Some of you might remember my post about being induced, etc. Anyway - I really shouldn't complain because a happy & healthy baby boy came home from the hospital with me on Saturday...But.... my second birth was totally natural and amazing and I had hoped to have a similar experience for this time around, my last. I could not find a ob or midwifery practice that recognized the type of birth I wanted to have - I live close to NYC and it seems that most women (and Dr's) here think a fully medicated labor and delivery is a ok... if not the better way of doing things - what a crazy world!
my obs were not thrilled that I was overdue - and even less so when it turned out to be days and days and I was still ok with it. Baby and I passed each non-stress test they gave us and fluids on ultrasounds were always fine yet they were still concerned. So on Monday I went in to talk induction. I was 1cm and very high up -so no change and no impending changes forseen. In looking at the dr's calendar, the most liberal one was on for Thursday so we decided that this would be the day to induce. She talked to me about the foley bulb which I went home to google... I was told that the foley would expand the cervix and had the possibility to have contractions begin on their own. She also said that pit could be started then stopped after my contractions continued at a regular. So, I sat in the bed, hooked up to the IVs and monitors and the bulb (which was not so bad after the cramping and undignified insertion process), and I ever so slowly began to feel the familiar tightening of the bh's I have had for the past months. After two or so hours of only getting up to pee, I wondered about the foley and when the ob came in next I asked about it. She gave it a tug and it pulled out easily... This made me feel pretty good since my cervix should be about 3cm. The pit drip had been started and the monitors showed the contractions at being steady though I could only feel the stronger ones and they were still like bh's. After another hour I asked to be checked for dilation and was only 1.5 - what???!!! I was so disheartened - this is what 'advanced' medical technology does for me! OB was asking if I wanted my water broken to "speed things along" but I declined, hoping that the pit would start me off and I would have my own stronger labor kick in. At this point, the nurse (who was awful and only interested in filling in her #'s on the computer charts and not the patient, what's with that??? Maybe try endocrinology instead of maternal care??) upped the pit every 15 minutes by 2 intervals. So, starting at 2, I was now at 8 or so. The strength of the contractions was getting certainly noticable but not difficult (I have been through a totally natural birth before). My husband and his mom were in the room with me and they were chatting about everything under the sun - sometimes I would join in but mostly I was sitting straight up in the bed (the bed was very cool and high tech and at the push of a button did what I wanted it to do) and my legs were straddling the width of it, hanging down to the ground. I had brought the birthing ball in the car but this position allowed me to move my hips in circles and rotate my pelvis comfortably so I was ok. The nurse kept coming in and upping the pit every 15, don't forget. So now I was getting on to 10 and there was certainly a rhythmic pattern to the waves - they felt so centralized in my lower belly - none stretching from the back or anything like that. The ob came in to check me and I was (OMG!) still at almost 2. So, I consented to breaking the water. When I got up to pee, which was often thanks to the IV drip, I had to get all unhooked and waddle with my pole of goods to the potty... Discharge and blood was common but other than that, no signs of anything. As the water was broken, ob said I jumped to a 3, and we were off. Now, the hip circles were more intense and I was listening rather than participating in conversations. At my last birth I had been in labor land quite easily and it enveloped me. This was different in that I was trying to keep myself in the zone of feeling and doing the whole visualization of the cervix opening, etc. When the nurse hit me up at 12 (pit goes to 20) the ob said I might not need to go too much higher. The contractions were managable still but I was concentrating on relaxing through them and the concentrating took effort. That dang nurse kept asking me "on a scale of 1-10, where are you?" Man, I wanted to smack her. I told her the first time she asked me that this was a stupid question and I refused to answer but she egged me on until I hit a number. I was at a 6 out of 10, there, happy now?? Yikes. So my temper was getting some action - this could be good because that would mean that I was indeed progressing... I was upped to 14 and the waves were intense and one after the other and it was hard to get comfortable. Still had to pee every half hour and still gawked at as the thing on the bed... I began quiet vocalizations that were unconscious... This was getting hard. I had to change positions on the bed often - raising and lowering the back, shifting legs. At some point the walk to the potty was longer than the break between contractions and I tried the rocking chair. My hips and thighs began to throb with strange pains and I was getting louder. I would feel the contraction coming on and stand up out of the chair. They were hard and fast and I felt like I was riding them out but they were hard! The intensity was crazy now and my husband was trying to help me. He ended up getting behind me and pushing on my hips and thighs and I was not able to do much but stand up out of the chair