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#61 of 105 Old 12-27-2009, 05:21 AM
 
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I do 100% of nighttime parenting here too, though DH does bedtime. It's easier that way. I also use disposable nappies for night-time, so the only changing gets done when small person has done a poo, and frankly, I have no guilt whatsoever about it. I don't think making 2 people unbelievably miserable from lack of sleep is the solution to anything, there's better win-win solutions to be found.

Mary, two thoughts; can you put a boy in the centre? Second, can you get your front passenger airbag disabled so that Nora can go in the front next to you when you're driving by yourself?

I'm not doing too well here. Still feeling very wiped out, bedtime last night was horrific, and my mum goes back up north today. I'm feeling somewhat apprehensive...

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#62 of 105 Old 12-27-2009, 12:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by nina_yyc View Post
it happened ~ I'd be pissed off too. I don't know what to tell you because I didn't navigate that road very well when we had our 1st. Something like a year later DH told me that he was really scared at that time and wasn't as ready as he thought he was for a baby. I did eventually forgive him and the second time is going better.
Same here. Although second time around wasn't better for us. DH worked 60-70 hours a week when DD was born. We had no post partum help and I was alone a lot with a needy toddler and a screaming infant who never slept. It took me getting severe PPD and some counseling before things improved with DH. I held onto resentment for a LONG time. I definitely don't recommend anyone else do that. In therapy, DH and I got our relationship straightened out. By the time DD was 2 years old, DH finally stepped up and became the husband and father I always hoped he could be. He is amazing now that we have 3 kids. Very involved and does so much I decided I don't need to hire the PP doula afterall. He really takes good care of all of us now. Communication is key. Guys really don't get it sometimes and they are often full of their own insecurities.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#63 of 105 Old 12-27-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
The gas plus rash makes me think that you might want to start keeping a food journal-- you little Rassa might be extra sensitive to something in your diet (dairy and soy are the ones that I eliminate first, because my guys have tended to not tolerate well). Cut dairy out and see if in a few days if it makes baby happier. Or at least if you know that she is extra fussy one evening it might be because of something you ate...

I had to do this with my DD and it made a HUGE difference in our lives. She had the same thing--was gassy, had a rash in the diaper area only, and would cry and cry. When I cut out all the dairy and soy it was a new, happy, rash free baby.

this site has a lot of good info on diet and nursing:
http://www.kellymom.com/

I hope you guys get some sleep soon!
Thanks! I thought it might be something like that, but I've been so hungry and eating so many different people's foods that it seemed like a daunting proposition to figure out what might be bothering her. I'll try cutting the dairy and see.

mama to Rassa, born 12/9/09
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#64 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 06:42 AM
 
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well DH and I talked.

Things are going much better the last few days, we survived the 10 day growth spurt, and DH told me he felt like he didn't know what to do since he couldn't help with BF-feeding and when the baby cried and there was no logical reason, he got really frustrated..

So, now his 'job' is 98% of the time CD duty. He is doing great at it, I wake him up at night when DS needs a change and hand him off during the day. Its made things feel a bit more even (in my head, I think it both of our heads.. ) DH is also in charge of weekly bath and I did my best to explain to him the logic of no-logic when DS cries.. to just try to understand he has things going on he doesn't understand and its his way of expressing it.. and that you can't always stop it just comfort him.. That seemed to click.

DS is doing so well now, I think the first 2 weeks were rough but we are starting to hit a groove/routine a bit and I think we even survived all the holiday parties I am even managing to get some sleep as he is now feeding every 2-4 hours instead of hourly and sometimes we wake up at the same time so he won't even cry . .

I'm starting to debate at what point we can take him out, say, for dinner, what type of place.. and what to do if he has a meltdown during the meal (his fussy hour is usually between 7 and 10pm)

I am forcing myself to shower every day (again, hand him off to DH fed and tell him I need 15 mins) and forcing myself out for a walk, even if its just 15-20 mins outside.. both those things have been a huge help. . .

This week we are heading up to my FIL hut with him and my BIL until new years.. should make for a challenging and interesting few days.. wish me luck and thank god(dess) we have internet there now.

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#65 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 07:53 AM
 
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IH, if you're up for advice: try starting with coffee out, then lunch out, then dinner. We weren't able to take Alex out for dinner until he was 4 months old because of the colicky screaming, and just had to accept that our main meal of the day HAD to be at lunchtime.

