2 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:10 AM
 
BettinaAuSucre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Right on momma!

Dont let him get sucked into that horrible pointless game like many others have.

*high five!!!!*

wild.gifCrazy Chef-in-training baking wife(27) of geek.gif (32) mother of 2 energy.gif 11-21-03 & 9 - 13 - 07
 
 
BettinaAuSucre is offline  
#3 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:27 AM
 
milimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't blame you a bit.
In fact, I might make that permanent!
Is there a chance he is addicted? I've heard a lot about those fantasy games being addictive.

Snarky Army wife, mom to 2 girls : 6, : 9, twin boys, 4 : and born 12/10.
milimama is offline  
#4 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
ABell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by milimama View Post
I don't blame you a bit.
In fact, I might make that permanent!
Is there a chance he is addicted? I've heard a lot about those fantasy games being addictive.
oh yeah he is addicted! but he is like that with almost all of the online games. not quite as bad with the offline games but still annoying. not to mention that he has stopped doing any and all tard work and anything else since starting that game. he hasn't done anything that hasn't been absolutely neccessary, and even then it hasn't been with out me being a nagging b@#$h about it. too annoying! what sucks is that i am responsible with computer time and now i lose my internet b/c he isn't. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH! god knows men are just like kids!
ABell is offline  
#5 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:44 AM
 
milimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABell View Post
oh yeah he is addicted! but he is like that with almost all of the online games. not quite as bad with the offline games but still annoying. not to mention that he has stopped doing any and all tard work and anything else since starting that game. he hasn't done anything that hasn't been absolutely neccessary, and even then it hasn't been with out me being a nagging b@#$h about it. too annoying! what sucks is that i am responsible with computer time and now i lose my internet b/c he isn't. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH! god knows men are just like kids!
My hubby was like that with Pokerstars when he got back from Iraq. I wanted to KILL him. A lot of people I know elect to remove all game devices from their houses for that reason.
Anyway, you have every right to be poed. Sometimes a lengthy absence is a good reminder to them, especially when you leave the children.

Snarky Army wife, mom to 2 girls : 6, : 9, twin boys, 4 : and born 12/10.
milimama is offline  
#6 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:50 AM
 
bethanyclaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: CT
Posts: 972
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry you are dealing with that, mama. My ex-h had a very similar problem and it became worse after DD was born. He did nothing except go to work, come home and get lost in his video games. He had been bad before online gaming but once he got online it was AWFUL! I know what it feels like to go through that and I wouldn't wish it on anyone! You need to rest and heal and be taken care of right now.

Congrats to you on taking the step to turn off the 'net for now. I sincerely wish I had thought of that back then... it didn't even occur to me. I hope it works out for you and that he comes around.

Beth )O( Homeschooling Mama to blahblah.gif DS (7) luxlove.gif DD (5) and sleepytime.gif DS (1) & #4 on the way in October!!! love.gif
 homebirth.jpgecbaby2.giffemalesling.GIFbf.jpgsewmachine.gifrainbow1284.gifnovaxnoIRC.gifphotosmile2.gif
 
bethanyclaire is offline  
#7 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 12:12 PM
 
ears73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Surfside, San Diego CA
Posts: 274
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
as a former wow addict I can relate to the escapism of the game and as a mom and wife to three other heavy players (tho husband is reformed for now) I can relate to the get-off-that-darn-game thing as well! But, seriously, after you've had a baby and are in pain and have a busy household that needs tending, he does need to wake up! What a bummer for you to have this stress on top of everything else!! Best of luck with the internet break - we successfully got rid of tv about 10 years ago and it was great, but dang that internet is like an iv drip for sure.

If you want to sound wise, go to school. If you want to be wise, go to nature.
My 3 sons! 8/92, 1/97 & 12/09!!
ears73 is offline  
#8 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 12:25 PM
 
Brisen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 6,874
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
That stinks. I'm sorry you aren't getting the help and support you need. Please take it easy and don't push yourself, you need to recover.