and lean against the bed - I was moaning and talking myself through this process which was really a challenge - the onslaught was intense! I can't properly describe it but pitocin should be outlawed. I had not taken any pain meds because I do not like epidurals and wanted the close connection between myself and my soon-to-be newborn to be med free like my last one was... The nurse - don't you know it - had said to me earlier "we can get you an epidural you know". I was able to curtly answer that I was perfectly well informed of my choices and was choosing NOT to have one on purpose... dumbass.... My husband is an emt and my advocate for sure during the birthing process and knew right off that this bird was not the right match for us, but whatever... I felt like she couldn't do too much harm and maybe, just maybe, I might change her views??? Crazy, I know. Anyway. The next part was really and truly the most difficult mental challenge I have ever had in my life thus far. I tried to stay on top of the wave which meant just trying to coast through them. I was up to 16 and the ob said I would not need to go any higher. Oh. My. God. This was nothing like a natural birth. I was unable to relax into the contractions as they were timed by the pit drip and not baby or body. I couldn't make it to the bathroom but had a very swollen rectum and was passing small amounts of blood, fluid, etc. I asked for something to squat over - all inhibitions gone - and was changing from the rocking chair to the bed when the wave reared its ugly self upon me, then lowering down into a squat. I was being vocal - telling myself I was ok, ok, ok. I did this about twice before I had no strength after the wave and husband stood behind me and lifted my weight back up and I sat in the chair for literally one breath before the next one started. I was moaning and my mother in law was doing nervous pacing so I know I was intense. After about three more squats where the pressure was really great and I felt like I was a total slave to what my body needed to do, I realized that I was pushing downward. In a squat I said "baby's coming!!!" and MIL went to tell nurses, etc. All of a sudden the train unloaded in my room and 20 people were there. The table with lovely shiny surgical implementations was wheeled in. My ob was in, I kid you not, battle gear equipped with a plastic welding-type shield over her face. I had to get up on the table through these intense feelings of pressure and the waves were unrelenting - no breaks. On the bed which was transformed in a second into a birthing table, my feet found their bracing positions and I was groaning through another wave. OB told husband to grab one leg and nurses on other side to get the other and explained that through the next contraction I needed to push down for a count of ten, take a quick breath, and do it two more times. I was unable to comprehend the series of commands and that little part of my brain off somewhere else wondered why the fuss since I would just feel the push urge and, uhh, push right? But no, I saw her point during the next wave as the pushing sensation that was so strong during my first epidural birth and second natural was non-existent here. Just bang, contraction! Bang, contraction! Bang, contraction!! So, I pushed as best I could through one. She put her hands into me and pushed down towards my rectum and said "here, this direction". Oh.... my poor rectum. I had been constipated the day before and I had almost asked for an enema upon arrival at the hospital but was too shy... Now I wish I had. Anyway - so with the next one I took the breath and pushed like a bowel movement and was making noise and the head was moving down! My husband was smiling at me and said that he could see the head! This excitement was lost on me as I was only fully aware of the pressure and my splayed legs and my full bowels and the intense feelings my body was hurling itself over. The next push I gave it my all and his head was there. I did not feel the ring of fire because it was all so intense and tight and full. Wow. Then the head was out and the ob saw the cord was around his neck. She clamped and cut it and his head was out. My husband looked at me with tears in his eyes and gave me a huge smile (tearing up as I write this!). I pushed hard through the next one and he felt half out. I remembered the wonderful sliding feeling from my last birth and focused on that feeling which would happen so soon!!!! Next push he was out. BOY!!! A boy!!!! My vagina felt on fire, but somewhat soothed because the baby was out. The sliding feeling was great, but the burn was still there...
After he was born I had that empty feeling and it was surreal seeing my baby in the bassinet and knowing he was not in me anymore. I had a small tear where scar tissue from a past bad cut episiotemy had been done and I needed 4 stitches - but owwww, the sting was so bad on my very sore parts! Because I had not used an epidural there was no pain killer. I got a few stabs of pain killer but it did nothing. So I was sewn up without anything. I know, I know, I just went through birth, but wow, the sting was bad and I couldn't keep still! After that, we had a baby! He is wonderful and even though the birth was INCREDIBLY hard, I am pleased with the outcome. I have a happy & healthy boy.
Finnegan (Finn) Bäumer S.....t born December 17th at 7:11pm. 8lbs 15oz, 21.5 inches. From start to finish the birth was 10 hours. Pitocin did the job but I still question why it was so needed.... Either way, baby is here and I made it through in one piece.
If you want to sound wise, go to school. If you want to be wise, go to nature.
My 3 sons! 8/92, 1/97 & 12/09!!