WEEKLY RAMBLE/CHAT for JAN 17th-24th - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 68 Old 01-23-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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Leaving a pumped bottle with my husband so I could go to the gym worked really well for us! I think it's really fun for dads to be able to feed their baby once in a while, and if you don't have any worries about nipple confusion, why not? We don't do it now because the weather is so cold that the gym is a fond memory, and I'm too lazy to pump if I don't absolutely have to.

Also - I know I sound like a salesperson, but it was specifically the DVD of HAPPIEST BABY that was helpful. Until I actually saw the steps in action, I didn't get it.

And I just wanted to say - I have found becoming a family of three pretty challenging, and if it weren't for the fact that my husband is a really brave and honest and loving communicator (I myself really struggle with a tendency toward distancing myself when upset), we'd be having a much harder time. I have found that becoming a parent is kind of like going into a much higher... class, I guess? of communication skills. Like I am forced to be honest with myself about asking for what I need! If I resent something I have to ask for change. Because we're all too sleep-deprived to notice me sulking, frankly. Heh.

A couple of times we've had a really hard conversation using a technique that sounds kind of lame, but really, really works to open your heart:

When you're deadlocked in some kind of problem, you have to state the other person's perspective to their satisfaction before you can argue your point. It REALLY HELPS to kill that bullshit where you are convinced you have it worse and you can't hear what your partner is saying, you know?

In writing this out I'm remembering a conversation I had with my husband where I realized that he found the nights more stressful than I did early on (it's better now), and finally I realized that it was because the crying of course woke him up, too, so he had all these stress hormones circulating through his system, BUT he didn't have the "payoff" of nursing the baby. He didn't get to calm the baby down OR get the calming milk hormones circulating through his body.

Honestly, I think it would be kind of terrible to have a crying baby I was unable to soothe on account of not having boobs. And I sometimes notice this thing moms and dads do where the baby cries and the mom glares at the dad - "Why aren't you picking her up?" - but then of course the dad can't soothe the baby, and the mom snatches her away from him...

I don't want that marriage. I'm willing to try to lovingly have awkward conversations if that's what it takes to avoid that. You know?

Anyway - more rambling from me. Maybe not helpful, but just another perspective from someone who's right there in the trenches with you.

Science-loving mama to one little guy (11/09).
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#62 of 68 Old 01-23-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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When you're deadlocked in some kind of problem, you have to state the other person's perspective to their satisfaction before you can argue your point. It REALLY HELPS to kill that bullshit where you are convinced you have it worse and you can't hear what your partner is saying, you know?
that is awesome.

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#63 of 68 Old 01-23-2010, 06:32 PM
 
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Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your (positive) support

I will talk to him I guess now I just have to wait for a night I have gotten sleep so I don't get upset or unrational

Again to be fair, he does do 95% of the diapers and usually puts DS to bed at night.. but I guess its just been hard for me that if anything goes wrong or 'bad' DH just walks away and I'm fearful of what happens when DS gets his first cold or if I leave them alone and DS cries for hours and hours.. DH has read the HAPPIEST BABY ON THE BLOCK book but I haven't been able to find the DVD in the EU for sale yet..

I guess it just boils down to me expecting to have someone there to help during the 'bad' times and instead I'm on my own usually for hours in the morning while DH sleeps in and again in the evening while he surfs the net ... I need to find a way to talk to him before my resentment gets any worse/more...

Question: when should DS smile by? and when should I be concerned if he doesn't?
Don't know if this applies to you, so take it or leave it, but I had to set up a structured family life so I didn't have to bug DH to actually interact with me and the baby and help me around the house. Prior to having kids DH and I were pretty independent. We worked different hours and met up for 'dates' even though we lived together. After baby I got left alone a lot so I started insisting on family meals and planning activities. Recently I started a family calendar too so we can coordinate lives a little easier. The more DH is around, the more he gets it.
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#64 of 68 Old 01-23-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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First post-baby workout....yaaaaay! I did 25mins cardio and some planks. I feel so good.

I did swing by the scale though and yiiiikes. +20lbs from pre-preg weight, +10 lbs from the weight I've been most of my adult life.

I'm trying to decide how much I want to commit to getting back in shape. My gym has a bootcamp 2 days a week from 6:05-6:50 a.m., which makes me think ZZZZzzzz, since I could work out from 7-8 a.m. and still be back before DH leaves for work. Elliot doesn't go down for the night until 11:00 earliest. OTOH, I don't know if I am really self motivated enough to get there at 7 if I don't have a class or anything to go to. I also don't know if I want to do Weight Watchers full-on or just try to eat better on my own for a couple weeks. I know some people have lots of luck with gentle fitness programs and just eating well, but it's never worked for me in the past. I know that 6am classes and weight watchers is kind of drastic for 2mo PP, but if I'm going to have to do that eventually anyway, why procrastinate? WWYD?
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#65 of 68 Old 01-24-2010, 02:25 PM
 
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nina_yyc-



hmmm.. not sure Im trying to figure it out myself at the moment.. My scale is fluctuating 3 lbs each morning so depending on which morning you look, I am either 6 or 9 lbs over my PP weight.

The holidays were bad, I think I'd be back to my PP weight already if it wasn't for all the cookies Id eat while waiting for meals that were running hours late..

I have started walking everyday for 45-60mins with the babe in sling or doing workout videos at home in the morning before everyone wakes up.. either 30 day shred or some free full length ones from online for 30-45mins.. so far no weight loss but I hear thats often the case when you BF .. (?)

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#66 of 68 Old 01-25-2010, 03:36 AM
 
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so far no weight loss but I hear thats often the case when you BF .. (?)
I lost most of the weight with DD while she was EBF. But then, I was probably 15lbs overweight, not the last 5lbs which is really tough.

I decided not to sign up for that 6am class, because that would truly be crazy, but to arrange firmly with DH that I am working out Tues & Thurs from 7-8 a.m. and Saturdays while DD is in dance class. He has agreed so I guess I have childcare covered. This week is my trial. If I don't lose any weight this week it will be Weight Watchers.
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#67 of 68 Old 01-25-2010, 11:35 AM
 
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I lost most of the weight with DD while she was EBF. But then, I was probably 15lbs overweight, not the last 5lbs which is really tough.
I've also heard it's the last 5 lbs that are really tough, your body hangs on to it for emergencies.

I'm not sure if I remember what I weighed pre-preg... I think I'm at least 10 lbs up from it, maybe 15. I have been eating a lot, though, and often it's whatever is easiest, which is usually leftover dessert. Things are getting easier now, though, so I'm trying to have some healthier foods on hand.

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#68 of 68 Old 01-25-2010, 12:45 PM
 
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Nina - I think it's a good idea to start small, something manageable and sustainable, rather than too ambitious and something you just cannot keep up with. You can always start small and workup to something bigger, which is what it sounds like you opted to do.

I am fitting into my pre-preg pants, but tightly and with some serious muffin top... so I'm estimating that I'm down to that last 5 pounds too. So annoying. My fitted shirts are also fitting badly because I used to be a B cup and now I am up to a DD... I want my clothes back! Between allergies, headcolds, thrush and preparing to teach this week I totally fell off the yoga wagon. I still have gone for walk and bike rides, but short ones.

I have to say, I am glad I have no scale at home. I don't know how much I weigh and I find that helpful, just like I rarely knew how much weight I had gained during the pregnancy and never knew how dialated I was. In fact, I managed to not have a single internal exam the whole pregnancy... otherwise, I think I would have been obsessing over numbers and driving myself nuts.

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