Is it possible he's depressed? Postpartum depression can affect dads, too. There is an article about it here.

Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)  

***4***8****13***17***21****26***heartbeat.gif****35****40

Brisen is offline  
#9 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 12:36 PM
 
Brisen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 6,874
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABell View Post
i come home from the hospital last night at 6:30
Was that for the pain & symptoms you posted about in the other thread? How did it go?

Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)  

***4***8****13***17***21****26***heartbeat.gif****35****40

Brisen is offline  
#10 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 01:59 PM
 
SilvanaRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: fa fa away
Posts: 549
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would just like to say that I know exactly what you are going through. We both used to play something very much like WoW and he still does, every day. I have asked him to quit but he is so wrapped up in it. It is very much an addiction. The only saving grace is he does help me when I ask. It's just very frustrating when all of his time goes into something that is not even real. I understand 100% how you feel. I remember one night I was soooooooo pissed at him for playing I actually went to the breaker box and switched off the power to the entire house lol. Oh man he was mad lol. Got the point across though at that time. I am waiting for him to turn on the game after the baby is born.....man the proverbial $#!t will hit the fan let me tell you.

knit.gifsewmachine.gifintactivist.giftreehugger.gif mama to one DS and one DD, equally amazing.
 

SilvanaRose is offline  
#11 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Tattooed Hand's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Berlin
Posts: 1,084
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Good for you for putting your foot down. There's letting someone do their own thing and then there is them not holding their end of your life together up.

mama to Rassa, born 12/9/09
Tattooed Hand is offline  
#12 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 03:09 PM
 
justmandy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In the fringe of society
Posts: 1,043
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry. I would die with out the internet...maybe I'm addicted. Anyway, good for you, hopefully this will bring you two closer together...eventually. I have a feeling it will get worse before it gets better. That first step is often ugly. (I'm not telling you this to discourage you but to let you know that if it get's really bad, that's not the end, it's the beginning of a new place in your relationship)

Mandy, Jesus loving, homebirthing, cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding, non-vaxing, food growing, homeschooling, hippy mama of 4.
justmandy is offline  
#13 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 03:25 PM
 
ivymae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Eastern Washington
Posts: 2,169
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm DDC crashing (kind of addicted to reading birth stories myself...) and just wanted to give you a . DH and I have had our fights about online gaming, and I remember telling him once "I am jealous of a video game! It's like you are having an affair with someone - you are spending all your time, money and energy on something I can not compete with, and if I accept it, I am letting you walk all over me." Thankfully he has stepped back, and while he does play a few hours a day after work/the girls go to sleep, it's usually soemthing like EVE, which he can turn off at any time, and he does. Just that fact, that when I ask him for help with something, he responds and makes me the priority... it's a big deal. You deserve that kind of respect.

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
ivymae is offline  
#14 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 03:25 PM
 
flapjack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: England, easily locatable by Google
Posts: 13,647
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Fair enough, but how did things go at the hospital?