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#66 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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flapjack - i am ALWAYS up for suggestions/advice
thank you!

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#67 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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ithappened, I'm glad things are getting better. Sounds like you handled things well with your dh.

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Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
We weren't able to take Alex out for dinner until he was 4 months old because of the colicky screaming, and just had to accept that our main meal of the day HAD to be at lunchtime.
I'm considering making that switch. Ds isn't too fussy, but it is on the rise and he's starting to just want to nurse and nurse and nurse starting at dinnertime and ending just after the kids' bedtime.

I ordered a new wrap carrier just before Christmas, and I it. I have a rebozo sling, but he never seemed very comfy in it, and I found my woven wrap a bit too thick and stiff for a wee one. This one is stretchy and is working really well for us.

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#68 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 02:47 PM
 
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Anyone's babe doing a major cluster-nurse in the evening? Elliot has been cranky from about 8pm until 7am, then settles down for several peaceful hours of sleep...right about the time that Libby wakes up.

Oh holidays, please don't end....I am not going to survive once DH is back to work f/t! He is on 7-3 this week which is pretty easy for me, but January he'll be on 10-7. It's actually much better than his old rotating shift which included 2 weeks of evenings, but still sounds like a long road right now.

I really need to find a snowsuit for Elliot...the lack of clothing is getting in the way of my walks! We had a really mild winter and a baby bucket when Libby was tiny so I never bought one. Now we only have a convertible carseat and the pink bunny suit is size 12M. I need one sized 0-3M and most outerwear comes in size 0-6. Me and DH are both shorties so 0-6M is going to fit him in approximately July
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#69 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 03:38 PM
 
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I feel like my little guy does major cluster nursing all day long. Seriously, from 9am-10pm he is on the boob all the time - or else he is unhappy. He takes a nap in the afternoon for two hours which I usually take with him (after throwing a load of laundry in, unloading the dishwasher and/or showering!)... Though I don't think I have a right to complain since his nights are awesome... But I am growing weary of one-handing everything and I'd love to go outside to visit the mailbox! I have a wrapshody but that doesn't do the trick for very long either. I maybe get a few five minute breaks from him nursing!! I've been switching boob every two hours and rarely during the day does either feel filled. Yikes!!

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#70 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Everett cluster feeds around dinnertime til about 10-11pm every night and then again in the morning between 6-11am.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#71 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 04:49 PM
 
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i spoke too soon..

DS has been crying about 4 hrs straight now unless hes on the boob, hes crying furiously...

my DH pretty much gives up soothing after 5-10 mins of trying.. he leaves DS on the couch to CIO to the point I am not sure he's breathing or until I can drop everything Im doing to pick him up and try to calm him dow which takes an hour because hes so upset Im so tired. I want my mom. CIO I find really upsetting but DH doesnt get it.

Can I trade in my DH? I want the old him back


ETA: does anyones ds/dd sleep up against your boob? my ds nures to sleep and then sleeps with his arms around my boob and face pressed up against it most nights.. Im just starting to worry that maybe he loves my boob a little too much..

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#72 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ithappened View Post
unless hes on the boob, hes crying furiously...
Yeah, I have one of these too - I can't do the cio thing so I am the cow-momma... mooooooo.

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#73 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 09:28 PM
 
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oh, ithappened, can you put your little guy in a sling, and then when he is really asleep put him down by lying him down on it, with it opened all the way? Or nurse sidelying until he is asleep and then sneak away?

That is the only way I am able to get my guy to sleep for more then a minute without holding him.

My Dh is like yours in that he gets frustrated when he can't calm baby down with nursing him... but it isn't always about nursing him. One thing that has helped is giving DH a shirt that smells like me... .... I mean really smells like me with gross old milk and stuff. Baby smells mama and is mellower because he thinks I'm there....

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#74 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Addie Everett is also only content on the boob or in a sling. I still haven't managed to put him down for more than 2 minutes without him crying. I'm just glad his cries are still pretty "newbornish" for now and not full-fledge screams yet. Although he's coming close. I've resigned myself to holding him until he's at least a year old as that is what we had to do with DD. I am crossing my fingers he doesn't have the allergy issues she had. With his being my 3rd and my older DS turning 7 yesterday, I have come to realize infancy goes by too fast. I'll focus on the positive - my back, abs, and arms will become stronger from holding/slinging him 24/7 for a year.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#75 of 105 Old 12-28-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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ETA: does anyones ds/dd sleep up against your boob? my ds nures to sleep and then sleeps with his arms around my boob and face pressed up against it most nights.. Im just starting to worry that maybe he loves my boob a little too much..
I know you might be finding this annoying, but that sounds soooo cute And yes, normal.