My ex's attitude during the early days of our childrens lives is one of the reasons we're now divorced, btw. That stuff can rankle deep and I strongly recommend you get yourself therapy to talk through your feelings, when you can.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
flapjack is offline  
#15 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 10:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
ABell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hey i wasn't able to turn it off today. first of all yes that pain was from the symptoms i had posted and I went to the er and it was an fing UTI, ugh i hate those things i almost never know i have them until i feel like I am dying. he has helped me out a bit more today but has also been trying to lovey me up to make up for being an a$$ last night. had the nerve to mutter "under his breath" loud enough where i could here it that if i want help i need to put things where they belong. um hmm yep that's how it works. i had to wait twenty minutes today for us to leave to get my RX filled b/c he was playing the game. he just laughs it off or gets pi$$y. god i don't have the energy to have THE ARGUMENT that i know is gonna be necessary, don't want the kids to have to hear it either. OH and i have had the same idea about the braker and i always picture myself doing but then realize that that would seffiinitely start an argument trhat the kids would hear so i never do it. I just wish he wasn't so hard headed about this. he's not a bad person and i swear before he got this game i was honestly so amazed at how much i was truly in love with him, just seeing him made me go weak in the knees, and seeing him work outside or play with the kids made me weak in other areas i was just so amazed at how great our marriage was after almost eight years. and then he gets this game and pretty much instantly i am walking around almost constantly p-offed b/c he is on the game ALL THE TIME!! if he isn't at work in the bathroom or sleeping or running to the kitchen to eat at 4 am, then he is on the friggin game. I am NOT jealous or mad at the game. it is just a game. he is a human being who is responsible for his actions, and is NOT being rsponsible with his time. my oldest daughter keeps apologizing to me for how he doesn't help and how he is always on wow. That is truly sad. they won't go to him for what they need b/c they know it will be next week before he gets up, even my 19 mo old rolls her eyes and kinda cringes if i tell her to go ask daddy or get daddy to do it b/c i am busy with the LO. OH and at one point he even made the comment " hey now you need to get wow character" i told him that i was tired enough of hearing the noises form him playing and that little enough gets done as it is. i guess i am done ranting for now, i could fill a book with my aggravation with him and the wow world. thanks for all your thoughts
ABell is offline  
#16 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:00 PM
 
onyxravnos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Posts: 2,619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
awww i'm so sorry hon I have many a friend who could of posted your message. I hope he comes to his senses...

transtichel.gifAk Hippie mama  ribbonpb.gifYamia  DSD '03 blahblah.gif  DS '07 ribboncesarean.gif  DS2 '09  hbac.gif & DS3  uc.jpg '12

homeschool.gifwinner.jpgfamilybed2.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcd.gifgd.gif

 

onyxravnos is offline  
#17 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:33 PM
 
MaybeGracie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Burnaby, BC
Posts: 117
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
GO YOU. I hate that damn game (and yes, I've played it, and it's fun - DH and I used to play together). After DS was born, DH took two weeks off work and basically sat in front of the computer the entire time. That's pretty much life with him. He tries, I guess, but I'm just so sick of walking in the room and seeing him playing that game (oh, I'm sorry, "working"). I hope your DH shapes up and gives you the help you need.

Cynthia, loving my husband Isaac, my silly boy Jacob (Apr 07), my sweet little Luke (Dec 09), and my darling Lily (Aug 12)

MaybeGracie is offline  
#18 of 23 Old 12-02-2009, 11:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
ABell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaybeGracie View Post
He tries, I guess, but I'm just so sick of walking in the room and seeing him playing that game (oh, I'm sorry, "working"). I hope your DH shapes up and gives you the help you need.
amen to that i think that is a big part of my problem with him is that i am so tired of seeing him sitting there in front of that game. and also knowing that he can stay up until 4 or five in the morningto play that game and not do any laundry ( W &D in the same room), or fold up the laundry that is sitting on the floor or couch. but yet he tells the kids they need to do more around the house. they help me soo much, they really do and he has the nerve to make them feel bad for not doing his part too, ugh. here lately if i take a nap he tells them to stay in their room til i get up, while he plays on the game, SO NOT OK WITH ME. so now i won't take a nap while they are awake which means i don't get to sleep. On monday i fell asleep for about two 1/2 hrs and when i woke up my daughter told me that he told them they had to stay in their rooms until i woke up, i felt so bad for sleeping for so long, so now i just won't take naps. I already feel like i place more responsibility on my oldest child than i should, but at the same time i need help and she offers so.... I just don't want my kids to hate me when they gt older or feel like i didn't do enough for them. and as much as this is for me it is also for them b/c they won't feel like they have to pick up his slack.
ABell is offline  
#19 of 23 Old 12-04-2009, 03:02 AM
 
DeepGreen29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Western WA
Posts: 147
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry mama. My heart is going out to you, I just couldn't read and not reply. I have had two very close friends/family members addicted to a similar game several years ago (Everquest) and I learned from their experiences that sometimes it must be "all or nothing".

Both of them neglected their own physical health, mental health, and hygiene for the sake of the game, and I cannot imagine what would have happened if they had had families or jobs to be responsible for.

Those games are time consuming to an extreme, and the player can't just turn off at will and return where they were....so everything gets scheduled around the game, and it has to if one is to continue playing. The obvious answer is that the playing must stop. I know you don't want to have that fight....but maybe write a letter or something? He needs to examine why this virtual world holds any satisfaction for him....(at this point he may have days or weeks "played". I think you find out by typing /played in game) and ask himself if that is going to be lasting? Is that time spent immersed worth more than the short years of his kids childhood? Or worth losing the respect of his family? Or worse?


I write all this from the heart, hopefully nothing was harsh. I truly believe your husband can and should get away from the game and find his wonderful self again. I am concerned by you not napping..please take care mama!!

`Lorissa
Mama to ds 5, and a brand new Christmas Day baby 2009!
DeepGreen29 is offline  
#20 of 23 Old 12-04-2009, 12:07 PM
 
Channelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 567
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe you could print this thread out and give it to him? Or at least write down all your complaints of what an ass he's being and give it to him?
Channelle is offline  
#21 of 23 Old 12-04-2009, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
ABell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
he would just crumple it up and throw it away after reading a few lines. and as far as letting him read the post, i dunno.
ABell is offline  
#22 of 23 Old 12-04-2009, 11:05 PM
 
Crispie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Greater Sacramento Area
Posts: 752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DDC crashing, which I only do if I can speak from experience. Online gaming is a addiction, like alcoholism, and often not one that can just "be stopped" for the right reasons...or I'm certain beyond doubt he would. He is everything he was that you fell in love with, but he's gotten hooked on something over his head. That something has to be treated like a disease, that needs treatment. Unhooking him would be like taking the bottle away from an alcoholic. He will seek his fix elsewhere. It has to be treated like a form of cancer. If one had lung cancer you wouldn't just stop smoking...there's more that has to be done. And confrontation is almost always met with accusations of how you the "confront-er" fall short. (because if the addict points the finger at everyone else, he/she doesn't have to look at themselves-it's a lovely tactic that is used without even having to think about it or realize you're doing it-you the addict are protecting your addiction so you can keep doing it.)

I wanted to post a link that was extremely helpful for me...and opened the door to a lot of options and help. At first it seemed daunting but then I realized that the current method of dealing with it wasn't working and daunting or not something else had to be done.

I would love to tell you more details of my story, but it's very personal and would prefer to share via PM/email if you think it would be of help, or if you have any questions. This is not a fun journey, but it is life changing and amazing in the end...I hope you are both able to find peace.

http://www.olganon.org/

Mama to 4 Boys & One baby Girl! My DH co-sleeps! (with the couch) I'm a Student Midwife!
Crispie is offline  
#23 of 23 Old 12-05-2009, 10:58 AM
 
BMG580's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,176
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Also DDC crashing (I am due in Jan. so I pop in here from time to time) and I just wanted to send a hug.

Not all online gamers are like your husband and do have the ability to stop, play a very specific and set amount of time or not play at all if other real life priorities come up. Reading about your husband's play time and style, I would bet big that he is into raiding, which is an enormous time sink and there is a lot of social pressure inside the gaming groups to not let the group as a whole down (usually 25 or 40 man raids).

Obviously his priorities should be you and your children, not WoW, and he is no longer at a point in which he can control himself. Logging in right after the birth of a new baby is a huge red flag - it is really sad. The game itself is not the problem, his addiction to it is.

I know you don't want to but you have got to have a hard discussion with him and set some personal boundaries. The problem with online gaming addiction is that a lot of people don't take it seriously like they would another addiction. He may very well have to give up his guild/raiding or whatever it is within the game that he is so addicted to. My sister and her husband found themselves getting more addicted and were just popping in DVDs for their daughter so they could play so they suspended their accounts for 6 months to just regroup and get it out of the house.

How is he playing for 20 hours a day? Does he not have a job?

"Hey, I've got nothin' to do today but smile." - S & G
BMG580 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off