DH and I hold Elliot most of the time too. He does go in the swing occasionally so I can get in a 2-handed meal. Libby was the same to about 6mo when she got more interested in moving around on her own. Still doesn't play on her own unless there are other kids around, so definitely not holding my breath on that one with #2.
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#76 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 10:30 AM
 
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the crying thing has gotten way worse in the last 24-48 hours.

luckily--

he is happy in the sling, on my boob or asleep on me, which at least solves some of the issues since DH can wear the sling as much as I can but I'm really getting worried how we are going to survive this for the next few years totally flying it solo. . I'm already trying to get my sister to visit so we can get a break.

at what point, if ever, will i be able to do anything else other then BF and rock him to sleep? I really want to enjoy being a mom but right now I am so anxious, tired and overwhelmed it feels like it will never happen.

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#77 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 10:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It will get a lot less overwhelming with time. With the first one you are always more anxious and unsure of yourself. Once he starts sleeping longer and interacting with you more, you'll find your groove as a couple.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#78 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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FWIW, I've been alone with all 3 kids since Everett was a week old. No relatives or post partum doula help. We're all still alive (for the most part). It'll get easier.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#79 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 11:44 AM
 
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when you guys say "sling" are you talking a specific contraption, baby wearing in general or a position? I'd love to get something to work but have not found the right one yet...

If you want to sound wise, go to school. If you want to be wise, go to nature.
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#80 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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when you guys say "sling" are you talking a specific contraption, baby wearing in general or a position? I'd love to get something to work but have not found the right one yet...
I can't speak for everyone else, but when I use the term I'm just referring to babywearing in general. When DD was born, I had every baby carrier imagineable due to a sling addiction. I wore each one. This time around I've mostly been using a Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch (especially for in/out of the car), a Didymos wrap and a Beco Butterfly II. DH has a BabyHawk mei tei and a pouch I made for him. Everett is generally worn upright (chest to chest). Like my other two he tends to spit up a lot if put into a cradle position.

Here's a picture of DH wearing Everett
http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r...icture1024.jpg

http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r...icture1025.jpg

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#81 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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My baby is a booby baby too. She does let daddy hold her, she just had to get used to him.

I was telling my husband the other day that i don't know how formula feeding/ crib moms do it. If I couldn't soothe my baby with bfing or I had to get up at night, walk into the bedroom and make a bottle I would probably die of exhaustion. Once the bottle is gone, what do you do? And then the spitting up and gas...It seems like a lot of crying/ soothing and /or ignoring cries.
My friends with twins used to ask how I handled aping/bfing twins. I told them I don't know how one could survive the first year without it! I just rolled over at night and nursed. No getting up 2x as much, no making bottles, no propping, just a football held nursing duo, two free hands and milk-drunk babies.

Anyway, point is, when we feel overwhelmed we can remember that in some ways this is easier.

Snarky Army wife, mom to 2 girls : 6, : 9, twin boys, 4 : and born 12/10.
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#82 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 12:28 PM
 
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Yep, Nora sleeps right next to my boob as well. Sometimes for a couple hours I can get her to sleep right next to me on the bed so I have some space, but for 90% of the night she is on top of me!

She is doing that same thing, she'll sleep peacefully for most of the day, and right around 10pm when I'm settling down to sleep, and we've just gotten the other kids asleep, she starts squirming and crying and nursing constantly! By that time I'm so exhausted, I want to sleep sooooo badly, and we're up another couple hours until she finally settles! Last night we were able to nurse lying down so even with 4 wakings it wasn't awful, but the night before, she spent an hour hiccuping, spitting up, and then I had to eat, pee, and change my soaked shirt, and by then it was time for her to eat again and I finally got to sleep an hour before it was time to get up and get the kids ready!

I've been using the same type of carrier as evinmom posted- a mei tai. I feel like having them upright is more comfortable and less spit up than in a cradle position. And more comfortable for me, to have a 2-shouldered carrier instead of all the weight on one side, like a sling.

Helen- re: the %$#%$ car seat, yes it would be a million times easier to have her on the side instead of the middle! Then I could reach the bucket in easier, or clip her in straps! But I'm afraid to have the boys next to each other! They fight badly enough in the car on either side, I'm afraid of what would happen with them right next to each other in hitting distance! I felt like the baby in the middle is a good buffer! And, I believe it's illegal here to have kids in the front seat until age 12! Interesting the differences in different countries!
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#83 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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Can I just say this thread is like saving my life right now?!

ItHappened, I am there with you on so many of these issues.

Props to all of you who are doing this with other kids. This one 9 lb human is just about destroying me, my husband, our house, and our dog!

We are all surviving, but I guess I was hoping to do more than just survive :-Z

Having a newborn is so much harder than I thought, and I have yet to feel any kind of overwhelming in-loved-ness or even maternal instinct kick in. I keep waiting it out til we get to the 1 month or 6 wk point, maybe things will get a little better then (we are at 2 wks right now)

PS - I have 2 different kinds of slings I've been trying out (both are cradle-ish position swings, i.e. not up against my chest), but in both I feel like my baby's head is twisted in what must be a crazy uncomfortable position. Plus when he's awake the rails of the sling cover up his face, which he also seems to dislike. He arches his back a ton in the sling and doesn't seem to like the confining aspect of it at certain times of the day. Help?
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#84 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Truckerdoo - unfortunately I don't have a picture to show you right now, but you can wear a newborn upright in a pouch or ring sling. With a pouch, make sure the middle seam is lined up under one boob (i.e. if you are right handed, the seam should line up under your left boob). Then while holding baby against you head on your shoulder, slide his feet and bottom into the pouch with back against the seam. Gently bounce him down and tuck in his arms for more security. Voila an upright chest to chest carry. You can do similarly with the ring sling.

ETA: I just took Everett out of the KKAFP from this carry.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#85 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 12:58 PM
 
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We are all surviving, but I guess I was hoping to do more than just survive :-Z

Having a newborn is so much harder than I thought, and I have yet to feel any kind of overwhelming in-loved-ness or even maternal instinct kick in. I keep waiting it out til we get to the 1 month or 6 wk point, maybe things will get a little better then (we are at 2 wks right now)

We are at exactly 2 weeks too.

I am processing this new person more everyday. . . he feels familiar yet totally foreign, and I feel a responsibility to care and to love him but I'm not sure why just yet.I don't really know him and I don't feel any love or attachment yet but I am 100% responsive to him.. its very odd to feel so attached to a stranger in such an abstract unusual way. I just feel an obligation to care for him and I am curious every day if he will give me more clues as to who exactly he is.


As for slings, I have a moby sling here I am wearing it and a maya ring sling which I made myself (they have a pattern on their website).

I like the maya to wear in the house since its easy on and off and the moby is great for going out/long walks etc but the thing with the moby is it takes practice the first few times before you get fast at different wrapping methods however I find it really comfy and my DH LOVES it..

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#86 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 01:08 PM
 
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ithappened: have you tried running yet?
I just went on my 2nd post-baby run and I came back feeling like a new person!

Being trapped in the house with a newborn can be a bit overwhelming. You might feel a bit more like yourself after some exercise!

Snarky Army wife, mom to 2 girls : 6, : 9, twin boys, 4 : and born 12/10.
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#87 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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no running yet my bleeding just stopped yesterday so Im hoping to go out for my first PP run over the weekend

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#88 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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none of my kids ever liked cradle position in the sling. Hated it!

but froggy works well... like shown here:
http://www.happybabysling.com/COSY_FROG.html

I put his little head on my shoulder or the little spot between my arm and chest.

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#89 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 03:54 PM
 
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And, I believe it's illegal here to have kids in the front seat until age 12! Interesting the differences in different countries!
no, they just don't recommend it... but it can be done as with 2 seaters or trucks, etc. nak

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#90 of 105 Old 12-29-2009, 04:56 PM
 
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I've tried to get him to sling upright but had no luck yet.., he really likes to be in the cradle position.

In other news, my DH had some wine with dinner tonight and suddenly has never been so helpful before.. whatever works I guess

DS1 Dec 2009 fuzmalesling.gif DZ Twins July 2012 babyboy.gifbabygirl.gif

ithappened is offline  
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